Deadly Medicine (7 page)

Rosa whispered into Ward’s shoulder. “Just be okay. That’s all I want.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I wish you weren’t heading back into the devil’s den. Why couldn’t you have taken a job in Alaska or South America? Someplace safe and far, far away from Jessica.”

“I’m not that close to her.”

“I hear the Taliban needs doctors. Maybe you can get a job sewing suicide bombers back together. That would be better than being near your ex.”

Ward broke the hug and pulled back, laughing. “Stop! I don’t want to be far away. Whether it’s over, or we start over, I have to get some closure with Jess. And until she’s sure what she wants, I can’t move on.”

Rosa shook her head, angrily. “It’s ridiculous that Jess should expect you to wait around while
she
decides what
she
wants to do with
your
life.”

“I know. It’s hard to understand.” Ward had cried on Rosa’s shoulder a dozen times since she’d been in Rehoboth, when she’d first arrived on her doorstep and, again, after every time Jess refused to talk and after every awful thing she said when they did. Jess was having a mid-life crisis, and while it wasn’t fair that she was taking it out on Ward, it also wasn’t fair of Ward to abandon her. Jess was emotionally unwell, and until she told Ward it was over between them, Ward couldn’t give up on her. She loved her, and she still believed Jess would come through this and they would be together again.

Rosa swallowed a piece of blueberry muffin and washed it down with coffee before she spoke again. “Since she’s not talking to you—”

“She is talking to me! Just not as much as I’d like—”

“Since she’s not talking to you
as much as you’d like
, will you at least consider putting in your application for a Delaware license? Then, if it doesn’t work out with her, you can come back here.”

Ward studied Rosa’s face and saw concern there. It was warranted. She’d been in bad shape when she arrived on Rosa’s doorstep. Jess had asked her to leave Garden, had “suspended” her from her duties in the ER, and had put their relationship on hold while she evaluated what she wanted to do with her life. In addition, Ward was humiliated by the way she’d behaved at the bar. George had been a friend; to think she’d assaulted him mortified her. Even if she despised Emory Paldrane because of his feelings for Jess, he still didn’t deserve to have his nose broken.

She had no excuse for her behavior, but the total lack of precedent really concerned her. She’d never acted violently in her life. Was something seriously wrong with her? Was she capable of hurting someone else, maybe someone she loved, like Jess?

And why couldn’t she remember anything that had happened? Her mind seemed to have protectively blocked out the horrifying events, but instead of soothing her, the amnesia only worried her more. She had no recall after leaving the hospital that night—not the drive to the bar, nor the drinks she’d consumed, nor the assaults she’d perpetrated. She’d lost more than sixteen hours of her life, from the time she left the hospital a little after eight that night, until she awakened in her bed around noon the next day. That’s when Jess had filled in the blanks and kicked her out.

Ward had been devastated, of course, and felt so fortunate to have the kind of friends who loved her unconditionally and helped her weather the storm. Rosa was one of them, and had been since they’d met early in their medical careers. If a simple gesture from Ward would ease Rosa’s concerns, why not do it? All it would cost was a few bucks and a few hours of her time to complete the paperwork. And Ward suspected she’d have plenty of time in the coming months.

She smiled at her friend. “If it makes you happy, I’ll apply for a Delaware license. Then I can work with you and live with you and cook for you…”

Rosa stood and hugged her again, smiling. “Thank you for admitting I’m right.”

They walked to the door, arm in arm, and hugged again before Rosa climbed in and started the car’s engine, and didn’t move until the taillights faded into the darkness. She closed the garage door and glanced at the wall clock as she walked back to her bedroom. It was just after five.

She’d completed the majority of her packing the night before, and it didn’t take her long to brush her teeth and her hair, and wash her face. Her eyes seemed tired, but all in all, she looked a hell of a lot better than she had when she’d arrived in Delaware. Grief and sadness still dominated her emotions, but she had moments of happiness, like the one she’d just shared with Rosa, and she was laughing once in a while, too. She was ready to jump back into life.

After slipping into her jeans and a sweater, Ward pulled on her sneakers and closed the smallest of the three suitcases she’d brought with her. The other two were already in the car, and she quietly carried their mate to the front door and softly closed it behind her. A note contained her final good-bye to Cindy, and she was on Route One heading north to Philly just a few minutes later. She planned to shower when she reached the city and spend a few hours laundering and putting away the majority of her winter clothes. Although she knew March in the mountains could be cold, by April she’d need warm-weather gear. It seemed pointless to pack many sweaters.

Traffic was manageable until she reached Chester, but even then it still moved, and she pulled her car into her garage in Wayne only two hours later, next to the little red sports car that belonged to her tenant. Michelle Marker was a fourth-year medical student, worked constantly, and had agreed to live at Ward and Jess’s place while they were away. It was a win-win situation for all parties, and Ward was happy to see Michelle’s car.

“Welcome home,” Michelle said at the kitchen door. Wearing scrubs, her short hair slicked with gel, Ward couldn’t tell if she’d just finished work or was about to start, so she asked.

“Sadly, I’m just leaving. I wish we had more time to catch up,” she said, seeming to choose her words carefully. Ward hadn’t shared the details about Jess with Michelle, and she knew her tenant was curious about Ward’s sudden move to Delaware. But until Ward knew what was happening with Jess, she wasn’t sharing much with anyone. Only a few, very good friends knew the details of that night in Garden.

“Next time,” Ward said, and they hugged as Michelle raced out the door.

When the garage door closed and the house was quiet, Ward took a moment to look around. She hadn’t done that two months earlier when she’d been too blinded by tears, and even now it was hard. Jess was everywhere. Above their table hung a painting they’d purchased in Venezuela. On shelves next to the window lay trinkets from trips they’d taken and a few photos, all of the two of them together. It would be the same throughout the rest of the house, for they’d bought it together and painstakingly decorated and furnished it beautifully.

What would she do with this place if Jess stayed in Garden? She’d decided she’d wait six months, staying close by so she and Jess could see each other, and talk, and try to work this out. She owed that to Jess, and to herself. But for the sake of her sanity, she needed to have some sort of deadline for when she’d walk away, whether she was ready or not. If she didn’t, she’d be lost, floating, waiting. On the first of September, either alone or with Jess, she’d be coming back to Philly and picking up the pieces of her life.

Ward spent a few hours as she’d planned—putting away clothing, sorting mail, inspecting the house. When she’d worked up a sweat, she washed it away with a shower. At eleven thirty she pulled out of the garage again and weaved her way along the back roads until she found herself on Henry Avenue in Philadelphia, at Dalessandro’s, her favorite cheesesteak shop. A woman of sixty, with auburn hair and dazzling green eyes, was already seated at the counter. Ward stooped and kissed her cheek.

Dr. Jeannie Bennett stood and wrapped her arms around Ward in a gentle hug. They were just about the same height, a few inches taller than average, and about the same build, but somehow Jeannie’s presence seemed larger. “Sit. I ordered for you,” she commanded.

“How’d you know what I want?” Ward asked as she folded her coat and sat on it.

“You don’t have many options, dear. So tell me how you are.” Jeannie swiveled on her seat and faced Ward.

Ward spent a few minutes trying to convince her old mentor that she was doing well, but the skeptical look on Jeannie’s face told Ward she wasn’t a great actress.

“Well, the good news is, this company you’ll be working for is quite reputable. I checked with a few colleagues, and they all thought the doctors they hire are skilled and competent. So, at least you won’t destroy your reputation while you’re off on your adventure.”

Ward patted Jeannie’s back. “I’m giving it six months, Jeannie. If she’s not ready to commit by then, I’m coming home.”

Their food arrived, and both of them dove in. “Tell me your plans,” Jeannie said after chewing and swallowing and wiping sauce from her mouth.

“I have a meeting today at four with the HR person, where I’ll get my ID badge and orientation and all that jazz. Computer passwords, policy manuals, you know the drill. I start work tomorrow morning.”

“You ER docs don’t know the meaning of the word Saturday, do you?” Jeannie deadpanned.

Ward smiled through the cheesesteak she was chewing, knowing well that most doctors, Jeannie included, had worked their share of weekends.

“So you’ll be there for the whole month?”

Ward cleared her throat. “Yes, I signed up for five months with the locum tenens company. I’ll spend a month at five different hospitals, all of them in the mountains, and then I’m taking August off. I’ll start back here in September.”

“Well, you’re a skilled physician, Ward. You should be able to handle the medicine. My concern is your heart. How will you handle seeing Jess?”

Ward forced a smile. “I have to do this, Jeannie. Maybe it’ll work out, and maybe not. But if I don’t give it a chance, I’ll never know, right?”

Jeannie looked skeptical as she chewed, and Ward spoke again, trying to convince Jeannie. Perhaps she was talking to herself, as well, trying to fortify her doubts. “I know you don’t like her, Jeannie, but have you ever thought about Jess? What she’s going through? She lost her mom, and she’s unsure of her future. Of everything. I’m sure she feels awful.”

“To answer your question, no. I haven’t thought about her. We all lose our mothers one day, and it sucks. But you don’t do this to someone you love. She could have seen a therapist, or taken some time off—”

“That’s exactly what she’s doing. She took some time to figure it out. I can’t blame her for that.”

“She’s hurting you,” Jeannie said softly, but then quickly changed the subject. “Anyway, I’m not here to preach,” she said, and handed Ward a large mailing envelope.

Ward took it and read the words
lake house
printed on the front.

“It’s self-explanatory. Directions, keys, alarm code, cable instructions, local restaurants, and shopping. All your questions should be answered when you read this.”

Ward smiled. “I really appreciate this, you know.”

Jeannie waved her hand dismissively. “I’m happy the house will get used. Bobby’s the only one who spends time there these days, and since he travels so much for his job, his time is limited. But if you come home to find a tall, incredibly handsome young man who looks just like me, that’s my son. I’ll try to warn you if he’s coming, or if anyone else is, but for the most part, you should have the place to yourself.”

“Well, I don’t know how much I’ll use it. They do offer housing at all of these hospitals, but who knows what it’ll be like. I could find myself in a dingy motel room.”

“Exactly. If you need a place, it’s there. If not, no big deal.”

“Will I see you and Sandy at all?”

Jeannie laughed. “Maybe one weekend a month, but who knows. We have two houses in Philly, one in New York, two in the Poconos, and now one in Rehoboth. I never know where I’m going until Sandy tells me. But I’d like to see you, so let’s try to make a date when you know your schedule.”

Ward picked up the bill and left money on the counter, then walked with Jeannie out into the cold final day of February. “Spring’s coming, Ward. New birth. New life. You’ll be fine.” Jeannie’s hug was fortifying, and Ward was thankful for her and all the good people in her life.

Driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike’s Northeast Extension, Ward pondered Jeannie’s words. She had no idea what they meant in her situation. What new life was in store for her? Starting over alone? Starting over with Jess? Jess had mentioned a baby. Was that in her future? She’d never seriously thought of it. Who knew?

Friday afternoon traffic was light, and Ward found herself at the hospital well over an hour early. The head of human resources seemed happy to see her, and Ward suspected the woman’s weekend would begin as soon as she’d finished orienting her. Sure enough, an hour later, after processing an ID badge and filing paperwork, issuing computer codes and guiding a tour, the woman slipped out the door and left Ward to inspect the emergency department where she’d spend the next thirty-one days.

“Hi, I’m Ward Thrasher,” she said to the slim, dark-haired man seated at the X-ray monitor. “I’m the locums doc.”

“Edward Hawk. You’re my replacement. Would you like to start now?” he asked, meeting her gaze, and Ward wasn’t sure if he was joking. She was startled by the intensity with which he stared at her and his striking good looks. He was small, and his build was slender, but his demeanor suggested a confidence and competence that made him seem bigger. He wore a suit, which surprised her. Surgeons and ER docs tended to get messy, and cotton scrubs were a lot easier to launder than wool pants. Ward supposed the administration liked the suit though. He’d be a tough act to follow.

Responding to his comment, Ward chuckled. The Friday festivities seemed to have started, and Ward noticed a few patients hanging out of doorways and a pile of charts that needed attention. She wasn’t credentialed to start until the next day, though, and she knew he understood that, so she didn’t respond to his question.

“Did you have a good month?” she asked.