Decline (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #1) (13 page)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: A BIG EFFING COMPLICATION

WHEN I CAME to I had no idea where I was or even when I was. I assumed my head was pressed to the floor, but it didn’t make sense because it was too soft.

Much too soft . . .

My head pounded.

Not just pounded. There was a fucking jackhammer attached to the inside of my skull. It wasn’t the normal hangover pounding though, which gave the feeling of too much blood pulsating against my temples in a regular, thudding rhythm. Instead, my whole brain felt swollen and at least two sizes too big. My face ached and burned; the whole right side tingled with non-existent flames. My tongue was swollen and my teeth felt loose inside my jaw.

I tilted my head to one side and instantly regretted it. The pounding wasn’t just confined to my head; it ran down the length of my body too. Every inch of my right side throbbed with a blinding agony similar to the one I’d experienced after Alyssa’s brother beat the shit out of me.

What happened
?

Bits of memory filtered back in, as well as a feeling that this was all too familiar.

Ice.

Whiskey.

No consequences or complications.

Oh fuck
!

Alyssa . . .

She was what happened.

I raised my hand to run it through my hair, but felt a tugging sensation when I tried to move it, which stopped me. My other hand was wrapped in something warm, someone’s hand maybe. I would have to open my eyes to figure it out—together with finding out where the fuck I was, because I sure as fuck wasn’t still in the kitchen at Danny’s flat—but doing so would allow reality in. And pain. With the throbbing in my head, even the smallest amount of light would only increase the agony. All of that would come when I opened my eyes, as well as awareness and the need to face Alyssa before she left. A groan left my throat, scorching the dry surface, before sticking to my parched tongue.

“Oh, Declan, thank God.” Alyssa’s strained voice was beside me, yet all around me. It came from the side of the bed with the warm, possibly enclosed, hand. The volume of her voice sent a new ache through me and my head pounded harder than before. The words, and the way she made it sound like she actually gave a shit about me, made my heart throb with an agony ten thousand times worse than the one which held my body captive.

When I risked opening my eyelids for half a second, light flooded into my eyes. The fucking pain ramped up and my assessment of the situation started all over again. I slammed my eyes shut again and issued another groan. Despite my sticky mouth, I tried to slick my lips with my tongue—which was pointless because both were as dry as the other.

“What the fuck did you think you were doing?” Her voice rose higher than before.

I almost felt like smiling at the frustration in her tone. That I recognised. That I could almost understand. At least, it made far more sense than the caring tone from moments before. Only I didn’t know what the fuck she could have been angry about.

Opening my eyes completely, I tried my hardest to ignore the light, and the pain, and focus on Alyssa’s face.

“Why did you go downstairs and drink the rest of that bottle? There was almost a whole fucking litre left.”

The room behind her was wrong. It was so out of place that I couldn’t focus on her words. Instead of neutral tones and a warm palette, it was white and expansive. Sterile. I raised my head again, ignoring the throb, and looked left and right.

“Where am I?” I asked, although I recognised the place on some level. My voice croaked and my throat was desiccated. I coughed to clear it, but the action pinched my ribs and sent a new agony rushing through me. I fell back onto the pillow with a fresh groan building in my chest.

“You’re in the fucking hospital. Where else would you be?”

With some effort, I focused back on Alyssa’s face. She looked like shit. Black bags rested under her eyes and her hair was a mess. Despite that, the sight of her was still enough to twist the knife in my heart and leave it red raw and bleeding. I pushed the agony to the side because there was something I was missing . . . something I needed to find out. “Why?”

“Because you’re a fucking idiot.”

I tried to sit up. “No. I mean what for? What the fuck happened?”

“I went to bed last night after . . .” She looked away and a blush crept up her cheeks.

Yeah, after you tied my heart up with your fucking strings
. I kept my mouth shut even though the thought raced through me.

“Half an hour later, I heard a godawful crash. I ran downstairs to see what it was and found you, unconscious, over a smashed bottle. I was so scared. I . . . I didn’t know what to do.” Her voice sounded close to tears.

It was the breaking point for me. Biting the inside of my cheek, I closed my eyes so that she wouldn’t see the tears threatening me. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing what she had reduced me to.

“I didn’t even realise until after the ambulance came that you’d fucking cut your arm and almost bled out. They had to pump your stomach because of how much you’d drunk. Why would you do that?”

“I want to go home,” I murmured without looking at her. I didn’t want to be in the hospital anymore. Not with Alyssa at my side pretending that she gave a single fucking shit what happened to me when I knew the truth. Fucking with no complications was the truth. London no longer held any appeal—I just wanted to be home. In Sydney. Alone and coping with everything the best way I knew.

“I’ll see what I can get the doctors to do,” she said, clearly misunderstanding the meaning of my statement. Whether her lack of understanding was deliberate or not, I couldn’t say.

An hour later, after getting some painkillers, a little disgusting food, and a lecture on the dangers of alcohol abuse, I was released into Alyssa’s care. As I dragged myself down the hall—the painkillers had only dulled the ache in my body, not destroyed it completely—all I could wonder was what sort of fucking hell was I being forced into by the hospital quacks. I wanted to be away from her, not having her play nurse—despite the fact that my cock sprang to life at the thought of her in a sexy nurse’s outfit.

Alyssa hailed a taxi and gave the driver Danny’s apartment address. After helping me from the car, she unlocked the front door and led me through. The way she acted, it was almost as if she fucking thought she owned the place. I wondered how long would be polite before I could tell her to fuck off. Knowing her as I once did, she’d probably force me to follow the doctor’s advice to the letter, which would see her hanging around for another couple of days.

Just kill me now
.

I climbed up the small flight of stairs to the open living area and walked straight to the couch. Folding myself into the seat as carefully as I could with my swollen side, I tried to relax. I stared off into the distance, unsure what I was seeing, or even what I wanted to see. After a moment, Alyssa sat beside me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to. No, I knew that I wanted her to; I just didn’t
want
to want her to.

She didn’t want me in her life again. She’d made that perfectly fucking clear the night before. Fucking with no strings. Another nameless, faceless woman to add to my bedpost. Except Alyssa was never that. I’d never
wanted
that of Alyssa. She was my one perfect woman, even if I didn’t always admit it, and she’d forced me to use her like any other woman in the world.

Fucking hell, Reede. You’ve cocked it up again haven’t you
?

With soft, feather-light caresses, she ran her fingers through my hair. I was sure it was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but I wasn’t sure if I was helped by it. Instead of telling her to stop though, I just closed my eyes and leaned into her touch. For a moment, things were quiet, with only the sound of our breaths puncturing the silence.

“Do you know what the worst thing about our break-up was?” she asked in a breathless whisper as her head rested near mine on the back of the couch. Her words carried across my skin in a way that told me she was close. If I opened my eyes again, she would have been within kissing distance.

My heart constricted at the thought. I squeezed my eyes closed tighter to avoid the temptation of checking if I was right.

“That I lost my best friend too.” Her tears were clear in her voice “For almost eleven years we hadn’t gone more than what, a month, without talking to each other. Then all of a sudden you were gone. Right when I needed you the most.”

Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I knew
exactly
what she meant. I could still picture the first time I ever saw her. Every moment of our friendship crashed over me and I had to open my eyes to escape the barrage of images.

Even though I’d expected Alyssa to be close to me, I hadn’t expected her to be as near as she was. Another centimetre or two and her forehead would have rested against my cheek. Her eyes were closed now, tears staining her eyelids black with moisture and running down her cheeks. It seemed she was as deep in thought as I’d been, no doubt lost in the past too. I took the chance to examine all the little changes time had wrought on her face. She didn’t have wrinkles or anything like that, but the bags under her eyes seemed to have a degree of permanency and her skin was paler than it had been years ago.

She opened her eyes again and captured my gaze. The sorrow and loss buried within almost killed me on the spot. I didn’t know what could have caused it, but I couldn’t cope with it. My lips pulled down into a frown.

Her eyes darted away, as if embarrassed to have caught my gaze.

“You hungry?” she asked, pushing herself back up off the couch.

I closed my eyes and shrugged. My throat stung like a bitch and my stomach churned. The food they’d tried to force on me at the hospital just didn’t cut it, but I didn’t want to rely on her to be fed either. I could manage on my own if she would just go away. Even though I wanted her gone, the thought forced my heart into my stomach.

“How about some takeout,” she asked.

“Whatever.”

I heard her opening a book, no doubt some phone book she’d found on the roll-top desk. Obviously finding something she deemed suitable, she picked up the phone to place an order, walking from the room as she did. She didn’t ask me what I wanted, but I didn’t care. She knew what I liked. Despite the years that had passed, nothing had changed there. After a few minutes, the springs on the couch shifted as she settled back beside me.

“Did you want me to stay tonight?” she asked. “To look after you?”

Did I?
Yes
.

Should I?
No
.

Opening my eyes to look at her, I shook my head. “You should probably check into your hotel if it’s booked anyway.”

“Okay, if you think so,” she whispered. Then she bit her lip, deep in thought again. She took a deep breath. “Declan . . .”

She stopped. That’s what drew my attention. If she’d kept talking, I probably wouldn’t have noticed. I might have barely heard what she said after that. When she stopped though, she guaranteed she had my undivided attention. I turned toward her. “What?”

“You know . . .” She trailed off with a sigh. “Why is this so hard?” she added, but I didn’t think the words were meant for me.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “What is it?”

“There’s so much I need to tell you, and no way to start.”

“You open your mouth and let the fucking words out.”

A half smile lifted her cheek. “Thank you. For last night. It’s been a while for me.”

“What’s a while?” I asked. She had captured me with her eyes and I felt compelled to continue the conversation.

She looked off into the distance. “About two years. I was with Cain, Flynn’s brother, for a while, but I just couldn’t . . .” She took a deep breath. “I couldn’t commit to him the way he wanted.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “Complications.”

“How did you know about the condom thing?” It was a weird, random thought that flew from my mouth long before I’d managed to stifle it. It had just sprung from my lips the moment it entered my head. When she’d said I always wore them, it wasn’t a question, she’d known. Somehow.

“Darcy Kinsley,” she said as if that name was supposed to explain everything.

“What?”

“You slept with her almost a year ago. She took great pride in telling me all about it, including the little detail that you’d told her about condoms.”

“Why?” I tried to remember Darcy. I remembered her from school, trouble-making bitch that she was, but I had nothing more recent than that. It must have been evident on my face because Alyssa laughed at something she saw there.

“Yeah, I figured it was like that. Apparently, it was at a masked ball on New Year’s Eve. She recognised you immediately because of your eyes. Such an odd colour blue; not many people have truly turquoise eyes like yours.” Alyssa seemed to smile at something unseen, before shaking herself back to attention. “Anyway, apparently you fucked her in the cloakroom. But not until you’d hunted through half the bags looking for a condom to do it, even though she swore she was on the pill.”