Authors: Maxwell Tibor
Dear Soldier Boy (10 page)
Chapter Twenty-One
[email protected]
Sent 5/17/16
Dear Matthew,
Hey listen buddy, I didn’t want to have to send this letter. I really didn’t want to. But it’s time. I told Vivian to stop writing you. Damn, I told her more times than I can count. Not just for her, but for you too.
Being Vivian’s partner is one thing, but I’m ready to be more than that, and it’s time for things between you two to end.
It will never work for the two of you. Granted, I had already fallen for her before you started communicating, but it doesn’t matter. She and I are meant to be together. Hell, we’ve already been together. Has she told you that? I bet she hasn’t. She’s too sweet. And man, is she ever sweet, not just with her words, though those are nice, but her actual taste. She’s delicious. Her lips are soft and supple, and her tongue, well, she definitely knows what do to with it, if you know what I mean. And I’m sure you do, in theory. I’m sure you’ve thought about it, but you’ve never experienced it or her. I have, and it was good. Fucking good. Let me give you an idea of how things went. I showed up at her house, being the nice guy that I am, and I brought her flowers, some wine, and a few movies. I thought we could just hang out. That’s what I said, but that’s not why I was there. I was there to make it happen, finally. To really be with her. I knew that, with a couple of glasses of wine, she would loosen up and forget that she is in this “romance” with you.
And it worked, man did it work. The girl likes wine. Red, by the way. I don’t know why I’m telling you that, because you’ll never meet her. She is mine. I’m going to propose to her when I get back and make it official.
As a consolation, I’m going to tell you what it was like to be with Vivian Castello. Did you know what her middle name is? Jacinda, which is probably what we’ll name our first child. Anyway, so after we start drinking the wine, I ask her if she’s ever had a really good foot massage. Like, a really good one. She laughs and says no, and I get down on my knees in front of her, and I take off her sandals. The woman has great feet. Have you seen her toes? They’re tiny, and I wanted to touch them, and I did. I began by massaging her feet and hitting all the right erogenous zones. You probably don’t know what those are, but I do. I’ve been working my way up many women’s feet to their sweet spots for years. And Vivian’s, by far, are the best. After I finish with her feet, I begin massaging her calves and tell her she really needs to have them worked out with all the running she’s been doing. The girl has got a great set of legs.
Then, I get really close to her knees, and I blow on the inner part of her thigh. She giggles. It’s a soft giggle, but it’s enough to tell me to continue, and I do. I kiss my way up her thighs, and reach under her little sundress, and pull her pink lacey panties off. I’m really good at cunnilingus. I always have been, and I know after I sink my mouth into her wetness it will be over. I’ll have her wrapped, and I did. Her legs wrapped around my hips so well. Vivian’s got a pair of lungs on her too. She screamed as I pounded into her. Not a bad scream, but a delicious one. It only made me want to go faster, and I did. I climaxed earlier than I would have liked, but that’s okay. I would save my endurance for round two. Which did happen. Matthew, we had sex like, ten times that night. Ten times. And she screamed my name with each orgasm that I gave her.
So, if that isn’t enough to make you realize it’s over, then maybe this will. Matthew do you know who Vivian’s brother is, was? Do you know what caused his death? I’m sure you do.
Can you imagine Vivian finding out the reason Tommy is no longer alive? Did she tell you they were best friends? Did she tell you how he used to protect her against unwanted advances from boys in the neighborhood when they were growing up? How he would beat down anyone that ever tried to touch her?
Think about it, buddy, and let her go. It’s over between you two. Let her have the life she is meant to have with me, and our kids, and our dog, Duke. By the way, I bought Duke just so that I would have a way to contact her while I was in Afghanistan. I figured that was the way you won her over with your letters, so I thought I would go that route too. Good thing for me, it worked.
Stay Safe, Soldier,
Mark
Chapter Twenty-Two
From:
[email protected]
Sent: 6/2/16 22:37
To:
[email protected]
Vivian,
What
was your brother’s full name, rank and number? I need to know. I can’t explain
now. I just need to know.
Oh
God, I think I already know. It feels like someone just punched me in the
stomach. The timing. It just makes
sense. Oh, shit. God, I wish I were there now to explain. Oh, God.
Vivian, there is so much I need to explain
to you, to make you understand. Our theme is shit timing and mistakes. We have
both made them. Oh, God. I think I’m going to be sick. It is like a cruel joke.
I need to see you to explain. I need to
hold you when I tell you, so you can’t run away until I make you understand. But,
in case that doesn’t happen, I have sent a letter to Luke to give you, in case anything happens to me here. If I die over here, you need to know the truth. All of it. Not just that asshole’s version.
I know everything about Mark. I know you work with him. I know he is your partner. I know everything. Everything. Every fucking detail is now
burned into my brain, which is no doubt what he was going for. I can’t even
explain. There isn’t an emotion to cover it. Or maybe there is, and I’m just not
bright enough to know it. Maybe you will know the right word. What is it called
when it feels like someone reaches through your chest and squeezes your heart
until it explodes, and then rummages through your guts, and then reaches even
farther still, until he reaches your balls, and then he rips them off and hands
them to you? What is that word? That is
what I felt. What I feel. And I feel culpable. It is my fault too, after all. I
played a part in this. Maybe this is part of an atonement, and I need to suffer. Is
that what this is? Did he tell you? Is that why you did it?
Shit, it doesn’t matter why you did it. It’s
done. I’m going crazy here. You’re too far, and I feel you slipping away.
But I don’t give up, Civilian Girl. I won’t
give up on us until you tell me to. The choice is yours. But I don’t share. You
need to know that. If you’re mine, you’re all mine. Every part of you. Your
letters, your kisses, your body. Mine. I won’t share you.
If we are going to keep going, you have to
cut Mark out of your life completely. I mean it. I can move on from this, it
can be just another misstep on our journey to find each other, but only if it is
over with him forever.
Sex is sex. I’ve said it before, and I would
be a complete asshole to have a different standard for you.
We both have a past. Mine upset you, and I
get it now. God, I get it. But there is no retroactive do-over for sex or shitty
choices.
It is in the past now. It is your future I
want, Civilian Girl, if that is what you want. Talk to me, Vivian. I need to
know where we stand. Is it over with Mark?
-Matthew
Chapter Twenty-Three
[email protected]
Sent 6/10/16
Dear Matthew,
What are you talking about? Yes, Mark is my partner. I didn’t want to mention it before, because I didn’t want you to know where I worked and what my job entails. I reached out to Mark to see if he knew what you are so upset about, but he told me that soldiers can go off the “deep end,” and maybe you were having some sort of moment or something. I don’t know. Are you okay? I’m worried about you. Before, I know you mentioned going to visit a shrink. Have you been recently? I don’t understand why you are so upset? And why do you need to know Tommy’s name?
It’s Thomas Wagner, by the way. His rank was E3, he was in the 1
st
Cav Division. He never went to college, no matter how hard I tried to get him to go. He said he was done with school after high school. But Tommy was too smart not to go to school, that’s what I always told him. We always got along.
We were closer than I am with anyone in my family. But, before he left, we had a big argument. I told him he was making a huge mistake by joining the Army and not going to college, and he told me I was making a big mistake by wasting time with Paul. We were both right. Why did we both have to be right? I mean, I don’t care that he was right about Paul. I should have cut it off right then with Paul. Tommy always knew which guys were good and which weren’t. And he was right about Paul. Not that Paul wasn’t a good guy, but he just knew he wasn’t the right guy for me. Somehow, he could see it before I did. Tommy was always like that, one step ahead of me. If there was a puddle in the way, he was there before I crossed it. He would whisk me onto the sidewalk. Tommy was like my guardian angel, but in real life. Not a fantasy. He was always looking out for me. And even with Paul, he was just looking out for me. I know Tommy only ever wanted me to be happy, and he probably figured out that Paul was not the guy for making that happen.
Unfortunately, I was right about Tommy too. The Army wasn’t right for Tommy. I knew he would be injured when he went over, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He just wouldn’t. I wanted so badly to finally be the one in our relationship to look out for him, and I wasn't. I failed. That’s why my step-father blames me. I failed Tommy. He should never have gone in the military. He should be at school right now. I should be going to his college graduation, but instead, our family got together for his funeral. It was horrible. And I’m to blame.
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone on like that. I haven’t shared how I feel about Tommy with anyone, and you asked and brought up all these emotions. I miss him so much. I wish I was able to write him. That’s what I meant in the first letter I sent. I never wrote to Tommy. Not once. I was so mad he wouldn’t listen to me that I never wrote to him. How awful is that? Here he was, over there dealing with the stuff that you see on a daily basis, and I was too consumed with anger and pride to reach out to him. I hate myself for that. I could have written. I should have written. And then, right before he died, right before, I actually had begun a letter to him. But it doesn’t matter. He’s gone and I’m a horrible person. So, there you have it. I’m sorry I shared that with you, but it’s probably best you know everything about me. Especially given your email.
What do you mean you know everything about Mark? Like, his memoir long emails or something? I don’t understand what you mean. Yes, some of his emails were a little too sexual, but I never responded back to those. I only ever responded to emails which seemed meant for Duke to listen to than for me. I didn’t even feel right reading his sexual emails. He talked at great length about how great he is at massaging feet and things like that. I don’t even know what that was about, so I just skimmed over it, and would see if there was any information that Duke might find interesting for me to share. I seriously doubt that Duke cares about what happens in Mark’s bedroom.
The only things that Mark has told me about you was what I asked you before. You said you haven’t been with any Afghani women, so I don’t know what you mean by atonement. I believed you when you said it was only me. That’s still the case right?
Because sex is not sex to me. I don’t have random sex with people, and I wouldn’t be okay if you did either. You want to know how many people I’ve been with, Matthew, is that what this is about? Because, sit down, it’s not many. In fact, it’s a little embarrassing, but it seems like that’s what you want to know, so I’ll tell you. I’ve been with one guy. One. And that was Paul. So, there you have it. I’m inexperienced in the bedroom. Is that a huge turnoff? Are you bothered that my partners are limited, or that even though I joke with you about what I want to do, that maybe I’ve never experienced it before? Is that the problem? Is that why you are upset?
And what do you mean, is it over with Mark? I haven’t quit emailing him. I don’t email him as often as he does to me because, like I said, I wanted to keep things on an appropriate level. Which, to be honest, Mark does not. But I’m watching Duke for him, and I do love watching Duke. I wish he was mine. He is such a great dog and companion.
I come home after a horribly long work day, and I know my work days are nothing in comparison to yours, but sometimes they really suck. Anyway, there's Duke, waiting for me at the door, wagging his tail, ready to have a big, long belly rub. And I give it to him. We sit together and watch C-SPAN. I think he’s addicted as me.
Anyway, Matthew, I’m really worried about this email. I’m not sure what to think. I hadn’t written back before because my computer crashed at home. I hadn’t had a chance to get another one until yesterday, and then I read this email.
