Decipher (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #3) (14 page)

Dropping her bag on the floor, I shoved one hand out to stop her from walking. “I don’t know how I can make you understand if you’re not willing to, but I could have a thousand women in my bed—”

“You probably have.”

“And,” I emphasised the word as I spoke over her, forcing her to let me continue, “not one of them would come close to satisfying me the way Lys does.”

When Ruby grimaced at my words—no doubt thinking about her sister-in-law and me bumping uglies—I decided to dig the knife in a little more.

“The things she does to me.” I moved closer to Ruby, boxing her in against the hallway wall. “The way she makes me feel. There’s nothing else like it in the world.”

“I—”

“But even Lys doesn’t hold my heart half as much as that little girl. In a matter of weeks, she’s twisted every preconceived notion I’ve ever had about being a father and left me willing to do anything to make her life better. Even if Lys wasn’t everything I dreamed of, I’d be willing to try to do the right thing by her just to keep a smile on Phoebe’s face. She makes me want to live better. To
be
better. That’s all you and any of your family needs to know. And that’s why I bought the goddamned fucking teddy bear.”

She held her hands up in surrender. “Okay, I’ll back off. Convincing Dad and Josh might be a bit harder though. I did try after our last chat.”

“But they got to you.” I pushed away from the wall and ran my fingers through my hair. “They convinced you that I was going to hurt her.”

“This weekend. Are you really going to be honest with her?”

“Yes.”

“Even if it hurts her?”

It was my turn to wince because there was a truth in her words that maybe she didn’t fully understand. Every aspect of my life in Sydney had the potential to hurt Alyssa, and yet if Alyssa wanted the details, I would tell her. I didn’t want secrets between us that could risk tearing us apart. “Yes.”

“Even if it means she walks away at the end?”

The steel fingers of doubt and panic clawed at my chest, tearing into the parts of me that were still fragile and shattered. Still, there was only one answer. I swallowed, trying to dislodge the icy sensation, and nodded. “Yes.” My voice was almost silent as I said the word. 

“I guess all I can say then is good luck. Is this my room?” She reached for her bag with one hand as she pointed in the direction of the door across from the bathroom.

I nodded.

“I’ll show myself to it.”

Without another word, I stalked to my bedroom and sat on the bed. My hands lifted, tearing into my hair, and I buried my face against my palms as a growl ripped from my throat. With the stress already bumping around my body, I really hadn’t needed Ruby’s words.

“Hey, you.” Alyssa’s voice pulled me from my thoughts before they could spiral into self-loathing. I glanced up to see her leaning against the doorway. “Ready to go?”

Sucking down a steeling breath, I met her eye. “Yeah.”  

“Just before we do, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What’s that?” My heart hammered as I considered the possible bad news she might need to impart.

“Apparently, the CEO of W.T. Entertainment is Talia Wood.”

“Paige Wood’s daughter?” I leaned forward.
That
was an interesting piece of information. It was the link I’d needed to figure out why I’d been targeted—continued to be targeted. I’d been right in thinking it couldn’t have been a coincidence. I’d known someone was playing a long game with me—I’d been correct in my suspicions that Wood was involved.

Despite her denials, she’d obviously exploited her own fucking daughter, Talia, to try to ruin me. Had she recruited her daughter’s redheaded lover, Tillie, too? It made sense that the three of them might all be involved. If so, they’d played me like a fucking fiddle.

I wanted to get angry and exact revenge on them, but then I looked at Alyssa and my rage burned itself out. If not for that first article, I wouldn’t have them back in my life. If not for the second—more scandalous—article, I would never have known how much faith Alyssa had in me or how strong I could actually be when tested. Maybe I’d given in to the depression, but I’d resisted the lure of the bottle. It was a fucking hard trial, but I had passed it.

It wasn’t that I didn’t long for revenge, but the understanding gave me the patience I needed to wait for it. 

Still, the vindication that settled over me at the poetic justice that had been dealt to Paige grew with the revelation. She’d worked a campaign of fuckery to try to get me on her team, and had ended up heading into the silly season without any drivers. Served her bloody right.

Of course, there was still no way for me to prove that Talia was definitely the T the paparazzo had referred to. Or that Paige had anything to do with it all. At least, not without forking out a fortune for a private investigator and a good lawyer.

I knew the truth though, and that was worth something.

“There’s something else too,” Alyssa said.

“What?”

“Well, I had Dad do some searches a little deeper than what I could. And it turns out Matilda—”

“Who?”

“Um, Tillie, I think you called her.”

The final tumbler in the lock slammed aside in my mind, opening to reveal the full picture. “She’s Miss M, the writer, isn’t she?”

Alyssa’s eyes widened. “How did you know?”

“I didn’t. It was a lucky guess, but it makes sense. Fuck. Why didn’t I see it sooner? The three of them have been fucking with me since Bathurst. Maybe longer.” I thought back to the other articles I’d seen on the
Gossip Weekly Online
website. None of them had been career-ending scandals, but they possibly could have been if I hadn’t had Eden and Danny on my side. Had this been Paige’s plan since the first time she courted me to drive for her?

“Do you think Tillie was the one that drugged you?”

I glanced up at her. “Who else? She had the access, the opportunity, and what better way to guarantee a story than to fabricate one?”

“Fucking bitch. God, if she was here right now, I’d tear out her fucking eyeballs.”

“Language.” I chuckled and grabbed Alyssa’s waist. “Fuck, I love you, Lys, and I have to say it’s almost cute when you threaten physical violence.”

She swatted my shoulder lightly. “I guess there’s not much we can do about them right now.” She let loose a shaky breath. “Shall we get this show on the road?”

In an instant, I was at her side and leading her out of the room. On the way past Phoebe’s room, I watched Alyssa’s reaction. Her head turned to take in the refurbished space. A small, satisfied smile lifted the corners of her mouth, but she didn’t say anything.

“Actually, there’s one thing I want to do first,” I said. 

Alyssa gave me a smirk, as if she guessed what it might be.

“Hey, princess,” I called down the stairs. “Come upstairs, I’ve got something to show you.”

A few seconds later, I heard Phoebe’s footsteps on the stairs. “Yes, Daddy?” she asked as her head poked over the top of the stairs.

I knelt down in front of her bedroom door and waved her over to me. “Have a look.”

She turned around and squealed. “It’s purple.” She looked around the room again before running into it. As she neared the bed, she looked back at me and made another excited little squeal. “Mummy, see it’s purple! And there’s a princess hat bed.”

“I saw. The tiara bed is perfect, isn’t it? Did Daddy do a great job or what?”

“Is that a little bit less scary?” I asked.

“It’s not scary. It’s pretty.” She raced back to me and threw herself into my arms.

I picked her up and slung her onto my hip to carry her back downstairs. “I’m glad you like it.”

Downstairs, we said goodbye to Phoebe and Ruby, and prepared our bags. Two nights away—alone and baring all. It was either going to be the best or worst weekend of my life. I couldn’t see any in-between.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: GETAWAY

THE DRIVE TO Bondi passed without a word between us. We were both lost in our own thoughts, and I wasn’t willing to break the silence in the car. I wondered whether Alyssa was mentally tabulating a list of questions for me or if her mind was somewhere else entirely. Perhaps back with Phoebe and Ruby.

Once we arrived at the motel, I left Alyssa to check us in while I unloaded our bags from the boot of the car. I cast an eye over the exterior of the motel and my lips curled up in disgust. There was nothing wrong with it, per se; it was just a standard cut-price motel.

But that was exactly the issue.

It was so different to anything I’d stayed in recently. When the team was away from home, I had stayed in nothing less than five-star hotels. Perhaps that had made me a snob, but it was easy to get used to the finer things in life with Sinclair Racing. Now, though . . . I guessed I was going to have to get used to the not-so-finer things again. Having no income would change that attitude pretty damn quick.

I was glad when Alyssa appeared with the room key in hand, cutting off my thoughts before they could spiral down into darkness.

After following Alyssa into our room, I dropped the bags on the floor. A quick glance around confirmed my assessment of what the room might be like. The faint scent of mould filled the air. The air-conditioning hummed so loud that it had to be at least ninety decibels. Even though the bed was a double, it looked like it was at least a foot shorter than the one I had at home, and it only had a thin wool blanket over the top sheet. The kitchenette, with mustard-yellow and tan tiles patterned with little daisies, looked like it was probably new in the seventies and hadn’t been touched since.

Despite all of that, when I lifted my gaze to take in the view in front of me, I realised I was better off in the small space than I ever had been at any five-star hotel I’d ever stayed at previously. It was easily going to be my most pleasant stay anywhere, even with the plaid couch that looked less comfortable than a sack of potatoes.

The reason the room was better than any other was the one thing it contained that none of them had before: Alyssa.

I reached out and grabbed her wrist, tugging lightly to drag her into my hold. Without letting myself overthink it, I picked her up so that she was completely encased in my arms and buried my nose into the hair at her nape. In that moment, I needed to feel close to her—I needed to
be
close to her. I carried her across to the bed and laid her down on top of the blankets.

She curled herself into me, and I rested my chin on the top of her head.

I closed my eyes and just relished being near her. It was ridiculous how much I’d missed her in the week and a bit we’d been apart. After just enjoying our proximity for a while, I ran my hand up and down the length of her back. Although I’d meant it as a purely comforting gesture, Alyssa hummed into my chest in response to my touch. The sound travelled all the way to my dick, making it stand instantly at attention.

Alyssa shifted slightly, and I tipped my head down. Our mouths seemed to gravitate toward one another’s without conscious thought. As her tongue swept across my bottom lip, I groaned and shifted us both so that I was lying on top of her.

I still hadn’t opened my eyes and part of me was concerned that perhaps I had fallen asleep and was dry-humping the air, thinking I was with Alyssa. The image made me chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” Alyssa asked with a hushed voice, breaking the contact I had with her sweet, sweet mouth.

At first, I shook my head to dismiss the question. But then remembered the rules of the weekend: no unanswered questions; no withheld information. “I was worried this might all be a dream. That I might wake to find I’d been assaulting you while we slept.”

She smirked a little at me. “I wouldn’t complain if you were.”

“I’ll remember that tonight.” I ducked to capture her lips again, my mouth eager and desperate. One hand trailed through her hair in soft strokes. Each movement of my fingers against her scalp elicited another small moan of desire.

The urge to be closer to her built in me. I wanted to crawl inside her and take up residence. What we were starting wasn’t necessarily the intention for the weekend, at least not explicitly, but I didn’t care. In that moment, I didn’t need questions or answers. I needed
her
.

Judging by the way she kissed me back, and by the way her hips lurched forward to brush against mine, the feeling was completely mutual.

My fingers found the hem of her shirt as my tongue brushed against hers. In unison, we sat up so that I could slide her shirt up her chest. As one, we broke off our contact so that I could sweep the cotton tee up over her head. Our lips met again as my hands roamed her body.

Her fingers curled around the buttons on my shirt one by one, undoing them in a rhythm that matched the dance of our tongue. Her hands caressed my chest through the opening she’d created. My eyes rolled back as her fingers dropped to clasp my cock through my shorts.

Spurred on by her actions, I pushed her skirt up to reveal her panties while she yanked down the fly on my shorts. Barely minutes after I’d initiated the kiss, I was undressed and wrapped around a naked goddess. Once I had her beneath me, naked and writhing—waiting for me to make a move—I slowed down. I needed her desperately, but I didn’t want to just fuck her senseless. I wanted to make love to her—slow and sweet.

It might have made me a pussy, but it was also the one thing that we alone shared. In all my experience, I’d never made love to another woman. I’d only fucked. It may have been semantics, but in my heart and head there was a big difference. I’d screwed around and I’d used women for my own benefit. My mind and heart had been absent as I’d let my dick take control.

But not with Alyssa. With Alyssa every part of me wanted to be near every part of her. I wanted to enjoy not only her pussy, but every inch of her beautiful body. All of her perfections and imperfections. Everything that made her
her
.

Working my way down her body with my hands and mouth, my fingers found her nipples. A soft growl left me. A moment later, I claimed one with my mouth. She arched her back and gave a cry of unadulterated passion. The smouldering gaze she gave me when I looked up her body to meet her eyes proved how desperate she was for me. Without breaking eye contact, I dipped one hand down between her legs and brushed my fingers across her arousal.

Fuck. She was so wet and ready for me.

Her hips bucked up to meet my touch as her eyes drifted closed. Tension coiled in her body, giving away her desires. I could read her like a book; read every inch of skin as she longed to be touched.

“Declan, please!” She half-sat and reached for my hips, the fingernails of one hand grazing over my arse. With her other hand, she reached for my head and tugged me closer to her so that she could claim my lips.

Taking her obvious hint, I lined myself up and pushed into her. The hiss of pleasure that rushed from her lips was music to my fucking ears. My movements were unhurried inside her as my mouth explored her neck, chin, and breasts.

She panted my name as her body tensed beneath me, spurring me on.

“I love you, Alyssa,” I whispered as I moved back to meet her gaze.

Alyssa looked up at me with a smile beaming on her lips, and the sight made my heart clench. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for this woman.

I dropped my forehead to her shoulder as my thrusts became harder and deeper. My lips found her body. My teeth gazed across her smooth skin, sinking into her shoulder as I pushed myself as far into her as our bodies would allow.

Her lips blew soft breaths across my ear as she whispered her devotion to me.

Raising myself up onto my elbows, I took a moment to revel in her subtle beauty. Desperation grew in me to drink in every feature, as if it were my last opportunity to see her like this. I tried not to linger on the fact that it could be, because the doubt would ruin the moment.

Resting my forehead against hers, I pushed my hips forward harder, getting deeper and more aggressive with each thrust. In turn, her hips bucked back against me faster and faster.

Her eyes closed as her back arched, and her mouth formed a delicious O as the muscles of her thighs began to tighten in anticipation of things to come.

I felt myself coming undone too, and I knew it wouldn’t take much for me to fall.

When I kissed her lips again, Alyssa came around me. Her walls clenched and released around my length. The sensation was my undoing. I gave one last grunt as I followed.

After the last tremors of my orgasm stilled, I dropped onto the bed beside her, dragging her with me so she stayed in my arms.

Neither of us moved for the longest time. Moving would be taking that first step toward the difficult conversations we anticipated sharing this weekend.

Anticipated but feared—at least in my case.

Eventually, she sighed and shifted, indicating a desire to get up. When she climbed out of the bed, she headed straight for the bathroom and started the shower. Because she’d left the door open, I was able to watch as she climbed under the stream, sending rivers of water flowing over her breasts and down the length of her legs. Water cascaded along her beautiful body, and the sight was too much for me.

I practically leapt out of bed to join her. Unable to suppress the desire she raised in me, I took her in my arms under the warm stream. With her in my hold, it was easy to caress her body and lavish her mouth with soft kisses.

Anxiety built in the pit of my stomach, and I wanted to get the hard part of our isolation out of the way. There was never going to be a right time, so I just took a deep breath and launched into the first question. One that had been burning at the back of my mind since the race meeting that had started my downward spiral. Since the day I’d seen her in the arms of Flynn, and the fires of jealousy were stoked deep within me.

I knew now that he was gay, but the image still gave me pause.

“How many have there been?” I asked as I kissed along her collarbone.

“What?” she asked the ceiling, her voice little more than a soft pant.

“How many . . . men?” I asked, adding the last word almost silently against her skin.

“You’re asking me this now?” she asked, disbelief evident in her tone.

I rubbed the tip of my nose along the curve of her neck as I whispered, “It’s what this weekend was supposed to be about, right?”

“Ugh! Yes, but . . .
now
?”

A soft chuckle left my lips and brushed her skin, raising a small trail of goosebumps.

“Fine.” She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She handed me a towel before wrapping one around herself as she walked back out and sat on the end of the bed. She was quiet as she dried herself off, and I could understand why. It wasn’t the sort of conversation you had dressed in nothing more than a towel. I pulled on a pair of boxers and my shorts before sitting on the bed beside her. When I did, she rested her head on my shoulder. I assumed the position was so that she didn’t have to look at me while she spoke, but it left me comforted by her touch, so that was fine by me.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I murmured. Although she was the one who’d suggested no unanswered questions, I was willing to let her off the hook if she didn’t want to answer it. The truth was, since asking the question I was more anxious than ever to learn the truth.

“No. We said everything on the table, right? That means for both of us.” She moved her head a little, kissing my throat. I wrapped my arm around her, and she snuggled against my chest. “I didn’t even try dating until after the twins. And then, well, I attempted a few times. For a while at least. Not a lot, just some nights out after uni and things like that. It was all too hard though. So many guys just wanted an easy lay and nothing else, you know?”

I flinched at her words because that was me. That was who I’d been for so long.

“Oh, Dec, I didn’t mean . . .” She trailed off.

“You did.” I twisted so I could gather her completely in my hold. “Remember, we promised honesty.”

“Okay, maybe I did. But I never wanted that. Sex without emotion. It’s just not me.”

“I know, Lys. And now, I can see why.” I caressed her cheek and lifted her chin so she’d meet my gaze. “It’s better when it comes from here.” I pressed my hand over her heart. 

She clasped my hand and lifted it to her lips. When she dropped it again, she wore a small smile. “In the end, outside of a couple of sloppy end-of-date kisses, there was only really Cain.”

Cain—Flynn’s brother. She’d told me a little about their relationship previously.

“Did you ever . . .” I wanted to ask whether she had fucked him, but the question stuck in my throat.

She seemed to understand anyway and shook her head. “No. I mean, we weren’t completely celibate, but we never—” She cut off and sighed. “You’re the only one I—” She chuckled darkly. “Why is this so hard?”

It was hard watching her struggle. It was harder listening to her talk about being with other guys—even though I was the one who’d asked the question. Now that the conversation had started though, I could see the advantage behind getting everything out in the open and moving forward with no secrets. There wouldn’t need to be any lingering doubts over what happened to each of us during our time apart.