Deadly to Love (10 page)

At some point I curled up on my side, clutching the pillow to my chest for comfort as a few single tears fell from my eyes, staining the pillow. All that had done though was stop me from staring at the ceiling as I was now focused on the wall. I wasn’t sure how long I lay there, the faint chokes of my mum trying to control her cries barely audible, before my phone went off. The sound only faintly registered in my head as I lay there in blank trance. It was almost like I was no longer connected to my body.

Finally the sound went on too long for me to ignore, so slowly rolling over I fumbled around in the dark for the mobile.

“Hello?” I sniffed, I hadn’t looked at the caller ID but I still tried to hide the fact I had been crying.

“Rea? What’s wrong? Are you OK?” His voice was frantic with worry but I still didn’t know how to answer his questions, I wasn’t sure what to tell him.

“I...I...Um I don’t know,” I stuttered. There was a long pause before he spoke again.

“I’m waiting outside your aunt’s house now if you want to come out?” he asked sounding concerned.

“Yeah I’ll...be there in a sec, hang on.” Despite my best efforts I couldn’t control my snivelling.

Rummaging around in my bag for a hoodie I pulled one out and before putting it on I grabbed my phone and emerged from my room. My mum was no longer on the floor in the living room and she seemed to have stopped crying. I was just deciding whether or not to sneak out or tell someone when my aunt appeared from the kitchen.

“How you holding up? Do you want a drink or anything?” Her eyes were tinged with concern as she smiled sadly at me.

“I’m still trying to get my head around the situation. I just want to be by myself for a bit so I was going to go out for a walk.” I wasn’t going to ask for permission as I didn’t want to be stopped, so instead I started heading towards the front door.

“How’s Mum doing?” I paused mid stride as my mind remembered the silence that was still on-going.

“She managed to cry herself to sleep about ten minutes ago, she’s in bed now and hopefully she’ll sleep until morning. I can’t even imagine what she is going through right now.”

I nodded and started walking towards the door.

“Be careful okay Serena? Your mum can’t handle much more right now so please be here when she wakes.”

I just nodded again, I didn’t want to upset Mum even more but I couldn’t promise how this evening was going to play out. I really needed to talk to someone and that person was Kai right at that moment in time.

“I’ll try but I really need to be on my own right now.” I lied. Now was not the time to bring up the subject of a new boyfriend who I had kept a secret for six months.

The night was mild as I stepped onto the street but still cold enough to need my hoodie. I shoved my hands into my pockets as I looked around. Circles of orange were lined up on the street, illuminated by the lights. I couldn’t see anyone to my left or ahead of me so I turned nervously to the right and began walking.

My steps faltered as I saw the dark figure leaning against what appeared to be a sports car, with his arms folded across a strong, broad chest. Suddenly my problems seemed irrelevant and the last thing on my mind.
Oh my god I can’t believe I’m actually going to meet him finally.
I could feel my heartbeat quickening with nerves and I was lost for breath as I drew nearer. He came into view under the dim street light and the first thing I noticed was the matte black Lamborghini Gallardo he was leaning against. That was probably due to the fact that I was too nervous to look at him though.

How the hell would a nineteen year old afford that car?
Was the first thought that entered my head but as soon as I looked up I was distracted rapidly by the guy who stood there. His black t-shirt was stretched tight over his body, obviously highlighting his abs and bulging arms. He was wearing dark jeans as well and as my gaze wandered up his body I saw his strong, narrow jaw line that was emphasised by the shadows.

His deep brown eyes watched me as I stared at him. He had short, black hair which was spiked messily, but this only made him more attractive. As I stopped right in front of him he smiled gently, concern still showing intently in his eyes as he let his arms fall to his side.

“Do I pass the inspection?”

I blushed at his comment, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks at the fact I had been caught. I just laughed nervously in response to him, not being able to believe that Kai wanted me.

Before I could say something I felt his huge arms wind around my waist drawing me into a hug, his body feeling incredibly good against mine. His chin was resting on the top of my head as he held me close, reminding me of the way my dad used to hug me as a child. Almost instantly after I thought it, tears sprang to my eyes, causing me to bury my head into Kai even more.

I guessed he felt his shirt becoming wet from my tears as he pried me away from him slowly, holding me at arm’s length to see me better. Not wanting him to see I was crying I hung my head, but this only caused him to stoop so he could see my face.

“Rea what’s wrong? I’m not that bad am I?”

I loved him for the fact he was trying to cheer me up and I allowed myself a weak smile.

“No it’s not you. It’s my...my...It’s my dad. He was out in the woods when the fire started. The fire fighters found a body in the woods and we haven’t heard from him so you know...” I tailed off, refusing to admit to myself he really was gone, even though it was the only option that sounded plausible.

“Oh Rea I’m so sorry. I should have got there earlier.”

I smiled weakly to hide my confusion at his last comment.
What difference would it make whether he got there earlier or not?

“No one could have done anything. Mum tried reaching him on his mobile but couldn’t get through. I didn’t even see him this morning.” I hung my head again, wishing I could see him once more. Kai pulled me back against his chest, his presence and body heat giving me a slight comfort that I could cling to while I cried.

I felt his hand move up to my head as he held me tighter, stroking my head in a calming gesture, soothing me. As my breathing returned to normal I pulled away to get a better look at him.

“Um why have you got black marks all over your face?” I hadn’t noticed as I was more interested in other parts of his body before my meltdown but I looked closer at him now. He had black smudges all over his face and what appeared to be mud or dust covering his shirt.

Self consciously he raised his hand to rub his cheek, trying to brush away the dirt. He looked slightly guilty and nervous as he did so.

“I was in the forest, near the fire.” He was holding his hand behind his neck as he spoke, not meeting my eyes. His gesture reminded me of what Ian did when he was nervous and I couldn’t help associate it with secrets.

“Do I want to know why you were there?” I asked incredulously, trying to figure out why he would go there when he knew I wasn’t there.

“Probably not but it’s linked to the stuff I promised to tell you so I’m guessing you’ll figure it out. Do you want to hear my explanations now? I understand if you don’t want to. I can wait around as long as you need if you’re not ready but I can’t talk here, there are too many people around.”

He had dropped his hand from his neck and had grabbed both of mine so he was holding them while looking at me. I really wanted to hear what he had to say but the slightest question of whether I could handle much more played on my mind, as what he had told me already was pretty strange.

“Yeah okay, if it gets too much though I’ll tell you.” He nodded and pressed off the car I was still stunned about him owning.

“How come you’ve got this car?”

He smiled over his shoulder as he turned to open the passenger door, gesturing for me to get in.

Too many people? Everyone is in their houses. I know I’ve known him for sixth months but getting in a car with him and going god knows where is taking things a step too far. Even if he has just driven all the way from Maveria I still have my doubts.

“It’ll all become clear when I explain, just be patient. I can’t talk here though, there are too many people.” He waved his arm at the passenger seat again, trying to get me in the car.

I really wanted to trust him enough to go with him and even if it wasn’t to hear what he said, I loved the car and have always wanted one. A thought which also nearly persuaded me to go.

“I can’t,” I found myself saying instead. “I promised my aunt I’d be back before my mum woke up, she’s not doing so great and if I’m not there she will go even more crazy. Can you meet me tomorrow in the day after I finish with college?” I took his hand again, needing reassurance.

“Yeah okay. I’ll pick you up there. It will save me a longer trip. Are you going to tell your mum about us finally?”

Under all the horrible circumstances he still managed to make me smile slightly.

“I don’t know. Maybe, it depends on how bad she is tomorrow.” I started to pull away as my eyes caught the time on his dashboard.

“Okay, I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze as I left and got in his car.

Well that wasn’t as awkward as I expected it to be. He’s so much better when not just on webcam.

Kai had managed to lift my mood slightly and even though I hadn’t found out what I wanted to know, it was great to have finally met him.

The happiness I felt was not to last though. As I walked into the ominously silent house my aunt walked out of her room. Wearing her dressing gown, it was obvious I had woken her up, so I whispered an apology and returned to my room, the thought of seeing Kai again only making a slight impression on me. Most of my thoughts were directed to my dad and as I remembered all of the time we had spent together I slowly drifted off into a light, restless sleep.

My eyes were puffy and swollen when I woke up and I must have looked a mess but I refused to look in a mirror to see the damage caused by my crying. I knew Mum and Aunt Jen would try to talk me out of going to college but I had already made up my mind. I was going to go, not only to see Kai but because I didn’t want to act like anything was wrong. I still hadn’t fully accepted that it was my dad they found and until then I was clinging onto that fact like a lifeline even if everything pointed to that conclusion.

“Are you sure you want to do this Rea? You don’t have to you know, your mind needs time to come to terms with what has happened,” my aunt said as we sat around the kitchen table. She had made pancakes for breakfast but I couldn’t summon the appetite to eat so was just sipping a cup of coffee. Mum still had yet to appear in the kitchen but I was running late so as much as I wanted to stay and wait around to see her I couldn’t.

“I have to go or I’m going to be late. Thanks for the breakfast,” I said as I grabbed a jacket from the coat rack and picked up my bag from beside the table before she could make me feel worse.

“Can you tell mum that I’m staying with Chloe tonight and maybe tomorrow? She already knows but I guess she’s probably forgotten with all of this.” Running a brush over my shiny, brunette hair as I spoke I tried to untangle the last few knots.

“Do you think that’s a good idea, all things considering Rea?” She looked at me worriedly.

“I’ve had it planned for weeks, Chlo will know some thing’s wrong if I don’t go. Plus she needs my help with some photography stuff.” Okay so I was getting carried away with the lie, but it was partially true, Chloe did want my help, it was just next week. I grabbed my camera off the counter just to be sure as she nodded.

“I’ll phone mum later ’kay, just to check in,” I said as I left, feeling guilty about leaving and lying. I just didn’t want to face up to the loss yet and being around them would only enforce the message.

* * * *

College seemed to go on forever. All my friends had the initial reaction of asking me why I looked so terrible and if I was okay but I managed to convince them that I was just coming down with something. I planned to tell Chloe later so she could pass it on but I wasn’t ready to deal with everyone’s sympathy yet.

I spent every lesson thinking about my dad. My mind was slowly realising that it must have been him as he would have called or come home by now if he was still alive. A few times I got called upon by a teacher who was trying to get me to answer a question but I didn’t hear a word they said. The whole class’ attention focused on me caused my eyes to tear up a few times and in one lesson I had to run out, just making it to the toilets before I broke down.

That’s where Chloe found me at lunch. She had heard from a girl in my class about what had happened and came looking for me as soon as her class had finished.

She rushed to my side when she saw me huddled in the corner, head on my knees. “Rea what happened? Did Ian try something again?” she said as she knelt in front of me, her hand lightly trying to push my chin up so she could see me better. For once I wished I was having something as simple as guy problems.

“No I don’t see him until last lesson. This is so much worse but if I tell you, please can you not tell the others until the end of the day?”

She nodded in agreement so I continued.

“Okay, it’s my dad. There was a fire in the wood behind my house last night. I don’t know if was on the news or anything but Mum and me are now staying at my aunt’s. Dad never came home that morning though... He went out for a walk in the woods and the later that day someone...someone from the emergency services phoned saying they... had found a body and it was fitting his description.” Tears were flowing freely down my face as I finally got the words out.

“Oh my god Rea. I’m so sorry.” Her arms flew around my shoulders, embracing me tightly. “Do you really believe that it’s him?”

We were so alike, I could hear in her voice that she still believed there was a slight chance.

“I didn’t at first, but Chlo it’s been a day now, he only said he was going out for a few hours and he’s not answering his phone or anything. He should have found us by now, so I’m not holding out much hope anymore, no matter how much I want to believe it wasn’t him.”