Days of Heaven (14 page)

For a long time, Official Ireland, as it was christened by Eamon Dunphy, had stayed away from the garrison game, but with Italia 90 coming down the track, that time was about to end.

It would be wrong to think that Haughey preferred Gaelic games to football, as such. He had played Gaelic football in his youth and he would feel it was in his interest to be
seen in Croke Park rather than in Lansdowne Road, but I don’t think Haughey had much interest in sport anyway. At least, not in the ball-games of the masses. He had refused invitations to
Lansdowne Road, fearing it might upset his followers, with all its associations with ‘foreign games’. In his mature years he favoured the pastimes of the gentry, the hunting and the
shooting and the sailing, partly due to his exalted image of himself and the lifestyle he felt appropriate for a man of his stature, and partly for more deep-rooted psychological reasons. You could
never imagine Haughey playing golf, for example. It is too humbling. It exposes human weakness too horribly and its image is too middle class — Haughey didn’t see himself as middle
class, but as an aristocrat. So instead of thrashing around in a bunker and wheeling his trolley around the links with other men who might well include a taxi-driver, Haughey preferred to equip
himself for his sporting endeavours with a horse, or a boat, or a gun.

He had materialised on the podium to hail Stephen Roche’s win in the Tour de France, but there was a hint of cosmopolitan glamour to this — it was Paris, after all — and he had
done this for the usual venal motives which compel politicians to associate themselves with sporting success, or just to have their picture taken, yet there was something almost inspiring about the
lengths to which he was prepared to go in this case. Only a country that is completely desperate for something good to happen to it, could imagine their Prime Minister travelling to another country
in this way, to seize his moment.

We really needed it, and he was able to recognise that need.

We had lived in a world of bullshit for so long, that when something of this magnitude happened, and it
wasn’t
bullshit, it was almost too much for us, and for our leader, to take
in. Especially when the leader in question had been instrumental in perpetuating so much of that bullshit.

He was a man of almost unlimited appetites in relation to food, drink and sex, yet his governments would hold the line against the ‘liberal agenda’ which he himself had been
following to the full extent of his capabilities for most of his adult life, along with a few agendas of his own which the most far-seeing liberals wouldn’t even have contemplated.

Not that a leader should necessarily be a virtuous man, or a consistent man, but the gap between the public and the private Haughey was remarkable. And yet he kept us darkly entertained with the
grandeur of the deception — the sophisticated statesman who was paralysed with fear of doing anything that might upset the most backward of his followers; the lord in his mansion telling us
we were living above our means. And this was before we were fully aware that Haughey was ‘rich’ only to the extent that he could get people who were actually rich to bung him bucketfuls
of money.

Yes, it was probably the size of the lies that entertained so many of us, that made us recognise in Haughey some essential characteristic of our tribe, some inexhaustible and ineradicable strain
of bullshit.

My one encounter with The Boss was actually quite pleasant. It was back in 1986, not long after the arrival of Jack, and the actual purpose of my visit to Leinster House was to
interview the Foreign Minister of Nicaragua, Father Miguel d’Escoto. He was over here with a delegation from the Sandinista government, the Sandinistas being so hot at the time, The Clash had
named an album after them. It was not unknown for young Irish people to go over there to join in the spirit of the revolution which had deposed the evil old American-backed Somoza regime. Which
probably wasn’t as leisurely as a summer spent in Puerto Banus, but perhaps a tad more character-forming. The writer Joseph O’Connor went there, and it became the setting for his novel
Desperadoes
.

O’Connor would eventually write powerful stuff about the Irish at the World Cup in America, but in 1986, that was an unimaginable journey.

Our new football supremo, Jack, would not have realised it, but he was coming to a country in which people were so desperate to find something to support that was even half-decent, the best of
them would take themselves off to the badlands of Central America to seek it.

In fact, few of us realised the true potential of a successful Ireland football team because Haughey’s Ireland, and indeed Garret FitzGerald’s Ireland, had dissipated our energies in
so many other ways, we could no longer imagine the nation coming together for any purpose. In our hearts there was a hole the size of Nicaragua, and as far as we could tell, Jack Charlton
wouldn’t be doing much to fill it.

We were wrong about that. But it seemed pretty unpromising at the time, with most of our good players getting older and Jack only getting the job after a deeply twisted voting procedure, an
FAI
cock-up in the grand style which was best described by Liam ‘Rashers’ Tuohy, one of the unsuccessful candidates. ‘It was a two-horse race’, he
said. ‘And I finished fourth.’

There was no sane reason in 1986 to hope that a soaring new vision of our country might emerge from the general direction of Merrion Square, or indeed from Leinster House, which was just a few
yards away from the powerhouse of Irish football, so some of us would be looking instead to the Sandinistas for a vision of a risen people. They had defied the United States of America, a
superpower which lived just up the road from them, while we were arguing about the Kerry Babies. They had replaced the disgraceful Somoza with the impressive Ortega, while we were thinking of
replacing the illustrious Liam Brady with some busy little geezer from Oxford Utd called Houghton.

And their Foreign Minister was a priest, but no Father Michael Cleary he.

The interview had been arranged with
Hot Press
by Michael D. Higgins, and I was told it would be done ‘over lunch’. So I was expecting a few minutes with the distinguished
cleric while we ate egg and chips in the cafeteria and railed against the evils of the Reagan administration, only to discover on my arrival at Leinster House that contrary to all my expectations
this would be quite an elegant affair, a full dinner for about ten people with several courses and waiters pouring drops of wine into your glass for you to taste and to offer your approval, before
they filled it.

Introduced to the Foreign Minister by Michael D., I did the interview at the side of the room while they were having the aperitifs. He talked up a storm, did Father D’Escoto, about
Reagan’s dirty war, while I sipped a Campari.

Then I found myself sitting down to the first course with the distinguished visitors and our own representatives, including Gerard Collins of Fianna Fáil, then out of government, leaving
Gerard free to be eating big dinners with the revolutionary intellectuals of Central America. I seem to recall some humorous discussion taking place about Irish sausages and their significance in
our culture, with Collins asking the waiter if some sausages could be produced for our guests — ‘pig-meat’ he added for the benefit of the Nicaraguans — perhaps momentarily
forgetting that Father D’Escoto was a highly-educated Catholic priest who had probably figured out somewhere along the line that sausages are made of pig-meat. But at least Collins was there:
to his eternal discredit, Garret FitzGerald who was then Taoiseach, was a no-show.

Haughey came in, about halfway through, for all the world as if he was still the man in charge, which in his mind he probably was. First, he had some bad news. ‘There has been an explosion
at a nuclear reactor in the Soviet Union,’ he intoned, standing at the top of the table.

Thus I heard the news about Chernobyl, from Charles Haughey. It was not looking good. Then he turned to Michael D.: ‘You were right about that nuclear thing all the time, Michael
D.,’ he said, and then he quipped good-naturedly: ‘Now why don’t you do the right thing and leave that bloody party . . ?’

Haughey had apparently always felt that a man of Michael D.’s calibre was wasted in the Labour Party, and perhaps he longed to have him on his side if only as a companion, someone he could
regard as an equal. A man unlike the gobshites in his own party, a man to whom he could talk about the finer things in life.

Which might or might not include Michael D.’s long association with Galway Utd football club. It is not widely known that Michael D. has any association with Galway Utd though he is
actually the President of the grand old club. And the fact that it is not widely known says much about the man himself and the restraint he would show in the years to come, when colleagues who knew
nothing and cared less about football would be disporting themselves in executive boxes, claiming ownership of the Boys In Green in the company of Corporate Paddy. Their good buddy.

Michael D. would be not be along for that ride.

As he introduced me to Haughey and we shook hands, I thought I felt a weakness come over him at the mention of the words
Hot Press,
perhaps a flashback to his infamous John Waters
interview in which Haughey had said ‘fuck’ a lot, and which had done him no harm — though the memory of all those unguarded remarks appearing across several pages of the magazine
may have haunted him still. In truth, it was actually quite a statesmanlike little appearance, especially given the gracelessness of the Fine Gael absence — maybe Garret was out there
formulating the Fine Gael response to Chernobyl.

Haughey was back in the saddle in 1987, with Fine Gael, now under Alan Dukes, having formulated the Tallaght Strategy, a fancy name given to the policy of allowing Haughey to run the country
without Fine Gael indulging in asinine opposition just for the sake of it, as long as Haughey did the right things. The responsible things.

Then in 1989, after a bad election call, Haughey found himself, incredibly, in coalition with Des O’Malley, the man to whom he was thought to be referring in that
Hot Press
interview when he said that there were some fuckers whose throats he’d like to cut, fuckers he would like to throw over the edge of a fucking cliff.

Now this fucker was his partner in government.

According to Official Ireland, everything started to change around this time. According to received wisdom, in the late 1980s Haughey, with the greatest reluctance, finally put aside all the
bullshit and started to face the truth about the state of economy, to accept that it was completely and utterly fucked and actually to do something about it.

And according to Official Ireland, this, allied to the improved sense of national well-being which was being created by various Irish successes, most notably those of
U
2
and the football team under the Gruff Yorkshireman, would set the country on the right road.

And that road would eventually lead to this thing called the Celtic Tiger.

Neat.

Maybe too neat.

Maybe, in fact, more bullshit.

Here’s an alternative reading of the situation, by Gene Kerrigan, in a
Sunday Independent
column in 2009 in which he reflects on the calibre of Ireland’s elite and their
version of history:

A slightly different narrative there, a subtle shift of emphasis.