Dealers of Light (22 page)

She opened her eyes
. She sat in his stateroom.
How disappointing
. She’d failed. “What happened?”

“Are you okay?” Rolf released her wrists and her hands dropped to her lap.

“I—I don’t know. I searched for the gift and everything became fuzzy. I never saw it. I lost the connection, and here I am. What did I do wrong?”

“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. This is the first time you tried to make such a
link.”

“But I don’t have time to fail. We need to be able to use the shield by tonight.” A sinking
feeling hit her stomach. “I can’t let my friends down.”

“We’ll try again, but first I need to see the captain and talk to Amber about the crystals. After lunch
, we can give it another try. Get some rest. Each time will make it easier to connect. You’ll see.”

“I hope you’re right.” She stood and he followed. Her k
nees buckled and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest.

“Whoa.” Her mind
spun then settled down. She held onto Rolf’s arms, his firm muscles pressed against her. Heat flamed and spread through her body.

“Cara,” he said gently,
gazing down at her.

She
looked up, his face only inches from hers. He drew in a ragged breath. His normally icy eyes seemed to glow with a hot blue flame. Warmth flushed her cheeks. The spell of his eyes consumed her, and her arms moved of their own will, along his shoulders to curl around his neck. His hands traveled to the small of her back, nestling her against him.

The urge to
touch her lips to his almost overwhelmed her reason. But she remembered the dark-haired beauty from his mind. He still loved his wife. She’d felt the passion in him, and the intensity of it brought tears to her eyes. She couldn’t compete with such life-long devotion.
Especially not when Rolf’s life is so long
.

Rolf’s eyes widened slightly and he lowered his head until his forehead rested against hers. She ran
her fingers through the short hairs on his neck, pulling his head closer. Passion like a hot wave swept through her. Her lips burned for his.

Their lips a breath apart, h
is shoulders suddenly stiffened and his hands moved to her shoulders. Her stomach dropped in disappointment.

“Rolf?” She tried to meet his gaze, but he hung his head.

“I—I can’t do this, Cara.”

“But
—”

He lifted his head and the ice returned to his eyes. Her heart chilled.

“I still love Sakhet. I can’t betray her. She was my life-mate.” Tears rose in his eyes, but he pressed his lips together and they dissipated. “Please, try to understand. It’s nothing against you.”

She
stepped away and forced a smile through trembling lips. “I have to go.” Before he could move, she’d escaped out the door. He called her name, but she pushed into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. She leaned against the door, her whole body shaking.
Damn. Damn.
Damn
.

This wasn’t what she
wanted to happen, but there was no denying it any longer—her attraction to Rolf, like a huge magnet, drew her inexorably to him. After seeing his perfect wife, Cara couldn’t believe he’d be attracted to a regular woman. And, as a Light-dealer, her essence was a wisp of smoke compared to the towering inferno of what Sakhet had been. Cara was inferior to his late wife in every respect.

Yet
, here they were in the middle of an enormous crisis, their lives on the line, and she was still thinking about how wonderful it felt to be in Rolf’s arms.

With a heavy sigh
, she trudged to the bed and fell across it, burying her face in a pillow. Her mind flashed with visions of Tor with Amber, and Marc with Shana. She wanted what they all had so badly, but there was no way to have a relationship like that with Rolf, the immortal. Who was she kidding?

Chapter Eighteen

Rolf started after Cara, but then stopped and closed his eyes. Emotions he thought long buried forced their way into his heart and mind, leaving him breathless. Facing tenderness after years of focusing on nothing but tracking his foes, killing and destruction, brought an ache to his heart, crushing it in a velvet grip of pain.

He held up his arms
to the gods. “I beg you, Atum, father of the gods. Release me. Let me pass and return to my beloved. Please, end my wretched life on this Earth once and for all.”  The golden ankh lay cold against his chest, and he dropped his arms, squeezing his eyes shut. The gods gave no answer, no reprieve. He must continue.

Pushing fingers through his short hair, he
shouldered his resolve and made his way to the salon to meet Amber. There was no time for such emotions. Their time was running out, and he needed to remain focused.

Amber sat in the salon sorting through her crystals. Tor, Shana and
Marc were outside working on fighting techniques. He supposed Alistair had stayed in his berth with his books. Dusty and Rambo, resigned to being the only dogs on the boat, had put their size differences behind them and curled up side by side on the carpet at Amber’s feet. Dusty raised his head when Rolf entered the room, and Rambo gave a short bark.

Amber pointed to the golden globe
, which sat on the coffee table in front of her.

“This is fascinating,” she said. “How did you come to make it?”

“The theories come from ancient astronomy and my studies of the power of crystals.” He joined her on the sofa. “Each color of crystal has a different frequency. Gold is the only metal that does not interfere with the transmission. In addition, this golden holder contains runes which make it a magnifier. It mixes the output of the crystal energy in a precise way to cover the signature of anyone’s energy near it.”

She
faced to the globe. “Runes.” One finger traced the raised designs on the globe’s surface scattered between the holes for the crystals. Her gaze moved over it, shining in admiration. “I’ve studied crystals, so I understand what you’re saying in a basic way.” She transferred her gaze to him and tilted her head to one side, brows coming together in a frown. “You’re upset. What’s wrong?” She pushed back in her seat, her concerned gaze searching his face.

Her statement took him by surprise. “You’re an
empath?”

“I don’t know exactly what I am, but I do detect people’s emotions if
that’s what you mean. Where’s Cara?”

He let out a short laugh. “Ah, yes, you do perceive a lot.”

She didn’t answer; instead, she reached out her hand in a hesitant gesture, and laid it on his. The touch warmed and comforted, inviting him to reveal the secrets of his soul.

“It must have been lonely, all those years you spent alone. Thousands of years, you said. Did you never have anyone to share your heart with?”
Her low voice probed his psyche.

With effort, he broke the contact of their gaze and
looked down, unwilling to allow her to see too deeply into his pain. He patted her hand and slid out from beneath her touch. She drew away and gave him a sympathetic smile. “We find great strength and comfort in each other.” She glanced over her shoulder to where her three friends practiced outside. “It’s okay to allow yourself that pleasure.”

Was it?
Could he have some happiness again that would not be ripped away from him, killed and tortured before his very eyes? Such a hope seemed the stuff of dreams, and he shied from exploring such thoughts, fearing the agony of his memories.

“I apprecia
te your concern,” he said. “It’s good to have you and your friends here. I doubt I’d be able to fight this alone.” He hauled in a deep breath. “But, right now, we need to find a way to fight the Takers, or there will be no opportunity to explore future relationships.”

“But you and Cara
—”

“No.” He put up a hand. “I’m sorry, but what you want is not possible for me.”

“Rolf—”

“No, we need to work on the crystals.”

She nodded, but her brow remained furrowed. “Fine. So, you think we can make something smaller than this, which will work on one person?” She gestured to the globe.

“Of course.
I’ll explain the principles to you and we can work on a design.”

“I’
ve been pondering this all night. If we had a way to determine the opposing energy pattern to each person you wouldn’t need so many different crystals, you might only need one or two. Then we could make them into a necklace.”

“Exactly,” Rolf said. “You’re on the right track. We can test different crystals with each person and see if they mas
k the person’s Light signature, and incorporate them into pendants.”

Amber smiled. “
Perfect.” She snagged a black pouch from beside her on the couch, poured the mass of stones into her lap, and ran her fingers over them. “Let’s get started. Tell me everything you can.”

###

Cara floated in a void again. But this was different from the one where she’d joined with Rolf. This one glowed white and intense, the force of the brightness almost painful, and she struggled to escape it. She felt as if she were under a microscope, someone examining her soul in the dazzling brilliance of light.

In a flash, the brightness faded and her body rested on her bed in the ship’s cabin. She turned her head and drew in a
sharp breath. “Emmie,” she whispered. The old woman sat calmly in the chair beside the bed.

“Yes, chil
d. I’m here. You sure are fretting yourself. I felt it all the way on the other side. Now, tell ol’ Emmie what’s eating at your heart.” She leaned closer, eyes kind and inviting.

“Oh,
Emmie, I wish you were really here.” Cara sighed and gazed at the ceiling.

“
What makes you think I’m not?” She sounded offended.

“
You’re dead. How can you be here?” An empty ache clutched Cara’s heart as she remembered how much she had loved her conversations with Emmie when she came into the clinic. Her wisdom and kindness had often soothed Cara’s frantic, troubled soul as she struggled to help the poor people who visited her.

“You got to have faith, girl,”
Emmie said, her gaze intent. “Didn’t I tell you I was going to help you?”

“You gave me your gift
. An enormous help.”

“Oh,
pshaw
, that ain’t all I can do for you!” Emmie waved a hand. “I seen everything about you all those years you took care of me. You got a good soul, ain’t no denyin’ it.
Mmm hmm
.” She sat back in the chair.

Cara turned on her side
, savoring the sight of her old friend’s familiar features. “What am I going to do about the mess I’ve gotten myself into?”

“You don’t listen to
ol’ Emmie, that’s your problem.” She lowered one brow and lifted the other. “Didn’t I tell you to follow your heart and everything would work out?”

“You did. And I am. But I can’t let this emotional response I’m feeling get in the way. I know what we’re facing. This is serious.” She flipped onto her back. “I’m so confused.”

“Why you confused? You’re always tryin’ to analyze everything like it’s a science problem. This ain’t no bacteria you can look at under the microscope, and there ain’t no book about this.” Emmie jabbed a finger at her. “This is part of you.”

“What
do you mean?”

Emmie
pressed her lips together and rocked back in her chair. “I’m talkin’ bout destiny. What is meant to be. It’s a part of all of us. The secret is to let it happen and not fight it. Jus’ let it flow, like that River Jordan. Keep on rolling till you find the end, and when you do, everything makes sense.”

“But
Emmie, Rolf’s lived thousands of years. I probably seem insignificant to him a—a
child
.”

“Humph
. You don’t know much about men. They’re like children themselves. It don’t matter how old they are.” Emmie’s voice softened. “Now, you listen to me. Just follow your heart. You help him and let things happen the way they’re supposed to. You don’t have to force it to happen. Stop analyzing everything. It don’t matter how old somebody is or how long they’ve lived. Everyone wants a speck of happiness. Trust me on that.”

Cara
tipped back on her side. “Okay, Emmie. I’ll try.”

T
he old woman’s skin crinkled at the edges of her eyes when she smiled. “That’s what I wanted to hear. Now, be a good girl and don’t be gettin’ in such a fret again.” Her image faded in a hazy mist.

Cara rolled into her back, staring at the ceiling. Emmie made everything sound so simple. Maybe to her it was. But Cara had to meet Rolf in a few minutes, and she didn’t know how to keep her feelings from getting in the way.