Darkest Desire (15 page)

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Authors: Tawny Taylor

BOOK: Darkest Desire
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Malek couldn't help pressing a flattened hand against his wound. When she'd thrown herself at him, he'd clenched his abdominals. Now they were burning like a son of a bitch. “I'm okay.” He eased onto the couch.
She dragged an ottoman over, knelt in front of him, grabbed his feet, and plopped them on top of it. “How's that?”
“Fine.”
“Good. I'm going to get my stuff. Then I'm going to make you something to eat.”
“I'm not hungry.”
“That's okay. It's going to take me a while to get everything.” She blew him a kiss, then bounced away.
All Malek could do was close his eyes, let his head fall back, and say to himself, over and over,
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
How the hell was he going to get this straightened out? He couldn't stomach the thought of hurting Lei more than she already had been. He knew she was locked in her room, thinking the worst and wondering what kind of game he'd been playing.
Somehow, he had to clear this up. And quickly. Or he would face an impossible choice.
“Where should I put my stuff?” April asked when she
click-clacked
in with her first load. Clearly, she'd packed to stay for a long time.
“Just leave it there by the door for now.”
She scrunched up her face. “Why would I leave everything sitting by the door? Am I leaving soon? Don't you want me to stay?”
Shit! Women.
He was tiptoeing through not one but two emotional minefields. The chances of him being blown to hell were pretty much one hundred percent.
“First room on the left. I'll show you.” Walking slowly, he led her back to the bedrooms. She would stay in the room farthest from his for now. He motioned to the door. “This one.”
“Thanks.” She wobbled past on her platform stilettos, stopped in the middle of the room, and glanced around. “Where's your stuff? Aren't we sharing a room?”
“Not right now.” He pulled her closer, lowering his voice. “Look, Lei's here. She has to stay here with us. And I don't want her feeling uncomfortable.”
“Your sister-in-law? Why would she feel uncomfortable?”
“Just . . . please, April.”
“Fine.” She shook her head, sighed, and dropped her bags on the floor. “Sheesh.” She gave him an up-and-down look. “You're acting funny, strange. Is everything okay?”
“I was beat to within an inch of my life. I just had surgery. Tell me, would you act strange if that had happened to you?”
“Sure.” Her eyebrows scrunched. “But I have the feeling it isn't that. Anyway, I'd better get the rest of my stuff inside. It's starting to snow again.” She pulled off her shoes—a smart move—rummaged in a bag, and produced a pair of boots. “I guess I can forget about being sexy and go with these.” She dropped the boots on the floor and stuffed her feet into them.
“Yeah, probably wouldn't be so sexy if you slid and broke your ankle.”
“Good point.” Now stomping, she headed out of the room. “Be back in a few.” Off she went.
Malek made a beeline for Lei's door. He knocked.
“Yeah?” she shouted through it.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“I'm busy.”
“Please, Lei. It's important.”
“Fine.” A few seconds later, the lock
clicked.
“You can come in now.”
He entered and closed the door behind himself.
“Leave the door open, please.” Lei was sitting at a table positioned in front of a wide window. Her laptop was on, the screen displaying a Web site for a clothing store, from what he could tell.
He cracked the door open just an inch.
“What is it?” Her voice was as sharp as a razor.
“I know what Rin told you. She was wrong.”
“Rin told me ‘bout what?”
“About my marrying April.”
Lei's gaze jerked away.
Malek moved closer, reached for her, but when she glared a warning, he pulled his hand back. “I'm trying to tell you I don't want to marry April, Lei.”
“Yeah, well.” Lei stood, took a couple of steps away, and folded her arms over her chest. “I told you before, it's better if you do marry someone else.”
Fuck, that hurt. “But, Lei—”
“I'm not wife material. I can't trust. I can barely tolerate being touched. It was hard enough before. Now it's impossible.”
“Why? I'm telling you that conversation was just a misunderstanding. What your sister heard had nothing to do with what I want, what I have decided.”
“So are you telling me you ‘decided' I would marry you?” Her eyes narrowed to sharp little slits. “Don't I have any say in this?”
“Of course you do.” He didn't like the way she'd phrased that. “It isn't like that.”
She lifted one perfectly arched brow.
“Lei, I care about you. I need you.”
“Yeah, and I'm grateful to you for what you did for me. You took a beating to save me.” She tipped up her chin and looked him straight in the eye. There was no pain in her eyes now. No confusion. Only determination. “If I married you now, it would be because I felt obligated to you because you'd nearly died. Not because I feel the same way for you as you feel for me. I told you—from the start—I'm damaged goods.” She thumped her chest with her fist. “I just can't let myself be vulnerable. I can't let anyone in. Nobody.”
“But—”
“Do yourself a favor. Give it up. You don't have much time and you're wasting it on a lost cause. I won't ever love you, Malek. Not the way you want me to. Not the way you should have a wife love you.” She pointed at the door. “That woman out there, maybe she's not perfect, but who is? Ask yourself this: Is she one hundred percent committed to making you happy? If the answer is yes, then you've found the right woman. She'll give, give, give. She'll submit, submit, submit.” She went back to the desk and rested a hand on the chair. “All I would do is take, take, take until you're drained and empty and dead inside.” In a clear effort to end the conversation, she sat and turned toward her computer and started poking the keys.
Malek felt as if all the air had been sucked from the room and he couldn't breathe. “But—”
“Go on, Malek, find your bride and spend some time with her. You'll make her a very happy woman.”
He didn't want to walk away now. Not with things being like this between them. But what else could he say to change her mind? It seemed she'd made a decision. And it was final.
The woman he loved didn't want him.
Frustrated, angry, he charged toward her, yanked her out of that damned chair, and crushed his mouth over hers.
15
L
ei fought like a little hellcat at first. But he just kept on kissing her. She even nipped at his lip a little. But he didn't release her. With lips, teeth, tongue, he claimed, he seduced, he conquered. Until she was breathless, clinging to him instead of clawing at him.
Just as he'd hoped.
As she softened, the kiss became less urgent. Now it was a patient exploration on both sides. Tongues stroking, tasting. Hands gliding up and down, mapping new terrain. Malek's body was growing hard, tight. His mind foggy. His nerves electrified. A pounding ache erupted between his legs, and he rocked his hips forward to grind away the burn.
“Malek,” she said into their joined mouths. “Please.”
“Please, what, baby?” He angled back. One hand had found a breast. The other was cupping the back of her neck. He looked into her heavy-lidded eyes. They were watery. “Are you crying?” In response, one fat tear dripped from the corner of her eye. “Why?”
“Because I can't do this.” She shrank away from him. Wrapped her arms protectively around herself. “Please don't force me.”
“I don't want to force you to do anything.”
“Good. Then you'll go marry April.”
“But what about us? Our feelings for each other?”
She dragged her hand across her face. “You want me, like a man wants a woman. It's just lust. Nothing more.”
“You don't know that.”
“I do. Because if it was more, if you really wanted what was best for me, you'd walk away.”
He hated hearing those words. They sliced his insides like razors. Moving slowly, he cupped her cheek and thumbed away a tear. “What do you feel for me?”
She pulled his hand away from her face and took a step back. “Respect. Friendship. Gratitude.”
“Desire.”
She threw her hands into the air and stomped toward the window. “Okay, sure. Desire. But that's not enough. I'm still not what you want, what you need.” Lei pointed at the doorway behind him. “She is. April.”
“Malek?” a soft female voice said. It was coming from the doorway. “Is something wrong?”
He turned a one-eighty. “No, nothing's wrong.”
April's gaze jumped from Malek to Lei and back to Malek again. “I've interrupted something.” Visibly shaken, she stumbled backward. “It was a mistake coming here.”
Malek didn't move.
Lei did. “Wait!” She dashed across the room, grabbing April's hand and keeping her from rushing away. “I'm sorry if you've gotten the wrong impression here. There's nothing going on between Malek and me. Absolutely nothing.”
“I saw you two.” April's lip quivered. “You were kissing.”
Shit.
Lei's gaze snapped to Malek's.
Malek shook his head. This was all fucked up. April had walked smack dab into the middle of it. She didn't deserve this. Neither did Lei. If only Drako and Talen had left him to make his own fucking decisions. “I'm sorry,” was all he could say.
“That's it? I'm sorry?” April's cheeks pinked. She blinked several times. Her eyes reddened. Dammit, she was going to cry, too. Two women crying, all in the span of maybe ten minutes. He was a fucking asshole. “Is that all you can say?”
“Go talk to her, Malek,” Lei said through visibly gritted teeth. To April, she said, “It's not what you think. I was upset and he was trying to—”
“He had his tongue shoved down your throat,” April pointed out.
Lei visibly inhaled. Exhaled. “Yes, he did. But it didn't mean anything. Tell her, Malek.”
He wasn't going to tell that to anyone. Because that kiss did mean something. It meant a hell of a lot.
Lei glared at him. “You're an idiot.”
Maybe he was. Okay, yes, he was. He was an idiot if he married April when he was in love with Lei. Dammit, it wouldn't be fair to April. Or to Lei.
Malek cleared his throat. “I'm sorry you drove all this way to find out you're in the middle of a fucking mess.”
April's lips thinned and her face changed from a rosy pink to a deep crimson. “You asshole.”
“Malek, what the hell are you doing?” Lei said, hands thrown in the air.
“He's telling me to get lost,” April said, her narrowed eyes focused on him.
“No, he's not,” Lei told her.
They both looked at him.
Now, he was no pussy. He had never backed away from a confrontation. But facing two furious women was nothing he'd ever wanted to endure. He'd rather be cornered by a pack of rabid wolverines.
“I'm not going to lie to anyone. It wouldn't be right.” He turned his focus on April, who looked like she was ready to disembowel him with her bare hands. “You know my situation, that I have to be married in the next two weeks. We talked about it when you visited me in the hospital.”
“Yes,” she snapped, “that's why I drove all the way over here, to be with you, to plan
our
wedding.”
“I see that now. I wish you'd called me first.”
“You don't want to marry me,” April said.
“I haven't proposed, April. You misunderstood.”
She visibly flinched, and it killed him to hurt her. Absolutely killed him. Before this wedding shit, she'd been a good friend to him. He did care about her.
“It was my brother who was pushing me to marry you.”
She folded her arms over her chest, stood silent, staring down at the floor for several long, torturous moments. “I'm glad you told me the truth before it was too late.”
“I was hoping you'd see it that way.”
She tipped her head toward Lei. “You want to marry her, don't you?”
He nodded.
“But that's the problem,” Lei said. “I'm not going to marry him.”
The two women stared at each other for several tense moments.
Finally, April started laughing. “Ohmygod, you are so fucked,” she said to Malek.
“Yes, I am,” he said, his gaze zigzagging between the two women.
“What are you going to do?” April asked.
“I don't know.” His gaze went back to Lei. Her body language told him everything he needed to know. Arms crossed. Chin held high. Gaze sharp.
To Lei, she asked, “Why won't you marry him?”
“I don't love him,” Lei stated.
April's face scrunched into a grimace. “Damn, that's harsh.”
“It's the truth,” Lei said.
Malek wasn't buying it. Now, more than ever, he was convinced Lei did love him. She loved him but didn't want to. She was afraid. That was all. Scared. That was actually good news. There was hope for them yet. He shrugged. “Now you know everything.”
“So . . . ?” April's brows furrowed. “Should I leave? Should I stay?”
“That's up to you,” Malek said. “If I don't choose a wife, one will be chosen for me. Drako's made it clear who his choice would be if it came to that.”
April pointed at her chest. “Me.”
Malek nodded.
Her shoulders sagged. “Great, I'm the booby prize.”
“I feel like shit,” Malek admitted. “You deserve better than that. You deserve to be married to a man who worships you.” He slid a glance at Lei. She was watching, her expression unreadable. What was she thinking right now? What was she feeling? He didn't believe, not for one minute, that she really wanted him to marry April. She'd merely convinced herself that it was the best thing for both of them.
He'd felt her surrender in that kiss. Was she afraid of how he made her feel? Of what loving him might do to her?
“Do you think you might ever love me?” April asked him.
“It's not that I don't love you, April. There's something there, between us. I'll always love you. But it's not
that
kind of love. Not the love you'd told me once that you were waiting for. I don't want you to go into this with any expectations that I can't fulfill—if it comes down to the two of us being married. We've been lovers all this time. That was exactly why we didn't marry sooner.”
“In other words, you want me to agree to marry you, even though you're in love with another woman.” It wasn't a question; it was a statement. One that required no answer. April looked to Lei for an answer, which surprised Malek. “What would you do?”
“Do you love him?” Lei asked.
April glanced at him, then smiled. “God help me, I do.”
“He's a good man,” Lei said. “Brave. Honest. Honorable.”
“Yeah.” April crossed her arms over her chest, mirroring Lei. “He's a good man.”
“If your marriage isn't what you expected, could you live with your decision?” Lei asked her.
“I don't know.” April back-stepped toward the door. “I need some time to think this through.”
Lei nodded.
Malek did the same. “Yes, please think it through. I couldn't live with myself if I thought you'd gone into this with any false expectations.”
“Sure.” April chewed on her lower lip. “Thanks. It's been hell hearing this, seeing it, but I'd still rather have it in my face than to go on blindly thinking everything was perfect. Better to know the truth, even if it's ugly.”
She left.
Lei's gaze returned to Malek. “That was . . . unpleasant. You could've made it easier on yourself by keeping your feelings for me out of it. But you didn't.” After a beat, she added, “I . . . respect you for not taking the easy way out and lying or sugarcoating the truth.”
“I won't do that to her.”
“Good for you.” Lei inched around the bed until it was between them. “Hopefully she'll still agree to go through with the wedding.”
She didn't hope for that. No the hell way.
He asked, “You want me to marry her? Even though she's as doubtful about it as I am?”
Lei stared down at the bed for several long moments. “Yes, it's the best thing for both of you. The love will come later, like it did with Drako and Rin.”
She had done one hell of a job convincing herself of that. Obviously. It was going to take a lot to make her see she was fooling herself. The quickest, easiest solution would be to admit that giving her up would break his heart. But he couldn't get himself to stoop to using guilt to manipulate her. No way.
Instead, he did his best to hide how he felt and headed for the door. He'd fought for her, and he'd lost.
For now. He'd give her some time to live with her decision, to think it over. To consider all the consequences. With some luck, she'd realize she'd made a mistake soon, before it was too late.
 
Well, that was done.
It was a good thing.
A necessity.
The best decision for everyone.
Now everything could go back to normal.
Who the hell am I kidding?
Lei slumped onto her bed and remoted on the television. She needed noise, distraction. Staring at the screen, she channel surfed, but the images didn't really register in her brain. She couldn't help playing back that awful, awkward, painful conversation.
I can't believe I just convinced Malek to marry another woman.
Lei buried her face in her hands. The tears started flowing, and she just let them go. Why couldn't she be normal? Why couldn't she let herself be vulnerable? It was what she wanted. Malek was what she wanted. But she'd just told him to marry April.
Her stomach knotted as the image of Malek, lying in bed, holding her flashed through her mind. Never again would she wake up to his face in the morning. Never again would her bed smell like him. Never again would she feel the strength of his arms wrapped around her body or the electrifying glide of his hands over her skin.
That all belonged to another woman, or would very soon.
Restless, she paced the floor and tried to remind herself why it had been the right thing to do. She believed it. If she could just keep that in mind, maybe she'd get through this.
Maybe.
Something made her glance at the TV as she stepped in front of it.
Her heart jerked. Her skin went cold.
It was one of the men who'd nearly killed Malek. The man who'd broken into the house with Holloway. He was on the news, and he was wearing a blue uniform. A cop. An Ann Arbor cop. And standing behind him was Holloway. “We would like to encourage anyone with information regarding this woman to step forward. You can remain anonymous. Someone has seen something. Someone knows something.”

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