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Leave a Message—Miguel

BEEP.

Miguel:
sm
Sam?

Will you answer your phone already?

We have a problem.

A complication.

Your café incident.

The owner might've talked.

I need your help.

Your cooperation.

So your dad doesn't—

So your dad isn't—

Can you just please

call me

or answer your phone?

Things That Don't Come Clean

That afternoon,

I mull around X's room

humming a tune

waiting for him to return

from the bathroom.

Not wanting to head home.

I move his wallet and phone,

a book, a pair of socks.

I sit,

stare at the walls

stress about going home.

I've blown everyone off

skipped out on everything.

I'm going to be grounded for sure.

We Hendersons have a reputation to uphold.

Disgust
sm
fear
sm
words
sm
thoughts

swim around my head

as X's phone beeps

beside me.

A text.

Jessica:
sm
I miss you too. Let's do it again.

Texts and Subtext

The air knocks out of me.

I can't see

blurry from anger.

He lied to me!

He's STILL lying to me!

I rush around the room

dress

toss my wet hair up

search for my shoes.

X comes out of the bathroom

undressed

wonders what I'm doing

searching for my shoes.

He thinks I've spoken to Dad.

I tell him it's not who

I've
spoken to

throwing his cell phone at him, the

text from Jessica

kissed up against his hands.

His stone-cold stare is enough for me.

I storm out of there running.

I give him no chance to explain.

Excuses are lame.

I run loudly

cry carelessly

wail effortlessly

hair sopping

ridiculous looking

gasping for air,

I turn the corner

passing by the park

and

sm
s
sm
t
sm
o
sm
p.

I was supposed to pick up Melanie.

Park Déjà Vu

I race through the park

Melanie!

past the swings

teeter-totter

slides

Melanie!

Melanie!

through the grass

where we scoured for rocks

smooth ones

tiny ones

flat ones

our pockets heavy

our hearts light.

Me:
sm
Please be here! Melanie!

I stop.

My heart now heavy

this park empty

save for a few

hanger-outers

and

Guy:
sm
Hey! You, girl.

Sam!

the same creepy guy

X knows.

He sits sideways

propped up against a bench

grimy

yellow

eyes aglow

strung-out

hanging out.

When I recognize him,

I rush to his side.

Me:
sm
Have you seen my sister?

The little one? The one you saw me with

last time we were here?

He inhales, long and slow

like he's got something,

information.

Guy:
sm
I'm not feeling so hot, you see.

Could use a little pick-me-up.

He smiles like a crazy man,

holds out his hand

as if
sm
expectant

as if
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I'm connected

as if
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the swap will set us both free.

Is this how he sees me?

A player in the drug scene?

I back away, disgusted.

Guy:
sm
Aw, come on. Just one packet.

I might know something!

His words cut through me

like I'm a pawn

he plans to use.

This pisses me off.

My shock turns to rage.

Me:
sm
You're too high to know anything.

I hate you. I hate everyone like you!

I turn from his hysterical laughter

and run home.

I've been used one time too many

today.

Summer's Fool

Priestess high

gone awry

how dumb was I?

cried dry

frozen hole

clenched cold

feelings fall

below zero

angers rage

lies ablaze

boiling stage,

turn the page

wide-eyed fool

high school

broken rules

cryptic, cruel

arctic hate

cut edge-straight

he devastates

x soul mate

frigid stone

frozen moan

empty phone

vacant home

heart breaks

head aches

hands shake

but mind

awakes

me,

the Summer's Fool.

What Fades Away

I come home to an empty house.

The family gone

for the next round

of shaking hands and empty promises.

I'm like this empty house.

Left my friends

for the next round,

of X's lies and empty promises.

On the table,

there's a note from Jane.

How could you forget?

She's your baby sister and you

put her in danger!

Each time I try

to believe that I can be whole

whole family

someone who loves me wholly

dreams of a full future, lie-free

reality sinks in and the truth of

how things really are

comes out.

How things really are.

Gavin was right.

Family Time

I used to love

sitting in Dad's study with Mom,

laughing at the giant portrait

of us on his wall.

Her green eyes, wide smile.

I don't love

sitting in Dad's study while he

screams at me

for blowing off everything.

His bloodshot eyes, furrowed brow.

Yells about

a united family front
sm
his reputation
sm
making him look bad

Yells about

shirking duties
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forgetting Melanie
sm
being a bad sister

Dad:
sm
What kind of person does that?

Me:
sm
I forgot I promised to pick her up.

Dad yells about Jane's stress.

The pressure I put on Jane.

Jane

Jane

Jane

I'm sick of worrying about Jane

my reputation

the rallies

primaries

posing for photos

pretending to care.

All the focus on him

and none on me.

What about me?

What about me?

What about me?

Family News

Dad:
sm
What about you? Let's talk about you.

Dad pulls a newspaper out of his drawer

opened to a particular page

folds it story-side up

throws it on the desk

in front of me.

His name,
sm
Henderson
.

My name,
sm
Henderson's Daughter
.

His title,
sm
Senator?

Mine,
sm
Juvenile Delinquent?

I ponder the titles and

the question marks.

The article mentions a

breaking and entering

at a local café.

Sites vandalism

graffiti

damage done

and

hush money handed out

like candy to quiet

a crying baby.

Me:
sm
I thought—

What did I think?

I try again.

Me:
sm
Miguel said—

Dad:
sm
Miguel no longer works with us.

Me:
sm
Why?

Dad:
sm
Because this is the very sort of thing he's

responsible for containing.

Me:
sm
But he's—

I think about

the other day

Miguel rushing, promising

while I eavesdropped, hid.

Miguel calling, begging

while I ignored his plea.

I think about

how Dad always considered Miguel

a part of the family.

Our family.

I start to say

I'm sorry
sm
I'm going to turn things around
sm
I'm his girl

then I notice the new portrait

framed and hanging over his chair.

Jane holding Melanie

larger image, thicker frame

the usual one of me and him and Mom—gone.

Miguel, my surrogate brother—gone.

Our eyes meet.

For the first time this whole year through

sm
dinners
sm
rallies
sm
SATs

I see my father how he sees me.

Me:
sm
I won't pretend to be your perfect Henderson.

Dad:
sm
You have responsibilities to this family.

Me:
sm
I'm not your family.

I point to the portrait.

Dad slams his fist on the desk.

I leave, hoping to never ever again see

that picture of Jane looking down on me.

Getting It Out, Getting Out

Running up to my room,

I bump into Jane and tell her I hate her.

Really hate her.

Melanie peeks her head out

says nothing, quietly

closes her bedroom door.

Who cares if I've hurt her feelings?

Or Jane's.

I pack a light bag,

head to April's house, but

a bit of serendipity takes over

and I run into Betty.

Who better to cheer me up than Party Betty?

I text April, tell her I'll be by later.

She texts back.

April:
sm
I'm not your back-up plan.

What does that mean?

Radio silence.

I stare at my phone wondering if she's kicking me out

before I even arrive.

Then Party Betty asks if I'm just going to stand there

or have some fun?

No need to reply.

I throw my duffle bag over my back

and head to a party

with Betty.

Party Betty

Happy

free

changing in the bathroom of someone's house

I put my jeans on

the tight ones

grab a drink

wash it down with a leftover pill

X gave me days ago.

The last remnant of him,

consumed.

I melt, feel

sm
prettier
sm
funnier
sm
relaxed
sm
in control.

I've become a pro at this—the party part.

I can even do it without him.

I'm good at this. Better than I am at Geometry or Chemistry.

Halfway through my second cup

of liquid fire

my eyes begin to

burn

blaze

burrow into the girl walking through the room—

Jessica.

Blonde hair cascading down her back,

curls falling in just the right place

bouncing against her flowery dress.

She doesn't see me at first,

which gives me time to form a plan.

I form no plan.

Only shove my half-drunk drink

into her dry dress.

She falls into the futon, screams.

I dive on top of her

yanking her hair

clawing her arms

poking her cheek

twisting

sm
jerking

raging

writhing

barely coming up for air

I cannot hear the

shouting

sm
wailing

screaming

?:
sm
Sam! Saaaam!

I'm

being pulled off of her.

I regain focus, burrow my angry eyes

into a face.

X.

Party's Over

Music screeches to a halt,

people gawk,

too drunk, drugged up

to form any opinions.

Taking my time,

sm
one second

two seconds

three seconds

I hold my head high,

ignoring X's plea,
Why are you doing this?

sm
a question too obvious to answer

and make my way

sm
through the living room

down the hall

past the kitchen

out the door.

Done.

This chapter of me.

This person I've become—

sm
fighting
sm
drinking
sm
falling apart

speed-walking down the street,

turning around for a taxi,

thinking about X,

still in there

probably comforting Jessica

or

smoking meth

stealing a car

crashing a Vespa

ruining another girl's life.

I head to April's then remember she's

not my back-up plan
.

Another person I've pissed off in my

pitiful pursuit of livin' the life.

Instead, I head home, calling it a night

week

month

summer

life

Senior year is almost here

summer's done

and I

have got to get myself

together.