Dead Giveaway (2 page)

He chuckled, the spaces between his well-stretched buttoned-down shirt widened. I averted my eyes from the tuffs of black hair that peeked between the gaps.

I continued a little less confidently. “I think he was murdered…by Rose.”

That really cracked him up. He laughed so hard, pieces of half-chewed meat fell out of his mouth. “Rose? Are you kidding? That’s just your grief talking, Julie. Your daddy had an accident, that’s all.”

I shook my head. “No, Rose murdered him. I know she did. You see, Marge and Agnes told me that there were problems between Rose and my father—another man.”

He gnawed on the end of his chicken bone, smacking his lips and regarding me curiously.

“Another man? Who?”

“I don’t know, yet,” I said, drawing a deep breath and continuing with my theory. “But Cliff Barker said that my father was getting ready to change the beneficiary on his insurance policy from Rose to me. She must have found out and killed him before he could go through with it. The policy was worth a million dollars.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, and there’s more. Jake Buford said that he worked on my father’s brakes a few weeks ago and they were in good shape.”

“Yeah, but Jake’s…well, you know…” He used the bare chicken bone to trace a circle in the air around his ear.

“He may be a little off, but he’s a good mechanic. You know that, Sheriff.”

Maddox paused, shaking his head. Then, hitching his thumbs inside his suspenders, he puffed his chest and let out a huge sigh. “Okay. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll check into what you’re saying.” With that, he walked off to rejoin his cronies.

My heart sank. Who was he trying to kid? He wasn’t going to check into anything. I could tell that he didn’t buy my theory. What I needed was more proof. I needed to find Rose’s lover.

I scrutinized the room. I wasn’t so sure that Rose had to go as far as Flatville or Cowlick Junction to find her mystery lover. Lake Loon was full of idiots stupid enough to hook up with Rose.

My eyes settled on Harvey Williams, the banker. Recently widowed and wealthy, he was a good prospect; that is, if you overlooked the nasty comb-over. Then, there was Cletus Jackson the car dealer. With a trim waistline, full head of hair, and sharp creases in his khakis, he was by far the best-looking bachelor in Rose’s age bracket.

I squinted at both. Was either of them a big enough idiot to commit murder for Rose?

I decided to start with Harvey, the banker. Comb-over aside, he was the closest thing this town had to Warren Buffet. My bet was that Rose would choose money over looks any day.

“Hello, Harvey. How’s the banking business going?”

“Julie, so sorry about your father.”

“Thanks. Speaking of my father, I…uh…couldn’t help wondering if his accounts were all squared away at the bank. I would hate to think of Rose as being burdened with any unnecessary stress at this time,” I lied.

Harvey suddenly regarded me with interest. “How nice of you to ask,” he purred. “Things must be going well for you up in the big city.”

I shrugged. “Sure, you could say that.” Truth was, my budget was tighter than Oprah’s girdle.

He bent forward, a sly glint in his eye, “Actually, I shouldn’t bring up business at a time like this, but would you let Rose know that her back payments can wait a few more days? I’m sure that during her grief, she’s—”

“Payments?”

“Yes, for her car loan. She’s only a couple of months behind. Although, I did hear that she would be receiving a large insurance settlement, so—”

“Car loan, huh? Excuse me, Harvey.” I walked away, scratching Harvey off my list of possible lovers. All that man had on his mind were Rose’s assets—monetary, not physical.

I found Cletus Jackson by the buffet line, piling seconds on his plate. “Julie,” he said, as I approached, “sorry for your loss.”

“Hello Cletus. Car sales been good?”

He smiled slyly. “Yes, as a matter of fact, they’ve been real good.”

I studied him suspiciously, letting my eyes roam from his Grecian Formulaenhanced hair right down to the gold nugget pinky ring on his right hand. Money aside, this guy was just the type of slime-ball who would attract Rose. “So, I heard you sold a car to Rose recently.”

He tilted his head back and chuckled. I could see the gold filling on his back molar. “That’s right. She was an easy sale, too. You know Rose…when she sees something she wants, she just goes for it.”

“Is that right?”

He winked. “That’s right, darlin’. That Rose is some sort of woman, know what I mean?”

Yeah, I knew what he meant. My blood began to boil. How could she? This man was nothing compared to my father. I was going find her and rip her eyes out!

I turned on my heel and ran smack into Agnes and Marge, who were standing nearby, busily plating up desserts and hanging on my every word with Cletus.

“Where’s Rose?” I asked through gritted teeth.

Agnes hesitated, dangling a large serrated knife over a three-layer red velvet cake that she was preparing to cut. “I think she said that she was heading for the ladies room to touch up her makeup.” She glanced at Marge who was standing nearby, with a ready plate in hand. “Isn’t that what she said, Marge?”

I didn’t wait for Marge’s reply. Instead, I snatched up the cake and headed toward the restrooms. Touch up? I’d give her a touch up.

I stormed down the hallway that led to the restrooms. Cake in hand, I burst into the bathroom. Rose wasn’t there. I even glanced under all the stall doors. No Rose.

I walked back out to the hallway. That’s when I heard the noise—a sort of soft grunting sound. I crept silently along the hall, cake in hand, following my ears all the way to the rectory office.

The door was slightly ajar. Curious, I pushed it all the way open and stepped inside.

There, I happened upon the most repugnant sight—Rose and Mystery Man, doing the wild thing on top of Fr. O’Neil’s desk.

The door shut behind me with a click and they jumped apart. That’s when I noticed that Mystery Man wasn’t so mysterious—he was none other than Sheriff Maddox himself.

Shocked, I tossed the cake. It landed in front of Rose with a thud, a few bits of reddish goo splattering on her naked torso.

There was an awkward silence that hung in the air like bad body odor in a packed elevator as we all stood motionless, wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

I, for one, couldn’t help but stare…Sheriff Maddox was so hairy. And Rose with her disheveled red hair, smeared lipstick, and cake splattered body…well, the whole scene felt like a low-budget documentary—something like the mating habits of Bozo the Clown and Sasquatch. I shivered with disgust.

Or, was that fear? For at that moment it all became clear. Sheriff Maddox, the one person who I thought I could trust, was in cahoots with Rose, my psycho-bitch stepmother. And that could only mean one thing…they knew that I knew…and now I was in serious danger.

I let my eyes slide over to the corner of the room where the Sheriff’s pants laid in a heap, his gun belt on top. I made a mad dash for it.

Sheriff Maddox must have had the same thought, because before I knew it I was clamoring on the ground with Mr. Hairy, trying to get to his gun holster. I was losing the match, too, but it didn’t matter as we both stopped short when we noticed Rose hovering above, holding the gun.

“Don’t move,” she ordered.

I obeyed.

“That a girl, Rose,” Maddox said with a nervous little chuckle. Then, flashing me the furriest moon I had ever seen, he bent down to retrieve his pants. After pulling them into position, he reached toward Rose.

“Now, give me the gun, Rose. I’ll take care of this.”

“No you won’t, Wade. Just back up over there next to the brat.”

He stopped. “What?”

“I said, back up over there next to the girl and don’t you try anything either or I’ll blow your balls off,” Rose said, her voice eerily calm.

I didn’t know much about guns, but I figured that the black steel pistol bouncing around haphazardly at the end of her fingertips could get the job done, so I listened to her.

Sheriff Maddox, on the other hand, wanted an explanation.

“What in God’s name, Rose? Give me the gun!”

“No, Wade. My plans have changed.”

“Rose,” he pleaded. “After all that I did for you? What about us?”

Rose let out a little evil laugh, the gun bouncing in her hand. “Us? Oh, Wade, you’re so stupid. I just needed you to do the dirty work.”

I watched in horror as her finger inched toward the trigger. “So you seduced him and convinced him to murder my father and now you’re going to kill him, too?” I blurted out. Time, I just needed a little more time. “All just for money?”

She smiled wickedly. “Well you know what they say? Money is the root of all evil.” She punctuated her cleverness with another wicked little laugh. “Besides, I’ve earned every penny I’m going to get from that insurance money—all those years of putting up with you and your boring father.”

“Oh, that’s right; you missed out on an acting career.” I just couldn’t help myself.

Rose’s eyes glazed over. She seemed to drift away for a second. “Yeah, that’s right. I had it all—beauty, talent…. Your father saw that in me. He promised to take me to California first chance he got. But it never happened. Instead, I wasted away in this podunk town.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the Sheriff inching forward. I needed to buy more time. “So, now you’re going to shoot both of us? How are you going to get away with it? There’s a whole crowd of people out there.”

“The way I’m looking at it, this little scenario is perfect. Wade was back here…um…comforting me in my sorrow and you happened upon us. You were so outraged, you took his gun and shot him. Then, in a moment of despair, you turned the gun on yourself. All I’ll have to do is put the gun in your hand. It’ll be easy. I’ve seen that type of thing done dozens of times in the movies. Let’s see, I can’t remember, are you right handed or left?”

I stared in disbelief. Rose was just idiotic enough to believe she would get by with such a hair-brained scheme. The only problem was, I’d never know if she pulled it off or not…I’d be dead.

An inconspicuous glance sideways told me that Sheriff Maddox was about ready to make his move. Rose must have been too busy contemplating my dexterity to notice because in one bold move, he was able to jump and knock her to the ground. In a frenzied struggle, the gun discharged. The loud crack sent me scurrying for the door. I had just reached for the knob when there was another shot.

Then, the door burst open. “Oh my God!” Marge shrieked, covering her face with both hands. Agnes, who was following on her heels, reacted similarly. Right behind them were Cliff and Jake, Pinky Jones, Father O’Neil, Harvey the banker, and a dozen others, all reacting in horror to the scene before them.

I mustered the courage to turn back and look. Rose was face up, shot in the chest; and Sheriff Maddox, in all his hairy glory, was next to her, gun still at his temple.

I should have reacted with the same horror-struck emotion as the others. The scene before me was gruesome—both bodies lying in a mixture of blood and red velvet cake. Instead, I had to work hard to suppress the smile that was tugging at the corners of my lips. Not only was I a million dollars richer, but Rose had finally got what she always wanted. She was the star in her own tragic drama and the people of this town would be talking about her performance for years to come.