Daughters of the Dagger 03 - Amber (20 page)

“Lucas, I need
you inside me. Please. I need to know how it feels.”

“Oh, you will my little dove, you will.”

He positioned his manhood at her door, just dangling himself above her.

“I’m not gentle
, I warn you. So I hope this doesn’t scare you.”

“Nay,” she said. “I told you, I want to know everything there is to know about making love.”

“Everything? All in one night?” This is the first time she’d seen him grin since she’d entered the room.

“Is there much to know?”
she asked, being very innocent of the act.

“Well, just put it this way, sweetheart. I am so looking forward to being the one to teach you.
And I assure you, one night will not nearly be enough time to learn.”

And with
that, he lifted her legs up around his waist and pushed himself into her. She felt the barrier of her innocence give way as he took her maidenhead and made her a full-fledged woman. He used his own hands to make her hips rock back and forth, thrusting into her at the same time. And wanting to learn, she continued the movement on her own, getting a slight nod of approval from him.

She closed her eyes, reveling in the glorious feeling, now knowing what she’d been missing. And then she felt her passion climbing again, and as their mating dance continued, they were both brought to their peaks.

Tonight, she had let lose with all her fears and inhibitions, and found a side of her that had been ignored for much too long. She would be there for Lucas, and love him, even if he never loved her in return. Because she knew now why she had to join the abbey. It wasn’t to atone for her family’s sins, nor to live a life in secluded prayer within its cloistered walls. Nay, It was fate bringing her to him. Lucas was the reason she had to be there. She knew God had guided her to the abbey, but really guided her to find him. And she knew that after today, things would never be the same again.

Lucas leaned over and kissed Amber atop her head g
ently, then picked up his travel bags and headed toward the door. He thankfully had had another tunic in his pack, because after that wild night, he could never have donned the shredded one in public. It was early in the morning, and the sun hadn’t yet started to rise. But he knew Father Armand was going to be arriving any day and he needed to find a way to steal the Regale ruby before the cathedral was filled with people again.

He’d had the most wonderful night of his life, coupling with Amber and sleeping with her snuggled up in his arms. This is what he’d wanted since the day he’d met her dressed in that silly habit. She’d never be a nun now, and though he should be happy he got what he wanted, it was like a stab to his heart with a sharp knife.

He looked at her lying there, sprawled out naked across the bed, tempting him to take her again, but asleep and oblivious of the fact she affected him like no other woman ever had. She wasn’t a pure little dove anymore, and he felt like the devil for being the one to take her virginity from her.

Though she
’d begged him to do it, he knew he shouldn’t have done it. He didn’t deserve anyone as good and as loving as her. God’s eyes, she even told him she loved him, which made matters even worse. Because as soon as she found out he stole the Regale ruby, she would be back to hating him again.

But he had to steal
it, he tried to convince himself. He’d lived a life of sacrifice and pain, and he refused to go back to those ways. He had no one his entire life except the man who raised him, and right now he hated Father Armand almost as much as he hated himself for what he was about to do.

But after today, none of that would matter. Because once he supplied the priest with his end of the deal, he’d have a castle and lands to
go with the title of knight that the archbishop said he was going to bestow upon him. He knew Father Armand had said he could claim Helen, the lady of the castle for himself, but he didn’t want her. The only woman he wanted was Amber.

Damn, he thought, feeling the knot in his stomach. He didn’t deserve any of this, who was he kidding? He hated Father Armand for expecting him to do his evil bidding, and he hated the crazy woman named Lady Veronica who claimed to be his mother. He didn’t want to believe it was true, but he knew deep in his gut that it was. He should go talk to the woman, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Deep down he didn’t want to know why she’d left him on the church doorstep and not returned for him after all these years. No reason could be so important that it justified abandoning a baby. And for this, he wouldn’t even give her the chance to try to explain. As soon as he was lord of Canterbury Castle, the first thing he’d do is throw her out and abandon her the same way she’d done to him.

He turned and laid his hand on the door to open it, hearing Amber’s sweet, angelic voice coming from the bed.

“Lucas? Where are you going so early?”

“I have something to attend to,” he told her without turning around.

“Let me come with you.” He heard her starting to get off the bed.

“Nay!” he said sharply, turning to see the startled look in her eyes, as the light from the nearly extinguished bedtime candle reflected in her big, green orbs.

“Why not?”

He couldn’t even pretend he didn’t hear the hurt in her voice.

“I’ll be back later,” he told her, hurrying out of the room before she had the chance to try to make him change his mind.

Amber’s heart fell at Lucas’s refusal to take her with him. She didn’t understand where he was going so early and why she couldn’t go with. After the night they’d spent together, she thought she’d broken through the walls that Lucas put up between them.

What they’d shared was wonderful, and though she knew he said he would never love her, she
thought over time she could change his mind. She walked over to the wall where Lucas had undressed her last night and picked up her gown and donned it. She had a feeling something was really troubling him and it had nothing to do with her.

It could be that he was still upset about his mother, but she had a feeling it was more than that. Last night when she told him he wasn’t the devil, he’d said something odd that confused her. He told her that she might not think that in the next day or so, which led her to believe there was something going on that she didn’t know about.

Something dangerous perhaps, or immoral or illegal. If not, why would he think that she’d ever consider him the devil?

“I’ve got to follow him and try to find out what he’s up to,” she said aloud, pulling on her shoes. She knew Lucas would be upset if he thought she didn’t trust him, and also angry that he’d told her to stay her
e and she didn’t obey. Still, she didn’t care. She’d seen the tension in his face. Something was bothering him immensely and she had the feeling he was in trouble. And if he was in trouble, then she wanted to be there to help him in any way possible.

*

Lucas sneaked into Canterbury Cathedral just as the sun had started to rise on the horizon. He had planned on being done with his little task and out of here before the sun rose, but he’d overslept. He’d been so exhausted from making love with Amber so many times last night that he could barely move this morning.

He’d had the best night of his life, and never thought the little dove would be such a fro
licking vixen in bed. She had more stamina than half the whores he’d slept with throughout his life. But she wasn’t a whore. She was a lady. A lady who used to be a pure dove before last night, no thanks to him.

She’d said it was her free will that made her want to couple with him, but somehow he still felt guilty. She’d been so virtuous and pious before she’d met him
. That was one of the things that had attracted him to her in the first place.

Well, after the l
essons he gave her in love making last night and her willingness to learn and try everything he could throw at her, he knew his pure little dove was gone for good. This saddened him in a way, as although he didn’t want her to be a nun, neither did he want her spoiled for whatever man she ended up marrying.

She said she loved him, and he had feelings for her as well, but he knew they could never be married. She was still the shining example of morals, goodness, charity and inner strength
in his eyes. He, on the other hand was deceitful, greedy, lustful and about to become a thief. He’d sold his soul to the devil ever since the day he’d decided to leave the monastery and become a mercenary. He killed men for money, and he paid women to sleep with him. He lusted after what he didn’t deserve, and now he’d even turned away his own mother.

He didn’t know who he was anymore, but the one thing he did know was that Amber deserved someone better than him. He’d never be able to live like a knight by the Code of Conduct. And he’d never be able to tell her he loved her, though in
his heart he felt that mayhap he did.

Still, h
e refused to love or be loved, that’s all there was to it. Love only made a man weak, and gave him reasons to sacrifice things in order to make a woman happy. He had a plan, and dammit, not even Amber was going to ruin it.

If she knew what he was about to do, she’d talk him out of it and make him confess the
intention, probably to the archbishop himself. And then he’d land himself in the dungeon and probably be sentenced to death. He’d go to his death never having had the chance to live the life he wanted so badly that he’d do anything to get it.

Nay, he wouldn’t change his mind about this. He’d do the job he came to do and then live the life he had planned for himself. And if Amber happened to be a part of it,
then all the better. But either way, he knew he would never be able to let her know what he’d done. Because though she said she loved him, he could guarantee she wouldn’t love him anymore when she discovered the man he truly was after all.

B
y the rood, the last thing he wanted was to become weak and tell her he loved her and then end up abandoned again when she decided to walk out of his life forever. Nay, he wouldn’t give her the chance to do that. He would never fall prey to love. And he would never give anyone the opportunity of walking away from him again. Nay, he’d never again feel the burning pain of being abandoned if he had anything to do with it.

He crept
down the long secret hallway that Sir Romney had taken them down the day before. It led to the back of the sacristy and the small room that held the holy vestments and things used for the mass. Just beside it was the secret shrine to Thomas Becket that housed the Regale ruby.

He walked softly and silently and stopped in the shadows, scoping out the situation. The door to the room with the ruby was closed, and outside it, sleeping on the chair in front was a guard.

His heart raced and the blood pumped through his veins excitedly. This was going to be a lot easier than he thought. He took a step forward, his travel bags over one shoulder, but stopped suddenly when he heard a noise from the sacristy in the adjoining room and a clang of something metal hitting the floor. There was a voice that followed of someone grumbling but he couldn’t make out what they were saying.

He didn’t dare breathe, as he was standing right next to the gua
rd who stirred and repositioned himself on the chair at the sound of the noise. Thankfully, he never opened his eyes, and in a minute he was snoring again.

Lucas carefully reached out to open the door, but to his dismay it was locked. He was trying to think of a way to pick the lock when he noticed the key ha
nging from a piece of twine tied to the belt of the guard.

He looked around quickly
, hoping whoever was in the sacristy wouldn’t emerge, and then, taking his dagger from his side, he carefully cut the twine and gathered up the key. Replacing his dagger, he put the key in the lock and turned it, gaining entry into the room.

He h
eard another noise from the sacristy and quickly closed the door. It was dim inside, but there was one nearly extinguished candle in an open jar that was burning in honor to the late saint. And as he lifted his eyes upward, he saw the glimmering Regale ruby sitting like a king on its throne atop the pedestal on the high shelf. He wasted no time admiring its beauty, though he could have stayed there all day looking at it. Instead, he put a toe on the dais and raised himself up and gingerly touched the ruby in its metal holder.

He took one more look at it glittering in the light of the fire, and the thought of keeping it for himself and not giving it to Father Armand flitted through his brain. But he knew
he could never do such a thing, though it was probably worth more than a castle. So before he was tempted again, he closed his fingers around the ruby, getting ready to lift it from its holder. Instantly, he saw Amber’s disappointed face in his mind. He froze, wondering what the hell he was doing.

Was this all worth it, he wondered? If Amber ever found out what he did
, she would not want him. And he felt a knot in his gut thinking about living without her. He released his hand slowly. But then the thought of Father Armand and how the man was sure to make Lucas’s life miserable if he didn’t do his bidding entered his mind. He closed his fingers around the ruby again.

Then he thought of last night with Amber and how much she meant to him. She’d given up being a nun for him. He released the ruby. But without a castle and lands, what kind of life could he possibly have, not able to give Amber all she truly deserved? He g
rabbed the ruby and snatched it from its holder to examine it. Damn, the inner struggle battling inside his brain was driving him mad. He no longer knew what to do.

He stepped down from the dais
to the floor, holding up the ruby in the light of the candle, and for the first time in a long time, he prayed.

“Help me know what to do,” he whispered. “God, please send me a sign.”

The sound of a man’s voice from behind him startled him, as he heard the words, “Well, Lucifer, are you going to steal the ruby or not?”