Dead Chaos (28 page)

The goddess Eir caught up with me, silently guiding me to a part of the palace into which I'd never ventured. Everything seemed eerily silent. Even my footsteps on the stone floor seemed to make no sound. We slowed as we approached a set of open doors that gave into a large hall, already occupied by dozens of people, Warriors and Valkyries alike.

Eir
paused in the doorway and so did I. Suddenly, I was afraid to enter the room alone. My heart thudded against my ribs and my throat tightened on a sob. At the opposite wall, half a dozen windows stood open, plain, white, gauzy drapes flowed in a soft breeze. All the walls were dotted with dozens and dozens of statues at least twenty feet in height, each made of white marble, each with wings spread out behind them, standing tall as if at attention.

In the middle of the room sat a small wooden boat, intricately carved runes covering every available surface of the vessel
, inscribed in shimmering gold. The warm, red wood was a soft contrast to the stark white of the marble tiled floor.

Sigrun lay in the boat,
supported by a pallet of soft blankets and cushions. She remained unmoving, so terrifyingly still.

Of course she wouldn't move
, Bryn. She's dead.

Her pale skin glowed, glittering with some kind of special powder. They'd laid her upon her outstretched wings, their multiple hues of grey matching the somber occasion. They'd dressed her in full battle regalia
, including her gleaming bronze helmet. She looked amazing, so stunning, so lifelike.

But it was a lie.

She is dead, gone. No more.

I hesitated, then left
Eir at the doorway and walked to the boat. I could feel the gazes of the people I passed, knew the soft wave of whispers was because of my wings. I saw Aimee and Joshua at the edge of the crowd but barely acknowledged them as they rose and embraced me. My back remained stiff and I didn't return their greetings. I could barely handle them touching me without screaming for them to leave me alone.

Aimee gave me a shocked look, taking in my wings, but then just gave me a small smile and sat back down. Joshua held me by the arms
. For a moment, I stared stiffly at the twist of the bronze buckle at the neck of his cloak. Then I met his eyes and was bombarded by the depth of emotion I saw. His gaze flitted from my face to my wings, his question unspoken. My body relaxed a little, his touch more welcome than I’d expected. My own eyes filled with tears as he turned to lead me to Sigrun, entwining his fingers with mine. He wouldn't let go and I was grateful. Until he'd held my hand, I'd been drifting in my grief, unable to lock onto anything to give me strength, not wanting anything or anyone to give me the strength I needed.

We
sank to the floor beside the boat, which had been placed in a large depression in the floor, allowing everyone an unobstructed view of its single occupant. I stared at my friend, who'd been my support for so long. She would no longer be my companion.

My heart filled with such a bleak emptiness that I felt a searing, physical pain. I endured the agony, relished it. I deserved pain.

I'd failed to keep her safe.

Failed to save Sigrun.

I could sense Joshua and Aimee wanted to know what had happened
. They shifted beside me, sending me glances both encouraging and curious. And though I knew they'd have received the gist of my condition and recovery from Frigga, I began to repeat the whole story to them, keeping my voice low and soft, ending with how I got my wings back using Loki’s ball.

My face fell as I finished my story and I glanced at Sigrun, guilt and regret pulling at my heart. Aimee held onto my free hand and squeezed.
"Bryn, she was already gone by the time we’d arrived in Asgard. The poison had done its job." Aimee seemed to struggle with the words.

I stared at her, but all I saw was
Sigrun's pale, fever-moist face. "Did they try the antidote?" I asked the question even though I knew they hadn't.

"They'd begun to make it as soon as we arrived with her but it was clear that she'd already died. They didn't try it because it was already too late."

"They should have still tried it. What if it had worked?" I spoke the words through gritted teeth.

"Bryn, she was gone." Joshua's fingered tightened on mine, and despite my anger, I felt their support. I knew they would have been able to do nothing for Sigrun. She
had died with us in Jotunnheim.

I scanned the crowd for Fen. He wasn't there. I leaned in and whispered
Fen's name to Joshua. "He's taken it pretty bad. He was here earlier, but I guess he needed his space." I nodded, a part of me twisting with guilt. "He should be around tomorrow for the funeral though."

Funeral. The word sounded so final. Just as it was meant to be.

***

I spent some time at the Valkyrie hall, then rose to go in search of Fen. Aimee and Joshua chose to accompany me
, for which I was grateful. I wasn't sure if I could take Fen's wrath alone.

I found him in his meeting hall, bent over, staring blankly at his papers. He glanced up as I entered and I saw the grief in his eyes. I didn't see any blame
or anger. A lump rose in my throat and again I swallowed the need to sob my grief, to let all my emotions go. Aimee and Joshua hung back as I walked to Fen. When I reached his side, I couldn't summon any words.

He seemed to understand, just opened his arms, and held me close.
For a long moment, we stood there and shared our grief, and I felt overwhelmed by his affection, his forgiveness, and his love for my friend.

At last, I broke away. I hadn't been able to shed a tear.
It seemed somewhere a switch had clicked and I just couldn't let it out. When Fen spoke, it jarred me a little to hear the rough emotion in his tone. "How are you holding up? I take it the antidote worked?"

I nodded. "I'm okay." I met his eyes. "I'm just so sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry about, Bryn. It was a mission. It could have happened to anyone. And no doubt Sigrun would tell you the same. Let us just rejoice in her life. She would want that."

I nodded. He was right. Sigrun was never one to mope around. She was an action person, and I resolved to honor her by my actions.
Yet it did seem so much easier to say than to do. "So, can I do anything?"

Fen nodded. "Tomorrow
morning at the funeral, you can throw a torch for her. She would like that." I nodded although I wasn't entirely sure what that meant. I'd find out soon enough.

"I will. See you tomorrow then?" Fen nodded. I'd expected him to want to be debriefed immediately, but today, Fenrir, the great
Ulfr of Asgard, nursed his heart just like the rest of us. As I joined Aimee and Joshua, Fen called out, "Bryn, I'll expect a full debrief from your team tomorrow after the funeral."

I nodded and left the hall, relieved that at least some things hadn't changed.

***

Outside Fen's hall, Aimee paused and held onto my hand. "Bryn, I have a few things to do. Are you going to be okay?" I gave her an encouraging smile. One that probably hadn't met my eyes or seemed sincere enough because she frowned. "You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Now stop worrying and go do your
einherjar
thing."

Aimee gave me a faint, grateful smile. She grabbed me into a tight hug, then let go and left really fast. Sigrun's death was taking its toll on all of us. I swallowed hard as reassuring fingers squeezed mine, reminding me that Joshua was still with me.

I didn’t look at him as we walked, just moved along the subdued halls in silence. It seemed my grief had dulled the sparks of passion that had burned between us. Not that they were gone, they just weren’t as important to me right now, and the most uplifting part was that Joshua seemed to understand.

We reached my room, and this time, we weren’t accompanied by the clacking of wolf claws on the stone floor. Nor were we surrounded by the beating of ebony wings. Odin’s wolves and ravens were nowhere to be seen.

Inside, the room was cold. As if even Turi hadn’t expected me to return to my quarters so soon. I dropped onto the furs and stared into the empty fireplace as Joshua built up the fire. Soon flames crackled and warmth began to seep into the room and into my bones.

I wore the simple, white sleeveless dress in which I’d woken up. And yet the cold didn’t bother me at all. Or maybe I just didn’t care that I was cold. The furs shifted as Joshua sat beside me. When he put his arm around me, he started. "You’re freezing." He rubbed my arms a few times then climbed onto the bed, backing up until he sat against the wooden headboard. He beckoned and I went to him without question, leaning on his chest, so grateful for his arm as it closed around me.

We lay there until the fire sank low. I must have meant to tell Joshua but I fell asleep instead. When I woke, the moving shadows on the wall confirmed someone had built up the fire again. I stretched and froze in mid-motion as my elbow smacked into a broad chest.

Joshua.

He’d stayed with me.

I turned over, careful not to disturb him. The dark lines around his eyes made my heart ache. He’d been so strong and supportive and yet it was so clear he was hurting too. Sigrun had touched many hearts. I turned to face the warmth of the fire and snuggled down among the covers and strolled through my memories of Sigrun.

When Joshua’s arm snaked around my waist to pull me close, I smiled through a sheen of tears.

***

I woke the next morning with Joshua’s hand on my waist. I smiled. He couldn’t get any closer unless he wanted to smash up against my wings. Turi bustled around the room and didn’t even raise an eyebrow that my bed contained two bodies instead of the usual one. She had brought plenty of breakfast, which both Joshua and I ignored, neither feeling very hungry at all.

What I did want was a soak in the bathing pools, so I grabbed all my gear and set off to bathe. Turi looked affronted that I planned to dress at the pools, then insisted on coming with me.

"You can come, but if you offer to bathe me, scrub my back, or wash my hair, I will send you away."

"Very well, have it your way." Turi scowled as she grabbed my armor and my Valkyrie helmet and followed close on my heels.

The soak in the heated water was wonderful and I adjusted the pipes until the heat was almost unbearable. Mindful of the time, I finished washing and lathering and scrubbing as quickly as I could while avoiding all my injuries.

At last, dressed by a silent Turi, I was ready. When I set off for the Valkyrie Hall and Turi followed me, I bit my tongue. I didn’t ask her why she was coming with me. Asgard was her home as much as mine.

***

I arrived at the Valkyrie Hall and found a certain formality greeting me. The
einherjar
were nowhere in sight and my heart twisted with disappointment. But I understood. They were no doubt in Valhalla, waiting for the procession to pass.

The room overflowed with Valkyries, all standing perfectly straight in perfectly straight lines. No feathers dared to move. As soon as I entered the room, the Valkyries before me stepped aside to the left and to the right, opening a path that led directly to the boat which held Sigrun.

I followed the path, moving briskly. I didn’t want to delay anything in case they’d been waiting on me. When I reached the boat, I blinked in surprise. Frigga and Tyra stood beside the boat, accompanied by Freya, dressed head-to-toe in her beautiful golden dress. The garment seemed fashioned from thousands of tiny golden feathers, so despite being gold, the finish was soft instead of smooth.

My eyes instinctively wanted to search for the vicious Astrid, who was no doubt enjoying our loss very much. But perhaps she’d lost favor with her goddess, as another Valkyrie stood beside her, at attention, her gypsy coloring underlined by her black and silver wings. She gave me a small, kind smile before returning her gaze to attention.

Today, silver and gray ribbons weaved in and out of the edge of the boat, almost the way a rope would. Eight Valkyrie stood at attention at regular intervals around the vessel, each bearing a long, think rod.

Freya stepped to the head of the boat, and the Valkyrie general addressed her army.

I barely listened. She extolled Sigrun’s strengths and virtues, talked about how well she knew her, and the time when Sigrun had first become a Valkyrie. It wasn’t a long speech and soon I had to force my attention to Freya in her blindingly gold dress as she raised her hand.

When she dropped it, the soft, mournful cries of horns played across the room. The eight Valkyries turned to face the boat at stiff attention. They bowed in one smooth move, then drew their wooden staffs forward, pushing them into the loops created by the silver ribbons. Rods jutted out from all over the boat, providing enough support for the Valkyrie pallbearers to carry it out.

In one surge, the boat slid from its resting place in the little stepped depression onto the shoulders of the Valkyrie. They moved together as one and stepped toward the doorway where they stopped and waited.

Freya moved ahead and my gut clenched. I had no idea what to do, where to stand, who to walk with. For a moment, I panicked and then I felt the touch of a hand on my arm. Frigga urged me forward to where Freya stood, watching me; waiting for me.

I schooled my features, confused but trying not to do anything that would reveal my novice status. I walked to Freya, who turned to the boat and instructed the pallbearers to go. She began to walk off and I followed, falling into step behind Freya. I thought I was meant to walk beside her assistant, but when the dark-haired Valkyrie slowed her steps to fall in behind me, I began to wonder what was going on. It seemed I’d gained a higher status while I’d been gone. One nobody had informed me of.

The army of Valkyrie moved as one, each step left and right could be heard as a loud swoosh, broken by the soft footed stamp of leather soles on the ground. We filed into the passage standing two abreast, the pallbearers fitting without so much as an inch to spare on each side.

They moved ahead slowly, and we reached the exit sooner than I’d expected. Outside, the morning light glinted on the silver-ribboned boat, glancing off the bronzed headpieces of the Valkyries and off Freya’s now-blindingly golden dress.

The procession slowed to a halt and I glanced about, curious. The neighing of horses drew my attention to my right. Three Sleipnir stood waiting, draped in silver chainmail. They stood very still, almost as if they understood the solemnity of the occasion. One of the horses looked familiar and I blinked.

Ara?

What was she doing here?

In front of me, Freya approached the horses. A Valkyrie hurried forward with what looked like a large stool which the goddess used to mount the first horse, so pitch-black it looked almost like a hulking shadow.

A rustling behind me drew my attention as Frigga draped herself so elegantly on the back of a grey, so luminous it gleamed almost silver.

Ara looked at me, almost expectantly, her liquid black eyes never leaving my face.

"Come, Bryn." Frigga’s voice was so soft I almost didn't hear her as she beckoned me.

I hurried to Ara, using the stool the Valkyrie brought to me and arranging myself atop my mount’s back. I laid a hand on Ara’s warm back and held the reins as the Sleipnir moved forward to walk behind the two goddesses.

My ears rang with the shock of the honor I’d been given. But I couldn’t enjoy it much. The procession moved in somber silence away from the palace toward Valhalla, the Valkyrie Army behind us now walking eight-abreast as the path widened. My thoughts went to Odin, whose heart would ache with the knowledge he couldn’t be here for Sigrun’s farewell.

In the distance, the aurora borealis shimmered and twisted in the pale sky. It almost felt like we were walking to the lights as it hovered just above, as if waiting for us.

Soon the procession reached the path that led up the small mountain on which Valhalla was built where it came to a halt. The Glasir tree glowed as if blessing Sigrun with her golden light and I bit back tears. I would not cry. I refused to show weakness. Staring at the tree, I felt the strangest sensation in my gut. An odd pull as if the tree were calling to me.

I shifted in my seat, then hesitated only for a moment, throwing my leg over Ara’s back and sliding slowly to the ground. A quick glance at Freya confirmed she didn’t mind my breaking away from the procession. I hurried up the hill and stopped beneath the spreading branches of the gigantic rowan tree. The silence beneath its branches seemed almost palpable and I stood there, remembering the time Sigrun had first introduced me to the Glasir. I smiled and laid a palm on the rough bark, letting my thoughts fly to the past.

But a small sound disturbed my thoughts. A slight clicking. I listened and heard it again. The sounds of a leaf freeing itself from Glasir’s branches. I looked up but couldn’t see anything. So I just remained still. If the tree was gifting me with a leaf a second time, the golden leaf would come to me of its own accord.

And it did.

And there were two.

They came floating down before me, slowly as if they swayed on a soft and invisible breeze. I held out my hands and each leaf landed within a palm. My heart thudded as I stared at the twin leaves glistening in the center of each of my hands. I smiled as I felt a lilt to my heartbeat. The Glasir had given me a leaf for Sigrun. This time, tears did fill my eyes as I looked up at the branches and whispered my thanks.

I scraped the moisture away from my eyes with the backs of my hands and headed down the hill. I climbed onto Ara’s back and rejoined the procession just in time.

A thundering emanated from up the hill and my heart clenched, not sure what to expect. The Valkyries continued to walk ahead, not missing a step as the army of
einherjar
flowed over the hill and merged with the procession, flanking the lines of Valkyries four aside as they passed. Soon, a column of Valkyries and
einherjar
marched sixteen abreast toward the roiling green-and-purple sky.

We didn’t have much farther to go. The path began to descend to the lake that sat at the farthest end of Asgard's inner city grounds. The lake was so wide we couldn’t see the other side. A shiver ran down my spine as I realized what they were intending to do with Sigrun’s body.

A traditional Warrior’s funeral.

***

We dismounted, leaving the Sleipnir up on the hill and gathered at the shoreline as the pallbearers laid the boat down on the sandy beach. Above us it seemed the aurora borealis hung lower than ever. The horns had ceased blowing and silence and the slap of waves mixed in a strained partnership.

Movement around me announced my team’s arrival. I glanced at Joshua and Aimee as they flanked me. I’d hoped they’d be remembered as Sigrun’s friends and when I looked up I knew they would never have been forgotten.

Fenrir had arrived.

The General of the Ulfr Army had arrived in full regalia, including his helmet that hid most of his face. I looked up the hill behind me to find lines of Ulfr coming up between the lines of
einherjar
and Valkyries.

My throat spasmed on a sob. What a beautiful tribute. I didn't know if it was standard procedure for funerals, but it was a beautiful sight to behold. All three armies standing side by side, merged in their honoring of a fellow Warrior’s passing.

At last, silence fell upon the great gathering as Freya took her place beside the boat.

"We are here today to honor a Warrior. One who will be sorely missed. One who was a treasure to both Asgard’s and Hel’s Valkyrie contingents. Valkyrie Sigrun." A line of Valkyries walked into the clearing beside the boat, each bearing bundles of wood and rushes.
They set about placing their bundles in the boat while the armies watched in silence. Another step closer to the end.

When the Valkyries had completed their task, they filed back up the hill and Freya turned to the boat. The pallbearers seemed to take her movement as their cue. They drew the vessel up off the ground in one smooth movement and walked straight into the water.