Deep Dark Secret (12 page)

“It’s a mate mark. It shows
everyone
you picked him over me.”

“And you thought I would do that without talking to you first?”

“Let’s be honest here, Secret. A lot of what’s happened since you met us has been done without us consulting
you
. We kidnapped you. Lucas had you brought home against your will. Even my living with you…it wasn’t your choice.”

“Not at the time.” I squeezed his hand to bring his attention back. He’d started to stare at the wall again. “But that was ages ago, Desmond. I love having you here. I love
you.
”

“More than you love him?”

I didn’t have to think about it. “Yes.”

I don’t think he expected that. He stared at me and said, “Say it again.”

“I love you more than I love Lucas.” The moment I said the words, I knew how true they were. “I do care for him, don’t misunderstand me. But I’d love you even if there were no soul-bond. If I ever lost you, I’d die.”

Desmond didn’t say anything. He pulled me closer using my own grip on his hands and wrapped an arm around my back. I lay against him, my cheek on his chest, languishing in the familiar scent of him and the taste of citrus he left in my mouth. The rise and fall of his breathing made me feel comforted for the first time all week.

“He needs me,” I whispered after a long silence.

“That’s what he said after I decked him.”

“There’s the risk of an uprising in the south. He needs to show a united front, and that means he needs a mate who isn’t…” I sighed, not sure what else to say. Honestly, Lucas should have a mate who was nothing like me. He needed someone obedient and flexible. The more time the wolf king spent trying to make me fit the mold of the queen he wanted, the less it resembled me.

“We never thought it would be this hard,” Desmond admitted. “We always knew the soul-bond was going to be an issue, because of how it connected me to him. When we met you, I figured you’d be with him and that would be that. There was no way for us to see it going like this.” He stroked my hair and kicked his legs up on the couch so I was lying on top of him.

“You guys really believed you could share?”

“I never thought we’d have to. But after the first night you and I were together, Lucas figured that was how it was going to be. He’d turn the other cheek while you and I carried on a physical relationship, and he’d still get to have you as his mate.”

“Isn’t that what’s happening right now?”

“It’s different, though. Because I love you and you love me. We never realized how much human emotion would fuck this whole thing up. It’s hard to be analytical when you’re in love.”

I had to laugh. “Do you think this has any hope in hell of working? Me being his queen but loving you?”

“It’s uncharted territory.” Desmond tipped my chin up so I was looking at him. “I’m not happy about what he did. There was a risk that when he mated you, it would nullify my bond with you. He didn’t seem to take that into consideration when he forced the connection on you.”

“Lucas does a lot of things without thinking about the consequences.”

Desmond kissed my forehead. “He’s my king, and it’s my duty to abide by his decisions. But if he does something this stupid again, to jeopardize what you and I have?” I let my head fall again so I didn’t have to see the sheen of anger painting his face. “I’ll—”

“Don’t say it.” I wasn’t sure how treason worked in the werewolf world, but I didn’t need Desmond putting himself at that kind of risk because of something Lucas had done to me. I pushed myself up so my arms were braced on either side of his chest and I was staring him in the eyes. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Secret…”

“No, it’s fine.” The blue clock on our DVD player said it was only twelve thirty. Plenty of time to meet up with Lucas at the penthouse and be back before sunrise. “I think I need to have a chat with him, anyway. I wasn’t exactly rational when I found out what he’d done.”

“Rationality isn’t your middle name.”

“No. But that makes two of us, Mr. Punches-Holes-in-the-Wall.”

He twisted a lock of my hair around his fingers. “I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for how I reacted. But you have to know I would never,
never
have hit you.”

“The thought never crossed my mind.” It hadn’t, honestly. Even when Desmond was dismantling the drywall with his bare hands, I didn’t think he wanted it to be my face instead. He’d been raised by a strong woman and had shown nothing but respect for women the entire time I’d known him. A violent outburst didn’t say great things about his self-control, but I’d never worried he’d lash out at me. “Besides, if you did, I’d break both your arms.”

Desmond laughed and kissed me, sweet and almost chaste by the standards of our usual kisses. “I know you would.”

I got to Rain Hotel twenty minutes later, shared a terse nod with Melvin the night concierge, and ducked into the elevator before he had a chance to give me his two cents on anything. Melvin, a were-ferret, was always a little too interested in the comings and goings of Lucas’s business. I didn’t trust him.

The elevator let me out on the first floor of Lucas’s three-floor penthouse, and unless he was working on something in the office, I doubted I’d find him here. His bedroom was on the second floor along with the guest suites and Desmond’s old residence. The top floor was split between the big lounge area and a massive outdoor patio with an infinity pool looking over the view uptown.

Seeing as it was February he wouldn’t be at the pool, and I didn’t particularly want to check his giant bedroom first. I climbed the stairs to the third floor and stepped into the lounge.

Considering how recently I’d experienced such intense pleasure in this same room, the sense of dread I felt upon entering wasn’t the most standard reaction. Lucas sat on the sofa, his head leaned back and his eyes closed. After the long months of our courtship, I could recognize the signs of stress in his countenance. The fact I could recognize stress better than any other emotion told me Lucas and I needed to have a serious discussion about our relationship.

Which was, after all, the reason I had come.

I cleared my throat, and he snapped to attention, his eyes wide and body tense. He was ready to launch himself across the room at a moment’s notice if need be. Were he in his wolf form, his ears would have been pinned back and his lips curled in a snarl. As a man, he eyed me warily and didn’t let his tension ease when he realized it was me.

We were off to a good start.

I couldn’t blame him for his posture. The way I’d reacted to him during our last conversation was enough to make any man uneasy about his personal safety. I had that effect on people. I just wished it wasn’t on the people I cared about.

“I come in peace,” I offered. “I want to talk.”

His eyelids sagged, and the weariness he’d been hiding leaked to the surface. Lucas was exhausted. “Are you planning to talk with your fists? Because that was Desmond’s opening line too.”

“I’m more of a nonviolent negotiator.” I crossed the room and sat cross-legged on the big ottoman in front of him, about six inches out of his reach.

In response to my words, he let out a snort, then chuckled. “Right.”

“Okay, so I’m not usually big on talking it out, I realize that, but I think we need to discuss what’s going on here.”

“And what exactly is that?” he asked.

“That you keep pushing me when you know I’m not ready.”

He scooted backwards on the couch and looked up at the ceiling instead of directly at me. Always a great start for open communication. Why I thought supernatural men would be better at talking things out than normal human men was beyond me. If anything, they were more stubborn and pigheaded. And that was saying something.

“I’ve tried to explain what I need from you.”

“No, you don’t. You act and
then
explain why you’ve done whatever moronic thing you’ve done and expect me to be overjoyed about it. Do you think I like having this same conversation over and over?”

“Probably about as much as I like to hear it.”

I huffed. “I talked things out with Desmond. He won’t be coming over to punch you in the face again anytime soon.”

Lucas forced a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Neither do I. I’m just trying to figure out a way for us to stop butting heads over everything. There has to be a solution that will keep us from constantly being at each other’s throats.”

“I can think of one,” a terse female voice said from the entrance to the lounge.

Lucas looked past me and bit back a grimace, but I saw the line of worry cross his face before he was able to hide it. I knew the voice, so it made me wonder at his reaction. To confirm my suspicions, I cast a glance over my shoulder to see who had interrupted our discussion.

“Morgan,” I said.

“Secret.” She jerked her chin at me by way of greeting. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she didn’t look thrilled to see me. That made the feeling mutual.

Morgan Scott wasn’t a woman I would qualify as beautiful, not in the standard interpretation of it, anyway. Her features were too strong to be considered feminine, and she had a brusque demeanor that didn’t make her a cuddly personality. Her eyes were huge, and if she’d known how to properly use her looks to an advantage, she could play the role of innocent girl next door to a T. But combined with her broad nose and a too-small mouth that never smiled, she looked more like a pissed-off Victorian doll than anything else.

Right now that doll-like face was turned towards me, and she hadn’t picked tonight to start smiling.

“Did you
need
something, Morgan?” I asked when the silence stretched into the awkward zone.

“Did
you
?”

My body went tense, ready to launch across the room at her. It wasn’t just that she was being unbelievably rude, but given my position in the pack, she was well out of line. No wolf in their right mind would speak to someone of a higher rank the way she was speaking to me. And ranks didn’t get much higher than mine in Lucas’s pack. Just because she had taken over some of Desmond’s duties didn’t make her Lucas’s second, and it sure as hell didn’t give her the right to disrespect me.

“
Morgan
,” Lucas barked, rising to his feet. He could have said more, given her a verbal beat-down, but he didn’t need to. As king he was capable of projecting his discontent with nothing more than a tone of voice and a hard look.

Morgan looked properly cowed. She dipped her head in my direction and let her arms fall to her sides. It didn’t keep me from glaring at her, but it did stop me from punching her in the head.

“My apologies,” she said, her gaze directed at the floor. “It wasn’t my intention to overstep.”

Like hell it wasn’t.

“What did you need, Morgan?” Lucas asked, his tone still cool.

“I was just going to see if you needed me for anything else tonight before I left.”

“No, I think you’ve done enough for the night.”

She turned to leave, but I couldn’t help myself. “What was your suggestion?”

“Pardon?” She turned and met my gaze, caught herself and looked at the ottoman instead.

“When you came in, you said you could think of a solution for Lucas and I constantly fighting. I’m dying to know what it is.”

Lucas moved closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. To the uninitiated, it might seem like he was offering me comfort. But something inside me understood the message within his simple touch. It was a warning.

“No. Nothing like that. I was being a smartass, I’m sorry.” The flush in her cheeks and her raised pulse told me she was nervous, and a big part of me was happy I’d managed to unsettle her.

“Good night,” Lucas said, dismissing her as curtly as he’d reprimanded her.

Morgan opened her mouth like she had something else she wanted to say. Looking up, she must have seen something on Lucas’s face that made her think better of it. If the white-knuckled grip he had on my shoulder was any indication of what was going on in his expression, it was a wonder she was still standing and hadn’t fallen into a bow.

“Sorry,” she said again, then bolted from the room.

“I don’t like her,” I announced.

“She’s a strong leader within the pack, she’s loyal and she’s smart.”

“You and I have different definitions of smart.”

“That’s not new.”

I wrenched my shoulder out of his grasp and rotated it to loosen the tight discomfort he’d created. “I want to talk about our issues, but first things first, I think you need to tell me everything you know about this mate bond.”

“It’s not that easy to explain.”

“Will it help me understand why you can tell me what you’re thinking just by touching me? ‘Cause that’s a new development.” I was looking at him again, and I’d never seen a werewolf get paler than a vampire. I was on to something.

Finally he let out a sigh and collapsed back onto the sofa.

“It’s complicated,” he began, and I got a strange sense of deja vu.

“Then you’d best start talking.”

Two hours later I was standing in front of Rain Hotel with Lucas, wondering how it was possible for me to miss the good old days where all I had to worry about was my two-way soul-bond.

And I thought my one-hour memory gap from Columbia was going to be the most messed-up part of the night.

He was keeping a safe distance from me on the sidewalk while we waited for Dominick to come around with the car. I think Lucas was worried I was going to punch him. But the weirdest part of the whole night was how little anger I now felt towards him. In spite of how upset I’d been about him forcing the mate connection on me, all I felt now was empathy.

I knew why Lucas had done what he’d done, and I couldn’t find it in myself to begrudge him for it.

The air was cold and smelled clean, with lingering scents of the salt used to keep the sidewalks from getting too slippery and the flour-and-sugar smell of a nearby bakery preparing for the morning rush.