Dead of Winter (35 page)

Under his voice, Aric said, “
Look
at them, Empress.”

As if I could look at anything else.

In the three months I'd been away, Jack had changed so much. His heart could change. He wasn't twenty yet! With me out of the picture, he could love the Archer.

By choosing Jack, I would doom not only Aric, but Selena as well.

“This is blowing my ever-loving mind,” Selena muttered as we watched Death and Jack riding point together.

The four of us were heading south on horseback, along the slavers' alternate route, a shortcut recently discovered and mapped by the Azey.

The “day” was cold and black, with spates of drizzle. Every now and then, I thought I spied a snowflake—like the sole one I'd seen at Aric's—but it always turned out to be a bit of ash.

“If someone had told me a week ago that I'd be riding with Death,” Selena continued, “I would've shoved his head up his ass.”

The four of us could've taken a truck, trailering the horses, but we all had reasons to ride instead.

Selena wanted to heal more before she faced everyone at Fort Arcana. Her accelerated regeneration was erasing her bruises, mending her new burn wound and her hand. She thought she'd be able to draw her cherished bow soon. She'd been stuffing herself, already gaining weight. But she scratched at that icon so much, she'd taken to wearing gloves at all times.

Jack had voted for horseback because he burned to roust out any other slavers that had set up in Azey territory. No takers so far.

I'd been desperate for time to come to a decision. We were due back at the outpost tonight, and I still hadn't made my choice.

Death had laughed at the idea of trailering his horse. Which was understandable, considering what that stallion had done to those chronicle-seeking clones.

Thanatos bench pressed three eighty and left us a pile of carnate chum. . . .

Selena steered her mount closer to mine. “You didn't hear—because your senses are like a rock's—but those two were talking earlier.”

“About what?” Deepening my voice, I imitated a guy, “You fought well, worthy foe.”

“I know, right? So J.D. goes, ‘I'm Jackson Deveaux. We've been in battle together. You goan to give me your real name, or what?' The Reaper was all stumped, like he's not used to being asked that.”

He wasn't. And he was even less used to answering that question. Aric would never tell Jack.

Selena continued, “But then the Reaper says, ‘My name is Aric DomÄ«nija.' ”

My eyes went wide. Just like everything else about Aric, his name had come out into the world. I found my lips curving. Until I thought of my looming decision. Pain awaited me either way.

Selena cocked her head. “If J.D. can tolerate DomÄ«nija, then I guess I can too. It's easier when the Reaper isn't raising a sword or wearing that creepy helmet.”

Aric had kept it stowed on his saddle more often than not. To some degree, he must trust Selena and Jack not to strike. And maybe he felt our strength in numbers against an outside threat.

Perhaps he'd realized all these fascinating new interactions were easier with his face unconcealed.

Jack received a transceiver call from Rodrigo then, answering with important-sounding military lingo.

“Didn't I tell you he was a leader?” Selena all but sighed. “Isn't he amazing?”

I got the weirdest impression that she was
selling
me on him. Or was she just bragging?

“I'm glad you got to see J.D. with the army last night.”

Jack had given an inspiring speech about being a force for good—providing protection for survivors. And he'd outlined a game plan.

Azey South was marching to Louisiana to start work on a new settlement. Azey North would descend upon the Shrine, eliminating the Bagger infestation to secure all the supplies.

Then the two armies would unify again to form New Acadiana.

Jack had been magnetic, giving folks a new story to tell. Hope had been palpable. Even as the temperature dropped—and night endured.

I gazed up at the murky sky. “Selena, you ever think the sun will come out?” The question reminded me of Jack's words:
You ever think we deserve better than the Basin?
If he'd had the courage to hope, shouldn't I as well?

Selena rolled her eyes. “If the sun can
dis
appear, it can
re 
appear. Really, Evie.
Duh
.” She took out her canteen, trying to open it, about to take the top off with her teeth.

I leaned over and yanked it from her. What was I going to do with this girl? “Here.” I handed it back, opened for her.

She chugged, swiping her coat sleeve over her chin. “Hey, drop back a little. Want to talk to you.”

Was she finally going to confide in me about her ordeal? I'd asked her a few times, but she always refused. “Anything you want to discuss, Selena. I'm here.”

“Not about . . . that. I've put that time out of my head.” The circles under her eyes belied her nonchalance.

“You can't just ignore it.”

Her signature
the hell
expression firmly in place, she said, “Do you think about the cannibals you laid out? Or the time you almost ate raw human? Or the plague victims you offed? Yeah, I heard about that. You don't dwell on painful stuff. Neither will I.”

I hadn't given up on getting her to confide in me, but I backed off for now. “Then what's on your mind?”

“What's going on with you and Jack?”

Excellent question from the Archer. “Well, we talked after his speech, about the past few days and such.” Without a word, he'd led me behind a tent. . . .

“How you leaning, peekôn?”

“I wish you hadn't broken your promise to me.” He kept risking his life, going above and beyond, and I wasn't having it.

“These Azey soldiers respond to courage, and they needed to see it in someone they might back. Can you understand my thinking?”

I could. At so many points in this journey, I'd marveled at Jack's bravery. Though he was vulnerable, he put himself out there. Death was impervious, yet he only wanted to return to his sanctuary.

However . . . “And in the Shrine, Jack? What was that?”

Color tinged his cheeks. “I've probably done smarter things, me.”

“If I picture us together, I see us working as a
team,
making decisions together. Not this Jack-runs-off-to-save-the-day shit.” Otherwise, I should be with Death. Who at least was doing better—not worse. . . .

Now I batted away a wisp of ash, telling Selena, “He and I discussed my grandmother. I still want to find her, but Azey South's marching tomorrow.”

Jack had grinned at my concern. “I can give them damn directions, Evie. Me and you'll take some men and head to the Outer Banks. After we find her, we'll meet up with the others in Louisiana.” He sounded so confident. “You want to end the game, Evangeline? Then we will. Remember, together we can do
anything
. . . .”

“Then Jack and I touched on other stuff.” Such as him finding something meaningful with the babe beside me.

He pinned my gaze with his own. “Selena's an ally and a friend, but she'll never be more than that. Because it's you for me, peekôn.” He curled his finger under my chin. “When she's nearby, she doan make everything in me light up like goddamned fireworks. You think I can give her my heart? After I already gave it to you? I can't offer what I doan have.”

I cleared my throat, face flushing under Selena's scrutiny. “And, uh, we discussed Death.”

“If you choose the Reaper because you feel more for him, then I got to accept that, me. But doan choose him because you got sympathy for someone with a shit fate.” He leaned in closer, resting his forehead against mine. “I got one too.”

“What does that mean?”

“I told you I couldn't keep doing life after the Flash, not without you. That's changed. I will go on—'cause I got a job to do now—but I will
never
be right. I've got to feel you with my every step, Evangeline.”

I managed a casual shrug for the Archer. “We didn't get to talk long. Rodrigo needed him for that Shrine incursion meeting.” Jack had pressed a kiss to the top of my head, then reluctantly left me.

“Uh-huh. And did you talk to Death?”

“Briefly. He was scarce for most of the night.” At every opportunity, he read those chronicles, looking more engrossed than I'd ever seen him. Translating them must be critical, because his campaign to win me had taken a backseat.

When I caught up with him, I'd pressed him to tell me about his history with the Emperor.

“I can deny you nothing,” Aric said with a defeated exhalation. “In the game before last, he killed you. I hadn't found you yet, hadn't had a chance to determine what you were like. Or if we could be together.” He clenched his fists, his eyes gone starry. “The Emperor murdered my wife.”

“Who took him out?”

“I did. To avenge you and punish him for separating us. In that game, I harvested your icon from him.” Aric's voice went hoarse as he gazed down at his hand. “I stared at it as centuries passed me by.”

So what would Aric do now if I chose to be with Jack?

“You've got a decision to make.” Selena handed me back the canteen to close. “And frankly, I don't see what the issue is.”

With all honesty, I told her, “The issue is that I don't know what's going on in my head right now.”

“Well, figure it the hell out.”

I waved airily. “There! Done.
Voilà
.”

“Seriously, if you can figure out how to get DomÄ«nija and J.D. to ride together and be civil, this should be cake.”

I sighed, about to tell her it was complicated, brushing her off. But how could I expect her to confide in me when I wouldn't do the same in return? “I love Jack. But I have a connection to Aric.” One forged over millennia, like an endless wave along a shore.

Today, he'd gazed at me, but not with his usual confidence. He'd looked shaken—as if he suspected I was drawing away. But I wasn't. My heart remained divided. “I . . . I think I've fallen for him as well.” He'd come so far, had made such strides. I believed he could be a good partner for me.

If he didn't turn to coercion again. I dreaded the trick up his sleeve.

“Shit, girl. What'd you go and do that for?”

I glared. “Like I could help it?” My dreams of both of them had given me glimpses into how they'd become the men they were today. But those dreams hadn't helped me come to a decision.

She tugged a silvery blond tress from her cheek. “Granted, Death's different from what I thought, but would you really choose him over J.D.?”

“Aric told me I should give my blessing to you and Jack.”

She snorted. “You can bless us all you want, but it's not happening.”

I frowned at her. “You told me things had changed between you two.”

“Yeah. As in, I made peace with the fact that I'll never be with him. It was a done thing between you two before I ever came into the picture.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“After he heard you didn't want to have anything to do with him, J.D. took it bad—like head in his hands, pulling out his hair. So we
got wasted together. I told him how I felt about him, and I tried to kiss him.”

Jealousy scored me.

“And do you know what he did?”

I held my breath.

“He pushed me away, telling me that the people of his mother's blood fall in love once. They pray they get it right—because it can't be changed. He told me his mother loved his father, unrequited, and nineteen years of misery couldn't shake it.”

The root of his mother's pain.

Selena gazed at him. “That's why you and J.D. have to get back together.” The Archer's eyes could be so dark and cutting, but for Jack alone, they went soft. “I can't stand for him to hurt like that.”

“You and he never . . . ?”

“Never. He doesn't even see me when you're around.”

I felt guilty for doubting him in this. Maybe I could give him my trust again?

“Besides, I'm not settling for someone who can't love me totally. I mean, check me out—do I look like a girl who needs to settle?” She squared her shoulders. “A make-do runner-up? I've been number one at everything I've ever done.”

Normally I would have groaned to hear her talk like that. Now a bit of my worry lifted. She would recover from the Lovers; I believed that.

“I'm not going to stop being number one just for a guy.”

“What if the guy's perfect for you in every other way?”

“Not in the way that counts most.” She admitted, “I even fooled around with Finn—in the form of Finn, mind you—to distract me. But the Magician's still hung up on Lark.”

“What about Gabriel? You don't remember this, but before we went back in time, we got chased by the soldiers. The first person he evacuated was you. The Archangel has fallen for the Archer.”

“Whoa, I was talking about
hooking up
with another card. But to fall for an Arcana?” She met my gaze. “Only an idiot would do that.”

I didn't argue. I'd fallen for Aric, despite loving Jack.
Idiot
seemed fair.

“You bagged the Lovers!” Finn hobbled into the courtyard to meet us, Cyclops at his heels.

When Selena paled, Jack stepped in to say, “They're done, podna.” He dismounted, then helped her down. “I'll tell you about it once we've rested up.”