Dear John (6 page)

He left the kitchen. Alone, I looked around. The house was decorated in that traditional beachy way: lots of bright-colored wicker furniture, lamps made with seashells, small statues of lighthouses above the mantel, pastel paintings of the coast.

Lucy’s parents had owned a place like this. Not here, but on Bald Head Island. They never rented it out, preferring to spend their summers there. Of course, the old man still had to work in Winston-Salem, and he and the wife would head back for a couple of days a week, leaving poor Lucy all alone. Except for me, of course. Had they known what was happening on those days, they probably wouldn’t have left us alone.

“Hey there,” Savannah said. She’d donned her bikini again, though she was wearing shorts over the bottoms. “I see you’re back to normal.”

“How can you tell?”

“Your eyes aren’t bulging because your collar’s too tight.”

I smiled. “Tim made some sandwiches.”

“Great. I’m starved,” she said, moving around the kitchen. “Did you grab one?”

“Not yet,” I said.

“Well, dig in. I hate to eat alone.”

We stood in the kitchen as we ate. The girls lying on the deck hadn’t realized we were there, and I could hear one of them talking about what she did with one of the guys last night, and none of it sounded as though she were in town on a goodwill mission for the poor. Savannah wrinkled her nose as if to say,
Way too much information,
then turned to the fridge. “I need a drink. Do you want something?”

“Water’s fine.”

She bent over to grab a couple of bottles. I tried not to stare but did so anyway and, frankly, enjoyed it. I wondered whether she knew I was staring and assumed she did, for when she stood up and turned around, she had that amused look again. She set the bottles on the counter. “After this, you want to go surfing again?”

How could I resist?

We spent the afternoon in the water. As much as I enjoyed the up-close-Savannah-lying-on-the-board view I was treated to, I enjoyed the sight of her surfing even more. To make things even better, she asked to watch me while she warmed up on the beach, and I was treated to my own private viewing while enjoying the waves.

By midafternoon we were lying on towels near, but not too near, the rest of the group behind the house. A few curious glances drifted in our direction, but for the most part, no one seemed to care that I was there, except for Randy and Susan. Susan frowned pointedly at Savannah; Randy, meanwhile, was content to hang out with Brad and Susan as the third wheel, licking his wounds. Tim was nowhere to be seen.

Savannah was lying on her stomach, a tempting sight. I was on my back beside her, trying to doze in the lazy heat but too distracted by her presence to fully relax.

“Hey,” she murmured. “Tell me about your tattoos.”

I rolled my head in the sand. “What about them?”

“I don’t know. Why you got them, what they mean.”

I propped myself on one elbow. I pointed to my left arm, which had an eagle and banner. “Okay, this is the infantry insignia, and this”—I pointed to the words and letters—“is how we’re identified: company, battalion, regiment. Everyone in my squad has one. We got it just after basic training at Fort Benning in Georgia when we were celebrating.”

“Why does it say ‘Jump-start’ underneath it?”

“That’s my nickname. I got it during basic training, courtesy of our beloved drill sergeant. I wasn’t putting my gun together fast enough, and he basically said that he was going to jump-start a certain body part if I didn’t get my act in gear. The nickname stuck.”

“He sounds pleasant,” she joked.

“Oh yeah. We called him Lucifer behind his back.”

She smiled. “What’s the barbed wire above it for?”

“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. “I had that one done before I joined.”

“And the other arm?”

A Chinese character. I didn’t want to go into it, so I shook my head. “It’s from back in my ‘I’m lost and don’t give a damn’ stage. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Isn’t it a Chinese character?”

“Yes.”

“Then what does it mean? It’s got to mean something. Like bravery or honor or something?”

“It’s a profanity.”

“Oh,” she said with a blink.

“Like I said, it doesn’t mean anything to me now.”

“Except that maybe you shouldn’t flash it if you ever go to China.”

I laughed. “Yeah, except that,” I agreed.

She was quiet for a moment. “You were a rebel, huh?”

I nodded. “A long time ago. Well, not really that long ago. But it seems like it.”

“That’s what you meant when you said the army was something you needed at the time?”

“It’s been good for me.”

She thought about it. “Tell me—would you have jumped for my bag back then?”

“No. I probably would have laughed at what happened.”

She evaluated my answer, as if wondering whether to believe me. Finally, she drew a long breath. “I’m glad you joined, then. I really needed that bag.”

“Good.”

“What else?”

“What else what?”

“What else can you tell me about yourself?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to know?”

“Tell me something no one else knows about you.”

I considered the question. “I can tell you how many ten-dollar Indians with a rolled edge were minted in 1907.”

“How many?”

“Forty-two. They were never intended for the public. Some men at the mint made them for themselves and some friends.”

“You like coins?”

“I’m not sure. It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time.”

I hesitated while Savannah reached for her bag. “Hold on,” she said, rummaging through it. She pulled out a tube of Coppertone. “You can tell me after you put some lotion on my back. I feel like I’m getting burned.”

“Oh, I can, huh?”

She winked. “It’s part of the deal.”

I applied the lotion to her back and shoulders and probably went a bit overboard, but I convinced myself that she was turning pink and that having a sunburn of any sort would make her work the next day miserable. After that, I spent the next few minutes telling her about my grandfather and dad, about the coin shows and good old Eliasberg. What I didn’t do was specifically answer her question, for the simple reason that I wasn’t quite sure what the answer was. When I finished she turned to me.

“And your father still collects coins?”

“All the time. At least, I think so. We don’t talk about coins anymore.”

“Why not?”

I told her that story, too. Don’t ask me why. I knew I should have been putting my best foot forward and tossing out crap to impress her, but with Savannah that wasn’t possible. For whatever reason, she made me want to tell the truth, even though I barely knew her. When I finished she was wearing a curious expression.

“Yeah, I was a jerk,” I offered, knowing there were other, probably more accurate words to describe me back then, all of which were profane enough to offend her.

“It sounds like it,” she said, “but that’s not what I was thinking. I was trying to imagine you back then, because you seem nothing like that person now.”

What could I say that wouldn’t sound bogus, even if it was true? Unsure, I opted for Dad’s approach and said nothing.

“What’s your dad like?”

I gave her a quick recap. As I spoke, she scooped sand and let it trail through her fingers, as if concentrating on my choice of words. In the end, surprising myself again, I admitted that we were almost strangers.

“You are,” she said, using that nonjudgmental, matter-of-fact tone. “You’ve been gone for a couple of years, and even you admit that you’ve changed. How could he know you?”

I sat up. The beach was packed; it was the time of day when everyone who planned to come was already here, and no one was quite ready to leave. Randy and Brad were playing Frisbee by the water’s edge, running and shouting. A few others wandered over to join them.

“I know,” I said. “But it’s not just that. We’ve always been strangers. I mean, it’s just so hard to talk to him.”

As soon as I said it, I realized she was the first person I’d ever admitted it to. Strange. But then, most of what I was saying to her sounded strange.

“Most people our age say that about their parents.”

Maybe, I thought. But this was different. It wasn’t a generational difference, it was the fact that for my dad, normal chitchat was all but impossible, unless it dealt with coins. I said nothing more, however, and Savannah smoothed the sand in front of her. When she spoke, her voice was soft. “I’d like to meet him.”

I turned toward her. “Yeah?”

“He sounds interesting. I’ve always loved people who have this . . . passion for life.”

“It’s a passion for coins, not life,” I corrected her.

“It’s the same thing. Passion is passion. It’s the excitement between the tedious spaces, and it doesn’t matter where it’s directed.” She shuffled her feet in the sand. “Well, most of the time, anyway. I’m not talking vices here.”

“Like you and caffeine.”

She smiled, flashing the small gap between her two front teeth. “Exactly. It can be coins or sports or politics or horses or music or faith . . . the saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last. I’d love to hear your dad talk about coins, because that’s when you see a person at his best, and I’ve found that someone else’s happiness is usually infectious.”

I was struck by her words. Despite Tim’s opinion that she was naive, she seemed far more mature than most people our age. Then again, considering the way she looked in her bikini, she probably could have recited the phone book and I would have been impressed.

Savannah sat up beside me, and her gaze followed mine. The game of Frisbee was in full swing; as Brad zipped the disk, a couple of others went running for it. They both dove for it simultaneously, splashing in the shallows as their heads collided. The one in red shorts came up empty, swearing and holding his head, his shorts covered in sand. The others laughed, and I found myself smiling and wincing simultaneously.

“Did you see that?” I asked.

“Hold on,” she said instead. “I’ll be right back.” She trotted over to red shorts. He saw her approaching and froze, as did the guy next to him. Savannah, I realized, had pretty much the same effect on every guy, not just me. I could see her talking and smiling, turning that earnest gaze on the guy, who nodded as she spoke, looking like a chastised adolescent. She returned to my side and sat again. I didn’t ask, knowing it wasn’t my business, but I knew I was telegraphing my curiosity.

“Normally, I wouldn’t have said anything, but I asked him to keep his language in check because of all the families out here,” she explained. “There are lots of little kids around. He said he would.”

I should have guessed. “Did you suggest he use ‘Holy cow’ or ‘Geez’ instead?”

She squinted at me mischievously. “You liked those expressions, didn’t you.”

“I’m thinking of passing them on to my squad. They’ll add to our intimidation factor when we’re busting down doors and launching RPGs.”

She giggled. “Definitely scarier than swearing, even if I don’t know what an RPG is.”

“Rocket-propelled grenade.” Despite myself, I liked her more with every passing minute. “What are you doing tonight?”

“I don’t have any plans. Well, except for the meeting. Why? Did you want to bring me to meet your father?”

“No. Well, not tonight, anyway. Later. Tonight, I wanted to show you around Wilmington.”

“Are you asking me out?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I’ll have you back whenever you want. I know you’ve got to work tomorrow, but there’s this great place that I want to show you.”

“What kind of place?”

“A local place. Specializes in seafood. But it’s more of an experience.”

She wrapped her arms around her knees. “I usually don’t date strangers,” she finally said, “and we only met yesterday. You think I can trust you?”

“I wouldn’t,” I said.

She laughed. “Well, in that case, I suppose I can make an exception.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m a sucker for honest guys with crew cuts. What time?”

Four

I
was home by five, and though I didn’t feel sunburned—that Southern European skin again—the burn was obvious when I showered. The water stung as it ricocheted off my chest and shoulders, and my face made me feel as if I were running a low fever. Afterward, I shaved for the first time since I’d been home and dressed in a clean pair of shorts and one of the few relatively nice button-down shirts I owned, light blue. Lucy had bought it for me and swore the color was perfect for me. I rolled up the sleeves and left the shirt untucked, then rummaged through my closet for an ancient pair of sandals.

Through the crack in the door, I could see my dad at his desk, and it struck me that for the second night in a row I’d made other plans for dinner. Nor had I spent any time with him this weekend. He wouldn’t complain, I knew, but I still felt a pang of guilt. After we stopped talking about coins, breakfast and dinner were the only things we shared, and I was now depriving him even of that. Maybe I hadn’t changed as much as I thought I had. I was staying in his home and eating his food, and I was just about to ask him whether I could borrow his car. In other words, pretty much leading my own life and using him in the process. I wondered what Savannah would say to that, but I think I already knew the answer. Savannah sometimes sounded a lot like the little voice that had taken up residence in my head but never bothered paying rent, and right now it whispered that if I felt guilty, maybe I was doing something wrong. I resolved that I would spend more time with him. It was a cop-out and I admitted it, but I didn’t know what else to do.

When I opened the door, Dad looked startled to see me.

“Hey, Dad,” I said, taking my usual seat.

“Hi, John.” As soon as he spoke, he glanced at his desk and ran a hand over his thinning hair. When I added nothing, he realized that he should ask me a question. “How was your day?” he finally inquired.

I shifted in my seat. “It was great, actually. I spent most of the day with Savannah, the girl I told you about last night.”

“Oh.” His eyes drifted to the side, refusing to meet mine. “You didn’t tell me about her.”

“I didn’t?”

“No, but that’s okay. It was late.” For the first time, he seemed to realize I was dressed up, or at least as dressed up as he’d ever seen me, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask about it.

I tugged at my shirt, letting him off the hook. “Yeah, I know, trying to impress her, right? I’m taking her out to dinner tonight,” I said. “Is it okay if I borrow the car?”

“Oh . . . okay,” he said.

“I mean, did you need it tonight? I might be able to call a friend or something.”

“No,” he said. He reached into his pocket for the keys. Nine dads out of ten would have tossed them; mine held them out.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Just tired,” he said.

I stood and took the keys. “Dad?”

He glanced up again.

“I’m sorry about not having dinner with you these last couple of nights.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “I understand.”

The sun was beginning its slow descent, and as I pulled out, the sky was a swirl of fruity colors that contrasted dramatically with the evening skies I’d come to know in Germany. Traffic was horrendous, as it usually was on Sunday nights, and it took almost thirty exhaust-fumed minutes to get back to the beach and pull in the drive.

I pushed open the door to the house without knocking. Two guys seated on the couch watching baseball heard me come in.

“Hey,” they said, sounding uninterested and unsurprised.

“Have you seen Savannah?”

“Who?” one of them asked, obviously paying me little attention.

“Never mind. I’ll find her.” I crossed the living room to the back deck, saw the same guy as the night before grilling again and a few others, but no sign of Savannah. Nor could I see her on the beach. I was just about to go back in when I felt someone tapping my shoulder.

“Who are you looking for?” she asked.

I turned around. “Some girl,” I said. “She tends to lose things at piers, but she’s a quick learner when it comes to surfing.”

She put her hands on her hips, and I smiled. She was dressed in shorts and a summer halter, with a hint of color in her cheeks, and I noticed she’d applied a bit of mascara and lipstick. While I loved her natural beauty—I am a kid from the beach—she was even more striking than I remembered. I caught the whiff of some lemony fragrance as she leaned toward me.

“That’s all I am? Some girl?” she asked. She sounded both playful and serious, and for an instant, I fantasized about wrapping my arms around her right then and there.

“Oh,” I said, feigning surprise. “It’s you.”

The two guys on the couch glanced toward us, then returend to the screen.

“You ready to go?” I asked.

“I’ve just got to get my purse,” she said. She retrieved it from the kitchen counter, and we started for the door. “And where are we going, by the way?”

When I told her, she lifted an eyebrow.

“You’re taking me to eat at a place with the word
shack
in the name?”

“I’m just an underpaid grunt in the army. It’s all I can afford.”

She bumped against me as we walked. “See, this is why I usually don’t date strangers.”

The Shrimp Shack is in downtown Wilmington, in the historic area that borders the Cape Fear River. At one end of the historic area are your typical tourist destinations: souvenir stores, a couple of places specializing in antiques, a few upscale restaurants, coffee shops, and various real estate offices. At the other end, however, Wilmington displayed its character as a working port city: large warehouses, more than one of which stood abandoned, and a few other dated office buildings only half-occupied. I doubted that the tourists who flocked here in the summer ever ventured toward this other end. This was the direction I turned. Little by little, the crowds faded away until no one was left on the sidewalk as the area grew more dilapidated.

“Where is this place?” Savannah asked.

“Just a little farther,” I said. “Up there, at the end.”

“It’s kind of out of the way, isn’t it?”

“It’s kind of a local institution,” I said. “The owner doesn’t care if tourists come or not. He never has.”

A minute later, I slowed the car and turned into a small parking lot bordering one of the warehouses. A few dozen cars were parked in front of the Shrimp Shack, as they always were, and the place hadn’t changed. As long as I’d known it, it had looked run-down, with a broad, cluttered porch, peeling paint, and a crooked roofline that made it appear as if the place were about to fall over, despite the fact that it had been weathering hurricanes since the 1940s. The exterior was decorated with nets, hubcaps, license plates, an old anchor, oars, and a few rusty chains. A broken rowboat sat near the door.

The sky was beginning its lazy fade to black as we walked to the entrance. I wondered whether I should reach for Savannah’s hand, but in the end I did nothing. While I may have had some version of hormone-induced success with women, I had very little experience when it came to girls I cared about. Despite the fact that only a day had passed since we’d met, I already knew I was in new territory.

We stepped onto the sagging porch, and Savannah pointed to the rowboat. “Maybe that’s why he opened a restaurant. Because his boat sank.”

“Could be. Or maybe someone just left it there and he never bothered to remove it. You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” she said, and I pushed open the door.

I don’t know what she expected, but she wore a satisfied expression as she stepped inside. There was a long bar off on one side, windows that overlooked the river, and, in the main seating area, wooden picnic benches. A couple of waitresses with big hair—they hadn’t seemed to change any more than the decor—were moving among the tables, carrying platters of food. The air held the greasy smell of fried food and cigarette smoke, but somehow it seemed just right. Most of the tables were filled, but I motioned toward one near the jukebox. It was playing a country-western song, though I couldn’t have told you who the singer was. I’m more of a classic-rock fan.

We wove our way among the tables. Most of the customers looked as if they worked hard for a living: construction workers, landscapers, truckers, and the like. I hadn’t seen so many NASCAR baseball hats since . . . well, I’d never seen that many. A few guys in my squad were fans, but I never got the appeal of watching a bunch of guys drive in circles all day or figured out why they didn’t post the articles in the automotive section of the paper instead of the sports section. We sat across from each other, and I watched Savannah take in the room.

“I like places like this,” she said. “Was this your regular hangout when you lived here?”

“No, this was more of a special-occasion place. Usually I hung out at a place called Leroy’s. It’s a bar near Wrightsville Beach.”

She reached for a laminated menu sandwiched between a metal napkin holder and bottles of ketchup and Texas Pete hot sauce.

“This is way better,” she said. She opened the menu. “Now, what’s this place famous for?”

“Shrimp,” I said.

“Gee, really?” she asked.

“Seriously. Every kind of shrimp you can imagine. You know that scene in
Forrest Gump
when Bubba was telling Forrest all the ways to prepare shrimp? Grilled, sautéed, barbecued, Cajun shrimp, lemon shrimp, shrimp Creole, shrimp cocktail . . . That’s this place.”

“What do you like?”

“I like ’em chilled with cocktail sauce on the side. Or fried.”

She closed the menu. “You pick,” she said, sliding her menu toward me. “I trust you.”

I slipped the menu back into its place against the napkin holder.

“So?”

“Chilled. In a bucket. It’s the consummate experience.”

She leaned across the table. “So how many women have you brought here? For the consummate experience, I mean.”

“Including you? Let me think.” I drummed my fingers on the table. “One.”

“I’m honored.”

“This was more of a place for me and my friends when we wanted to eat instead of drink. There was no better food after a day spent surfing.”

“As I’ll soon find out.”

The waitress showed up and I ordered the shrimp. When she asked what we wanted to drink, I lifted my hands.

“Sweet tea, please,” Savannah said.

“Make it two,” I added.

After the waitress left, we settled into easy conversation, uninterrupted even when our drinks arrived. We talked about life in the army again; for whatever reason, Savannah seemed fascinated by it. She also asked about growing up here. I told her more than I thought I would about my high school years and probably too much about the three years before enlistment.

She listened intently, asking questions now and then, and I realized it had been a long time since I’d been on a date like this; a few years, maybe more. Not since Lucy, anyway. I hadn’t seen any reason for it, but as I sat across from Savannah, I had to rethink my decision. I liked being alone with her, and I wanted to see more of her. Not just tonight, but tomorrow and the next day. Everything—from the easy way she laughed to her wit to her obvious concern for others—struck me as fresh and desirable. Then again, spending time with her also made me realize how lonely I’d been. I hadn’t admitted that to myself, but after just two days with Savannah, I knew it was true.

“Let’s get some more music going,” she said, interrupting my thoughts.

I rose from my seat, rummaged through my pockets for a couple of quarters, and dropped them in. Savannah put both hands on the glass and leaned forward as she read the titles, then picked a few songs. By the time we got back to the table, the first was already going.

“You know, I just realized that I’ve done all the talking tonight,” I said.

“You are a chatty thing,” she observed.

I freed my utensils from the rolled-up paper napkin. “How about you? You know all about me, but I don’t know anything about you.”

“Sure you do,” she said. “You know how old I am, where I go to school, my major, and the fact that I don’t drink. You know I’m from Lenoir, live on a ranch, love horses, and spend my summers building homes for Habitat for Humanity. You know a lot.”

Yeah, I suddenly realized, I did. Including things she hadn’t mentioned. “It’s not enough,” I said. “Your turn.”

She leaned forward. “Ask what you will.”

“Tell me about your parents,” I said.

“All right,” she said, reaching for a napkin. She wiped the condensation from her glass. “My mom and dad have been married for twenty-five years, and they’re still happy as clams and madly in love. They met in college at Appalachian State, and Mom worked at a bank for a couple of years until she had me. Since then, she’s been a stay-at-home mom, and she was the kind of mom who was there for everyone else, too. Classroom helper, volunteer driver, coach of our soccer team, head of the PTA, all that kind of stuff. Now that I’m gone, she spends every day volunteering for other things—the library, schools, the church, whatever. Dad is a history teacher at the school, and he’s coached the girls volleyball team since I was little. Last year they made it to the state finals, but they lost. He’s also a deacon in our church, and he runs the youth group and the choir. Do you want to see a picture?”

“Sure,” I said.

She opened her purse and removed her wallet. She flipped it open and pushed it across the table, our fingers brushing.

“They’re a little ragged at the edges from being in the ocean,” she said, “but you get the idea.”

I turned the photo around. Savannah took more after her father than her mother, or had at least inherited the darker features from him.

“Nice-looking couple.”

“I love ’em,” she said, taking the wallet back. “They’re the best.”

“Why do you live on a ranch if your dad is a teacher?”

“Oh, it’s not a working ranch. It used to be when my grandfather owned it, but he had to sell bits and pieces to pay the taxes on it. By the time my dad inherited it, it was down to ten acres with a house, stables, and a corral. It’s more like a great big yard than a ranch. It’s the way we always refer to it, but I guess that conjures up the wrong image, huh?”