Darkness Surrendered (Primal Heat Trilogy #3) (Order of the Blade) (37 page)

Suddenly, the lines began to move.

For the first time in six hundred years, the lines shifted and came together in perfect clarity, showing him a scene...
Jesus.

What he saw made his blood run cold.

***

When Ana emerged from the bathroom, Elijah wasn’t in the bedroom.

But the door was open, and she could see him in the family room. His back was to her, his broad shoulders challenging the capacity of the black T-shirt he wore. He was wearing black jeans, black boots and his body was tense. Rigid.

He was bracing his hands on the edge of the bar, and she had a feeling he was talking to his team.

Preparing for war.

She shuddered, wishing she’d had time to sleep. Her mind was exhausted, and she could feel a pulse of darkness she recognized as Ezekiel as he tried to get into her mind. His marks on her forearms burned, and she reinforced the barriers in her mind to keep him out, struggling with the effort of shutting him out.

She was a danger to Elijah and herself. She knew she was. And when they got into Ezekiel’s lair, it would be even worse. “No,” she said aloud. “You can handle it.”

Elijah’s cell phone was on the table by the bed, and she grabbed it on her way by. She hugged herself and walked over to the slider, which was still ajar. She hauled it open, not at all surprised by how heavy it was, then stepped out onto the deck, not ready to disturb Elijah yet.

She wanted a minute before facing the reality of what they were about to do: offer themselves to an evil being who could force them to have sex from a distance, who wanted to use that for his own purposes.

She pressed her lips together and opened Elijah’s phone. If she didn’t survive, there was something she needed to do first. She dialed Grace’s cell phone number and waited.

“Hello?” Her sister answered on the first ring.

“Hi.” God, it had been so long since she’d reached out for her sister, it felt weird. But good. Right.

“Oh, Ana! How are you? I’ve been so worried! I’ve barely seen you since Elijah was freed. Are you doing all right?”

Ana nodded, her throat tightening up at the sound of her sister’s voice. It had been so long since they were really close. Grace had shut her out when she’d turned fourteen, and Ana had been on the outside for so long. Oh, sure, they loved each other and would do anything for the other, but she hadn’t felt like she belonged. And then when the Order had rescued her, Grace had been her old self again, caring and warm, but Ana had been so empty. So drained.

“Sweetie? Are you there?”

“Yes.” Ana leaned on the railing, looking out at the gorgeous view of the city. “I just wanted to apologize for the way I’ve been since I got back. You’ve tried to open up to me and I didn’t let you. I’m sorry.”

“You know it’s okay.” Grace’s voice was warm, serious. “You went through hell with Nate, and right now is a hard time as well. It’s scary.”

Ana lifted her chin. “I’m not scared.”

“I am. Ezekiel has almost killed Quinn twice. I wake up every morning, wondering if today is going to be the day when I lose him, and I lose everything I care about. It scares me in a way nothing else ever has.”

Ana suddenly felt cold. “You’re never scared.”

“No, I never told you I was scared. I was scared my whole life, and it’s only been since I met Quinn that I’m not living in fear.” She laughed softly. “It’s a different fear now, a fear of losing him. You understand, don’t you? Now that you have Elijah?”

Ana turned back to the room, but she couldn’t see him. “I don’t have him.”

“Oh, you do. You know you do. Whether you want to or not.” Grace paused. “Do you mind if I give you some advice?”

“Go for it.” Ana sighed and leaned on the cold railing. “I’ll take any help I can get right now.”

“These males of ours have been conditioned to believe in their destiny, because it’s the way of their race, but you and I are different. We haven’t been indoctrinated, Ana, and for that, we are so fortunate. I believe we have control over our lives, and you need to believe as well. It’s the only way to beat it.”

Ana tensed. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“Because you’re almost bonded now, and destiny is stalking you. Wanting to destroy both of you and take away what you want most. I wanted you safe, Ana, and I got it. Destiny didn’t steal you from me. You don’t need to be destroyed by the bond. Take control, and fight it out to the end. It’s all about faith. Have faith. Decide what you want and believe you can have it.”

“It’s not that easy—”

“No, it’s not easy at all,” Grace agreed. “Does that matter?”

Ana looked at her forearm, at Elijah’s almost complete throwing star and Ezekiel’s two lines. Was there really a chance for an ending that didn’t suck both she and Elijah into hell? A flicker of hope flared in her chest and took root. “No, it doesn’t matter that it’s going to be hard.”

“Of course it doesn’t,” Grace said. “We’ve been through tough things our entire lives, and we always make it. You can do it.”

Ana took a deep breath. She heard movement from inside and sensed Elijah looking for her. “I’ll talk to you later. Wish me luck.”

“It’s not about luck. It’s about believing. You can do it.”

Ana nodded. “Thanks.”

“I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

She smiled. “Of course I do.” And for the first time in a long time, she actually felt it, too. Truly felt it. It felt good to talk to her sister. She was glad she’d reached out before heading into Ezekiel’s lair. “I love you, too.”

“I’m sorry that you’ve gotten so mixed up in this,” Grace said. “I really am.”

Ana thought about what her life was like, about how she’d only wanted to go back to where she’d been before Nate had taken her. To a life where illusions were her only source of happiness? Where she never had Elijah’s arms around her and his lips on hers? Where she huddled in her room with imaginary friends? God, no, she didn’t want to go back there. She was terrified, but she was alive and connected in a way she’d never been. With Elijah and the Order, she was closer to that elusive family than she’d ever been. Did she want to go back to her old life? Yes, ditching the horrible illusions would be good, but retreating into a life of isolation? No. No way. “I’m not.”

There was a smile in Grace’s voice. “I’m glad to hear that.” There was a pause. “Quinn’s hollering for me. I think they want Illusionist backup on this one. See you on the battle lines, sweetie. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Ana hung up the phone and tucked it into her pocket, pulsing with renewed hope. Could she really believe? Like truly
believe
? Have that kind of faith when everything around her was pointing toward destiny?

If she simply told herself it was going to work out okay, but didn’t actually believe it, that wouldn’t be enough. How did she make herself
believe?

Elijah’s arms tightened around her, and she felt the muscles in his chest go rigid. “The connection you feel with Ezekiel isn’t real. It’s artificial, generated by the bond. It’s not because you’re inherently dark and respond to the bastard’s evil taint.”

“It’s both.” Regardless of whether Ana could make herself believe in a happy ending, she knew that was the truth. She was exactly like one of those Illusionists who’d been used to torture Elijah. It was in her. She closed her eyes, concentrating on the feel of Elijah’s chest rising with each breath, matching her breathing to his. “And I don’t want it to be either.”

Elijah nuzzled the crook of her neck, grazing his teeth ever so lightly over her skin. “I’m having a little trouble with the thought of you bonding with him as well.”

She laughed softly. “God, I hope so.”

“No.” He turned her in his arms, so he could look at her. His face was lined with tension, his green eyes intense. “I mean, the thought of you bonding with him makes me lose my mind.” He took a deep breath, and she felt the dark energy vibrating off him. “And I mean that literally.”

She realized what he was saying, saw the fear hidden in the depths of his eyes. “You mean, it makes you go back into that place? It’s going to make you go rogue?”

He nodded, releasing her with one hand to tangle his fingers in her hair. “Although Quinn and Gideon helped me partition off my memories again so they don’t wreck me, I remember clearly what happened to me before Dante found me. I went crazy and killed not just my family, but anyone they put in front of me. I remember lying in the dirt, covered in blood, fighting off beasts that some part of my mind knew didn’t even exist...and yet I couldn’t convince myself of that.” His eyes slid off hers and he stared out at the city. “The terror is circling me, but not touching me yet. But my walls are weak, and I know they won’t hold.” His arm went around her waist again. “When I go over that edge again, I’ll kill you if you’re near me.”

“I don’t believe you will.” As the words tumbled out of her mouth, Ana realized they were true. In this, at least, she
believed
. She knew it in her core, in her heart, in every inch of her body. Elijah could never harm her. Period.

“I do. If I could kill my family, I could kill you.” He hugged her tight, resting his chin on her head. “We’re half a stage away. All that has to happen is for you to kill to save my life, or to offer your life to defend me. Then destiny will come after us to turn me rogue and destroy us. We’re in a battle. It’s highly likely the death stage is going to be satisfied, and the bond will be complete.”

She rested her cheek against this chest. “And then you’ll be in my head, where all the illusions are.”

“Where all the illusions are,” he agreed. “My shields won’t hold up under that kind of onslaught. And once the bond is complete, destiny will ensure that we lose that which we care most about. Quinn and Gideon may have their shit together to keep from going rogue, but we both know I’m as far from that as it’s possible to be.”

She bit her lip, knowing he was right, about the insanity at least. There were some things too strong even for a mind like his. So, how could she believe they could win? Unless believing was about more than mental workouts and having faith. Unless believing was about taking action and facing her worst fears to get the ending she wanted...

Something began to burn inside her, that tiny flame flickering to life again and she lifted her head to look at him. “Elijah—”

His green eyes were burning with the same intensity she felt, laden with the same depth of fear. “What?”

“Nate...” God, could she really suggest it? She’d been thinking of it, but to suggest it...

He narrowed his eyes. “Nate what?”

Yes. She could.
I believe I have control over my future. I believe I can have the ending I want, as long as I’m strong enough to do what it takes to get there.
She met his gaze. “Nate was immune to my illusions.”

His breathing slowed. “So?” His voice was careful.

“So, Ezekiel said he taught Nate how to be immune. Or gave him the power, or whatever...” She injected as much confidence into her voice as she could. “What if he could give you that same protection? So illusions never affected you again?”

Elijah snorted, and she didn’t see even a flicker of temptation in his eyes. “No chance, Ana. I’m not dealing with the devil.”

“But I could.”

His fingers tightened on her and he pulled back to look at her. “What are you talking about?”

“Ezekiel wants me. I could make a deal with him.” She swallowed, the mere idea making her stomach turn, but at the same time, it was so brilliantly liberating to think she could offer Elijah sanity. “I could agree to bond with him if he would teach you how to block the illusions for good.”