Dark Secrets (58 page)

“
Then I’ll do it
myself.” I jumped off the bed and ran to my desk.

“
What are you doing?”
David seized my arm as I grabbed the scissors.

“
I’m gonna do it
myself. Then you don’t have to hurt me.”

“
Ara, you’ve lost it.
You’ve actually gone crazy—give me those.” He snatched the scissors
from my hand and threw them back in the drawer—slamming it
shut.

“
You’re right.” I sat
down in my desk chair. “I have gone crazy.” Maybe all this had been
too much for me. Maybe finding out about David was the last straw.
Vicki warned me that trauma and grief could manifest themselves in
unusual ways—ways you might not recognise. But she was talking
about things like promiscuity and drug use, right?

“
This isn’t
manifested grief, Ara. It’s a collection of thoughts and cravings
over a period of time that have grown into desire,” said the voice
of reason from beside me. “There’s nothing wrong with you. But you
have to drop this. All right?”

I nodded, wiping fat
teardrops from my chin.

David ran his fingers
through his hair and down the back of his neck, then held out his
hand; I looked up at him. “Come on,” he said.

“
Where’re we
going?”

He grabbed his jacket
off my desk and slipped it on. “We both need some fresh
air.”

“
Fresh
air?”

“
Yes.”

“
And, where
exactly
are we going to get that from?” I asked in a
shaky voice as he scooped me off the ground. “And how are you
planning to get there?”

He squeezed me close,
propping his chin on my forehead. “You may want to cover your
eyes.”

“
Holy shi—” I rolled
my face into his chest as a jolt forced me to hold my
breath.

“
You okay?” he asked,
his lips against my hair.

I think
so.

“
I’m going to put you
down now, okay?”

“
We’ve stopped
moving?”

“
Yes.” He laughed.
“We’ve stopped.”

“
Okay.” I clung to
his shirt as he set my bare feet to a cold, slanted surface, and a
dewy breeze circled my ankles, howling a warning. “Are we up
high?”

The kidnapper wrapped
his arm around my waist and whispered in my ear, “Open your eyes.
See for yourself.”

“
Do I have to?” I
shut them tighter.

“
You’re not afraid of
heights, are you, Ara?” He chuckled lightly.

“
I’m going to kill
you for this, David Knight. I ha—” A breath of awe escaped my lips
as my eyes inched open and I saw the endless skyline, trailing off
to a dark blue horizon, where the hills that were grey in the day
looked invisible under the scattered stars. “David, it’s so
beautiful up here.”

He shrugged. “I come
here all the time.”

“
Is this where you
spent the summer? Spying on me?”

“
Yes,” he said, with
a cheeky grin, taking my shaking hand to help me sit with my legs
dangling over the slant of my dad’s roof. “But you know that was
only while I was worried about you.”

“
So, you don’t do it
anymore?”

“
Ha! Ara, if I was
going to be at your house, I’d be in your room, with you—awake, or
I’d be at home, leaving you to rest.”

I snuggled my head
into his shoulder. “So, if I was depressed again, you’d stay with
me more often?”

“
No,” he laughed the
word out. “You’re a little suicidal for me right now.”

I slapped his chest
with the back of my hand. “Wanting to share blood with you is not
suicidal.”

“
Oh boy.” He shook
his head, still laughing. “If you only knew the truth of what you
do to me with your thoughts, girl. You have no idea how close
you’ve come to death, do you?”

A cold shiver raced
down my spine and sent my heart back into my chest with a jump. But
even after the eerie feeling subsided, the shaking remained and my
teeth chattered together.

“
You’re so human,”
David remarked lightly, wrapping his jacket over my
shoulders.

“
And you’re so
warm—like a human.” The heat within the leather felt like that warm
spot in someone else’s bed after they get up, layered pleasantly
with the scent of citrus and that woodsy smell his car had. I
slipped my arms through the sleeves, then moved to sit between his
legs, wrapping his arms tightly around my chest.

“
Are you frightened
up here?” he whispered against the back of my ear.

“
The human in me is,
but the girl in me, who knows how much you love her,
isn’t.”

“
You know I’d never
let you fall, right?”

“
Even if I do fall—”
I yawned as I spoke, “—I know you’ll be there to catch me.” I
smiled, and as I looked at the eastern horizon, a flicker of silver
glittered across the night sky. “Did you see that?”

“
A shooting star.”
David nodded. “Make a wish.”

With my eyes closed,
I crossed my heart and thought,
I wish
David would get the happy ending he longs for.

David held his
breath, his whole body going stiff. “Why did you wish only
for
my
happy
ending?”

“
Because, then I know
that, even if our happy ending isn’t together, you’ll still be
happy.”

He swallowed and
looked away. “I thought you said you were a selfish
girl.”

“
I am.” I shrugged.
“I didn’t wish for world peace.”

He snickered softly.
“My darling, there are more than enough people in the world to wish
for that. But it requires sacrifice and tolerance—not hopes and
prayers.”

“
Like us,” I
said.

“
What do you
mean?”

“
I
mean, happiness is a possibility for us—we
can
be together. It just means a
sacrifice on one side.”

David nodded. “And
tolerance on yours.”

“
Tolerance?”

“
Yes. For
death.”

“
You can’t ask a
human to tolerate the death of another human. That isn’t
fair.”

“
But, your species
kill each other all the time.”

“
I don’t. Not
personally.”

“
Okay, well, you tolerate the death of animals for
your
nutrition.”

“
Spoken like a
vampire.” I smiled ruefully, keeping my eyes on the night
sky.

“
Well, my love, I am
a vampire. Get used to it.” He kissed my temple.

“
Bite me,” I
scoffed.

“
Don’t tempt me,
young lady—your death wish may just become a reality.”

I rolled my eyes.
“So…if you drank my blood and we made love after—I could get
pregnant?”

“
What?” The word
burst from his lips.

“
You said, when you
were washing the dishes tonight, that it isn’t entirely true about
not being able to have children with a vampire?”

“
Oh.” He wiped his
hand across his jaw, shaking his head. “Well, it’s rare. You
would’ve heard of it in your much-loved mythology. The incubus and
the succubus?”

“
Is that
real?”

“
In a way. It’s not
like the horror stories, though. Supposedly, the babies are mostly
human—not immortal. They can survive on less blood than vampires,
but still require food. I’m not sure how it works for female
vampires. None of the girls I’ve ever known have fallen pregnant,
but for males, we can still—you know—” he shrugged, “—we can still
give life. There’s a rumour among my Set that my uncle has a son,
born by a human girl.”

“
Why wouldn’t you
tell me about this, David?” I asked softly. “You know my desire to
have children is one of the reasons I can’t promise you
eternity.”

“
Yes, but it’s not
the only reason.” He stroked his soft cheek down mine. “I didn’t
think it necessary to tell you.”

“
Like so many
things.” I ground my back teeth together.

“
Yes. But, if you
don’t ever want immortal life, then what good would it be to have a
child, and have maybe five years together before you grow too old
to be with a teenager?”

“
It would still be
better than having only a few weeks.”

“
True, but after those five years, I would lose you
and
my children—not to
mention they would one day out-age their father.”

David? Father? Of my
children? I really liked the way that sounded.

“
Besides, even if I was selfish enough to take those five
years from you, I’d be away for the first two. I
have
to return to duty,
and what then? You’ll be a single, teenage mother, and you may have
missed your chance at love—at a normal, happy life. No.” He shook
his head, tightening his hold around me. “I want you to have a good
life, Amara-Rose. I want you to be mine, for all time, and I
could
convince you to
come with me—and eventually you would. But I will not let you give
up the things you want. Not while they still mean everything to
you.”

“
I know. I guess. It
was just a shock…to find out that you can still…” I rested my hand
in my lap. “I don’t know. I’m really confused.”

“
Confused about
what?”

“
About what I should
do. I want to be with you always. Not just until the winter comes.
It’s not fair.”

“
Life’s not fair,
Ara. Haven’t you learned that by now?”

I shook my head,
turning around to face him. “No, David. I refuse to believe that.
Life is what you make it. Sometimes things happen that suck, but it
doesn’t mean your whole life is unfair.” I shrugged and looked at
the stars. “Life is just life, and sometimes you just get played a
different hand to what you wanted.”

“
And you don’t think
that’s unfair?”

“
Situations
can seem unfair, but all
things considering, David, we’re still alive, still breathing—not
ill or starving or dying of disease. In that sense, I think we’re
kinda lucky, right?”

“
I suppose.” I
reached out and brushed my chin with his thumb. “After all, we did
find each other against all odds.”

“
Right. And I
wouldn’t be here—alive—if you hadn’t come along.”

“
Really? So you think you would’ve acted on those, what did
you call them—
fleeting
thoughts
?”

I shrugged. “I don’t
know.”

“
You scare me,
Ara-Rose.” He grabbed my shoulder and spun me back into him,
forcing me to hold my breath under his bear grip. “What’s going to
happen to you when I leave?”

I didn’t answer; I
didn’t feel it needed an answer. And I wasn’t sure I had one to
give, anyway.

The silence hovered
over us for a while then as the dark blue horizon turned almost
pale white and the sweet smell of morning dew mixed with the
perfumed air from the dying summer rose. David and I both took a
long breath.

“
Are you okay,
David?” I asked, sensing a shift in his spirit.

“
Every day I wake,”
he started hesitantly, “And I tell myself that I’ll let you go;
that it’s the right thing to do. And then you say things like that
to me—tell me that you’re not sure about living—and I wonder if I
should just convince you to come with me; if I should just wish for
you to suddenly lose your desire to live life, wish for you to
throw your arms around me and beg me to change you.

“
And then I look at you and I see you for the sweet, young,
human girl, who has never lived a day in her life, and I just can’t
do it—I just can’t take your life from you. I have to bite my
tongue every time I’m about to say something that would convince
you.” He pressed his face firmly against mine for a second,
breathing me in. “I’m just a guy, Ara. I’m not perfect. In fact,
I’m more perfectly imperfect than a human. I have this evil side in
me that is
screaming
for me to steal you. It’s only the angel on my shoulder that
makes me wish a better life for you.”

“
I know, and
sometimes I wish you’d just force me to do it, too. But I’d hate
you for it. It’s just so dumb.” I slammed my hands down by my
sides. “All of it. I wish it were different.”

“
Well, you know what
they say?”

“
Yes.
They
say a lot of things that don’t really make sense. But which
one were you referring to specifically?”

“
Wishing is good time
wasted.”

“
Shut up, David! God, you’re so negative.” I leaned forward to
look at him, groaning out loud. “You know, you might not,
but
I
still
believe wishes come true.”