Darkness Falls (4 page)

I try to pick up on his fear vibe, but there’s too much distance between us.

When Monarch sees me standing, he shakes his head and motions me to sit back down. Tristan and Nina are looking at me like I’ve lost it.

I sink back down onto the bench. “Monarch’s talking to Taggart.”

“Is this about what happened in the hall,” Nina asks worriedly.

I shake my head. “No, I told you everything was fine with that.”

A pause.

“What happened in the hall?” Tristan asks, chewing his food.

“Nothing you want to know about. Trust me.”

And he doesn’t, not asking anymore questions.

We grow quiet, my thoughts drifting to Maci.  I’m almost certain she’s gone.  And in a moment Taggart and Monarch will take her lifeless body to the stoves, where she’ll join the sky in a cloud of smoke. Everyone will forget her, just they always do. Because no one likes a crier, no one likes the mourner. It distracts people from what’s important and makes them do irrational things.

At least that’s what the Highers say.

And the Highers are always right, even when they’re not.

I hate death. Monarch has always tried to instill in me that death is just a part of life, and that I shouldn’t spend time thinking about it. It’s the one thing I can’t get past. I hate death and that’s that, especially when someone dies pointlessly.

Nina and Tristan are talking about their classes, when I abandon my tray and leave, moving quickly, so they don’t have a chance to ask questions.

I don’t let Taggart and Monarch know I’m following them. I stay silent and duck into the shadows. I can hear them talking, hushed whispers, sounds I know were not made to be heard. When I reach the hospital wing, the door is shut. I shouldn’t open it. Monarch’s already upset with me and barging in is only going to upset him more.

But I do it anyway.

Another slip up. Another mark against me.

Monarch’s eyes go wide as he rushes for me, pushing me out the door. “Kayla, what are you doing? You can’t be here right now.”

My feet stay firmly planted. “What’s going on?” My eyes land on Taggart, leaning over the bed Maci lies in. Her eyes are closed, her skin pale, and heart beat missing.  “She died? The medicine didn’t help?”

Monarch’s eyebrows furrow. “What? No, Kayla. Maci’s fine.”

I’m not sure what to think, since I can’t hear her heart. But I can’t point it out, since no one knows this little secret of mine. “What about you?” I glance at his unsteady hands. “Is there something wrong with you?”

He shakes out his hands. “My old age must be catching up to me.” A pause. “Taggart was just helping me move Maci to a new bed.”

“What’s wrong with the bed she’s in?” I ask.

“It needs to be sterilized,” he answer, then frowns. “Kayla, what’s the matter with you? You never ask so many questions. Is there something you want to tell me? Anything at all.” He leans in and lowers his voice. “Whatever it is, I’ll understand.”

I rub my temples, listening to three hearts beat, wondering why I can’t hear Maci’s. “I don’t know.” Sweat dews my skin and the door starts to bleed. I blink, seeing red. I rub my eyes and blink again, but only a red door. 

“Oh no, not now.” Monarch words rush me as he trips to the cabinet and takes out a bottle. He quickly jabs a needle into it and sucks out the purple liquid. He moves the needle for my arm.

I pull back. “What are you doing?”

“Kayla, we go through this every time,” Monarch says. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m going to help you.”

Monarch. This is Monarch. I let him press the needle into my arm and pump my blood with medicine until I can breathe again.

“Better?” he asks and I nod. “Good, now go to room and lie down for a while.”

I nod again and turn for the door, no more questions clogging my brain.

 Monarch catches me by the shoulder. “Just relax, Kayla. I know it’s hard, but I need you to keep it together for a little bit longer. ”

I don’t know what he means, but no longer feel like asking questions. I open the door, but promptly jolt back, my shoulder bumping into Monarch’s chest. A sensation of fear overwhelms me. Monarch’s afraid for his life, afraid of not having time, afraid it all won’t work out the way he planned.

The Higher walks in, his chin tipped up, an arrogant air in the way he carries himself. “A pleasure meeting you again, Kayla,” It’s the Higher from the hall.

Monarch’s pulse misses a beat when the Higher says my name. His breathing constricts. His blood flow slows and I worry he’s going to faint.

“I’m sorry, Gabrielle.” Monarch’s voice shudders. “I didn’t realize you were coming here. I thought we were supposed to go to your quarters for this.”

Gabrielle’s pale eyes linger on me, before he narrows them on Monarch. “
Evident, ai fost gre_it
.”

“I know and I’m terribly sorry for the misunderstanding,” Monarch says—I never realized he could understand their language. He bows his head. “I’ve just been so distracted lately. There seem to be more and more sick members to take care of.”

This is news to me. I come to the hospital a lot and the only person I’ve seen in weeks is Maci.

“There are no misunderstandings,” Gabrielle replies. “Only mistakes. And you know how we feel about mistakes.”

“Yes, yes, I understand,” Monarch struggles to maintain calm. “Again, I apologize for my mistake. It won’t happen again.”

“I’ve been hearing too many apologies from you lately.” Gabrielle’s voice is like ice as he strolls around, dragging his finger along the cabinet. “It’s starting to grow tiring. And I’m not the only one to notice this.  The other Higher have been making complaints about you. Some of them are even starting to question where your loyalties lie.”

Gabrielle’s eyes move to me and again, I get the feeling he’s trying to burrow into my thoughts and see what it is I’m hiding in my head.

 “Kayla.” Monarch gently nudges me in the back. “You should go.”

My brain screams at me not to. If I leave, what will happen? Monarch’s made a mistake and the Highers always make people pay for mistakes.

“Kayla.” Monarch’s sharp voice slices my thoughts. “Go.
Now
.”

As I walk out the door, I notice how far away Monarch looks. And if I didn’t know any better, I swear I can see him slipping away from me forever.

I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him forever.

He’s all I have.

Monarch shuts the door and I vanish down the hall, with the faint echo of a scream following behind me.

My eyelids flutter open to the brick walls that enclose my bed. I rub my eyes as I sit up. My mind is thick with morning haze and I can’t remember how I got here. All I remember is leaving the hospital wing, and then nothing.

And why does it seem like I was supposed to be somewhere?

Dammit. I was supposed to meet Tristan.

I jump out of bed, yank on a black thermal shirt and cargo pants, lace up my boots, and run to the tower. His back is to me, head slanted up as he watches the ancient tower clock. The clock use to tell time before the Highers decided time was no longer relevant, since no one knew how to read numbers anyway. They ordered the Watchers to remove the hands of the clock. All that’s left now are golden numbers that serve no purpose.

My shoes scuff against the dirt as I make my way over to Tristan. He turns, a grin spreading across his face and it hits me, like a punch to the stomach, the reason why I’m here. Suddenly, I want to run. And I almost do it; turn around and flee out of these walls, out of The Colony, disappearing into an unknown world.

“For a second, I was worried you weren’t going to show.” He’s glowing with happiness like this is the greatest day of his life.

I take in his eyes, the brightest of blue, his flawless skin, his smile.

“You’ve been so down lately.” He traces my pouting lips and I can feel his pulse beating through his fingers, sharp and vibrant.

“Have I?” I sigh, take a seat on the stone bench and stare at the broken clock, wondering what it was like when time existed? What was life like when it ran on time?

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks. When I don’t answer, he takes a seat beside me.  He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Are you ever going to let me get inside that head of yours?”

If I did, we wouldn’t be here. “I’m not sure you could handle what’s inside there.”

I’ve shocked him. His lips part as he starts to speak. Then he lets out an uneven breath and runs a hand through his blonde hair. “You know, you always look so sad, even when you’re pretending to be happy. It breaks my heart, Juniper. It really does. You should be as happy as the rest of us are.  I know you don’t have the same life as most of us, with you being a Bellator, but choosing to be sad all the time. It’s not worth it.”

His thought process confounds me. “I’m not sad all the time. I have my happy moments.” It’s the worst lie I’ve ever told. “And even if I am, it has nothing to do with me being a Bellator. I don’t mind being one.” That is the truth.

But he doesn’t believe me. He takes my face in his hands, his voice as soft as a feather. “You don’t have to be sad, Juniper. I can make you happy, if you’ll let me.” We’re so close I can see the specks of green in his blue eyes. “I want us to be more than friends. I want us to be together.”

And there it is. It’s like a chain has been coiled around my chest, and he’s tugging at it. I can’t breathe. 

He’s leaning in, his lips moving for mine, a kiss that will change everything, if I let it happen.

I lean back. “Why do you call me Juniper?”

He freezes, his forehead creasing. “Huh?”

“Juniper?” My foot’s tapping madly against the ground. “Why do you call me that? I mean, what even started it?”

His face falls. “That’s all you have to say?”

I’m crushing him; I can see it in his eyes. And I can’t seem to stop tapping my damn foot. “I’m sorry Tristan. I just…I just can’t.”

He stops breathing, as if my words strangle him. He shuts his eyes. “I can make you happy.” He opens them again, a sea of pain. “If you’ll just let me.”

I shake my head. “No, Tristan, you can’t.” They’re the realest words I’ve ever spoke.