Dates From Hell (13 page)

“No. Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Jill said sarcastically, then smacked her in the forehead and said, “Duh!”

Claire rolled her eyes and shoved the magazine back at her. “I can’t do it.”

“Oh, come on. How do you know until you try? You’ve changed into Brooke and the blond, you
can
do this,” Jill said encouragingly.

“I shifted into Brooke and the blond by
wanting
to be them,” Claire argued. “They’re women; beautiful, successful women. Brad is a guy. G…U…Y. Guy. Male. A man. The opposite sex. I have no desire to be a man.”

“Think Freud. Think penis envy,” Jill said quickly.

“I
don’t
have penis envy,” Claire assured her.

“Oh, come on,” Jill pleaded. “Just try. Just—imagine it. Being Brad Cruise; feted and adored by everyone. Rich beyond your wildest dreams. Just try. Please. For me.”

Claire blew her breath out with exasperation, then sighed. “Fine. I’ll try. For you.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Jill gave her a quick hug, then stepped back, nodded, and said with excitement, “Go on…Do it.”

Claire shook her head and peered down at the picture, sure she wouldn’t be able to do it. For one brief moment, she’d had a real longing to look like Brooke. As for the blond, Claire had even managed a little excitement and interest in looking like her, but Brad Cruise…? She just didn’t really have any desire to become him, though she supposed it might be interesting. Sighing inwardly, she concentrated on the picture, noting the features, the shape, the…

“Holy shit.”

Claire glanced up when Jill breathed those two words. One look at her wide, round eyes was enough to make Claire head back to the bathroom to peer at herself in the mirror.

“Wow,” Claire breathed as she stared at Brad Cruise’s reflection looking back at her. Rugged good looks, short, tousled light brown hair, and the same black suit the man had worn in the magazine photo. It was as if he’d stepped right out of the page and into the room. Only he hadn’t. It wasn’t Brad Cruise she was staring at, it was herself.

“Yeah.” Jill sighed, following her into the bathroom. “Wow.”

Claire’s gaze narrowed at the sudden spark in her friend’s eyes; a spark that was usually reserved for members of the opposite sex.

“Oh yeah.” Jill walked around Claire, her eyes sweeping over her body in the suit. “This is incredible. You look just like him.”

“Yeah,” Claire agreed dryly. “I
look
like him, but it’s still
me
in here.”

Jill stopped behind her and peered at their reflection in the mirror. “Oh, wow, look!! It’s me and Brad Cruise. I gotta get a picture of this. All those women at the reunion tonight would just eat their hearts out.”

“I thought you weren’t going,” Claire reminded, then shook her head as Jill started out of the room, but her friend had barely taken a step into the hall before stopping abruptly and whirling back.

“What?” Claire asked warily.

“I have an idea,” Jill said slowly.

Claire noted the mounting excitement on her face and began to shake her head. Excitement and ideas were a bad mix with Jill. “No.”

“You don’t even know what it is,” Jill protested.

“I don’t need to, Jill. I know that look. It’s the look that always got me in trouble when we were teenagers,” Claire said. Her mouth tightened when Jill’s shoulders drooped and her face took on a pathetic, dejected cast. It was the look that always got her. Knowing she would regret it, Claire sighed and asked, “What is it?”

Jill hesitated, then blurted, “Be my date for the reunion tonight?”

Claire blinked. “What?”

“Be my date. Like that,” Jill explained, gesturing to her Brad Cruise guise.

“Oh no, no, no, no, no,” Claire said, shaking her head.

“Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” Jill countered quickly, then clapped her hands together as if in prayer and begged, “Please? Please Claire? It could be fun.”

“Fun?”
she echoed with disbelief.

“Yes, fun. Just think about it,” Jill said. “Magda the bitch would eat her heart out. For once in life, we would have it over her.”

Claire grimaced at the idea of Magda the bitch. A Barbie doll look-alike with blond hair and boobs, she’d had everything…Except personality, compassion, and heart. Magda had been a devoted subscriber to the belief that when you looked as good as she did, you just didn’t have to be nice. More than that, she’d gone out of her way to be cutting and cruel to anyone she’d felt beneath her on the food chain…which had been everyone in the school who wasn’t male and on the football team. Claire seriously doubted the woman had improved with age. The idea of Magda’s distress if Jill walked into the reunion on the arm of Brad Cruise really had some charm to it.

“And then there’s Ted,” Jill said, adding to her argument. “He’d eat his heart out, too.”

“Ted?” Claire asked with confusion. “He didn’t even go to our high school. Why would he be there?”

“He’ll be there with Magda. It’s why he had to end it today rather than wait until the very last minute, like the day of the wedding…or maybe months after,” she added.

“
Magda
won the ‘Ted’s wife lotto’?” Claire asked with horror. “
She
was the other finalist?”

Jill nodded, stone-faced. “After he told me he was dumping me, I was foolish enough to ask if he couldn’t at least attend the reunion with me tonight and he told me about Magda.”

“I can’t believe he told you about Magda,” Claire gaped. “He’s got some balls, that guy. What if you tell her everything tonight?”

Jill snorted. “He knows I won’t. Magda would just sneer and point out that she—of course—won him from me and I was a loser…
again.
”

Magda had made something of a hobby of stealing other girls’ boyfriends in school. She’d stolen Jill’s prom date a week before the prom, then gone on to steal Claire’s prom date on the actual night of the prom after he and Magda were crowned Prom King and Queen.

Claire pressed her lips together, then nodded. “Okay. We’ll do it. We’ll go to the reunion and rub Magda and Ted’s face in it. But only because I love you like a sister, and only this once.”

“Only this once,” Jill agreed, then squealed and hugged her. “Oh, you’re the greatest.”

Claire smiled wryly as she patted Jill’s back. “Yeah, yeah. Now, we have another problem.”

“What’s that?” Jill asked, pulling back to peer at her.

“How do I change back into myself?” Claire asked quietly.

Jill stared at her blankly, then frowned. “You…well…” She brightened suddenly. “I have tons of pictures of you. You can look at one and turn back.”

Jill rushed out of the room, leaving Claire to turn and survey herself in the mirror. In the picture of Brad Cruise, he’d had a serious case of five o’clock shadow going on. Claire now had that case herself. Curious, she lifted a hand and ran it over her cheek and chin, grimacing at the scrape of short hair against her fingers. Man, this was so weird…but kind of cool.

“Here.” Jill hurried back in and started to hold out a picture, then pulled it back. “Wait, first try to do it without the picture.”

“Without it?” Claire asked with surprise.

“Well, sure. I mean it
is
your body. Just close your eyes and concentrate on being you again. Just think ‘I want to be me,’” Jill suggested.

“Isn’t that a song?” Claire asked with amusement.

“Will you concentrate,” Jill said with irritation. “Just try to change.”

Sighing, Claire closed her eyes and concentrated on being herself. She didn’t have a picture to think of; she didn’t need one. She had lived with her face and body for years.

“Ooops.”

Claire blinked her eyes open as she felt a soft towel being wrapped around her.

“I guess the clothes you were wearing really
were
you,” Jill said with a shrug, holding the towel together until Claire reached up to take over the task.

Jill had wrapped a bath towel around her shoulders. Claire shifted it under her arms and wrapped it around herself sarong style. She was completely and utterly nude under the towel, which meant that the pink T-shirt and blue capri pants, the black satin dressy outfit, and the man’s black suit
had
been purely her. That seemed kind of weird.

Both women stiffened at the sound of the front door opening.

“I’m back! Claire? Jill?”

Claire was the first to break out of her surprise. Suddenly aware of her nudity, she quickly pushed the bathroom door closed.

“Hello?” Kyle apparently heard the door close, his voice now came from somewhere in the hall.

“Yes?” Claire called. “Hello.”

“Claire?” Kyle asked, his voice now right outside the door.

“Yes.”

“Are you okay? What are you doing?”

Hearing the worry in his voice, she said quickly, “I’m fine. I’m…I’m in the bath.”

When Jill’s eyebrows rose at her choice of activity, Claire gestured to her attire. She was in a towel and her clothes were in Jill’s bedroom, Claire could hardly tell Kyle she was just using the loo. He might wait in the hall until she came out so that he could see for himself that she was okay. He seemed terribly worried about her, and had every right to be. The destabilizer
had
affected her after all.

“Bath?” Kyle sounded surprised, then asked, “Where’s Jill?”

Claire’s eyes widened on her friend.

“She’s…er…”

“At the store,” Jill suggested in a whisper.

“She’s at the store,” Claire said dutifully.

“Damn it. She was supposed to watch you,” Kyle sounded irritated. “What if something had happened?”

“She only went a minute ago…to the corner store. She’ll be right back,” Claire assured him. “She could hardly watch me in the bath any more than you would.”

“Right.”

Claire heard Kyle’s sigh through the door. Silence followed, then he cleared his throat and said, “Maybe that’s for the best. I wanted to ask you something.”

Claire and Jill raised their eyebrows at each other.

There was more throat-clearing, then Kyle said, “I was wondering…”

“Yes?” Claire prompted when he hesitated, and found herself taking a step closer to the door as she waited.

“Look,” he said abruptly. “Would you go to the reunion with me tonight?”

Claire froze, sure her heart briefly stopped, then she swallowed and asked, “So you can watch me? Or as your date?”

There was a moment of silence, then Kyle asked, “Would you be interested in being my date?”

Claire hesitated, afraid to say yes and then learn that it wasn’t what he’d intended.

“You don’t have to answer that. It isn’t fair when I haven’t given you any indication of my feelings,” he said before she could decide how to answer him. “Look, I really suck at this kind of thing. I’m great with beakers and bunnies, but personal relationships are just kind of beyond me in some ways…But…Claire, I like you. I’ve liked you for the longest time. Since we were twelve years old and you were pestering me about the science kit my parents bought me for Christmas. I even almost asked you out in high school, but you were dating that football guy.”

“Jack,” Claire murmured, thinking she would have dumped Jack in a heartbeat if Kyle had said a word. Especially since he was the one who had abandoned her for Magda on prom night.

“Yeah, Jack,” Kyle muttered, sounding jealous even now.

Claire smiled and lifted a hand to the door, running her finger lightly over the wooden surface and wishing it was he.

“Then…” Kyle paused before offering a vague “Well, something happened that made me wait.”

“What?” Claire asked curiously.

“I’ll tell you another time,” Kyle promised. He cleared his throat. “So, to answer your question, what I’m interested in here is a date.”

Claire sucked in her breath, hardly able to believe he’d said it.

“Claire?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

“Yes?”

Claire could hear the grin in his voice and found herself smiling, too, until movement made her glance toward Jill. The blond was shaking her head frantically in a definite negative gesture.

“No?” Claire asked Jill with bewilderment.

“No?” Kyle said sharply through the door, obviously having heard her speak.

“No!” Claire cried. She hadn’t meant the word for him at all. “I mean yes.”

“Which is it?”

“Yes to going to the reunion, and no I wasn’t talking to you when I said no,” Claire explained.

“Who were you talking to then?” She could hear the frown in his voice and scrambled to think of an excuse.

“I—myself,” she said quickly, then added, “I saw I had a broken nail and…er…said no because…well, because I didn’t want it to be broken,” Claire finished lamely.

“Oh…I see.” It didn’t sound like he saw. It sounded like he thought her a fruitcake.

Claire frowned over the possibility. She didn’t want him to think she was a fruitcake. Or a freak, she added unhappily as she considered what she could now do. Kyle might not think it as cool as she and Jill did. He would probably find it exciting, scientifically. He’d want to study her and test her and…She’d become a lab animal to him instead of a prospective girlfriend.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your bath,” Kyle said, interrupting her grim thoughts, then he offered, “We’ll go over to your place after you’re done your bath to pick up some clothes, if you like?”

“Okay,” Claire said quickly, shrugging her worries away. She wouldn’t tell him about the destabilizer’s effect. At least, not until she saw how this date went. If it went well…well, she might wait a couple months. If it went badly, she might wait forever. Claire had no desire to become a lab rat.

“Okay,” Kyle said. There was silence for a minute, then Claire heard his footsteps moving away. Once the sound had faded, Claire turned away with a little sigh. She was going on a date with Kyle. Finally, after all these years, she—

“You can’t go with him.”

Claire blinked and peered at Jill blankly. “What? Why?”

“You promised to be
my
date.”

3

“K
yle Lockhart and Claire Beckett!” Maureen
Brighton beamed as they approached the registration table at the entrance to the reunion. “Wow, you both look great.”

“So do you, Maureen,” Claire said with a smile as Kyle accepted the blank name tags the brunette held out. While he bent to write their names on them, she chatted with Maureen. The brunette had been one of the nicer girls on the cheerleading squad with Claire, Magda and her crew being the not so nice ones.

When another couple came up to the table, Claire stepped away to make room for them and peered curiously around. The reunion was being held in Murphy High School’s smaller gymnasium. A suitable spot, Claire supposed as she glanced over all the well-dressed people maneuvering around under the streamers and decorations inside. She didn’t care where it was held, Claire was just glad to be here.

At last, Claire Beckett was having her first date with Kyle Lockhart. There were several points this afternoon and evening when she hadn’t thought it would happen. Jill had been the first stumbling block with her determination to hold Claire to her promise to be her date as Brad Cruise. Fortunately, after several moments of Claire pathetically pleading to be free of her promise so she could go with Kyle, Jill had come up with an alternative they could both live with. She’d proposed that Claire keep both dates; with Jill as Brad Cruise and with Kyle as herself. First, she would enter on Kyle’s arm as herself, then after half an hour, she would excuse herself to use the ladies’ room and slip out to the parking lot, where Jill would be waiting. She would change into Brad in the car, then reenter the reunion with Jill. Claire was to switch back and forth all night. Simple.

“Yeah right,” Claire muttered to herself unhappily. This was going to be the date from hell…or the double date from hell.

“Did you say something?” Kyle asked, catching her comment as he finished at the registration table and joined her.

Claire forced a smile, but shook her head as she reached for the name tag he was holding out. She accepted it, then froze as she saw it was a pin-on name tag.

Oh, this was bad, Claire thought faintly. In order to do the quick change between herself and Brad Cruise, Claire had borrowed a black satin strapless gown from Jill. However, she wasn’t wearing it now. She’d showered, done her hair and makeup, then donned the gown only to have Jill take a picture with her digital camera. They’d printed it, then Claire had used it to shape-shift into herself. That had been Jill’s idea and Claire had thought it brilliant at the time. It saved her having to worry about stashing her dress somewhere while she was Brad. Unfortunately, it also meant that Claire had nowhere to pin her name tag. There was no way she was poking it through
her,
her skin or her cells or whatever. She wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but it was part of her and she so
wasn’t
harpooning herself with a name tag.

“Do you need a hand? Shall I put it on for you?” Kyle asked, noting that she was still just staring at the pin.

“No,” Claire said sharply, then forced another smile and said more calmly, “No, I don’t want to put holes in Jill’s satin gown. Do they have stick-on name tags?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” He turned to the table to ask Maureen, swiveling back a moment later to say, “Apparently if you slide the label out of the clear casing, the label itself peels off its backing.”

“Oh, good,” Claire breathed and set to work taking the label apart.

“There we are.” Kyle smiled as she finished with the pin and slapped the label onto the black satin of her chest, which really was her chest, Claire realized, and hoped it wouldn’t hurt to peel it off.

“Shall we?”

Shrugging off the concern of removing the name tag, Claire smiled. She placed her hand on the arm he offered and allowed him to lead her into the reunion. Once through the doors, Claire peered around at the tables set everywhere. They were covered with maroon-colored tablecloths and had silver and maroon centerpieces. These were the school colors, and most of the decorations carried them. With the lighting low as it was and all the decorations hanging about, it was easy to forget it was a gymnasium. Someone had decorated it with the same moonlight, stars, and heavenly aspect theme as at their prom some ten years ago.

“It feels strange to be back here, doesn’t it?” Kyle said with a wry smile.

“Yes,” Claire agreed and gave a small shake of her head as she peered over the people milling about, wondering who they all were. “I’m torn between feeling old because I don’t recognize anyone, and yet feeling like a teenager again. I’d almost expect old Mr. Hardwick to come marching up and ask for my book report.”

Kyle chuckled at her words, but frowned slightly as he peered around. “Everyone looks so different. Surely we haven’t changed as much as everyone else appears to have?”

“Maybe,” Claire said, peering at him. Kyle had aged well, growing into his looks and his body. He’d been much thinner when he was young, almost gawky. As had she, Claire supposed, but merely said, “Do you recognize anyone?”

“Not really. But there were a lot of—Oh, I spoke too soon. I do recognize someone.”

“Who?” Claire asked curiously, following his gaze.

“Magda Richardson at two o’clock and closing in on us like a shark,” he announced, then added, “I apologize in advance for any nastiness she may spew our way.”

“Why should
you
apologize?” Claire asked with surprise.

“Because Magda has gone out of her way to be rude to me and anyone I was with since she cornered me in the science lab in grade twelve and tried to trade kisses for help with homework. I refused.”

“Magda hit on you in high school?” Claire asked with shock.

“Yeah. But I think she just wanted help with her science project. Still, she wasn’t too pleased when I said, ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ The few times I’ve run into her over the last ten years, she’s been sure to be rude.” He frowned. “Is that Ted with her? I thought he broke up with Jill because he was marrying some—”

“Magda was the ‘Ted’s wife lotto’ winner,” Claire informed him dryly as she noted the smug look on the man’s handsome face as they approached. Kyle, of course, hadn’t been privy to the news when Jill had shared it with her.

“You’re joking,” Kyle said, half with disgust and half with disbelief.

“I wish I were,” Claire muttered under her breath as the other couple reached them.

“Well, if it isn’t Murphy High’s very own science geeks,” Magda drawled, looking down her nose at them. “So you two twits finally got together.”

“Magda,” Kyle greeted her dryly. “Charming as ever, I see.”

“Charm is overrated, Kyle,” Magda informed him sweetly. “Honesty is in now.” She tightened her hold on Ted’s arm and dragged him forward. “I should introduce my fiancé, Ted Leacock. He’s an important business owner here in town.”

“Important?” Kyle asked dryly, not bothering to extend his hand in greeting. “As it happens, Ted and I are well acquainted.”

“You are?” Magda didn’t look pleased at this news, but Ted Claire was more interested in watching. The man with incredible balls had lost his smug look and was starting to appear a tad nervous. It seemed while he’d been sure Jill would keep their relationship quiet, he hadn’t considered Kyle in the equation.

“Yes. We’ve met at least once a week for the last six months when he came to pick up my sister for dates, or weekends away,” Kyle announced calmly, then smiled at Magda. “Of course, they’re broken up now. I guess that means you’re marrying Jill’s castoff.”

Dead silence fell between the four of them, during which Magda’s face flushed with a mounting fury. When Ted’s mouth began to work silently like a fish out of water, Kyle took Claire’s arm and said, “We should circulate, but it was so nice seeing you. I do hope the two of you are as happy as you deserve to be.”

Claire bit her lip at the double-edged comment as Kyle led her away. A glance over her shoulder showed Magda had turned furiously on Ted and was now berating him something fierce. If he wasn’t such a jerk, Claire might almost have felt sorry for the man.

Shaking her head, she turned to Kyle and murmured, “You handled that beautifully. Ted lost his smug look in a hurry.”

“Yes, but Jill will be upset with me, I suppose,” he said on a sigh.

“I don’t think she will. You put both of them in their place with the ‘Jill’s castoff’ crack,” Claire said with amusement. “Besides, she has a special date herself tonight, one that should finish setting Magda and Ted on their ears.”

“Really?” Kyle asked with interest. “Who?”

Claire bit her lip and hesitated, unsure how to answer. He was going to be shocked enough when he saw Jill enter—seemingly on the arm of Brad Cruise. In the end, Claire decided to let Jill deal with it and shook her head. “You’ll see soon enough.”

Kyle peered at her closely. For a minute, she feared he might press the issue, but he apparently decided to let it go. He merely asked if she’d care for a drink, then moved toward the bar.

Claire peered around at the other attendees as she waited. At least half the tables were filled. No doubt most of the attendees would show up over the next half hour before she slipped out to the parking lot. Jill and her “date” would probably be nearly the last, if not
the
last people to arrive, which was just as Jill wanted it. If everyone was seated for the meal when they entered, it meant absolutely
everyone
would see who—or who they would believe—was on her arm as she sashayed in.

Claire took a deep breath and tried not to let panic overwhelm her as she thought about what was to come. She and Jill had discussed it in detail before she’d left with Kyle for the reunion, trying to cover every possible problem with their plan. The first issue to crop up was her voice. While Claire could make herself
look
like Brad Cruise, nothing she could do would make her
sound
like the man. They had decided she wasn’t to talk. Jill would claim she—he, Claire corrected herself,
he
—Brad Cruise—had a bad case of laryngitis. Claire had also insisted on no autographs; it was one thing to pretend to be Brad Cruise at a school reunion, and quite another to indulge in forgery by signing his autograph for a couple hundred people.

“They didn’t have Châteauneuf-du-Pape, so I got you Montepulciano.”

Claire glanced up and smiled as Kyle offered her a glass of wine. “Thank you.”

Kyle nodded, his eyes moving over her solemnly as he took a sip of his own drink. Lowering the glass, he asked, “How do you feel? Any ill effects from this afternoon?”

Claire shook her head quickly and told herself she wasn’t lying as she took a sip of wine. After all, being able to shape-shift wasn’t necessarily an “ill effect,” was it? Sighing, she lowered her glass and glanced around. The tables had been set up around the outside of the large room, leaving a wide space to dance in, and couples were out there now sweeping along to a ten-year-old love song.

“Would you like to dance?” Kyle asked, following her gaze.

Claire hesitated and nearly said no, but it would have been a lie. She really
would
like to dance, she was just afraid of stumbling and making a fool of herself. Deciding to be brave, she nodded.

Kyle took her wine and set it on a table next to them. He then took Claire’s arm and led her out onto the center of the floor.

Claire was as tense and sweaty as a teenager as Kyle took her in his arms. She hadn’t been this nervous with a man in a long time, but then none of the men she’d dated had meant as much to her as Kyle did. She was so wired up it took a moment for her to notice that they fit perfectly together, her body matching itself to his as if fitting into a puzzle slot.

“We fit together perfectly,” Kyle whispered by her ear.

Claire stiffened in surprise at his verbalizing her thoughts, then lifted her head to peer at him. He stared back, his gaze traveling over her face in a caress that she could almost feel. Her lips parted slightly of their own accord when his eyes settled there and Claire felt her breathing become more swift and shallow with anticipation. She was finally, finally going to be kissed by Kyle Lockhart, Claire thought, almost faint at the prospect. But, rather than kiss her, Kyle used a hand to urge her head back to his chest.

Claire sighed and tried to relax against him, but her mind was on the fact that he’d passed up the perfect opportunity to kiss her.

Why? She wondered. What was wrong with her? Was it her figure? Perhaps if she had larger breasts…

Claire stumbled in the dance and blinked in surprise as her neck was suddenly forced to bend farther forward to keep her head on Kyle’s chest. For a moment she didn’t understand what had happened, then she realized her breasts had suddenly grown between them, like two balloons inflating.

“Er…Claire?” Kyle said uncertainly, apparently noticing something was amiss.

“Oh God,” Claire breathed and squeezed her eyes closed, thinking
Go away, go away, go away.

“Claire?” Kyle pulled back and she forced her eyes open, relieved to find her chest normal-sized again.