Dead by Any Other Name

Copyright Information

Dead by Any Other Name: A Janet's Planet Mystery
© 2011 by Sebastian Stuart.

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

First e-book edition © 2011

E-book ISBN: 9780738730882

Book design and format by Donna Burch

Cover design by Lisa Novak

Cover illustration © Glenn Gustafson

Editing by Connie Hill

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Dedication

For my sisters, Diana Stuart and Rebecca Stuart,
My cousin, Nicola Montemora,
My sister-in-law, Patti McCauley;
Four fabulous feisty women.

Acknowledgments

I'm indebted to everyone at terrific Midnight Ink, especially Terri Bischoff, Connie Hill, Lisa Novak, Steven Pomije, and Courtney Colton.

I'd also like to thank Lesli Gordon, Jenny Rose and Dan Boyle,
Anthony Rocanello and Chris Tanner, Agosto Machado, Chuck and Patti
McCauley, David and Gerry Allan, and Penny Rockwell. And Billy Novotny, who showed what he's made of.

Special thanks to Bob and Babs Malkin, friends, neighbors, and Valleyites extraordinaire.

Gratitude, as always, to the people of the Hudson Valley, who inspire and touch me.

And last, but always first, to Stephen McCauley.

one

I picked up the
Elvis commemorative plate—they were common as dirt but this one was kind of cool—a smoldering Elvis leaning against a pink Cadillac in front of the gates to Graceland. I was pretty sure I could sell it to one of my hipster customers, who would display it with pride and irony.

“How much do you want for this?” I asked the woman sitting in the lawn chair sucking down a cigarette and engrossed in a Sudoku booklet.

“Forty,” she said without looking up. “It's a collectible.”

I put down the plate—which I would have priced at $20—and moved down the wares table. I spied an orange glass bowl with a sleek oblong shape. This kind of stuff flew out of my shop, especially if I could price it low.

“How much is this bowl?”

“Thirty,” Sudoku said, still not looking up, sucking away. I guess nicotine really does improve concentration. “It's a collectible.”

I felt like telling her that used dental floss is a collectible to
somebody
. Instead I muttered “Thanks” and walked back to my car.

It was a gorgeous Saturday morning and I was out yard sale
ing. Yard saleing ain't what it used to be—the Internet and
Antiques Roadshow
killed it. Now everyone thinks Uncle Gary's “original patina custom bowling ball” is worth eighty bucks and Ashley's circa 2001 pink plastic “limited edition” My First Pony is worth twenty. Well guess what, gang, the market for dead guy's bowling balls is nil, and that “limited edition” numbered a cool million.

Still, I love barreling around to sales—every once in awhile you score a fabulous piece at an amazing price. It's also a great way to observe the flora and fauna in their native habitat. I mean, there's something poignant about seeing Ashley all grown up, dealing with her three kids under five
by chugging her morning Bud Lite. And Uncle Gary's heirs
unloading his stuff as fast as they can haul it out of his prefab. And then of course there's my so-called business, which needs
the inventory. Oh yeah, there was one more cool thing about
hitting the circuit—I got to see hidden corners of the Hudson Valley, strange little hollers, tiny riverbank settlements, awesome hilltop vistas.

The back of my van was filled with the morning's haul—a motley collection of fring-frungs and whatnots, half of which I'd probably end up donating to the animal shelter thrift shop. I was just heading over the crest of Cauterskill Road, chugging a cup of coffee, when my cell rang.

“This is Janet.”

“Hi, Janet, I'm Natasha. Tosh.” The voice was youngish, throaty, inviting.

“What's up, Tosh?”

“I have some jewelry I want to sell.
Masses
of it actually.” Then she laughed, a warm laugh that made me like her.

I was getting more into jewelry, mainly because it was so damn easy to deal with—stuffing a sofa into my van was never fun—and if the baubles were at all cool, they sold steadily.

“What kind of jewelry?”

“Well, there's a lot of bakelite, some geometric pieces from my beatnik phase, and a bunch of kitschy animal stuff from when I was in that ridiculous retro phase we chicks go through in high school.” The words were pouring out a little too quickly and this time the laugh had an edge of desperation to it. “What
wasn't
I thinking? Anyway I want to unload it pronto, Tonto!”

I immediately smelled a bargain—when people are super eager
to sell they rarely want to bother with negotiations, they just want to see some green. This jewelry sounded very promising, I'd take a wad of cash with me and hope for the best.

“So where are you, and what time is convenient?”

“I'm up in Phoenicia and how about now?”

two

I swung by the
shop to drop off my load. I pulled up to the back door, grabbed a cardboard box, walked into my workshop and was greeted by Sputnik's smiling maw and waggling body. Dogs are a direct heart-to-heart charge. With people, it's never that simple.

I dropped the box on my worktable and went out into the store. I pulled the cover off of Bub's birdcage and found the little guy with his head buried in his chest—he liked to sleep late on weekends. He opened his eyes, smiled at me, and then shook himself to full alert. I refreshed his water bottle and he hopped over to it. Lois was asleep on her favorite armchair, the one I was afraid to sell for fear of incurring her wrath. She opened her eyes and glared at me—the Bad Seed in a fur coat.

It was a sunny Saturday in early September, one of the few times customers were pretty much guaranteed in Sawyerville. Luckily the store wasn't my only source of income—I had some
savings and since I owned the building and lived upstairs my
expenses were low. Still, days like today were important to my bottom line. I sat at my desk, looked around the shop, and felt a familiar stab:
I wish Josie Alvarez were here
.

Josie was the smart, feisty fifteen-year-old I'd hired last spring to help out in the store. She came from an abusive family and had a visible scar to match her emotional ones: one leg was a little shorter than the other because her mother hadn't taken her to the hospital after Josie broke it playing. One day I saw her boozy stepdad slap her and—after practicing my kickboxing technique on his body—I moved Josie in with me until she got hooked up with a foster family up in Troy. She'd only lived with me for a month, but she'd definitely left a mark, damnit. I missed her. And on a practical level, she was just so damn bright and competent and ran the store better than I did. But she was in Troy with her foster family, which was the best outcome for everyone, right?

I picked up the phone and called George, my pal who lived down the street. George was around my age—early forties—an ER nurse who'd bought up a few buildings in town and was now semi-retired, living off the rents he collected. When I first moved to Sawyerville, he helped me get my shop up and running—he had a great gay eye, was loyal and fun if a bit, well, self-dramatizing at times.

“Listen, I got a call to go look at some jewelry. Can you open the store for me?”

“Damn, babe, not a good morning. I've got company.” He lowered his voice. “He's still asleep. And no, I am
not
in love with him. I have learned my lesson. No more absurd obsessions.”

“Whatever.”

“He trains horses,” George swooned. Sawyerville was home to a large horse show that met a half-dozen times a year. “Have you ever heard of anything more romantic in your life?”

I'd only known George for a year and a half but I'd already invested way too much time in his amorous adventures. The man had a neurotic need to be “in love,” to focus all his attention and affection on another man. It all sounds very giving and selfless, but after having watched the pattern play out a few times, I'd decided that it was actually a strange kind of narcissism—it seemed like it was all about the love object, but it was actually all about
George
. How passionate, adoring, and giving
he
was.

“When I think of horses,” I said, “I think of dust, manure, and
The Godfather
.”

“Janet, do you kill dreams consciously or is it some kind of weird compulsion?” I heard him crunch on his toast. “But
okay
, I'll open for you. I know Antonio—he's Brazilian, doesn't that make you just
melt­—
has a morning workout. As soon as I get him fed and on his way, and drop in at Chow, I'll hustle over.”

Chow—run by our friend Abba—was the homey restaurant that was Sawyerville's unofficial town hall, nerve center, and gossip mill.

“You're a doll.”

“Well, if last night is any measure, Antonio agrees with you in a
big
way.”