Dark Secrets (103 page)

Music.

I remembered music. I
remembered a song—one I heard so long ago in a place that felt like
home, with a boy I know I loved, but could no longer see when I
closed my eyes. His song had the same hollow, kind of sorrowful
rhythm as that beep.

I opened my eyes and
foggy light flooded the room, creeping along the walls and floor
like the morning sun sweeping the grass in the early hours. It
touched my toes, my ankles, and flowed up over my denim jeans and
tank top until, as I looked around me for the first time, saw the
orange trees and foliage-covered floor of a forest.

I knew this
place…

The lake! It was the
lake.

And that perfect song
was the whisper on the breeze.

“
David?” I remembered
him now.

Eternity.

My love.

The red
rose.

The silky
voice.

It was like I could
see him so clearly, sitting just across the way, hunched over a
blue guitar, singing that song; his voice so heartbreakingly
beautiful. With each note he played, my heart beat double-time, the
alarm clock beeping out there in the same rapid pattern.

“
Oh, David.” I
covered my mouth with a shaky hand, feeling tears track my cheeks
like unfamiliar friends in a home they once knew well. “I’m
sorry.”

David’s song echoed in
the space around me, the volume dropping slowly as it faded away
under the alarm clock getting louder, more powerful—the single-tone
drowning out the beauty.

“
I’m sorry, ma’am,” a
stiff-sounding man said.

My body became stiff
too, and tight; I could feel gravity again, but couldn’t use
it.

“
Once the tube is
out, she may just slip away,” he added.

“
But—” Someone burst
into tears; Vicki, I think. “She looks perfectly fine. How can she
be brain-dead?”

What? Brain-dead? I’m
not brain-dead
. I struggled against my
confines—trying to get up. What did they mean by brain
dead?

“
The tests were
conclusive, ma’am. I’m sorry. In some cases, the patient can stay
in a coma, on life-support, for years to come. In your daughter’s
case, it would be best for her if she didn’t.”

Wait!
No
, I yelled.
I’m
not brain-dead. Vicki. Dad. Please?

“
Wait!” Vicki said.
“Just…don’t take it out yet. Please? Give her more
time.”

“
Her father signed
the forms, Mrs Thompson. I’m sorry.”

“
Greg?” her voice
broke. “Greg, please?”

“
Vicki. Just stop,”
Mike said. “She’s gone. Don’t make her suffer any more than she
already has.”

Mike? No. Don’t give
up on me, Mike. I’m still in here. They got it wrong.

“
Hand me that tray,
please?” the stiff-sounding man said to someone, and in my world, I
clutched my own chin as the feel of muggy, sweaty hands touched
it.

Get off. Stop
touching me!
I couldn’t move. I felt my
body, felt my arms, my face, but couldn’t get his sticky hands off
me.
Please? Don’t let me go yet. Don’t
give up on me.

David! Where was
David? He could read my mind, tell them I was still here, help me,
rescue me.

But he left me, gave
me away. He never even came to...

A tugging sensation
snaked up my throat, grating my insides like the ribbed curve of a
straw. My lungs felt tight, strained—as if air was being drawn in
through a thick cloth over my mouth.

The room went silent
for a breath, then, the beeps sounded in one flat pitch.

“
Greg, please?” Vicki
whispered. “Please don’t let her go.”

The anguished sobs of
those around me flooded my heart. I focused on the beeps—willed
them to move—but they rang out in monotone.

“
Fight, Ara,” a
smooth voice hummed, the melody dark with sorrow, as cool lips
brushed softly over my eyes...

Wait, cool?
David?

The air was so thick I
couldn’t breathe, couldn’t catch a gasp to scream out to him—to
David. He was there. Right there beside me. But nothing had
changed. They couldn’t hear me. David couldn’t hear me.

And like a door
slamming shut at the end of a long, empty corridor, a dead echo
rang all around me. I felt myself whole—felt my fingers, toes,
arms, legs, everything was here in this room with me, but I
couldn’t see them. I held my arm out and ran my fingers down my
completely invisible skin.

“
Tell me how to get
out of here,” I yelled up at the uninhabited void. “I know you’re
out there. I know you can hear me.”

A trickling sound,
like water over pebbles, filled the space around me and an eerie
feeling lingered along my neck. I turned slightly, noticing a
thickness to the dark, like a shadow stood there. But when I tried
to focus on it, it was gone.

I closed my eyes tight
and crossed my fingers, willing the beeps to move again. “God,
please. If you’re up there, please...?”

Then, under my prayer,
I heard a sound; I opened one eye and looked around, sure it wasn’t
possible—until I heard it again; small and faint, and such a long,
quiet pause between each one.

My heart skipped a
beat and the beep copied.

“
Get the doctor,”
someone ordered, and Vicki’s high voice broke into sobs, my Dad’s
deep, soothing whisper rising above it with comforting words. I
missed my dad so much. Would give anything to see his smile
again.

“
Mike?” my Dad said.
“Just breathe.”

“
I can’t,” Mike’s
voice sounded so thick with sadness. “I can’t. Where’s the goddamn
doctor?” he yelled.

“
It’s just a glitch,”
the stiff man said suddenly.

“
It’s not a goddamn
glitch,” Mike screamed. “She’s alive. She’s—” His voice trailed
away to soft sobs under my dad’s mutters. And everything went quiet
again.

I held my breath,
listened carefully, but there were no voices, no
beeps—nothing.

I understood then; I
was a prisoner in their world. David was right beside me, and I
couldn’t even look at him; couldn’t even hold him.

“
Ara!” David’s hand swept my brow, bringing the world back,
desperation rising up in his controlled tone.
“S’il te plait, mon amour, lute, bats toi pour
vivre.”

It was no good. I
couldn’t wake my mind. I couldn’t reach over and press snooze. I
couldn’t even understand what he was saying to me.

“
I’ve lost her,” the
words trembled from his lips. “I’ve lost her.”

I’m sorry,
David
, I whispered with weakened
resolve
.

And as if David had
felt me give up, his cold hand slipped behind my neck and lifted my
head. “Ara? My love, please be in there.”

“
Mate,” Mike said.
“It’s time to let her go.”

David’s arms wrapped
me tightly, his hands searching, touching every inch of flesh as if
to caress me back to life.

Then, as the panic
reduced to realisation, his hands slowed and a cold drop of liquid
fell onto the bridge of my nose. “Please? Fight. I can’t lose you.”
He took a deep, strained breath and pressed his lips to my brow.
“Je vous en prie, Dieu, sauvez-la.” He took another jagged
gasp.
“S'il vous plaît, ne
l'enlevez pas loin de moi. Ne me l'enlevez pas.”

His words hung in the
back of my mind, resonating with a tone of understanding; as if I
were right in front of him; they looped around me, pulling me into
him, and as I touched my face to his chest, they became suddenly
very clear: “I’m begging you, God, save her. Don’t take her from
me. Don’t take her away.”

His devastation broke
my heart.
Oh David. I’m so sorry. I love
you. If you can hear me, please know that. Please take care of
Mike—tell him I love him too.

He didn’t answer. I
wanted him to answer just once—just so I knew he heard me, knew how
much I loved him, heard the words I wished I’d said when he asked
me to change for him.

David?
Please?

Nothing…

David?
My throat hurt.

“
Ara?” Something
moved under me as he spoke—my body, I could feel my body, feel the
bulky, uneven surface I was laying on. A cold grip tightened ever
so slightly around my waist. “Ara?”

“
David?” I tried
again. I could hear the terror in my cry, but it was real—my
voice—it came from somewhere different than it had
before.

David laughed from
behind me, his lips on the side of my face. “Yes. Yes, my love.
Yes. You’re talking. Open your eyes.”

They’re
closed?
Gravity pulled my skin, dragging
it down. I fought against the push and lifted my eyelids, blinking
rapidly.

Bright.

Light.

Tears rushed to my
irises to protect them from this new experience, burning my vision
into a white blur. I couldn’t focus on anything, but I loved it
more than the breath I could suddenly feel through my
lips.

“
David?” I smiled.
“Am I…am I out?”

“
Oui, mon amour, oui,
you’re safe.”

“
You…you saved me.
You pulled me out.” I held his hand tight over my belly as the gift
of sight restored and I felt his arms become the cold that was
restraining before. His chest shook under me; tears dripped from
his chin beside my ear and fell onto my shoulder as I took in the
room; a white room, a bed, a chair—a glass window looking onto the
corridor of a hospital. “What…happened?”

“
I—” he started, but
couldn’t finish.

“
We lost you, baby,”
said Mike.

Oh, Mike!
That’s when I felt my heart—it was still beating,
and it was strong. “Mike?”

“
I’m here, Ara. I’m right here.” He appeared then, by my side.
The warmth, the hand I felt in my darkness, it
was
Mike. I didn’t imagine
it.

“
I don’t understand.
What am I doing in a hospital?” I asked, rubbing my
face.

David looked at Mike,
then they both looked at me. “You lost a lot of blood—they had to
put you on a life support system.” Mike’s eyes narrowed
slightly.

“
Okay, but, what
happened to me?” My memory hit the foggy wall of perplexity. I
didn't even remember getting up this morning.

“
It wasn’t this
morning.” David answered my thought.

“
When?”

“
Ara, you’ve been in
a coma for three months.” Mike’s voice trembled; he turned away so
I couldn’t see his face, but I only had to see his shoulders
shaking to know he was crying.

What? Three
months?

I tried to look around
the room to get my bearings.

Three months?

I felt nothing then,
except a throbbing in my head as I tried to piece together the last
few months of my life. “Okay.” I took a few deep breaths, bringing
myself to terms with this new information. “So, a coma—but why? How
did I
get
in a
coma?”

Mike’s shoulders
rolled forward even more.

“
Mike?”

He just shook his
head, refusing to look at me.

I looked down at my
hands, felt my face, my throat, checking for something, anything
that would give me a clue. Then, I felt the silky, lumpy rise of
gathered skin on my neck, and as I looked down, to nothing in
particular, saw the horrid parallel lines of raised pink skin down
the length of my forearm. I drew a breath, tracing the scar with
wide eyes, afraid to touch it—not sure if it was really there or if
this was some nightmare. “Did I do this to myself?”

Mike released the sob
he’d obviously been trying to restrain, and David held his breath,
cradling me in his arms—pressing his cheek firmly to mine with the
same intensity as his grip around my waist. Then, with a wash of
cold trepidation, the memory hit me.

Jason did
it?

David squeezed me
tighter.

I rubbed my head,
letting the tears spill out over my lashes.
Jason. He—he hurt me. The cold. The dark. I remember.

“
Shh, hush, my love,
it’s…it’s going to be okay,” David said.

“
What’s happening?”
Mike leaned over me and, placing his hand on my forehead, studied
my face as I fell apart inside. “Why is she breathing like
that?”

David stood up and
laid me flat on my back.

“
Get the nurse,” Mike
ordered, moving a pillow from under my head.

“
No!” I held my hand
out, taking deeper, more controlled breaths. “No, I’m okay. I’m
okay.”

“
Ara, you’re as white
as a ghost.” Mike folded himself around me, and the warm smell of
home reminded me that I was safe, that I was okay now and the
darkness was gone—Jason was gone. I rested my chin in the curve of
his neck.