Death of a Chorus Girl (The Delacroix Series Book 1) (11 page)

She stops dead in her tracks but doesn’t turn to face me.  “What’s the point, detective?  It’s not like you’re going to believe a word I say.”

The way she says “detective” makes the word constrict around my heart. 
Shit!  You’ve totally been falling in love with this woman.
  I haven’t felt the emotion in so long I didn’t recognize it.  In truth, what I feel for Em makes me wonder if what I thought of as love before really had been.

“Please, call me Richard,” I beg. 
God, please.  I’ll get down on my knees if it will help.  Just give me a sign the door isn’t closed.

Her head cocks to the side.  She still has her back to me, only giving me the profile of her face.  A pained sigh crosses her lips before she rocks my world.  “I don’t think so.”

I take a step towards her, and she cringes away from me.  It is over.  Having never begun, it is now finished.  My eyes ae trapped in her glassy ones when the door opens and the cavalcade of witnesses pours out.

The captain and the psychologist thank her again.  Her lawyer collects her.  Then she’s gone.

Empathy Delacroix: Hollow Apologies

“Em!”  I am standing on the sidewalk while Sabene gets into our cab when Richard shouts my name.  What can he possibly want now?  Hasn’t he done enough?  How this man goes from hot to cold to hot again, I can’t fathom.

Sabene leaps from the car to get between Richard and me.  “That’s close enough,
detective
.”  A good foot and a half taller than her, he pulls up short.  “I’ll not let you hurt her again.  You had your fun, now go!  Tell your tales and leave us alone.”

He squares his shoulders, looking over her head and directly at me.  The red in his face and the dishevelment of his clothes confirm that he ran to catch us.  He knows I can’t talk to him.  My lawyer has already left.  He offered to drive us somewhere, but I wasn’t up for his incessant chattering.

“Em, please, just a second,” Richard’s beseeching tone and puppy dog eyes put a fissure in the invisible barrier I placed between us.

Having anticipated Sabene waylaying him again, I am shocked when she turns to me instead.  I don’t have to say anything.  She knows.  “I’ll be right here if you need anything.”

Call me a glutton for punishment.  Though I do not intend to ever go out with the attractive detective, I am curious to hear his explanation.  The cab merges back into traffic as I follow Richard across the street until we find a place to sit and talk.  He doesn’t immediately begin.  Instead, he just sits there, staring at his hands and fidgeting anxiously.  “Well, detective?”

His leg shakes nervously.  “Please call me Richard.  Please?”

“
Fine
,” I consent in an icy tone. “What do you have to say,
Rich-ard
?”

His hand finds mine, and I am not strong enough to take it back.  The action of his thumb running across the back of it soothes us both.  “There is nothing I can say,” —
Is he kidding?
  I stand to leave, tired of having my time constantly misused.  He grips my hand to keep me from leaving as his eyes lift to my face.  He finishes in a rush,—“that will erase the pain I caused you last night.  There is nothing I can do to make up for it.  I will
never
make that mistake again, Em,
ever
.  Please give me,
give us,
a second chance.”

I want to; I really do, but I don’t do second chances.  To me, they are just a guarantee you will be hurt again.  Fool me once shame on you.  Fool me twice…  To distance myself from the emotions that are going to force me to give into him, I look away, focusing on the bustling city.

“That never works out in the end.  As angry as I am with you, I don’t want to grow to hate you, and I’m afraid that would happen.”  There is an intake of breath, making me aware of his imminent argument.  I quickly continue. “I’m still unsure as to what happened or why.”  My voice breaks at the end and I am furious about letting my despair show.

He gently tugs on my arm and gets me to sit.  “All I can offer for an explanation is I was blinded by jealousy.  Hearing you flirt with To-”

I try to yank back my arm.  “I wasn’t flirting with Tom!  I was being a distraction to keep him from finding you. 
I was protecting YOU!
”  We are locked in a game of tug of war over my arm.  I want it back and he won’t give it up.  He is aware I will flee the moment I’m free.  “LET GO!”

“No!” he hisses and quickly shushes me.  We are drawing eyes, but being in New York no one intrudes.  “Please!  Last night I was enraged at the liberties you let him take but I understand the reason now.”

“There were no liberties!” I insist as I seethe.  Now I understand what happened last night, and in a way it is worse than what I thought then.  “You thought I allowed him to… to… to…”  I can’t even bring myself to say it.

“What was I supposed to think?  Your shadows through the screen were right next to each other, and you were
laughing
.”  This conversation, which started with a bid for a second chance, is quickly dissolving into a fight.  I’m appalled to learn that he thinks I would allow another man to caress or kiss me.  He is perturbed at my resentment.

This time I don’t necessarily care if he sees me cry.  This time the tears are out of anger.  “Then you are a damn idiot, Richard Giordano!  We haven’t gone on a single date.  We haven’t had a single conversation that didn’t involve Annie’s death.  Tom ran his fingers down my back. 
His fingers were
ice
cold
and I’m extremely ticklish!
”  His body tenses. 
Take that, you assuming jerk!
  “I’m not that kind of girl!  You made an assumption.  One I hope you can live with,
alone
, for the rest of your life!”

“I shouldn’t have!” he exclaims in an impassioned plea.  “And I’m so sorry.  Didn’t your lawyer tell you we cleared you as a suspect today?  Forgive me, and I’ll spend every day making it up to you, starting now!”

“That no longer matters!”  I feel crazed.  I want to retreat while at the same time I want him to kiss all the pain away.

Richard finally releases my hand to capture my face and his thumbs sweep the tears away.  “Don’t say that!  I’m begging you to appreciate the fact that our whole relationship has been unconventional.” 
That is an understatement
.  “I feel like I’ve known you all my life.  But there’s still so much we don’t know; secrets and demons we’re living with and not ready to share.”

He looks at me pointedly then.  I’m aware of what he’s getting at but wonder what he is keeping from me.  “I got caught up in a torrent of lust and jealousy and when combined the way they were all my rationale disappeared.  It wasn’t fair to you. 
I
wasn’t fair to you.”

He slowly moves in to kiss me.  Trapped in his eyes, I almost allow it.  At the last second, I turn my head, and his lips meet my cheek.  Sighing, he rests his forehead gently against my temple.  “I forgive you, Richard.”  His body sags with relief which breaks my heart because I am about to trample all over his.  “But I cannot see you.  I wish you all the best life has to offer and am truly sorry I won’t be a part of it.  The only consolation I can provide is you won’t be easy for me to get over either.”

He crumbles at my words, and I delicately disentangle myself from him.  My heart is lighter as I run back to Sabene because of the many pieces I left at his feet.

Empathy Delacroix: The Threat

“Y
ou can’t keep wallowing in this apartment.  You haven’t been out in days.  You love the park, and it will do you some good.”  Sabene is practically dragging me out of the apartment in my pajamas.

She essentially moved in the second I put a stake through the heart of what could have been an epic love affair.  The last time I was this depressed was after the officers told me my parents had died.  Although he isn’t dead, Richard may as well be.  Short of a subpoena, I told my lawyer I would no longer cooperate with the detectives on the case.  He thought it was because of the multiple stunts they tried to pull.  In reality, it is because if I see Richard again my resolve will crumble. 
How did I fall so hard for a man I barely know?

“I’m not allowing you to sit in this room any longer.  There’s a moratorium on the number of days you’re allowed to stop living your life.  You’ve reached it.  Time for tough love.  You have thirty minutes to shower, brush your teeth, and get dressed.”

I open my mouth to argue but don’t get the chance.  She holds up her phone.  “Either get cleaned up or I’ll call the gossip mongers myself and drag you out as you are.”  Determined to kill her later, I spin on my heel and stalk to the shower.

Richard Giordano: Central Park

“See the sunshine is already doing you good.”  Frisco’s chipper mood makes me want to strangle her.  Every day without Em darkens my humor.  Now when the guys tease me at the precinct, it isn’t because some skirt has me tied up in knots.  No, it’s because I have become a rabid animal, growling at anyone and everything.

I ignore her and glare out over the park.  Frisco had suggested to the captain that she assist me in cleaning out my case files since it is a slow day in the morgue.  Tired of my bad attitude, he agreed and ordered me gone until I exorcised my demons.  We’ve been out of the office a little more than an hour because she insisted on walking to the stupid
Alice
in
Wonderland
statue.

“Are we going to discuss any of these cases or what?” I grumble.

“How about this one?” she says and picks up one of the thinner files.  I shake my head.  She offers me two more, and I immediately reject them too.  She knows the only case I want to talk about.  She sighs.  “Let’s run through it again, then.”

“If I can solve this case…”  I trail off.

“You think finding Annie’s killer will get Em back?” Frisco finishes for me.

I pretend she hasn’t just voiced my ulterior motives.  “I can’t accept that we’re stalled. 
I won’t!” 
I take a few deep breaths to steady my nerves and avoid snapping at my best friend.  “Whoever strangled Annie is a ghost.  Whoever tampered with the lighting rig is invisible.  There are no witnesses and the theater house wasn’t broken into.  The person or persons who did the acts had access.”

“So get a warrant,” Frisco advises, innocently enough.  She’s not familiar with all the intricacies of the DA’s office.  “Can’t Bobby help you?”

“No,” accompanies the shake of my head.  “A judge won’t give us a warrant to collect DNA evidence from everyone who had access.  The net is too wide; we need something to narrow our scope.  We just aren’t coming up with anything!”  I pause waiting for her response.  Nothing comes.  She knows I am at my wits end.  “Explain to me again why we had to come all the way out here to do this.”

An exasperated sigh crosses her lips.  “Because, Rich, being a foul mood asshole isn’t helping you with any of your cases and won’t help you with Em.”

“You think if I pretend to be completely fine with how things ended, she’ll realize her mistake and beg
me
for another shot?” I growl.  I’m Frisco’s date to Em’s opening next weekend, and I’m pretty sure Em knows nothing about it, but Sabene does.

Frisco rolls her eyes and punches me in the arm.  “No.  But what you’re doing right now is not endearing or attractive.  In fact, you’ve killed any lingering desire I had to date you.”  Frisco confesses with a smile on her face but an edge to her voice.

She’s right, though.  I have to get out of my head, get out of this slump.  I lay down, close my eyes, and listen to the sounds of kids playing which lulls my inner beast.  In the end, this little field trip is what I needed.  Having felt like I committed emotional suicide, being surrounded by death all the time acted as a rip tide to my depression.  Every day there is a new dead body; a new case to be solved.  My job is dragging me under and deeper into my own misery.  However, today is a perfect day, with the sun shining and a breeze.  Even in my dress shirt and slacks, I’m not sweating.  I don’t sit up until I finally feel somewhat like myself again.  “Thanks, Frisco.  I owe you one.”

“Perfect timing, Rich, because you’re about to owe me more.”  A smile splits her face, and her eyes dart from mine to peer just over my shoulder.  My head turns, following her gaze, and my heart stops when I see her.  She is rooted in place and glowering at her friend, but to me she is a vision.  Sabene leans into her ear and whispers something.  Em closes her eyes and nods and doesn’t run.

Empathy Delacroix: The Truth

I should have killed Sabene when I had the chance
.  I recognize the person she waves to and don’t wonder who the man is sitting next to her. 
Those meddlesome, sneaky, no good…

“You need to tell him,” Sabene says in my ear, cutting off the many curses I am silently flinging at her.  “Don’t be stubborn about this.  There’s never been a reason to return to any of the jerks who’ve wanted you back in the past, but I’m not convinced he’s a jerk - and neither are you.  Tell Rich the truth and find out for sure.”  Sabene is in on the secret about my visions.  She is the only one.

There is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide since Richard already spotted me. I review my dilemma and decide to give myself over to fate.  If I’m completely honest with myself, I
am
culpable in his assumption that I am capable of the kind of deception he thinks I committed.  Had I confided in him about the visions, maybe it would have been enough to show him how much I value and trust him.  Well, now is the moment of truth.

Sabene approaches them with obvious false surprise. “Funny seeing you here, Teddy.  Rich.”  Teddy’s mock reply is equally as transparent.  Richard sits between them with his gorgeous, apprehensive, blue eyes locked on my every move. If I shift to the right, so do they.  To the left, same thing.  “What brings you guys out here?”

“Just reviewing some case files,” Teddy answers.  “Organization is not his strong suit.”

Their blatant banter annoys me and because I’m tired of the games, I address him.  “Are you free this afternoon?”  His astonished response is amusing.  His eyes grow saucer wide, and his jaw works to articulate his answer.  I smile slightly for what feels like the first time in weeks.

When I speak up, our friends clam up.  All eyes train on Richard, his exuberant “yes” rings out even in the noisy park.  He says nothing more and makes no effort to move, almost as if terrified of what will happen if he does.  Teddy bends over to pick up the files.  “Please leave them,” I request.  “That is, if it’s okay with you, Richard.”  Sabene gives me an approving smile, which I purposely ignore.

Teddy looks confused, and it’s no wonder.  What reconciliation has ever started with a detective’s case files?  But she doesn’t have to understand.  This is the first step.  He needs to trust me.  Can he?

“If that is your wish,” he agrees.  I confirm it is and exhale the breath I didn’t realize I’m holding.

Teddy and Sabene leave, and I sit down next to him.  His scent immediately bowls me over.  Even in the middle of Central Park, I can identify his unique aroma.  I breathe him in and feel whole for the first time in over a week, letting him wash over my senses.  I sit with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around them, rallying my courage.  It is now or never.  It’s time to find out what my future holds, so I tilt my head until I can rest it on my knees and look at him for the first time since being left alone.

“I need to show you something.”  I pause to gauge his reaction.  He sits there stoically regarding me with patience.  This is a good start.  “You’re going to have to see it a few times before you actually believe it.  Please, grant me some latitude.  It’s not easy to explain or understand, but I’m hoping your case files will illustrate that I’m not insane.”

His form is identical to mine, but after my request for indulgence, he shifts so one leg folds flat down on the ground as he leans into the other.  “You’re going to show me where you go.”  It isn’t a question, just a simple statement.  “Alright, what do you need from me?”

I hand him the case files, instructing him to pick out ones driven by powerful emotions—jealousy, rage, hate—where not a lot of details were released to the public.  This is New York City after all.  Crime is, unfortunately, a common occurrence.  Of course, there will be cases where my vision is the only way for me to know what happened.  He peers at me askance but complies.

We sort through the addresses of his selections.  There is actually one that happened at the other end of the park, so we head in that direction.  We trudge along in an awkward quiet and to me even the rest of the park seems muted.  I know what is about to come.  But the knowledge never prepares me for it.

They found the body by the reservoir.  That is all the information Richard gives me.  We walk through the trees and the colors slowly fade; the scenery grows hazy.  A black and white world surrounds me when a hand ensnares my wrist and spins me around.  The figure in front of me yells noiselessly, of that fact I am confident.  My head snaps to the side, a burn blossoming across my cheek, making my heart race with terror.  Somehow, I get free and run, but I don’t get far.  My body crashes into the ground, weighed down by a faceless mass.  Blow after blow rain down on me, breaking my bones and there is a stabbing pain in my lungs.  The deluge doesn’t cease until darkness consumes the scenery and the wind captures my last breath.

“Em!”  Richard’s panicked voice beckons to me.  The grayscale world I had wandered into vanishes and my own Technicolor one draws me back.  Blinking, when I open my eyes I find myself in his arms.  His face is the only thing I see.  We’d fallen to our knees in the same spot where the woman died.  I convulse and remind myself I’m not her.  None of it actually happened to me.  His hand cups around my jaw. “Are you back?  Are you okay?”

I cling to Richard, shaking and panting.  “She was beaten to death and I’m fairly confident she knew her attacker.  I think her ribs punctured her lung.  If this is your woman, who was by the reservoir, she was dumped there.”

“You saw all that?”  He sounds horrified.

“I
experienced
all of that.”  And it was awful, but it’s time to do it again.  “What’s the next address?”  I attempt to stand but fail when my knees give out.

He is there in a flash.  “You were right - I don’t understand, but you don’t need to do this to yourself again.”

I appreciate his concern; however, over time once can easily be explained away as a fluke.  Twice becomes only coincidence.  It requires multiple episodes to ensure permanent acceptance of the truth.  “Was it your victim?” I repeat through grit teeth.  After he confirms it is, I use him as a crutch and stand.  “I’ll be fine in a moment.  Walking helps.  What’s the next address?”

Richard Giordano: Lower Manhattan

Had I known the smile Em gave me by the statue was the last one I would see that afternoon, I would have taken more time to memorize it.  We are on our way to our fourth address.  Each time she enters that frightful trance it is as if I watch her die.  Her body quivers uncontrollably until she collapses in my arms.  Her breathing grows shallower until it stops.  At that point, all the tension seeps out of her, and she becomes lifeless.  Then she blinks, begins gulping the air as if it is water, and clings to me like I am her anchor to reality.

So far, we haven’t talked about what is going on, short of her outlining in specific detail how my victims spent their last living moments.  I’m confused and alarmed about what I’m witnessing, and even a little scared of her.  And yet, as confounding and outrageous as this all is, I refuse to walk away.  I can’t leave her to deal with it alone.  Whatever this is, it is a part of her.  The burgeoning love I feel isn’t diminished by it.  If anything, it grows.  Now there is something I can be for Em, her anchor.  She may go through the experience alone, but I am determined to never again let her deal with its aftermath that way.

The time between each site is just as bad as the sites themselves.  She won’t talk to me except to insist that we continue on this madcap quest.  I hear her whimpers as she fights back the emotions resulting from her experience.  The tears never fall but sit heavy in her eyes as she shivers next to me.  She looks battered and broken, though there isn’t a bruise marring her perfect skin.  I try multiple times to comfort her but she pushes me away, saying it isn’t time for that now.

Needless to say, when she grabs my arm and shouts, “Where are we going?” I’m shocked.

“Battery Park, Em.  We don’t have to do this anymore…”