Darkness Betrayed (Torn) (16 page)

When I finally looked away from him and toward Ethan, I saw Damien whispering
in his ear. When I tried to listen in, all I heard was silence. It made sense, someone was keeping me from hearing the thoughts of everyone except whoever was confronting me. It wouldn’t do for me to hear their weaknesses and doubts before we faced off. Ethan’s face steeled over and I knew it was going to be the worst moment of my life.

So far, I had yet to lose control. Up to that point, I’d just been a
defeated mess and I’d worked hard not to lash out at any of them, except Lucas and Branna. How could I be angry if they were just sharing their honest thoughts? But with Ethan, I wasn’t sure if I had the energy to keep anything at bay and he was the last person I wanted to hurt.

I had to keep reminding myself that I’d made the right decision.  He and I weren’t re
ally meant to be together. Since the day I’d said it out loud, he hadn’t even been there for me as a friend, really. He hadn’t helped me with my father, he hadn’t helped during the avalanche, and he hadn’t helped with Scott. I couldn’t figure out if we were no longer connected or if he’d turned it off and was simply ignoring me. Either way, there was a hole inside me that remained unfilled as long as he wasn’t a part of me. It was a hole that couldn’t be filled by Damien no matter what promises he made.

Thinking of Damien
, and how quickly he and I connected, made me long for him to touch me. Hold me, hug me – even a small touch across the back of my hand would have sufficed and would have kept me grounded. I realized that I relied on him more and more each day. He’d become my shield, protecting me from myself and from a self-destruction that seemed inevitable. He felt like a temporary band-aid on a cut that wouldn’t stop bleeding. His mere presence brought a flush to my cheeks, a hunger in my belly, a want in my heart and a need in my soul.

When we were alone, I couldn’t get enough. Insatiable feelings controlled me. Ever since that first time in the woods, under the tree, it was like we were tethered together by some unseen connection.
Shackled.
I shuddered as he word flew across my thoughts.
Great. Not only am I out of freaking control, I’m a prisoner.

Chapter 22

Lost in my own head, I jumped when Damien finally stood before me, his hands placed gently on my cheeks. The look on his face was one of both sorrow and determination. I couldn’t figure for the life of me what was going through his head.

“I can’t do this,
” I whispered.

“You have to. Ethan is the last one. If you can keep your composure through this, you’ll be ready to defeat Sebastian.”

I looked away. “He hates me, you know. I can feel it.”

He tilted my face toward him as he pulled sadness from me. “No. No he doesn’t. He loves you more than you could ever know. More than any of us could ever hope for. More than I could ever hope for.” Pressing his forehead to mine, he let out a slow sigh. “After all of this, I hope that you and I can try.”

“I find it hard to breathe without you.” The words slipped from my lips before I had a chance to censor them. It was all too fast and I didn’t want him to know the extent of what I felt, though I had a feeling he knew. Unfortunately, I found it hard to read him and was in the dark as to whether or not he felt the same way.

“After. After all of this, you and I will see.” He was sad. That’s the only emotion I caught before it flitted away to nothing. His sadness did nothing but widen the gaping ho
le in my heart. It was obvious to me that he was equally unsure. He stepped back, never removing his eyes from mine. “It’s time.”

Slowly Ethan steeped toward the middle of the circle, pain etched across his face. I began to shake. Darkness readied itself to protect everything inside me, pushing the light aside and squaring up.

“Sam.” He nodded to me like a greeting between two acquaintances whose paths had crossed under difficult circumstances. His detachment cut deeper than I thought it would have, considering he’d been virtually unreachable as of late.

“Ethan.” M
y voice wrapped itself around how small I felt at that moment. “I don’t want to do this.”

He shrugged. “Has to be done.”

“It’s going to hurt.” Fear gripped me. I stood feet from him, paralyzed by guilt. I knew I’d hurt him by turning away and running toward Damien. I hadn’t had the patience to give us a chance. Indecision ruled my life and Ethan had been caught in the crosshairs. I couldn’t stand up to the challenge and I had taken the easy way out. It was easier to be with Damien. When the going got tough, I dropped Ethan for something hollow but simple. And I didn’t know how to turn back.

“It won’t hurt you any more than it does me.”

“Please, Ethan.”

“No sense in delaying the inevitable.” His shoulders dropped and
the little confidence he had moments before fell to the ground.

The rest of them stood around us listening. Branna was crying. Mara and Christian were holding hands with white knuckles. Lucas kept his gaze focused on me. Noah and Cal
stood still, feet planted and arms crossed, looking on with interest.

My p
anic solidified as clouds tumbled overhead, gray and ominous. In the distance I heard the rumble of intruding thunder. Trees groaned against the wind. Shadows emanated from everywhere and my skin prickled with the promise of darkness. And then something unfamiliar happened. A small fire began to circle Ethan and me, blocking everyone who was looking on. As the flames grew and raced too close around us, I heard Damien.

“What are you doing?”

Instead of answering I concentrated on filling their ears with deafening noise. The part of me interested in self-preservation didn’t want any of them to hear what was happening.

“May as well get this over with.”

Ethan stared at me as I squared my shoulders, unfurled my wings and rose from the ground. It was nothing like I had planned. Instead of accepting his onslaught, I prepared myself for an offensive attack.

Lucas yelled.
“Damn it, Sam! Stop! What are you doing?”

Against the dancing flames, Ethan’s face alternated between being shrouded in shadow and highlighted by the light the fire gave off. “Let’s go.”

I shoved memories into his head. His hand in mine, his lips on mine. Raw emotion and lust hit him over and over again until I thought I’d go crazy. Every image brought me closer to him, made me remember every detail of every kiss, every touch, every moment spent in his presence.

Why are you doing this?
Ethan pleaded.

I have to.
My skin heated up from the fire that I tried to keep at bay, at least for a little while. I was fully prepared to go down swinging.

He hit back with pictures of me turning away from him. Walking away, turning my back, walking towards Damien. Images of how he
’d pictured our future and how he loved me filled my head, but I closed off my heart and refused to allow entrance.

“We c
an’t be together,” I whispered, barely able to choke out the words.

White noise filled the lapse in his attack.

You don’t know that.
He refused to speak out loud.

Did I know that or was I taking someone else’s word for it? Either way, it was the reality I’d chosen, or was chosen for me, and I couldn’t find a way back to him. Every path I contemplated ended badly for one or both of us.

You’re the one who told me that. You’re the one who freaked out when we almost, well, when my eyes turned black. You’re the one who wouldn’t talk to me, who told me it was a mistake.

My anxiety was rising and I just wanted this over with. Damien was right, if anyone was going to break me, it was Ethan and I couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t. I couldn’t wait for him. I forced myself to go at him again when he finally opened his mouth.

“Damn it, Sam! Listen to me. All you have to do is choose
me
. Choose to be with
me
. Decide you want to be with
me
. Please, Sam.” Tears fell from his eyes and tempered my desperation. “Just choose me.”

Forcing the flames higher,
making sure the others couldn’t hear us, I calmed myself and walked to him. Standing in front of him, I noticed the bags under his eyes, the way his shirt hung off his shoulders like he’d lost weight and I chided myself for not noticing. He looked like a hot mess. Day old stubble morphed into a week old beard, hair disheveled and fingernails bit to the quick. Something, other than this little
exercise
, other than the issues between us, was wrong.

He stepped back fro
m me and fell to his knees, shoulders slumped. He bent forwards, placing his hands on the ground in front of him. Terrified of seeing my Ethan reduced to a begging mess, I dropped to the ground and wrapped my arms around him, rocking back and forth.

“You have to tell me what’s going on. You haven’t been yourself. What happened to us?”

“I honestly thought you would choose me. In my heart, I knew you’d never leave me. It was an easy decision to make because of that. Because I knew you’d choose me. I thought you’d choose me.”

I tipped his face to mine. “What are you talking about? What decision?”

The flames grew closer, crowding us intimately. He opened his mouth to speak but became suddenly still. His eyes grew wider and his mouth gaped. I shook him.

“Ethan! Stop! What’s happening?” I honestly thought for a moment he was dying. “Help!”

He recoiled from my touch, quickly moving away. The fire widened, allowing him to pass while staying completely within their walls. And for the first time I saw shadows flock to him like a magnet. He was completely surrounded by them, drawing strength from them.

“What have you done?” His eyes were a mix of anger and sadness.

“Ethan, what…”

“Don’t.” He interrupted with a single word that may as well have been a lecture. That one word was filled with disappointment and anger. And suddenly I knew what he knew.

“How could you?”

“Let me explain.”

“No. No, Sam. You’re done talking.” He stood and began to pace like a caged animal. “With
him
? How could you with him?”

Before I could respond he was in front of me, grabbing the sides of my face in his hands and touching his forehead to mine. In an instant, every secret rendezvous I’d had with Damien forced its way into my head. Every stolen kiss from the first one to our interlude in the woods to last night in my room and ending with my words earlier –
I find it hard to breathe without you
.

He knew. He knew. He knew. I thought I was going to pass out from embarrassment, sorrow, anger, sadness and every other emotion tied to my being.

“Ethan. Stop. Let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain. You chose him. You betrayed our friendship, my heart, to be with him.”

“No, it wasn’t like that.”

His face, etched in pain, told me
he was fighting to keep control. I knew the turmoil, boiling within him, needed to run its course. Still, I fought to pull away. I pushed, clawed, tried to force him back with whatever angel magic I could muster. I forced all his hope into me and, like a thief in the night, siphoned darkness from my soul. He was too strong. His was a darkness I couldn’t fight. In that moment, I knew I could defeat Sebastian.
His
actions weren’t fueled by betrayal, it wasn’t personal to him and they’d never compare to that of a broken heart.

I was thrown over the fire landing at the feet of the others.
Son of a bitch!
I landed hard and felt my ankle twist unnaturally. Revelation after revelation hit me and I was too excited to care about the pain.

“Ethan! Ethan stop!”

The others stared at me in confusion and concern. I closed my eyes and lifted my arms forcing the fire to slow down and retreat. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes felt like hours and when it was done, a charred ring of earth separated Ethan from me. Stock-still and pale, he glared. My head screamed and I finally realized what a terrible choice I’d made. It should have been Ethan all along and I’d feared it was too late to make amends. Too late to ask for forgiveness.

Still, I needed him calm. I needed him focused on something other than the raw hatred of betrayal. A collective gasp behind me drew my attention away from Ethan. I turned my head and saw. She was here and everyone else could see her. Floating behind me was the angelic apparition who first came to me months ago.

Without speaking she spread her arms and bathed us all in white light. One by one, my friends fell to their knees in prayer, all but Damien. The light was singeing his skin and he cried out in agony. When all was calm and everyone but me had finally bowed down to her, she spoke.

“This is not the way chosen.”

“But I figured it out! I know how to defeat Sebastian.” My voice was hard to find.

“Because of this, you will pay a high price, Samantha.” Anger and sadness circled her even as light glowed from within, white gossamer floating wildly.

“I can do this. It doesn’t matter how I got here. I can do this.”

“Yes you can. And you will. But you will now suffer all the more for it. We can no longer help you if you continue this path. With him.”

Her focus turned to Damien, on his knees and in visible pain, smoke rising from his body.

I knew she was right but I couldn’t bring myself to turn my back on him after all he’d done. Since he arrived, he’d been right by my side at every turn, at every decision. But, with her there,
the love that I thought I felt dissipated into nothing like it was all a ruse. I walked over to him and laid my hands on his burning flesh, healing him in the process.

“Damien.”

“Don’t.”

“I need to do this. I can’t have you here if it’s going to jeopardize everyone else.”

His lips met mine and once again, everything I’d felt for him became physical. My heart beat wildly, my stomach knotted in anticipation, my skin heated at his touch. My knees threatened to give out when he finally pulled away. I couldn’t catch my breath and it became obvious. It wasn’t love. It wasn’t emotional. It wasn’t pure. It was nothing more than physical. It was lust. It was deadly and it was exactly what the angel meant.

“You have to go.”

“No, no, no.” His voice rose and I shuddered.

“You have to. If you ever cared about me, you have to go.”

His eyes glowed red and angry, his face twisted into the demon below the surface.

“Are you choosing him?” He pointed at Ethan.

“No, no. I’m saving you. Go.”

“You can’t get rid of me. I am everywhere.” Placing his hand over my heart, it began to beat in time with his uneven breaths. “I am inside you. You will always feel me inside you.” He stepped from me and looked around. “I will be back and you, all of yo
u, will regret this. As for you…” He pointed at the angel still floating behind me. “This is not over.”

“For now it is. You must learn your place
, Damien.”

He screamed under her light and took to the sky in a fury. In a moment, he was gone. And so was she.