Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1) (13 page)

Chapter 14

The walk back to the shelter was an intense experience that took every scrap of patience and self-control I had. The sun was blinding and the sound of nature was deafening. I could hear the bugs, the animals, and see every tiny detail of the things that I had never noticed or were hidden to me before. I tripped several times, and each time I struggled to get back up as I made my way through the dense forest. It was a bit of an out of body experience as I felt like I didn’t have complete control over myself, my limbs, or my senses. Nothing. Maybe this was what it was like to be reborn. I covered my ears with my hands as I got closer and the shelter and the blaring noise of music assaulted me.

When I got through the brush, it was to find all of the residents of the shelter outside, with Lachlan seated at a picnic bench with Addy. In his lap no less! I struggled to make my legs move, and when Lachlan’s eyes zeroed in on me, it was intense. He stood too fast, which deposited Addy flat on her ass. Good, she deserved it for leaving me with Jaeden.

“Emma, stop. Dinnae make me do something we will both regret,” he warned.

I blinked at him in confusion. “This is my home!” I growled.

“Emma,” Addy whispered and tried to get past Lachlan as he held her back. His men stood with weapons at the ready. To attack me?

“What the hell do you think you’re all doing here? I’ve only been gone one night and you all move in? I seriously think you should reconsider shit.” Oh yeah I was angry, years of hard work, training, everything I knew was being tipped over and trampled on.

Addy stopped struggling and looked at me in shock. “Emma, you’ve been gone for over two weeks.” My heart stuttered as my head swam at this news.

“Bullshit,” I argued.

“Emma,” Jaeden called as he walked in on the precariously volatile situation. “Why’d you leave my bed?” His voice was filled with concern as I tried very hard not to reach out and throttle him.

I blushed from head to toe before scowling at him. I heard the gasps and comments which started to buzz right after the words slipped from his lips. I shook my head, and fought against the tears of anger. “Tell them it’s only been one day that I’ve been gone!”

“Emma,” he said as his eyes moved to Lachlan with a nasty glare that should have flattened him.

“Tell them!”

“Emma, you were severely injured,” he explained. “It took us a long time to fix you.”

“And she’s
fixed
, isnae she?” Lachlan spat out as if it was distasteful on his tongue.

“No, she’s just as she was before,” Jaeden looked meaningfully at Lachlan. “It’s a fucking miracle.”

“That’s bullshit ‘n ye ken it,” Lachlan growled.

I watched as Lachlan cut his forearm open and held it up in my direction.

“That’s crazy!” I snapped, pointing at Lachlan in disbelief. “Why the friggin’ hell would you do that?” I watched as his eyes narrowed and then grew wide. Addy stepped a good foot away from him, and looked from Lachlan to Jaeden. “I’m not sure what the hell you guys’ fetish with blood is, but it’s seriously disturbing.”

“That’s impossible, I saw her fall. Nae one could live through that,” Lachlan snapped.

I turned and looked at Jaeden as he watched me carefully. Was he expecting a reaction? Was I? I felt different; weird, strange, changed, and yet I was still me. Not that he could change me, but something inside was very different. I felt more alive, and more aware of my surroundings. I could also taste the anticipation and turmoil coming off Lachlan’s men, as well as uneasiness from Jaeden, directed at me.

I turned and looked at him. Really looked at him. He was beautiful, but deadly. I knew he was deadly, just not why he was. He could fight, sure. I’d seen him in action. He’d saved my ass, and yet there was something else I should know, but didn’t. There was something far more than the surface showed. I tilted my head, and watched as his eyes lowered down my body. There was something in the back of my mind that wouldn’t come out. Something that I should remember, but didn’t.

I could hear his heart beating, but I had to determine mine from his. I stepped closer, but then caught myself. “What type of blood did you give me exactly?” I asked as the weakness started to take hold of me again.

“I gave you a transfusion,” he replied, but I could tell that there was a gigantic something he was leaving out. I could hear it in his tone, in his voice. “You should get dressed in something other than my shirt, Emma.”

I looked down and yup, I was pretty damn sure it was still his shirt I wore while I argued with a bunch of men. I’d stolen his shirt and snuck away from his house like a thief. I wavered on my legs and he was there, catching and holding me upright. He barked out orders, which my people jumped into action with. He was a natural born leader, unlike me who fumbled with it.

“You can’t order them around,” I whispered as I lifted my face to his. His blue green eyes locked on to mine and he smiled.

“Just did,” he confirmed.

“I feel funny,” I admitted.

“Horny? Or just funny as in strange, Emma?”

“Why would I be horny?” I asked as heat flushed across my face at his question.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to treat your naked body, without touching it? Even when you begged me to do it,” he whispered against my ear.

“If I was dying to the point I needed a transfusion, why the hell would I be begging you to bang me?” I whispered back, way beyond confused at the weirdness of this conversation.

He smiled, his lips pressed firmly against my ear as he opened his mouth to tease it. I moaned and jerked back from him as if he’d set fire to my skin. I was flushed, and wet, which sucked since I wore nothing under his shirt. His touch sent every nerve in my body to the ready, and he knew it. I could see it in the confident look he awarded me with.

“I saved your life, Emma,” he whispered.

“I know that,” I replied. I did, but if he thought that was going to get him laid, he was wrong. Why was my body on fire? By fire, I mean I felt as if I was burning alive. Moisture had pooled between my thighs along with a hammering heartbeat that was pulsing in my vagina. I wiped the sweat from my forehead which made the shirt rise.

He was fast as he pulled it back down and looked over my head. “I’ll expect you to come to me when you are fully healed, or if you have questions of how you are alive.”

“Why would I question the fact that I’m alive? I’m thankful, Jaeden, really, I am. I’m not gonna do the humpty dance with you as a thank you. I’ve told you before, I’m not that girl. If I want to fuck you, I will.”

“Do you want to? Fuck me that is,” he smiled seductively.

“That depends on if you really bit me.” I swallowed hard as I recalled an image from his bedroom and my time there.

His face went blank, and Lachlan, who I hadn’t heard move at all, placed his bleeding arm in front of my face. “Eww! What is your problem? Seriously! Stop it.” What the fuck did they think I was a vampire…? I snapped my eyes at Jaeden accusingly.

“You bit me! The blood, and oh my god! Please tell me you didn’t feed….wait!” I looked from Lachlan who I had a flash image in my head of green eyes of the wolf in the woods. I turned to Jaeden who was watching me. “Am I on pain medicine?” I asked; because that shit could make you think some weird shit. It had to be meds; it was the only thing that made sense. Because right now, I was seriously tripping.

“I gave you something for the pain, yes,” Jaeden supplied cautiously.

“Emma,” Addy came up behind me with a robe. “I’ve been so worried about you,” she breathed as she threw her arms around me. “I thought you were dead, and nobody said anything!” she sniffed, holding back tears.

Jaeden hadn’t told her I was alive? Didn’t he think I would make it? I looked over her head at him and narrowed my eyes. “Why didn’t you tell her anything?”

“Because we didn’t know if you’d make it or not,” he replied simply.

“Right, but nothing? You couldn’t tell them anything at all? Dick move,” I bit out.

He smiled but other than that, his eyes just watched me. I could smell everything about Addy, her fear, and happiness. I sniffed her, and caught myself doing it. “You’re fucking him?” I asked and leveled a murderous look at Lachlan.

“How did you know that?” Addy whispered as she pulled away and sniffed herself.

“I don’t know,” I said as I turned to Jaeden in confusion. I was about to collapse, and I kept getting bombarded and overwhelmed with things that I was suddenly noticing.  I could smell everything, right down to Jimmie who refused to shower on a regular basis, which was disgusting. I could see the details of the brush on the hilltop which was as at least a mile away from us, and I was pretty sure I shouldn’t be able to.

I knew Lachlan and his men were agitated by my presence, but why? Jaeden was on edge, but more than that, I knew he wanted me. I could
feel
it. I turned in his direction and walked to him; his eyes watched me. As if he knew what I planned to do before I did. I lifted myself up on my toes and kissed him.

The moan ripped from my throat, right before his hands lowered to my ass and pressed me against his hardness. He smelled intoxicating. His rich, masculine scent was mixed with spices and sex. His sex was hard and ready to do damage. He brought his hands up to my face, framing it as he deepened the kiss. He groaned as I pulled away from him.

“I can smell you,” I whispered.

“I can smell your readiness too, my sweet girl.”

“
Why
can I smell you?”

“I’m not sure, Emma, but if anything else strange happens to you, I need to know right away.”

With that, he left me standing with Addy and Lachlan who was still bleeding, and not doing anything about it. “You need a Band-Aid,” I said offhandedly. “Let me get one.” I turned and moved tiredly to the door of the shelter.

He needed more than a Band-Aid, but hey, I wasn’t his nanny. He punched the code in and I glared at Addy. Why would she do this? I was pissed! I pushed past him and stopped dead in my tracks as I took in the changes.

Where my father’s office had been was more of Lachlan’s men, pointing at pins on the white board that held a map of our town. The children’s area had been changed as well, and was now a cafeteria. Food was piled on tables, as if it had an endless supply. Candles burned while the lights shined at full power.

“What the friggin’ bloody monkey fucks!”

“Emma, it’s okay. They brought fuel, food and other supplies with them,” Addy’s voice was soft behind me.

“It’s not okay, Addy! There’s not a friggin’ store to run down to when the supplies are gone. You let them into our home— my home! This is ours! This is the friggin’ sanctuary for people who need to be helped and they don’t need help! You let a bunch of hot ass men inside, and we already have one baby too many! Why?” I choked on the tears. “We were doing fine with what we had! We protected each other, and we got shit done, Addy. Why would you take this away from me?”

“Emma, tis nae like that, lass,” Lachlan said gently.

“Take your lass and shove it!” I yelled as an overload of emotions flooded over me. “You don’t get to come in here with your dinnae fret, and dinnae lass this, and cannae be so bad! This is mine. I helped my father build it! It’s all I have left of him.” A traitorous tear slid down my cheek and I angrily swiped at it.

“Ye cannae get mad at the lassie fer thinking ye were dead. She asked fer help and we came tae do that. She isnae as strong as ye, Emma; she was scared,” he offered reasonably.

“I’m going to bed—” I felt betrayed, and my head swam with too many emotions, too much turmoil with what had happened. Tears slid down my cheeks unchecked as I moved as swiftly as my legs would carry me through the shelter to my room. Luckily, it was still there and hadn’t been given over to one of Lachlan’s men or something. I fell on the bed without closing the door, and crashed hard.

Chapter 15

Addy shaking my shoulder was my wakeup call the next morning. She had been crying for a while, judging by the puffiness of her eyes. I sat up and tried to recall where I was. Home. I lay back down on my pillows and turned to face her. She sniffled, and started apologizing profusely.

“Addy, enough crying, I get it, but I don’t think you understand what you’ve done,” I mumbled, trying to snuggle back into the bedding.

“You were dead! I was afraid to be alone. What happened to Mom and Dad was awful, and your dad was gone, I didn’t know what to do. Lachlan was sweet; he and his men offered to protect us. It seemed like a good plan, Ems, we buried you,” I rolled over and stared at her blankly. They’d buried me? What the hell was she talking about and how creepy was that shit?

“Emma?” Grayson peered at me from the doorway before he ran for the small bed and jumped on me. His exuberance was contagious and for a brief moment, I forgot my resentment. “I knew you weren’t dead. I told them you’d never leave me. I told them,” he whispered as he sobbed in my arms.

“I know brat, but they had good reason to think I wouldn’t make it,” I replied with tears thick in my throat. I hadn’t even thought about what Grayson would have gone through. I’d been selfish, but the idea of men such as Lachlan and his men taking over the shelter put me on edge.

“I love you, Emma, to the moon and stars,” he whispered as his sobs ebbed.

“I love you beyond the moon and all its glory. I love you brighter than the stars could ever burn in the sky, brat,” I answered back.

I looked over the top of Grayson’s head to find Addy watching us with an uncertain look in her soft brown eyes. I nodded to her, and before I could blink, she’d wrapped herself around us and started crying again.

“I’ll never leave you two, you know that. I understand why you did what you did, Addy, but I don’t know them and I sure don’t trust them.”

“I didn’t sleep with him. I slept with his brother,” she blurted.

“You were sitting on his lap…?”

“They share, but I wasn’t into that, well, I might be. I was really tempted,” she admitted as my eyes widened as I moved to plug Grayson’s ears. “His men do it as well, but only Kyra took them up on it.”

“Uh, okay…” I said unsure of what to say about it, and I wasn’t quite sure we should be talking about this in front of my baby brother and his virgin ears. I had read enough to know a lot of the kinks of sex, and I’d enjoyed the books, but that didn’t mean I’d be jumping on the ménage sandwich bandwagon anytime soon. “So basically they came in, took over, had an orgy, and decided to stay awhile?”

“It sounds really bad when you put it like that,” she said and her face fell again.

“It is okay, Addy. Maybe it’s time to allow others to help. We were barely pulling it together, and I’m tired of being on the losing end. I was reminded not too long ago that I expected people to be like they were before the world went to hell, but they’re not. There are a lot more evil ones out there than I ever realized and the more that come here, the more I wonder what the hell we’re fighting for. It will be nice having more men around to do the heavy hitting and lifting for a change.”

“You’re sure? ‘Cause I can kick them out; now that we have you, Emma, we can make it.” Addy’s soulful eyes snapped eagerly with her words.

“And maybe you can finish my training?” Grayson piped up hopefully. I narrowed my eyes for a moment at him.

“Uh, let me get situated and we’ll talk about that,” I glanced back at Addy, resigned to what needed to be done. “As long as they keep their kinky fuckery to themselves, I’m fine with them staying. No one goes into my father’s rooms. They are off limits to outsiders. Other than that, if they can help out, they can stay.”

A little while later, I was standing in the shower, the water running over my naked body—it felt blissfully good. I was still standing beneath the spray of water when Lachlan stepped in, and joined me. He was naked, and his hands pulled me close against his chest.

“I’ve been watching ye, lass,” he rumbled as I jumped from beneath the water with surprise by his silent entry. “Yer as stubborn as a newly born bairn, ye are.”

“You’re naked, and in my shower,” I pointed out as I tried to ignore what he was pointing at me. His cock was hard, and I could smell his anticipation burning in his veins. Jaeden’s had been a missile, but Lachlan certainly was a close second and I could have sworn the thing winked at me.

“Oh aye, yer in it during my scheduled time so I figured ye were making peace with me,” he smiled as his eyes slid over my naked body.

Since when did we have scheduled showers? The only schedule we had was five minutes per body, and he had come in and taken over. He had some nerve!

“Is that what you thought? Let me just ease your mind. I had no intention of showering with you. I figured no one would be here since water restrictions were set to keep the pumps from going out. You should learn the schedule, and show it to your men. This is my shelter, Lachlan; you and your men are guests. You will follow the rules so that it continues to run, and work smoothly. ” I pulled the towel off the rack and wrapped it around my curves.

My heart was racing, and as he moved closer, I felt the tingle in the pit of my stomach which normally only responded to Jaeden’s touch.

“Yer nae really expecting Jaeden tae follow through with ye, are ye, lass? He’s nae that kind of man; he fucks his prey and then leaves them heartbroken. He will only break ye, and leave ye when he’s had his fill.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s none of your damn business,” I whispered.

His arms pinned me against the wall, as he lowered his mouth to mine. I could have struggled, and should’ve. I didn’t though, because I wanted to see if I responded to him as I did with Jaeden. Lachlan’s mouth was soft, as he moved over my lips seeking entrance. I opened my mouth and kissed him back. While there was a steady thrumming sensation in my core; it was nothing like I felt with Jaeden.

It wasn’t until he picked me up and growled against my mouth, that I stopped him. “No, put me down, now!” I panicked a little and tried to push him away.

Instead of putting me down, he rubbed his cock over my slick heat and smiled. “I could make ye mine, bonny Emma, so fucking easily. One thrust and ye would be mine,” his voice came out as a rough snarl that scared me.

“I said no, Lachlan. I don’t want this to be my first time,” I whispered as I listened to his heart as its beat increased with my words.

“Yer a bloody maiden,” he smiled as his eyes searched my face.

“I’m a virgin, yes,” I replied as his mouth crushed forcefully against mine but I didn’t kiss him back this time. I turned my head away from him with the stark realization that I wanted my first time to be with Jaeden. Even if he left me afterwards, I wanted him.

“Ye want the leech?”

“Why do you call him a leech?” I asked as I fixed the towel and slipped my slippers back on. He barked a short laugh.

“If ye havenae figured it oot yet, ye should ask him, but when he breaks yer heart, Emma, and he will, I’ll still want ye.”

I blinked. Would he break my heart? What if I just wanted meaningless sex with him? “What if I break his heart?” I asked with a devious smile on my lips.

“Then I’ll want ye even more, sweetheart.” He grinned wickedly.

I dressed and left the shelter to visit the scene of the crime. Memories were coming back at a slow trickle. Some of it I figured was delirium, because well, it just had to be. I could think of no other reason for me to have those images in my mind, except that I knew what pain medicine could do to the human mind. It played tricks, and made you hallucinate. The only other
logical
explanation was they were both screwing with my head and that was too awful to think of.

I stood on the cliff with a new outlook. One, I was changing and I wasn’t sure it was a good thing. Two, I was becoming hard and cynical and I hated that I was. Three, life wasn’t a certain thing. I could die at any moment and if I did, I’d go with so many regrets. I didn’t want to die before I experienced Jaeden, or found pleasure in his touch. I wanted to leave my mark in this new world, and I could sense something coming.

It was as if there was a storm brewing, and we were standing on the edge of it. I could taste the tension, thick in the air, and I could sense that a lot more people would die. Innocent people would die. I closed my eyes as the wind blew my hair, and when I turned around, I knew I’d find him standing there.

He was dressed in a white V neck shirt. His jeans were slung low over his narrow hips. He’d pulled his hair back, but loose strands had worked their way out of the thin leather band. He wore a necklace, dangling from it was small silver disc medallion with a raven carved into it.

He said nothing, just watched me as I took him in. I stepped closer to him and was about to tell him what I’d just figured out, but his eyes grew hard. “You’ve fucked that dog?” his words were harsh, but the anger I felt in him was harsher. “I leave you alone for one fucking night after saving your life, and you fuck him?”

“I didn’t fuck anyone,” I snapped irritably.

“No? Then tell me why the fuck you smell like wet dog?”

Wet dog?
I rolled my eyes and laughed. One, because I hadn’t been anywhere near a damn dog, and two, he was jealous. “I haven’t been around any dogs for a long time; besides, I took a shower just a little while ago.” I looked off in the distance, still trying to get a handle on the way my senses were over compensating.  “Speaking of which, Lachlan kissed me and I kissed him back,” I replied honestly.

“Why?” he demanded crisply.

“Because I wanted to see if he made me feel what I do when I kiss you,” I said quietly as his eyes narrowed.

“And does he?”

“No, his kiss was nice, but it doesn’t make me…” What? Wet? Swoon? Want to rip his clothes off and check out his wood? I could still see myself becoming a woodpecker and pecking Jaeden.

“Wet?” he asked as he stepped closer. “My kiss makes your sweet, succulent petals
wet
.”

“Yes,” I shook my head as I turned back towards the cliff. “He said you would break me, and then break my heart. Was he right?”

I didn’t flinch as his arms wrapped around me from behind or when he pulled my body back and close to his. “Come with me somewhere?”

“Where?” I asked as I felt his hands as they rose to palm my breasts.

“To a little place I found,” he whispered against my ear.

“I should get back to the shelter. I didn’t tell anyone I was going out,” I admitted.

“Good; come with me and I’ll take you home when we are done,” he assured me as his thumbs rubbed seductively over my nipples. “I promise to be on my best behavior,” his voice was sensual and far too difficult to resist.

I turned in his arms and raised myself up on my toes to bring my lips against his. His kiss was slow, and sent goose bumps over my flesh. This felt right, but I wasn’t ready to just give myself to him. Yes, I wanted him to be my first, but I wanted him to prove he wanted me for more than just a
been there, done that
.

I moaned against his mouth as he broke the kiss and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. He clasped his fingers through mine and held my hand as he walked me through the woods, to a small little crystal blue pond. We Towners called it Haven, because it was a little haven most didn’t know about in our small town.

I gave him my back as he removed some of his clothes, or at least I hoped he still had some of them on. I heard a splash as he dove beneath the water. It wasn’t that deep, so obviously he’d been here enough times to know the depth. Most people didn’t try to dive here; then again, Jaeden wasn’t most people.

He surfaced and shook the water from his long hair and gave me a glimpse of his impressive back. It was all muscle. Thick black tattoos that were Celtic in their design, from the look of it, covered his shoulder blades. My eyes drifted down to the gentle curve of his ass, and I bit my lip as heat burned inside my abdomen. He had quite a few scars, and I absently wondered where he’d gotten them. Had he been hurt in a war? He fought like a warrior, so maybe he’d been active in the military.

He turned, and my mouth went dry as the Sahara Desert as I watched him move toward the water’s edge. His abs looked as if he worked out every freaking day! He had more of a swimmers body, but
damn!
I was pretty sure they didn’t make men like him anymore, especially since there was a massive shortage of people these days. This man screamed sex from his every pore. Even as unknowledgeable as I was in that department, I wanted him to be my professor and teach me the kink. I was such a freak…

“Join me,” he said and I twisted my lips up into a smile. I’d planned on swimming a little later today, so at least I’d dressed for it.

I met his eyes and caught the silent sparkle of laughter in them as I kicked out of my boots, and started working the buttons on my pants. “Turn around,” I said shyly.

“Don’t think so,” he smirked, and continued to watch me. I rolled my eyes as I pulled off my shirt and jeans and left them folded on the shore. I gave a quick tug to fix the bottoms of the swimsuit. The suit had a pink and black skull-print halter bikini top. Little black bows joined the cups to the halter and the matching bottoms had black ruffles on the butt. “Skulls,” he mused.

“I was going through a phase when the world went to hell,” I explained.

He laughed as I stepped into the water. I met his gaze, and immediately wished I hadn’t. The turquoise blue in his eyes reminded me of the pictures of the Caribbean oceans that I’d always wanted to visit. The depths in them were a cove of treasure I could easily get lost in. I made myself ignore him and focus on how cold the water was.

“This is freezing,” I shivered a bit as I made my way in slowly. Of course I’d known it would be, since it was fed from a natural spring that ran beneath the ground. I screeched as he splashed my back with the icy water. I turned and glared at him. “Why did you bring me here?”

He smiled, but refused to answer. Instead he moved closer to me as his eyes moved over my pale flesh. “Do people always have to have a reason to bring you places?” he asked as he moved closer to where I stood.

“We’re sorta stuck in limbo, and most of the world’s population is dead from what I can tell, and you want to swim? Are you sure you’re not from California? Maybe you’d like to find some waves after this, surf a bit?” I asked as I turned around to look at him better. This was a waste of time. And yet, here I was in the water with him. Worse part was I didn’t want to leave here, or him.

My eyes skimmed his body until they focused on his thin patch of happy trail, again. I moved them lower and my mouth went dry. “Please tell me you’re not naked.”