Death on the Installment Plan (46 page)

“Suffering asshole Christ almighty! My poor dear, what did we do to produce such vermin? As corrupt as three dozen jailbirds! … Profligate! Scoundrel! Idler! And then some! He’s calamity personified! Good for nothing except to rob us and clean us out! A pestilence! Gouge us without mercy! That’s all his gratitude! … for a whole life of sacrifice! Two lives of torment! We’re nothing but a couple of old fools … We’re the ones that get it in the neck! Every time! … Go on, say it again, say it, you poison toad! Come on, out with it. Admit you want to be the death of us … that you want us to die of grief … and misery! Let me hear you say it at least before you finish me off! Go on, you stinking scum!”

At this point my mother gets up and limps across the room, trying to come between us …

“Auguste! Auguste! Listen to me, my goodness. Listen to me, I beg of you. Come, Auguste. You’re going to be laid up again. Think of me, Auguste. Think of all of us! You’re going to make yourself sick. Ferdinand. Go away, child. Go outside! Don’t stay here …”

I didn’t budge. It was he who sat down again …

He mops himself off, he grunts … He strikes one or two keys … Then he starts to bellow again … He turns toward me, he points a finger at me … He takes a solemn tone …

“Ah yes. today I can admit it … How I regret it! I was weak. I’m to blame for not having disciplined you with a vengeance! Christ, yes! Disciplined you! Before it was too late! When you were twelve, do you hear, at the latest. That’s when I should have collared you and locked you up good. That’s right. No later … locked you up in a reform school … That’s the ticket! They’d have taught you a thing or two … And things wouldn’t have come to such a pass … But now the die is cast … Our doom is sealed … Too late! Too late! Do you hear me, Clémence? Much too late! This blackguard is incorrigible! It’s your mother that prevented me! And now you’ll pay for it, my dear!”

He points at her as she limps around the room, sighing at every step. “It was your mother. Yes, your mother. If she’d listened to me, you’d never have sunk so low … Jumping Jesus, no! Ah, Christ almighty! …”

He pounds the keyboard again … wicked punches with both fists … He’s going to demolish it for sure.

“Do you hear me, Clémence? Do you hear me? I’ve told you often enough! … Didn’t I warn you? I knew how it was going to be!”

He’s going to explode again … His rage is coming back … He puffs up all over … his head and his eyes are bulging … all you can see is the whites … She’s stumbling in all directions, she can’t stand up anymore. She climbs back on the bed. She collapses … She hikes her petticoats way up … She uncovers her thighs, the bottom of her belly … She writhes with pain … She gently massages herself … She’s bent double …

“Jesus, cover up. Cover up, will you, it’s disgusting!”

“Please, please, I beg you, Auguste. You’re going to make us all sick …” She was at the end of her rope. She was besides herself …

“Sick? Sick? …” That shoots through him like a rocket. A magic word! … “Ho ho! Christ, that’s the last straw!” He bursts out laughing … “That’s a revelation!” He’s off the handle again … “But it’s him. Can’t you see that, you poor innocent? … It’s this little hoodlum … My Lord, can’t you get it through your noodle … it’s this infernal little villain that’s making us all sick! This slimy viper! Hes after our hide. He’s always been plotting against us! He wants us dead and buried! That’s right! We’re in his way! He doesn’t even bother to hide it …’He wants the old folks to conk out … It’s obvious. It’s plain as day! And the sooner the better. His behavior is unbelievable. He’s in a hurry! It’s our wretched two cents he’s after! Our miserable crust of bread he’s got his eye on! You haven’t noticed? That’s it, all right. The little scum knows what he’s doing! The scoundrel! The bloodsucker! He knows. He’s got eyes in his head. He sees how we’re wasting away! He’s rotten through and through! Just take it from me! I know him if you don’t! Even if he is my son!” He starts trembling again, his whole carcass is quaking, he’s beside himself … He clenches his fists … His stool is creaking and dancing … He’s winding up, he’s going to lunge … He comes back blowing up my nose … more insults … more and more of them … I feel things coming up in me too … And the heat besides … I pass my two hands over my face … Suddenly everything looks cock-eyed … I can’t see straight … Just one jump … I’m over him. I lift up the big heavy machine … I lift it way up. And wham! … I give it to him full in the face! He hasn’t got time to parry … He goes over under the impact, the whole business topples … table, man, chair, the whole shebang in all directions … They fall on the floor and scatter … I’m caught up in the dance … I stumble, I fall … That does it, I’ve got to finish the stinking bastard! Bzing! He’s down again … I’m going to smash his kisser! … So he can’t talk anymore … I’m going to smash his whole face … I punch him on the ground … He bellows … He gurgles … That’ll do. I dig into the fat on his neck … I’m on my knees on top of him … I’m tangled up in his bandages … both my hands are caught. I pull. I squeeze. He’s still groaning … He’s wriggling … I weigh down on him … He’s disgusting … He squawks … I pound him … I massacre him … I’m squatting down … I dig into the meat … It’s soft … He’s drooling … I tug … I pull off a big chunk of moustache… He bites me, the stinker! … I gouge into the holes … I’m sticky all over … my hands skid … he heaves … he slips out of my grip. He grabs me around the neck. He squeezes my windpipe … I squeeze some more. I knock his head against the tiles … He goes limp … he’s soft under my legs … He sucks my thumb … he stops sucking … Phooey! I raise my head for a minute … I see my mother’s face on a level with mine … She’s staring at me, her eyes twice their size … Her eyes are so big I start wondering where I am … I let go… Another head appears from the stairs … over the corner of the banister … That one’s Hortense. Must be. It’s her all right. She lets out a terrible scream: “Help! Help!”’ She almost splits a gut … That does something to me. I let go my old man … One jump … and I’m on top of Hortense! … I’m going to strangle her! I want to see how she wriggles! She struggles … I daub her face … I close her mouth with the palms of my hands … The pus and blood from the boils squash on her face and drip down … She gurgles louder than Papa … I latch on to her … She struggles … She’s hefty … I want to choke her too … It’s amazing … It’s a hidden world that spasms in your hands … It’s life … Get a good feel of it … I knock her skull stubbornly against the banister … It thuds … There’s blood in her hair … She yells! It’s split. I dig a big finger into her eye … I haven’t got the right hold … She breaks loose … She’s up again … She gets away … She’s a strong one … She clatters down the stairs … I can hear her yelling outside … raising hell … screaming at the top of her lungs … “Murder, murder! …”I hear echoes, voices. A crowd comes running … they gallop into the shop, they jostle at the bottom of the stairs … They push and shove on every landing … An invasion … I hear my name … Here they come … They go into a huddle on the third floor … I look out … Somebody’s coming … It’s Visios! He’s the first one to pop out … He plunges in from the landing … There he is, firm, menacing, resolute … He points a revolver at me … straight at my chest … The other bastards come around behind me, encircle me, grunting, bawling the hell out of me … Hurling threats at me, insults … The old man is still out cold … still on the floor … with a little trickle of blood flowing from his head … I’m not angry anymore … I don’t give a damn … Visios bends down, touches the bundle, Papa grunts and moans a little …

The bastards push me around, they’re stronger … They’re pretty brutal … They drag me down the stairs … they won’t even listen to my mother … They push me into the room downstairs … I take the blows as they come … I’ve stopped resisting … I get some from everybody, especially in the balls … I can’t fight back … The wickedest of the lot is Visios … I get a kick square in the stomach … I stagger … I don’t double up … I stay put, glued to the wall … They leave, spitting in my face as they go … They lock me in.

I’m all alone … pretty soon I begin to tremble … My hands … my legs … my face … inside … all over … I have a lousy sick feeling, a panic in my kidneys … like everything was falling apart, coming off in shreds … like a hurricane was shaking me … My whole carcass is rattling, my teeth are chattering … I’m dead to the world … I’ve got a spasm in my asshole … I shit in my pants … My heart’s pounding so hard I can’t hear what’s going on … I can’t make out what they’re doing … My knees are knocking together … I stretch out on the floor … I don’t know what’s what … I’m scared … I feel like yelling … I haven’t knocked him off, have I? Shit! To hell with that … But my asshole is opening and closing … A spasm … it’s awful.

I think of Papa again … The sweat’s dripping off me and what’s left is cold … I swallow it through my nose … I’m bleeding … The cocksucker scratched me … I wasn’t very rough … I’d never have expected him to be so weak, so mushy … It’s amazing … It was easy to squeeze … I remember how I was kneeling there with my fingers locked in front … the slobber … and the way he suckled my thumb … I can’t stop shaking … I’m trembling all over … All you’ve got to do is squeeze! … My face is twitching all over … I groan! Now I can feel every one of those bastards’ blows … I’m scared shitless … It’s my asshole that hurts worst … It keeps on twisting and tightening … It aches like hell.

Shut up in that room, stretched out on the tiles, I kept on trembling a long while, banging against everything in sight … I bumped into the clothes cupboard … it sounded like castanets … I’d never have thought I could have such a tempest inside me … The jolting was unbelievable … I flapped around like a lobster … It came from way inside … “I’ve knocked him off!” I said to myself … I was more and more sure of it, and then for a moment I heard something like the sound of steps … people talking things over … And then they were pushing the bed upstairs …

“That’s it! They’re taking him away …” But a minute later I heard his voice … That was him all right! … He was only punch-drunk! “I must have bashed his head in,” I began to think. “He’ll conk out later. That’ll be even worse …” He was still on my bed … I could hear the springs … Actually I didn’t know a thing. And then my stomach heaved … I began to vomit … I even pushed to make it come up … That made me feel a lot better … I vomited up everything … The shivers started in again … They shook me so hard I didn’t know who I was anymore … I was surprised at myself … I threw up the macaroni … I started in again … It did me a whole lot of good. Like I was getting rid of everything … I threw up everything I could all over the floor … I pushed and strained … I bent double to make myself puke still more and then came slime and then froth … It splattered, it spread under the door … I vomited up everything I’d eaten for at least a week and then diarrhea too … I wanted to call them to let me leave the room … I dragged myself to the pitcher that was standing by the fireplace … I shat into it … After that I couldn’t keep my balance … My head was spinning … I collapsed again and let it all out on the floor … I shat some more … A flood of marmalade …

They must have heard me floundering around … They came and opened … They took one look at the room … They locked it up again … Maybe ten minutes later Uncle Édouard came in … He was all alone … I hadn’t put my pants back on … I was covered with shit … He wasn’t afraid of me … “Get dressed now,” he says to me … “You go down first, I’m taking you away …” He had to hold me up. I was trembling so bad all over I couldn’t button my pants … Finally I did what he said … I went down ahead of him … There was nobody on the stairs anymore or in the shop either. Everybody had cleared out … They must have gone home … They had plenty to talk about …

By the clock up there under the glass roof it was 4:15 … It was dawning already …

At the end of the Passage we roused up the caretaker to open the gate. “So you’re taking him away?” he asked my uncle …

“Yes, he’ll sleep at my place.”

“Well, I wish you luck. You’ll need it, my dear monsieur. That’s some number you’ve got on your hands …”

He double-locked the gate behind us. He went back to his shack. You could hear him grumbling in the distance: “Christ! That brat’s got himself into a fine mess!”

My uncle and I went down the rue des Pyramides … We crossed the Tuileries … When we got to the Pont Royal I was still trembling … The wind from the river wasn’t warm. As we were walking along, Uncle Édouard told me how they’d come for him … It seems to have been Hortense … He was sound asleep … His part of town wasn’t exactly around the corner … It was beyond the Invalides, behind the École Militaire … on the rue de la Convention before you get to the rue de Vau-girard … I was afraid to ask for further details … We walked fast … I couldn’t get warm … My teeth were still chattering …

“Your father’s better,” he said after a while… “But he’ll surely be in bed for two or three days … He won’t be going to the office. Dr. Capron came …” That’s as much as he told me.

We took the rue du Bac and then turned right as far as the Champ de Mars … His place was at the end of the world … Finally we get there … There it is! … He shows me his home, a small house in the back of a garden … His pad was on the third floor … I didn’t dare say anything about being tired … but I couldn’t stand on my feet … I hung on to the banister. It was broad daylight by now … Upstairs a terrible wave of nausea came over me! … He took me to the shithouse himself … I threw up a long time … it kept coming… He takes a folding bed out of the closet … He takes a mattress off his bed … He sets me up in another room … He gives me a blanket too … I collapse … He undresses me … I spit up another flood of slime … Finally I fall asleep by fits and starts … A nightmare catches hold of me … I only slept off and on …