Deciding Tomorrow (19 page)

The fierce heat builds and takes over. A wave of adrenaline flashes through my body, and the intense carnal tingles are completely beyond my control. I pulse around him and quiver from my core to every flowing molecule within my body as I moan around his finger for what feels like an eternity. The orgasm is so powerful and beyond me that I don’t even know who I am.

Brent thrusts into me, grunting pleasurably in the midst of my zealous cries, and then collapses over my shivering, quaking form.

I’m lost in us.

I am changed forever.

There’s nothing left.

All that remains is the man panting heavily near my ear—filling, holding, and loving me.

TWENTY-ONE

A light dusting of snow scatters in the air on this cool Saturday morning in December. Brent and I went to breakfast, and we are now walking back to my place with no set schedule. I just have to work later this evening, so we have all day to ourselves.

Two weeks have passed since Thanksgiving. Coming back to Chicago and adding a little distance has helped with the strain between Cody, Brent, and me. I’ve spoken to Cody and Shauna on the phone, checking in on how they are adjusting to being parents. Thankfully, other than sleepless nights, everyone is doing fine. Last week, when saying good-bye to Cody, I almost fell out of my bed when he asked for me to say hi to Brent for him. So, there has been some progress with Cody opening up to the idea of Brent and further accepting us as a couple.

As for Brent and me, we’ve fallen into an easy pattern. I spend most of my days at school while he trains at a local facility. We have dinner together, and then I study as he reads. We just enjoy one another’s company. I still have to work a few days a week for income, but I have been limiting the number of shifts while he’s in town.

This time together has brought us closer than I think we have ever been before. Every minute we spend in one another’s company fills a place deeper in my heart and in those tiny crevices that have been untouched and neglected for years. He’s reaching in deep—digging, searching, and taking hold.

The snow picks up, getting thicker in the muted blue sky. Brent holds my hand as we meander down the street full of restaurants and shops just opening for business.

“I want to go in here,” he says, leading me toward a store where a customer has just walked out.

Glancing inside the window, I notice nothing but housewares, and I freeze. “Why do you want to go in there?”

“Just ’cause.” He pulls me along. “C’mon, just for a minute.”

Shaking my head, I relent and follow Brent into the shop filled with plush furniture, dishes, lamps, and other household knickknacks. Weaving through the mock setup of living rooms, we walk slowly through the store with my fingers trailing along the fabrics, the wooden tables, the bronze bases of the lamps, and the silk florals decorating many of the solid surfaces. We take a flight of stairs, only to find a large collection of seating—couches, love seats, overstuffed and regular chairs, and a variety of benches and barstools.

I still have no idea what we’re doing here as we continue to stroll along with no purpose. Coming upon a leather-upholstered chair, Brent takes a seat and smooths his hands over the arms. I sit down across from him on a chenille taupe love seat. I unbutton my coat, so I don’t overheat.

“Are you shopping?” I ask, removing my hat and taming some of the fly away strands of my hair.

“Not really.” He leans back, getting comfortable. “Maybe a little. I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s nice.” I gesture toward the chair he’s seated in. “Leather is always a good choice.”

“Yeah, it is. Reminds me of the one my dad used to keep in his office. Do you remember that?”

“I do.” Heat rises to my cheeks. “Didn’t we once…you know?”

“I think we did,” he admits. That freaking dimple comes out.

“So, maybe that’s why you like it?”

“Could be.” He suggestively waggles his brows.

“Is it comfortable?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Very.” He straightens, sitting properly. “What about that one?”

“What one?”

“The one you’re sitting on. Is it comfortable?”

I slouch back, trying it out in a lazy way. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s okay. It’s a couch.”

Brent steps out of the chair and joins me on the taupe love seat, touching his knee to mine. In an exaggerated motion, he mocks a yawn as he stretches out his arms, one coming to rest over my shoulder. “Yeah, it’s nice.”

“Smooth, really slick.” I giggle as my hand finds his knee.

“That’s because I’m so stealth.”

“Yeah, your ninja-like prowess is unprecedented.”

“Exactly. You never see it coming.”

“Never.” I laugh. “I was totally shocked.”

Together, we sit and watch a couple across the room. They’re checking out an oversized red chair while talking with a salesperson about fabric selections.

“Did you know,” Brent starts, his focus still on the couple at the other end of the store, “that you own more furniture than me?”

“Huh?” I adjust myself, leaning into the corner of the sofa. “That’s impossible. I only own a bed.”

“It’s true. I don’t own anything. My entire apartment came furnished, right down to the silverware.” He places his palm over mine on his knee. “I don’t even own my car. It’s a lease.”

“I don’t own a car either,” I say, like it’s not a big deal. “Haven’t since high school.”

“You probably don’t need one in the city.”

“That’s true. It’s easier to just rent one when you need it.”

“Anyhow,” he continues, “I like to come to stores like this every once in a while.”

“To window-shop for furniture?”

“I guess you can call it that. When you live in a place filled with stuff that isn’t yours, you start to wonder what kind of things you like. I’ve had a transient lifestyle for so long, and it’s easy to lose track of things like that. You almost lose your identity in a way, never really having anything to call your own. Anyhow, I like to see what I do like to make sure I haven’t forgotten.”

“Living like that must be hard. It sounds almost…empty.”

“It can be, but I guess there are worse things.”

“Yeah, there likely are.” I tilt my head toward the leather club chair across from us. “You seem to like that.”

“I do. One of these days, I’ll probably actually break down and get one.” He stands up with his hand outstretched, and he pulls me to my feet. “What about you?”

“What about me?” I ask as we walk through the showroom.

“Do you like any of these?” he asks, gesturing to the furnishings.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I wasn’t really looking.”

“Humor me.” He rubs my back. “I’m curious. If you could have anything, anything here, what would it be?”

Squinting, I measure Brent’s motives. “Are you trying to play house with me?”

“Yes, next stop, we’re picking out dishes, and then we’re going to the pet store, so you can get a cute Labrador. Oh, and then after that, we’re shopping for drapes.”

I crack up. “Funny.”

He shakes his head. “I’m just curious.”

“Fine,” I huff, making my way through the maze of furniture.

I pass by a lot of extravagant pieces upholstered in fine fabrics with an exorbitant amount of trim. None of them are even close to anything I would ever want to own. We enter a smaller room filled with more basic pieces. There aren’t many, but my eyes are drawn toward a two-seater cornflower-blue sofa in the corner. I head toward it.

Brent cuts around me and takes a seat in the canvas-covered love seat I was drawn to, his arms spreading across the back. “This one?” he asks, brows raised. “I bet you like this one.”

I plop down next to him, the soft cushion comfortably holding my weight. “I like it.” I bounce a little. “Yeah, I’d probably go with this. It’s comfy and not too gaudy. Could fit in any room.”

He fingers the ends of my hair. “I’d probably pick something like this, too, if I were in the market.”

“Ah, so you were testing me to see if we have similar taste?”

“Something like that.” He kisses me on the nose. “More just wanted to see how well I know you.”

“And?”

“I think you’re an open book.”

“Is that right?”

“Sure is.”

Brent’s index finger brushes my shoulder, back and forth, as I graze my hand along the length of his. We’re content, loving this normal, everyday moment. Some people might get bored while doing nothing of importance—sitting on a sofa in a store with no purpose other than to sit next to one another—but not me. Simplicity is often underrated.

“This is nice,” I disclose, my fingers playing with his.

“What’s that?”

“You.” I shrug. “Me.”

“And this couch,” he adds.

“Yes, and this couch.” Leaning toward him, I brush my lips across his ear. “Nothing makes a girl feel sexy like a man on a cornflower-blue sofa.”

“Is that right?”

“It sure is.” I blow a heated breath across his neck.

He shivers. “You need to stop that.” He stills.

“Stop what?” My tongue lightly licks his ear. “That?”

“Yes,” he whispers, unmoving. “I don’t want to frighten any women or children when I bend you over and rip off your clothes.”

I kiss the place where his stubbled jawline meets his neck, and then I sit back, creating some needed space in order to calm the rising hormones. “Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

He shakes his head. “You are going to be in so much trouble later.”

“Oh.” In an overly excited fashion, I pounce and wrap my arms around the center of his body. “I hope so. I hope I’m in
big
trouble, gigantic.”

“Get up.” He tickles my side. “Let’s go before you jump me and scare innocent bystanders.”

Hopping off the sofa, I step aside, allowing Brent to rise as well. He takes my hand in his, and we descend the steps to the first floor before walking onto the street.

The sun is just peeking through the clouds, causing the light falling snow to sparkle like fragmented glass. It’s beautiful. Heading toward my building, we travel three blocks down the street and then turn into a more residential part of the neighborhood. We’re the only ones on the sidewalk for a few blocks.

“I have something I’ve been wanting to ask you,” Brent says out of nowhere.

“What’s that?”

“It’s about Christmas.”

“Is this the part where you ask me not to buy you anything?” I bump his hip with mine.

“That’s not what I was going to say, but yeah, note that, too. I don’t want you to buy me anything.”

I stick out my lower lip in a fake pout. “You’re no fun at all.”

“Fine,” he sighs with humor. “You can buy me a present. Happy?”

“Yes.”

“But you aren’t allowed to spend more than twenty dollars on it.”

“Wow, a whole twenty dollars.” I place my hand over my heart. “Brent, I’m in shock. That’s a lot of money.”

“Well, you don’t have to spend it all.”

I squint. “Same goes for you if we’re doing this gift thing. No more than twenty dollars, and I mean it.”

“Evil.” He mock growls. “You are pure evil, but I agree.”

“Perfect.”

Plastering a fake and gloating smile, I continue our walk home with Brent by my side. He grabs the back of my arm.

“I still need to ask you something,” he reminds me. “About Christmas.”

“Oh yeah, right. Sorry. What’s up?”

Brent licks his mouth and bites his lower lip as he blinks a few times. “I want you to come with me to my dad’s for Christmas.”

Pausing, I step in front of him. “Brent, I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“Why not? I already talked to my dad about it. He’d love to see you again.”

“I’d like to see him again, too.” I lower my gaze to the buttons of his coat. “But I already have plans.”

“With Cody?”

“No.” I toe the sidewalk with my foot and return my brown eyes to Brent’s waiting green ones. “With my dad. I visit him every Christmas. He’s expecting me.”

“Oh.” Brent rubs the back of his neck. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, sorry. I should have mentioned it, but it just hadn’t come up yet.” I pat his chest. “Tell your dad thank you for the offer, and I really appreciate it. I just can’t leave my dad like that for the holiday. We do it every year.”

“I understand.”

Brent takes my hand, and we cross the street toward my apartment. About a block away, he rests his arm over my shoulder, and I lean into him.

“Can I go with you?” he asks.

“With me where?”

“To visit your dad.”

I peek at him through my falling dark brown hair. “Why would you want to do that?”

“Because you’re going.” He squeezes my shoulder. “And I don’t want you to go alone.”

“I go alone every year.”

“Why don’t you make this year different?”

Stepping in front of him and slipping my hands into his jacket pockets, I kiss Brent full on the mouth. “Thank you, but you should go and be with your dad. It’s Christmas. You should see your family.”

“I want to spend it with you.” He rests his head on mine. “Is that so bad?”

“No, it’s not, but holidays are for families. You already spent Thanksgiving with me, and I don’t want to step on any more toes or make anyone angry or—”

Brent locks his lips with mine, silencing my words. His hand skates up my back and through my hair as our mouths move together, sending messages to one another of heat, love, and sincerity. His kiss tells me more than words can express, and it’s an argument I’m willing to hear over and over. He’s telling me my words don’t matter, that
we
matter.

Disconnecting his lips from mine, Brent cups my face in his palms and touches his mouth to mine once more. “I want to go with you.” He’s not asking, not leaving it up for debate. “Holidays are for family and people you love.”

“They are.”

“So, what’s the issue?”

“I guess there isn’t one.”

TWENTY-TWO

It’s late on Christmas Eve, near eleven, and I’m working by choice.

For the last four days, Brent was visiting his father in Michigan, so I picked up some holiday shifts that most people were willing to give up. I didn’t mind. Given the season, it’s usually a steady crowd of families in good spirits. Brent finally came back in town early this afternoon, and he has been waiting for me at my apartment since then. I’ve yet to see him because I took a double shift and have been here since noon.