Deadly Dosage (23 page)

     I sighed. It was difficult to be in Sam’s place
and not compare it to Lloyd’s. Other than the railroad trunk, Sam taste lent to
the more modern, with furnishings that while striking, offered less comfort.
The lighting was harsher, glass replaced wood, and he lacked an adorable pet.
Lloyd’s home embraced you. Sam’s home put you on display.

     I accepted a glass of white wine and joined him
on his black leather sofa. I noticed it was pinot grigio. A subtle gesture of
apology no doubt.

     We both sat back with our glasses of wine and
relaxed. For some reason, it felt like a first date, and in some way, maybe it
was. Purely out of habit, I kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs up on an
angle, so only my feet dangled off the side of the couch.

     Sam noticed and kicked his shoes off as well.
“Try some of these crackers. They go well with this cheese.”

     I tried a slice of cheese on a cracker. “Not bad.
I’ll have to remember these next time I go grocery shopping.”

     I sipped some more wine and placed the glass
down. It went down too easily and I still remembered the morning’s hangover.

     Sam bent down and kissed me, letting his lips
linger on mine.

     “Sam,” I whispered, “I agreed to come here to
talk.”

     “Yeah.” He backed off and took a swig of wine,
and then refilled our glasses. He hesitated and then fixed his gaze directly at
his 32” plasma television. “You probably hate me,” he said, twisting his glass
between his fingers.

     I studied his profile. It was softer than Lloyd’s
stronger angles. Sam’s face was more heart-shaped, his chin strong and
aristocratic. His nose straight and rounded on the ends. His face showed less
maturity than Lloyd’s though only a couple of years separated them. I couldn’t
deny I was still attracted to him, at least physically. I considered his
question and responded, “I did hate you, Sam. Especially when you keyed my new
car.”

     This seemed to baffle him. He turned swiftly and
his voice increased in volume. “What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t
touch your car. What do you think I am, an asshole?”

     No comment. I just stared at him.

     “Probably was the same jerk that keyed the hell
out of my truck, while it sat in your parking lot. I’d like to take a baseball
bat to that guy’s head. It’s going to cost me $1,500 to fix it with my
deductible.” 

     Oops. Oh, well, I’ll consider it payback for
Brandi.

     “I can’t believe you thought I’d do that. Jeez.”
He grew quiet. “Did your insurance cover the damage?”

     “No,” I stated flatly.

     “Let me pay for it, okay? I know you were proud
when you brought that car home.”

     Another Sam surprise. “It’s not necessary,” I said
and added, “The jerk will probably come back and scratch it again.”

     “I’m paying for it and that’s final.” He handed
me a cracker and I took it and ate it. He sliced off a hunk of cheese and
offered it to me. I declined and he popped it in his mouth.  

He took a sip of wine and his
eyes searched my face. “Sunny, let me make it right. I was really angry when
you threw me out of your apartment. I went out with my friends, got shit-faced,
and Brandi happened to be there. To be honest, I don’t even remember doing
anything with her.”

     “She remembers. Well, I might add,” I said
harshly. I knocked back my glass of wine and refilled it.

     His face paled and he looked sincerely shocked.
“She actually told you about it?”

     “Seems you satisfied her fully,” I said.    

     “God, Sunny, I don’t know what to say.”

     “Well, you wanted revenge. You got it.”

     “Sunny, Brandi means nothing to me.”

     “You have a funny way of showing it,” I said in a
snippy tone.

     He bowed his head and ran his fingers through his
thick, dark brown hair. “Just a ruse. An inept attempt to make you jealous. I
wanted you the whole time.” He looked into my eyes and added, “She’s not even
half the woman you are” He gave a hint of a smile. “Then you told me you had a
date and that sent me over the edge.”

“Why? Our relationship ended
before I accepted that date. Instead of playing stupid games with Brandi, maybe
you could have simplified things by saying you still cared about me.”

     “Is that why you went out with that guy?” he
said, standing abruptly, bumping the table. Wine splashed onto the glass top.
His eyes dilated, “Because of Brandi?” He looked completely bewildered. He
picked up a hardcover book off the coffee table and swore as he threw it
violently against the wall.

     I jumped.

     With his anger released, he turned back to me and
sat back down. He took my hand and kissed it. “Sunny, I was so stupid. Listen,
I forgive you. Let’s forget everything and move on.”

     He tried to pull me close.

     I pushed him back and stood with my hands on my
hips. “
You
?
You
forgive
me
? What are you talking about?” I
asked sharply.

     “Lloyd,” he said as though the name alone was
self-explanatory. When I didn’t respond, he continued. “You screwed him to get
even with me, didn’t you?”

“No! I did not!” I shouted,
somewhat hysterically. My hands curled into fists at my side.

     The corners of his mouth curved upward. “You
didn’t?” he said relieved. “Wow. I just assumed when you stayed out all night—”

     “Sam, stop it,” I interrupted. “Yes, we did it.
Okay? But I’m not vindictive like you; it just happened that’s all.”

His anger returned. “You’ve
been seeing this guy all along haven’t you? That’s why you dumped me!”

“Sam, I never cheated on you.
I dumped you because…” I didn’t know how to explain my feelings, since I wasn’t
sure of them myself but I tried.

“The thing is, Lloyd goes out
of his way to treat me nice. He opens doors for me, brings me flowers, asks my
opinion, and treats me with respect.”

     He stood again and began pacing, his neck
reddening, veins popping in suppressed anger as he spoke. “RESPECT?” he shouted
turning swiftly toward me, unleashing his full fury. “Here I am,” he scoffed,
with open arms, “doing things the right way, playing the sucker, patiently
waiting for over two months to get into your pants when all I needed to do was
buy you a cheap bouquet of flowers and open the fucking car door for you.”

     His words stung like a sharp slap across the
face. Tears swelled in my eyes but I refused to release them.

     “You’re missing the point,” I argued. “He treats
me like I matter. He listens to me when I talk, not like you.”

“You’re so fucking naïve,
Sunny. Any guy will listen to you and be nice if he thinks he’s got a chance of
getting laid.”

I couldn’t hold my emotions
any longer and the words and tears spilled out. “Everything isn’t about sex,
Sam. A relationship requires give and take. I’m tired of giving all the time. I
broke up with you because you have no compassion for me. Do you even care about
what makes me tick? As long as Sam gets what he wants, life is great. Well,
it’s not great for me! I like romantic evenings once in a while, not spending
every other Friday listening to your stupid friend Dink talk non-stop
football.”

“Well, you should have told
me,” Sam argued back. “I’m not psychic.”

“I have told you. Don’t you
realize we always have the same arguments? And for the hundredth time, I hate
JuJu Fruit!! I like red licorice!”

He looked at me as if I had
grown another set of eyes. Okay, so it was weird timing to throw in the JuJu
Fruit. So sue me. I sighed and tried to calm down.

 “I don’t mind you taking
charge, Sam, and you’re great in the sack, but I need an emotional connection
too.”

     He fell back onto the couch crestfallen. His eyes
grew moist and tears slid down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Sunny. I never realized
how unhappy you were.”

     I sat down next to him. “Sam, I never intended to
hurt you.” I had never seen him weep and it hurt deeply.

     He wiped his tears on his sleeve. “I want you
back, Sunny.” He was resolute in his request. “Give me a second chance.” He
rested his head on my shoulder.

“Sam,” I said stroking his
hair. “We’ve been together a long time. Maybe we’re just too different to make
it work.”

     “Not really,” he said into my neck. “I just grew
so comfortable with you I stopped trying. I took you for granted.” He looked
up. “I brought you flowers and opened the door for you when we first started
dating.”

     “Nice try. Must have been another girlfriend.
Autumn can back me up on this, since she was living with me at the time. You’d
pull up and beep twice. If I didn’t come out, you would call me from your cell
phone. I do remember that on our one-year anniversary I bought you a single red
rose. You had completely forgotten.”

     “Oh yeah,” he said. “But I made it up later that
evening with a candlelit dinner in my apartment.”

     I smiled remembering. “That’s right. You bought
spaghetti and Swedish meatballs and mixed them together. Funky tasting. ”

He raised his head and kissed
me. It was a long, sensual kiss and eventually I realized I was returning his
kiss with my own.

“Marry me, Sunny,” he said
with labored breath.

“Why, Sam?” I asked, with a
tinge of petulance.

“Because I love you,” he
whispered.

“Really?” I asked in
astonishment, my heart beating rapidly. It was the first time he uttered those
words with meaning.

“A guy doesn’t cry in front of
a woman unless he loves her,” he chuckled warmly.

“No, I guess not,” I chuckled
back.

“So? Will you?”

“I can’t, Sam. We can’t. We
need to learn to appreciate each other first. I don’t want to end up divorced
like my parents. Or yours. Besides, I want to be in love so much it hurts.”

“No you don’t, Sunny.”

I looked up at him. “Why not?”

“Because I love you so much it
hurts—and it’s tearing me in two.”  

“Sam.” I cupped his faced and
kissed him gently. I brushed his hair away from his face and traced his lips
with my finger. I smiled wickedly and raised one eyebrow. “I have an idea. Why
don’t you show me how unselfish you can be?”

His eyes glistened, his intent
unmistakable. He lowered me down into the soft cushions of the couch as his
hand unzipped my pants. He pulled them off and lowered his head. “Sweetheart,
your wish is my command.”

By the time we finished we were covered in sweat and
Sam had moved past Lloyd to first place. True, Sam was a man trying to prove
something and he did a damn good job doing it.

     The smell of lasagna was wafting up from the
restaurant below. It was near dinnertime and I was starving from all the
activity.

     “Hungry?” Sam asking, his stomach growling in
response. 

     “Starving,” I said. “What if we just get an order
to go from the restaurant downstairs? The lasagna and garlic bread smell
delicious.”

“Doesn’t matter to me. I got a
menu here somewhere.” He got up from the floor and walked naked into the
kitchen. He opened drawers until he found the menu. He pulled it out and
carried it over, handing it to me.

I sat up and he kissed the top
of my head. “Order whatever you want—for a change.” He winked. “I have soda and
milk in the refrigerator. My credit card is in my wallet in my pants pocket.
I’m going to hop into the shower.”

My eyes followed him to the
bathroom and then I studied the menu. I dug through the pockets of his jeans
until I found his black leather wallet. Out of sheer curiosity, I searched its
contents. Cash, twenty dollars. Credit cards, three. I pulled out the Visa.
Pictures, one. It was of me.

I remembered the day he took
it. I was sitting on a piece of driftwood, waving to him with Lake Michigan to
my back. It was late summer and I was wearing a UWM sweatshirt and jean shorts.
My feet were buried in the sand, and over them, in stones, he had written SS
(heart) SK.

If I married him, it would
read SS loves SS. Autumn and I use to joke about it, because if she married
Alan, their initials would be AL loves AL. Stupid reason to get married, just something
dumb you think about.

I picked up his phone and
ordered the smaller of the two family size portions of lasagna and garlic bread
offered. It included a liter bottle of soda, no additional charge. I hung up,
replaced the card in his wallet, and his wallet in his jeans, and sauntered off
to the bathroom.

 He was just turning off the
shower when I entered.

“Ordered,” I said, closing the
door behind me. “Came with free liter of soda.”

“Thanks.” He took a towel from
the bar and dried off, first his hair and then his body.