Dead Man's Bluff (12 page)

“You’re
a male version of me. I don’t like it.”

Now
she really was about to pee her pants. Finally her laughter trailed off. “I’m
sorry,” she offered as a hand went over her mouth to ensure no more giggles
escaped. Drew probably thought she was making fun of him. She wasn’t. Not
really. Truthfully, she knew exactly how he felt, desperate. She felt the same
way herself and maybe her finding his situation funny had a little bit to do
with her own situation. Why did love have to be so damn difficult?

“Got
it all out of your system yet?” he asked, referring to her little fit.

She
nodded her head, strands of blonde falling over an eye.

He
said, “Good. Now help me.”

“Um…let
me see…how about? No. You don’t need my help, remember?” She pouted.

The
anger bled from his expression, he went straight into pleading, “Please. I
don’t know what to do. She has my head so screwed up…I don’t know what to think
anymore. If I thought she’d truly be happy with him, then maybe…”

“You’d
let her go? No, you wouldn’t. You love her too much. You know how much it hurts
to be without her.” Emma sighed, hoping she wouldn’t regret what she was about
to say. “I’ll spend some time with her. See if I can find out how she feels.”

“I
already know how she feels. She loves me as much as I love her.”

“Are
you sure?”

“One
hundred percent sure.”

“Then
why do you need my help?”

“Because
she’s hiding something and I want to know what it is.” ♠

Thirteen

Megan
rolled out a long piece of toilet paper. Her eyes stung, and her nose was so
clogged up with snot she was having difficulty breathing. She had to look
pathetic, sitting on the toilet like a frail little girl, bawling her eyes out.
Dammit, she had spent so much time containing these useless emotions, and then
he’d just opened the steel door like it was weightless, allowing all her crap
to flood in like a tidal wave drowning her in it.  

She
rolled out a fresh clump of tissue and blew her nose, for like the hundredth
time. She breathed in a strangled breath and relaxed her shoulders a bit.

Knuckles
tapped against the other side of the locked bathroom door. “Go away!” Megan
ordered.

“It’s
Em…unlock the door.”

“Is
he with you?”

“No.”

“Promise?”

“Jesus,
paranoid much?” Emma rattled the doorknob.

Megan
blew her nose one last time and wiped away any traces of smeared mascara. She deliberately
twisted the look on the door and went back to her throne of sorrow knowing
exactly how child-like she appeared. There was no use in pretending now.

Emma
settled herself on the side of the tub, leaned forward, hands on her knees
which gave Megan the clear view of her cleavage and immediately she was
shuddering out another sob. Life was not fair. She’d never allowed herself to acknowledge
just how pretty Emma was. But it was more than her appearance that Megan
envied, it was that she would never be caught crying. Megan would bet Em had
never experienced puffy eyes, a red nose or a broken heart. And the girl wanted
Drew. It was only a matter of time before…what guy wouldn’t date Emma? Hell, if
she was into girls, she would date Emma.

Em
rolled off a new strand of tissue and held it out for her; revealing some of
the whitest, straightest teeth Megan had ever seen. She had teeth like Brittany
Spears. Perfect. Another flawless thing about her. Good grief. How could she
compete?

“Let
me take you to get drunk…some time away would do you good,” Emma said.

“I
don’t…
gasp
… know,” she managed to get out while doing that sucking in
deep uncontrollable breaths like girls do when they’ve reached that ugly stage of
crying, and Em was witnessing it all. Her ugliness. Hell. Who was she kidding.
She could use a drink and maybe even a Valium. “O-okay…
gasp
… get me…
sob-hiccup
...drunk.”

Emma
patted her knee and stood up. “Excellent. Now, take a shower and put on your sexiest
dress. Dry up the tears. If you’re not ready in an hour, I’m leaving without
you and you’ll be stuck here with Drew all night…unless, that’s what you want?”

Megan
shook her head.

She
did as instructed. Showered, and dug out the sexiest dress she owned, only it
wasn’t clinging to her body, instead it was clinging to the bathroom counter
top. She stood there with a towel wrapped around her body eyeing the thing as
if it were the devil. “I can’t do this,” she muttered into her cell.

Lillian
sighed on the other end. “Yes, you can, Meg. You are a strong girl. I have seen
you go through more hurt over the past two years than a mother ever wants to
see her daughter go through…but, you survived. You’re a fighter. You don’t sit
around crying over what you can’t change, and the doctors are going to make you
whole again.”

Would
they make her whole again? Could they? Maybe, but she would never be the same.
Not after she knew how important it was to have people around you can count on.
Now, she knew how major every small decision was… no doctor could change that.

Her
mother read whatever she wanted to into her silence. “I know you are scared to
death…scared to admit how you feel about him…”

“Mom,
don’t.”

“It’s
the truth. Tell me that when you were fighting for your life he had nothing to
do with your determination….tell me he had nothing to do with it and I’ll shut
up.”

A
single tear escaped, rolling down Megan’s cheek. Well, maybe a few more than a
single tear escaped. She quickly wiped them away and turned herself into the
steely girl she was accustomed to and lied through her teeth, “He had nothing
to do with it. Conner was the one who was there…not Drew Mackenzie.” Good
grief. Conner had confessed his love for her while her hair was falling out. If
that wasn’t love…

“Honey,
you never gave Drew a chance to be there.”

Megan
remembered his hateful words the first day she’d returned to the ranch. “Nice
haircut. What’s that look called? Uptight, anal school teacher?”

Of
course she couldn’t completely blame him. He had no idea that her hair actually
looked healthy and alive for the first time in a very long time. But it just
went to show you that someone with his love of the superficial and someone with
his sexual appetite for “perfect” women could never be attracted to someone
like her. Yes, he’d said all that stuff earlier in the bedroom, caging her in
up against the wall, but that was only because, once again, Drew Mackenzie was
clueless.  He would never be satisfied with her, not really.

“Tonight,
I just want to be twenty three again. I don’t want to be the sick girl. ” And I
sure as hell don’t want to be the girl in love with a guy who is not my fiancé.
“I want to have a good time. Behave stupidly. Be wild. Irresponsible. I want to
dance. Drink. Can you back off for one night and let me have that? ”

She
could picture her mother’s concerned expression as she answered, “Yes, I only
want you to be happy, Meg.”

“I
know. I realize that’s the motive behind everything you do. I haven’t forgotten
that it wasn’t only Conner there for me… you were there… but, you can’t fix
everything. The last two years should have shown you you don’t have control
over my life any longer… you have to let me figure out who I want to be with,
and you have to respect my decision.”

She
heard Lillian sigh her surrender, a surrender not many would ever hear or see,
because it rarely happened. If Megan was strong, it was because it was in her
genes, handed down from her mother and a father who fought up until his last
breath. Megan felt the sting of tears again at that thought and decided it was
time for her irresponsible night to begin, before she had a change of heart,
curling up in her bed, someone succumbing to all the struggles life throws at
them. “I need to get off here. Em said she’ll leave me if I’m not ready in an
hour.” She paused, dragging in an empowering breath. “I love you, Mom.”

“You
too, honey. Be safe.”

“I
will.” Megan ended the call. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her chin
length hair had dried in soft sensual waves. How could he say she resembled an
uptight, anal school teacher? She was sexy. At least on the surface. Her lips
were plump, even more so with a little lip-gloss. Her eyes a bright green that
popped with the tiniest bit of mascara. White gleamed in the mirror as she
revealed her teeth. Her smile was sexy. Drew Mackenzie was a blind, arrogant
jackass. 

Fingers
trembling, she loosened the place holding her towel securely to her body allowing
the towel to flutter to the floor. She studied her left breast: the
still-tender scar along the soft tissue, the unattractive way her flesh sagged.
There was the ugly pucker and the redness that still lingered where the stiches
used to be. The doctors said it would take years for the tenderness to go away
completely…if it ever did. Yes, she was sexy. She was sexy. She was sexy. She
was sexy. She was sexy. At least she could pretend to be sexy for one night.
She reached for her underwear lying up on the counter, on top that damn
intimidating red dress, a dress that no more than a year and a half ago she
used to fill out quite nicely, thank you very much.

Now
that her chemo and radiation were over, and she was “healthy” the doctors could
do their breast reconstructive surgery, and make her “whole” again, but it was
just another battle she’d have to face: more pain after finally becoming pain
free for the first time in a while, then there would be another recovery
period… no, Drew Mackenzie believed life was one big elaborate party. He didn’t
have time for possible infections, ‘round the clock Vicodin and one guaranteed
ride on an emotional roller-coaster.

She
slid on her panties, snapped her bra into place, and reached for the padding
she’d purchased to make her feel more like a woman, like it could ever replace
the real thing. Slipping the padding in the cup of the bra, she grimaced. Never
in her life did she think she would ever be “stuffing” her bra. What was the
name of that little boy who used to tease her about “stuffing” her bra back in
seventh grade? Lord, she couldn’t remember his name. Why couldn’t she remember his
name? She had wanted to slap the little shit, because obviously, she had not
been “stuffing” her bra.

And
now here she was…

She
wiggled her body, adjusting. It was uncomfortable. The padding rubbed where she
was tender. She would endure the pain, at least for a night. Tonight she was
going to look hot! Sexy! Next she stepped into the red dress and worked it up
her body. The neck wasn’t too low, which was perfect. But the back…she turned
and smiled at the plunge in the fabric that draped right to the bra strap.
Ideally it would drape further, showing more flesh, but this was still sexy.
She ran her hands over the front of the dress. Her curves were convincing
enough. The best part was the hem of the dress barely reached her fingertips.
Throw on a pair of black stilettos and she was back in business. ♠

Fourteen

“This
place isn’t what I was expecting,” Megan shouted over ZZ Tops,
Gimme All
Your Lovin’
as Emma and her grabbed a table. Crumbs littered the black
Formica table top and there were puddles of spilled beer, or was it spit? It
was still the cleanest table in the place and Megan was careful not to set an
elbow in any of nastiness as she took out a napkin to smear some of it up. “Do
you come here often?”

“God,
no,” Em laughed as she held up two fingers for the older woman moving from
table to table with a tray of goodies balanced on a hand. “It’s mostly bikers in
here.”

“Not
just bikers….old bikers,” Megan returned. She had expected a trendy night club,
but
Clyde’s
could only be described as a bar, a slimy, smelly one.

Em
smiled and shrugged a shoulder. “It’s the closest place to the ranch to get a
beer. Our options are limited, you know?”