Deep (18 page)

“I’m on the other side of the fucking building,” said Ben. “How the hell could I be keeping her awake?”

“But then, if it wasn’t you…” Anne’s brows slowly rose and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh dear. Sorry, Liz.”

I nodded, unable to face her just yet.

“What,” asked Mal, eyes full of confusion. “What are you two talking about?”

Jimmy snorted. A moment later, his brother did much the same. At least Ev and Lena managed to keep the bulk of their reaction on the inside. They were nice girls.

I’d never needed to know that my sister was a screamer. Never. That Mal was a screamer too just kind of confused me. If only you could have memories bleached from your brain. What an extraordinarily useful thing it would be.

“Pumpkin? Explain.”

Anne pulled Mal in close and whispered in his ear. Then Mal started snickering.

“It’s not funny,” said Anne.

“It kind of is.”

She shook her head, arms crossed over her chest.

“Lord of the Sex strikes again!”

“Shuddup.”

Huge grin in place, Mal smacked a kiss on her lips.

“So you got caught up on sleep okay?” Ben asked, ignoring their carrying on.

“Yes. Thanks.”

“We better get some breakfast into you. What do you feel like?”

“Hmm.” My tummy grumbled audibly. Me no care. “I want the biggest omelet known to mankind.”

“You got it.”

His gaze fell to my waist, then his hand followed, tentatively covering my bump. It was still early days in Bean world. The bump might have been caused as much by bad posture as anything. But I knew she was in there, growing and doing her thing. Magic.

“You mind if I…” he asked.

“It’s fine.”

The palm of his hand warmed my skin, his calloused fingers softly tracing over me, tickling ever so slightly (Turning me on, of course. Gah.) The side of his thumb rubbed gently back and forth, the callus giving me goose bumps. Actually, I’m pretty certain he himself gave me goose bumps. It didn’t even seem to matter what his hands were up to. And I had the worse feeling that I’d missed him this last week. His voice, his presence, all of him. I stared up at his face, spellbound. It came as naturally as breathing, feeling for Ben. Whatever he’d been up to while I was away didn’t even seem to matter just then. How dumb was my heart?

Meanwhile, the silence was starting to make me nervous.

“Fifteen weeks,” I said.

“Wow.” He smiled and I smiled back at him, lost. Same as always.

“Guess I should get dressed.”

“Nah,” he said. “Don’t worry. Come to my room and we’ll order your omelet. You can fill me in on everything over late breakfast.”

“Okay. I’d like that.”

We turned to face the assembled crowd. Every eye was on us—apparently our little conversation had held them enthralled. I’d kind of forgotten we had an audience at all, caught up in the moment.

“Man,” said David, his hand clapping down on Mal’s shoulder. “C’mon.”

“What?” Mal scowled.

“This is getting sorted out,” announced Jimmy. “Now. Time to kiss and make up, you two idiots.”

“Fuck off, Jimbo.”

Ben let go of my hand, taking a step forward. “They’re right. What’s it going to take?”

With the air of one greatly wounded, Mal turned to Anne. She too nodded, giving him a small smile.

“What I did was wrong. I gave you my word and I should have kept it.” Hands to his sides, Ben faced Mal. “We’ve been friends since we were kids. Never should’ve given you reason to doubt me. I’m sorry.”

“And you got her pregnant,” bit out Mal.

“Yeah. But I’m not saying sorry for that. Never giving my kid cause to think they’re not wanted.”

Mal’s eyes narrowed as he appraised Ben anew.

“This ain’t good for Liz,” Ben said, “getting caught in the shit between us. She doesn’t need the stress.” With a deep breath, Ben held his chin high. “What’s it going to take?”

“Three,” said Mal.

“Not the face.” David moved in closer to the pair. “Agreed?”

“Gotta keep him pretty for the pictures,” said Jimmy.

“Fine.” Mal flexed his wrists, curling his right hand into a fist. “Don’t want to damage these precious hands anyway.”

“Wait!” I rushed forward, comprehension finally dawning. “You are not talking about hitting him. Over my dead body.”

The other women looked resigned, concerned, combinations of both. None of them would interfere, however. It was there in their eyes. Fuck them.

Ben turned, grabbing hold of my arm and setting me back a pace. “Stay over there. Just in case.”

“Ben. No.”

“We need it done with.”

“You are not letting him hit you.”

“Liz—”

“I’m serious!”

“Sweetheart, it’s okay,” he said, eyes gentle but face set. “Calm down. We’ve been friends a long time. You got to let us work this one out our own way.”

Like hell. “Anne, help me!”

My sister just grimaced. “Maybe he’s right. Maybe we need to stay out of it.”

“If this was Mal, would you stay out of it?” The thought of Ben getting hurt, of Mal doing the hurting, and me being the cause … I basically wanted to vomit. “Mal, you lay one finger on him and I swear I am never talking to you again.”

The idiot just rolled his eyes. “Please. I saw the sappy-ass way you just looked at him. He’ll talk you ’round.”

Then, before Ben was ready for it, Mal smashed his fist into the man’s stomach. The breath whooshed out of Ben audibly and I winced. He bent forward, instinctively protecting himself. Without pause, Mal delivered the second blow, a sharp jab to Ben’s side. Ben grunted, rearing back, and Mal slammed him once more in the belly. My own belly contracted in empathy. He’d done it, Mal had really done it.

The silence that followed was stunning. Ben’s harsh breathing filled the room as Mal held his hand out for shaking. It was over.

I’d seen a couple of fights in my life. One particularly nasty one in a backstreet during my wild period. Then of course there was the night my pregnancy had been announced. At least the scent of blood didn’t feature this time. Violence never fixed anything. Mal not waiting until Ben was ready, hitting him before he’d had a chance to brace for the blow, hurting the man I cared (too much) about.… Emotion tangled me up, turning me inside out. I didn’t know whether to burst into tears or to start beating on things myself.

Stupid hormones. Stupider boys.

“All good?” asked Mal.

“Yeah. Nice one with that opening hit.” Ben slowly straightened, pain flashing across his face. Then he shook his bandmate’s hand. The guys slapped each other’s backs and the women wore relieved smiles. These people were fucking insane.

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.” With his fists held high, Mal jumped around. “Lizzy, babe, c’mon. It’s manly man’s business. You wouldn’t understand, kid. You just gotta go with it.”

“You…” I searched my mind but there wasn’t a word harsh enough, an insult vile enough. Violence it was. I’d wipe that smile off his face. Top lip raised in a snarl, I stalked toward him, my bitch-slapping hand at the ready.

Unfortunately, Ben was at the ready too.

“No you don’t.” He swung me up into his arms, cradling me against him. “It’s over.”

“Put me down.”

“Time for breakfast, remember? Let’s go.”

I swore up a storm, the whole no foul language thing long forgotten. What can I say? It was a heated moment.

“Whoa,” said Mal, eyes wide with surprise. “She’s a fierce critter.”

On the other side of the room, Ev opened the door and we made straight for it. Involuntarily on my part. “No. Ben—”

“What did you want in your omelet?”

“Put me down.”

“And how about some juice? You want juice too?”

“Do not patronize me. I am not a child.”

“Believe me, sweetheart, I know. Despite the tantrum you’re throwing right now.”

“This is not a tantrum! This is me being outraged at Mal hitting you.”

The door closed shut behind us and we stood in yet another long hotel hallway. Red carpet this time, with groovy art deco mirrors lining the walls. Ben’s long-ass legs got us as far away from Mal and Anne’s suite as fast as they could manage. Outside another doorway he paused, carefully setting me down while keeping one arm around my waist—in case of any escape attempts, no doubt. He slid a card through the lock and pushed open the door, giving me an encouraging nudge in the desired direction.

Inside, he sealed the door shut, slumped back against it. Then he just kind of stared at me.

“What?” I grouched, crossing my arms.

The corner of his mouth crept up.

“It’s not funny. I can’t believe you let him hurt you.”

With a hearty sigh, Ben raised his arms, lacing his fingers on top of his head. Still staring.

“That should not have happened,” I said. “And it was my fault. You got hurt by one of your oldest friends because of me.”

He blinked, the hint of a smile disappearing. “No. I let Mal take a couple of shots at me
because
he’s one of my oldest friends. Shit, he’s more than that. He’s my brother. When shit went bad between Dave and me last year, he’s the one that talked Dave around, smoothed it over. Now, I gave Mal my word on you, and I broke it. I deserved him being pissed at me, and between us we just sorted that out. End of story.”

“I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to like it. This is between me and Mal.”

“So what I think doesn’t matter?”

“Not about this, no,” he said, looking me right in the eye.

Assholes. I turned my back on him for a minute, pulling myself together. Everything inside of me was in flux, a crazy mess.

“Never had a woman try to protect me like that before,” he said softly. “Mal was right, you’re fierce.”

I raised my chin, turning back to face him.

“Stubborn. Loyal.”

I shrugged. “Hungry.”

He laughed, pushing off from the door with one foot, coming toward me. Once more he placed a kiss on the top of my head. Without thought I leaned into him. Ben had somehow come to represent warmth and safety. A kind of home for Bean and me, despite my best efforts to keep a safe distance between us. But maybe home wasn’t about the heart, exactly, but about something deeper. We’d made a child together, it made sense there’d be a link. No need for me to get all carried away.

I don’t know.

My feelings for him hadn’t particularly made me any wiser. They constantly pushed and pulled me in different, confusing directions. I didn’t know if I’d ever figure it out. What I felt for him, however, and what I felt for Bean, were so extraordinarily big. I’d never known there was room in me for so much emotion. If I could just attach myself to him, that would be great. Perhaps he’d like a pet limpet. Ha! It was all probably just another weirdo hormonal thing and in five minutes I’d be all whatever about him. A girl could hope.

“You okay?” he asked with a smile.

“Fine.”

“Do me a favor?”

“What?”

“Stay out of fights. Keep our baby safe.”

“Good point,” I groaned. “I kind of lost it back there.”

“Yeah, you kind of did.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m a big boy, Liz. You can trust me to look after myself, okay? I’m not going to be letting anyone else take a swing at me. I hit the gym just about every day with Jim. I’m no delicate little flower you need to protect.”

“Okay.”

He set his hands on my shoulders and gazed down. “And I understand. I do. Shit’s complicated, but if anyone laid a finger on you, I’d lose it too. You’re going to have to get over it and forgive Mal, though. I meant what I said. This isn’t good. No more fighting within our family. I want it finished.”

I gave him a nod. “I’ll work on it. But there’s no way I’m living with them anymore. For lots of reasons. Time to get my own room.”

“Liz, you’ve just been sick enough to be on a week’s bed rest. Anne said your blood pressure is still gonna be an issue for a while. I don’t think now’s the time to be alone. What if something happens?”

“What’s my alternative? Jimmy and Lena need their alone time right now. I’m not going to inflict myself upon them.”

Deep sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. You better move in with me.”

“With you?” I asked, surprised.

“Well, yeah.” He spread his arms wide. “I get two-bedroom suites ’cause I like my space. Plenty of room for you.”

“What about your nightly parties? I don’t want to be a downer, but…”

“They’ll go somewhere else. Fuck, Vaughan and Down Fourth can have ’em in their room for a change. Not a problem.”

I slumped in relief. It also worked well to hide the excitement bolting through me. Me and Ben living together. Wow. What a notion. “Sounds great!”

“Cool.” He clapped his hands, rubbed them together. “This’ll work out great. We’ll be meshing, working on being friends and all. Plus I won’t have to worry about you being on your own.”

“Friends. Awesome.”

That word. I had to translate it to happy in my mind. Make it work. Ben and I would be friends. Friends friends friends.

He held up his big paw. “Give me five, friend.”

I did so, smacking my palm against his with great zest. Fire-truck, that hurt.

CHAPTER NINE

After Saint Louis came Washington, DC, followed by Philadelphia. It took until then for me to fully get my bounce back and to forgive Mal. Well, to begin to forgive Mal. As much as everyone else liked to rationalize it, the memory of him driving his fist into Ben’s gut still felt too fresh. My bitch-slapping hand started to twitch every time he came near. I couldn’t help it.

Ben and I living together had not been the astronomical step toward a bright and beautiful romantic future I might have secretly, stupidly hoped for.

But that was my problem, not his.

There’d definitely been no more hugging. As a roommate, he was very polite—and frequently absent. Yep, Ben was a busy boy. He’d emerge from his room grizzly and bed-headed at nine and we’d have breakfast together, which was nice. For an hour or so we’d chat over pancakes or eggs Benedict or whatever. Conversation usually revolved around my health and the movie I’d watched the night before. Then he’d disappear to “do band shit.” I don’t quite know what he did, but apparently it took him all day and well into the night. So I’d taken to sitting up in front of the TV, hoping to catch him when he came in at whatever time. Instead, I’d wake up tucked into my own bed, come morning.