Authors: Claudia Mair Burney
Sasha bolted upright. “You're having twins?”
“Yes, Ma.”
She put her hand to her chest like she was going to have a heart attack. “And you couldn't tell me this on the phone so I could bring something for the babies?”
Never mind that I, her own baby, was half-dead. “I tried to tell you, but you said you were having chest pains about my CNN appearance. We ended up talking about you having âdevil girl' for a daughter.”
Carly made a grand entrance, carrying two steaming cups of Starbucks. “What'd devil girl do now?”
Ma answered. “She's having twins.”
Carly looked outraged. “You're having twins! What do you mean you're having twins! I'm the oldest. Do I have twins? Do
I even have a single baby? Even a small one? I do not! And my fiancé broke up with me!”
“Is one of those lattes for me?” I said.
“No. You're pregnant, and these aren't decaf.” She scowled at me like she'd discovered God loved me the most. I knew he loved us the same, not that I'd argue. After all, I was the one laid up in the hospital. And I wanted that coffee. I tried to sweet-talk her and slide my java request in on the sly.
“But you're amazing, Carly. Gorgeous, smart, and, you know,
enhanced
. Besides, Tim will come back. And a little caffeine won't hurt me.”
“I can't take chances like that Bell,” she said, enjoying it. “Your eggs were old.”
The
cow
. Sorry!
Kalaya popped into the room. “I'm not pregnant, and my eggs are greatâas far as I know.” Carly handed her my Starbucksâthe traitor. Or should I say
traitors
.
“Don't any of you people have something to do?” I complained.
“But you're in the hospital,” Kalaya said. “Thanks, by the way. I was bored to death at home.”
“No problem. Let me know anytime you need my uterus to explode.”
“It didn't explode,” Carly said. “You're so melodramatic. And selfish. Two babies!”
“Not that she told me herself,” Ma said. “What did I do to deserve your hatred, Bell?”
“I don't hate you, but since you asked, this is what you did: You obviously favored Carly all my life. You constantly criticize
me. You favored Carly all my life, and you constantly criticize me. Finally, you favored Carly all my life.”
Jack quipped, “But did she constantly criticize you? That's what I want to know.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “You constantly criticize me.”
He burst out laughing. Addie and I joining him.
Ma wasn't amused. “That's no reason to keep two babies from me.”
“You got the best legs,” Carly said to console me. She had a point. I did have good legs. Of course she added, “Too bad you have no clue how to show them off.”
She just
had
to say that. Couldn't leave it with me and good legs. Then she planted a kiss on my forehead. “But I love you, lamb chop.”
“Hmph” rumbled out of my throat. I turned to Sasha to reassure her that I did not purposely keep the twins a secret to destroy her, but Jazz walked in carrying two teddy bears as big as Canada. Honestly. Jazz must be one of those people who think bigger is better.
“Jazz, where in the world did you get those?”
“If I tell you, I'll have to kill you.”
He set one bear in Addie's lap and another at the foot of my bed. He avoided Sasha.
“I've got some interesting news,” he said.
“Do tell.”
“Sister Lou is a nutjob.”
“What else is new?”
“I mean certifiable. First of all, her name is Louella Dickson, and she's Ezekiel's never-married sister.”
“So that's why he called her Sissy.”
That doesn't explain why he called me that
.
“Norman Dickson legally changed his name to Ezekiel Thunder when he was not much more than a teenager.”
“I know, Sister Joy told me all of that.”
He looked surprised. “Well, weren't you busy?”
“Just tell me about Sister Lou, player hater.”
“Bell, are you using slang to compensate for your weaknesses as an investigator?”
“No, I'm using slang because you were
hating
on me because of my superlative skills as an investigator
player
. Now, continue, please.”
“About twenty-five years ago, right before that thing with the intern that blew his ministry apart, Louella was one of his key staff.”
I nodded for him to go on. Jack and Addie looked riveted by the story already. Even Sasha sat up, snuggling closer to me, with her arm around my shoulders.
“There was an incident.”
Jack whistled. “That doesn't sound good.”
“You're right, Dad. Turns out the good Sister Lou was known for her popular âdeliverance' ministry.”
Addie jumped in. “So she specialized in casting out demons?”
“Allegedly,” Jazz said, shuddering.
Jack looked as if a chill went through him as well. “Spooky.”
“You have no
idea
, Dad.” He and Jack seemed to have some kind of united front. Jack must have his own charismatic horror stories.
I looked at Addie. “Mom, did your husband get shot with a Holy Ghost machine gun, too?”
She rolled her eyes. “That poor man had to endure a lot worse than anything Benny Hinn could come up with. Let me say, in hindsight, I can see why he never converted.”
Jazz went back to his story. “Anyway, some foul stuff happened with some chick she was trying to deliver.”
“Saints preserve us!” Jack said.
“She ended up holding the girl hostage for three days. Wouldn't let the kid use the bathroom. Tied her to a cross.”
“Holy guacamole!” I said.
“That's what I thought. Somebody in the ministry took pity on the girl and let her go when Louella had gone to replenish her miracle prosperity oil supply.”
Jack shook his head. “Freaky weird.” Addie Lee nodded her agreement. Sasha squeezed my hand.
“The girl never pressed formal charges because her parents had taken her to the ministry for help. Even though they were told that techniques the ministry used could be dangerous, they believed in Thunder's ministry enough that they gave permission for the ministry to do whatever they thought necessary. The family didn't know any better. The girl was only thirteen at the time and severely depressed. Big mood swings. Didn't really have a voice, if you know what I mean, so she couldn't even protect herself from her parents.”
“Was she bipolar?”
“You guessed it, Dr. Brown. Apparently mental illness is a no-no in deliverance ministries.”
“Among other things.” I winked at him. Red crept up from his neck to his cheeks. Jazz's eyes seemed to plead with me not to betray his “secret.” My so-called deliverance gets broadcast on CNN and made him laugh like a lunatic, but I can't mention the ol'
sechal
demon.
I decided to be the bigger person. The twins would make me the bigger person eventually, anyway. “Seriously, in many of those kinds of ministries, mental illness would be considered demonic oppression or possession. What else did you find out?”
“Unfortunately that wasn't the first complaint about her unorthodox methods, my love.”
He called me his love. I grinned at him. “Am I your love?”
“All day, every day, baby, but especially today.”
Jack sighed. “Can you two love birds continue that in private? Addie and I just had lunch, and I don't want to puke like Bell did on TV.”
Jazz opened his mouth, momentarily speechless.
“Look who's talking!” I said. “Nobody is more lovey-dovey than you and Addie.”
Jazz rolled his eyes. “Let me finish my story, people. Anyway, after all these complaints, and there were
several
, Thunder had to act. His board talked her into going to the loony bin for a few weeks. They thought that would cover their behinds in case somebody wanted to sue them. They could just point to her hospitalization and say, âShe's a nutjob. It's not her fault. Plus, we got her help.'”
“Could you go easy on the negative terms for hospitals and
mentally ill people? I'm beginning to think you don't respect my work.”
Jack quipped, “I ain't touching that one with a ten-foot pole.”
Nor did Jazz.
I considered that Thunder actually had an interesting strategy in regard to his Sister Lou problem. It didn't ultimately work. Poor Lou got the short end, along with the girl she tried to help, but I tried to think like Ezekiel Thunder would. He couldn't sever all ties with his sisterâwell, he could have, but he didn't. Odd person to place his loyalty with. Why couldn't he be that loyal to his wives?
I asked my husband, “Did you find out Lou's diagnosis?”
“Paranoid schizophrenia. And they might have a point with that.”
“Sounds about right, but I've seen far worse cases,” I said. “Jazz, when I got to the house Friday, Lou was with the kids, and earlier this morning at the church, she parroted what Nikki Thunder said to youââThe Lord giveth' bit.”
“I think that kind of faith is admirable,” Addie said.
“When it comes from the faithful,” Sasha said. Shrewd woman.
“That's what I mean, Ma. Neither one of them are the salt of the earth, if you ask me. Sister Lou has some serious issues, and Nikki Thunder is just⦔
“Cold,” Jazz interjected.
“So what does all this mean?” Addie asked.
Sasha answered. “It means somebody is going to try to kill my daughter and grandbabiesâlike every other time she's gotten
involved with crazy people. Why, oh, why,” she wailed, “couldn't you choose a safe job? You could have gone into retail with me. At least you'd have better clothes. I need my nitro.” My mother fanned herself.
“She's not getting hurt this time, Sasha,” Jazz said. “I'll see to that if it kills
me
!”
“Calm down, everybody,” I interjected. “Nobody is going to get hurt. Least of all me.”
I thought for a moment, still not completely surrendering my sleuthing. “Sister Lou used the exact same words Nikki did, in the same scripted way the kids told their story. She also gave us the brush-off, not really answering any of our questions.”
“Yes?” my mother said.
Jazz added, “I know what she's going to say. She's going to say Nikki and the children are covering for
Lou
. Maybe she's the one who drowned Zeekie.”
“I can't really see Nikki covering for anybody, but we need to take a much deeper look at Lou. Ezekiel told me Nikki couldn't handle Zeekie and wanted him to be medicated. Maybe she thought he was possessed.”
Jazz's face scrunched up. “Possessed with what?”
“A
little boy
demon, knowing those two. Maybe she looked to Sister Lou to help her.”
Jack quipped, “Heaven help that kid if she did.”
Jazz sighed. “There's one more thing.”
“What's that, Columbo?” I teased.
He gave me a crooked smile. “The ME's office finished the autopsy. His death was ruled accidental.”
My heart sank. “No way!”
“Bell, that kid had no signs of abuse. No bruises. No fractures. Except for the drowning, he seemed perfectly healthy and well cared for.”
I thought about Zeekie. He did appear to be healthy and well adjusted. Not once during the crusade did I think he was abused, not even when Nikki snatched him out of my arms. She didn't win any good-mama points with me for that, but I didn't see her battering her son.
“But that storyâ¦the daughter suddenly wanting to give Zeekie a bath with no precedent for it. Him drowning because Zeke walked out of the bathroom. He wasn't eight months old. He was almost three.”
“Bell,” Jazz said, “you already know from Kate's murder that sometimes even cops don't want to work hard. Even more so if the case is ruled accidental. Think about it. If anyone presses this family after the ME ruled the baby's death accidental, the Thunders can cry religious discrimination.”
“But what about Thunder talking about God raising his son from the dead?” I asked Jazz. “Can't you see they're trying to get attention for their ministry? I wouldn't be surprised if the whole thing, including Zeekie's murder, was planned.”
“It ain't a crime to believe that or even to say you believe that. The funeral is Tuesday morning at the Rock House, and it's going to be televised. I guess we'll all see what God is going to do.”
Lord, have mercy. It will be a dog and pony show!
I felt an almost unbearable heaviness at the thought of it. I didn't know if I could stomach their antics, but I had to say good-bye to my little Thunder boy. I had to.
Sasha got up from my bed. “That's enough about this awful
situation. My baby needs her rest and to keep her head clear of all this horror.” She touched my hand. “I'll call your job for you, Amanda Bell, and Maggie will take care of rearranging your schedule for your private practice.” She kissed my cheek and turned her attention to her fellow grandmother. “Addie, let's go to the gift shop and pick up some more presents for the babies.”
Addie looked so eager to go baby shopping, she jumped up like she'd been sitting in an ejector seat.
“What about presents for me?” I said. “I'm the one laid up, in pain, hanging on to the babies by my fingernails. Like a cat! A weak, tired, slipping-off-the-edge cat.”
Sasha rebuked me. “Stop being so self-absorbed, Ms. Kitty. You're going to be a mother. Nothing is about you now or for the rest of your life.”
I didn't mention that
nothing
was about me anyway when it came to my mother, unless it was negative. Negativity was about me, but the
damage
my negative attitude, lifestyle, or fill in the blank caused was
always
about Ma and Carly.