Deep Diving (17 page)

Once our feet hit the sand we turn left towards the strip of grass and the rocks. Neither of us speak, but our bodies are discussing sex with moving hands, devouring lips. Stumbling along, hands stripping clothes from each other as we go, the cool air dances across my flesh.

‘Are you cold?’ Cooper wraps his arms around me and holds me still against him.

‘No, not really. Just the air hitting me.’

‘I love the way you respond to the slightest thing.’ He runs the tip of his finger along my naked spine, making me arch into him. His finger rubs at the base of my back, slipping into the top of my butt crack and out. Sensuous. Sensual. Sexy.

‘I love the way you touch me.’ My words are muffled as my mouth slides across his collarbone, grazes his chest, latches onto his tight nipple.

We’re on our knees, then on the ground, wrapped in each other, sandy grass scratching, moonlight allowing me to spy the intensity of his gaze as he touches me.

My hand wraps around his cock, stroking, teasing, squeezing. Little encouragement is needed for his hot, steely flesh. We’re lying side by side, touching, staring, kissing, tasting, nipping, touching. A quick brush of lips changes to a kiss that consumes. My mouth meets his in a tangle of tongues and meshing of lips. Our breaths mingle. Moans of pleasure are indecipherable. I can’t tell which sounds are mine and which belong to him.

Cool air brushes against my hottest flesh. My thigh rests across his hip. I rock closer to him and his cock nudges my heated core. I gasp, squirming away just a little even though his cock seems to chase me.

‘We can’t.’ I’ve no idea where that came from. Surely I can’t be stopping him?

‘Why not?’

‘No condom.’

Cooper stops still. The surf is loud. A bird mournfully cries. A whisper of wind rustles the leaves of the palm trees nearby. My body thrums, loudly. Louder than the surf but only I can hear it, thumping inside my ears.

‘Sam, I always use condoms and I know you do too.’

I nod.

He makes a noise like he’s clearing his throat. ‘I should have talked to you before we got to this.’

‘Talk to me? About what?’

‘I think you’d make a great mother — ’

I scramble off him so quickly I’m sure he’s no idea where his words went or why he stopped speaking.

‘No. No. No.’ I grab at my clothes, shoving my dress on with no care as to how it looks. I just want clothes on and to be away. ‘You’re freaking me out.’ I scrabble to my feet and try to walk away but he grasps my ankle.

‘Sam. Stop.’

‘No. No way.’ I pull my foot free then spin to stare at him. ‘I make decisions for me. I make decisions for my body. I do not get caught up in the moment. I am not falling for a fairy tale. I’m stronger than that. I’m in charge.’ When I started speaking, I was strong, sure, certain. By the time I get to the last three words, I’m choking back a scream. Sucking in sobs.

I choke and flee.

I know I thought of having his child alone but it was just a thought. I didn’t bloody decide. Now Cooper’s gone totally and completely freaking insane.

I stop as if I’ve run into a tree but there’s nothing there. Only a hiccup from me breaks the quiet.

And then footsteps, running. Cooper coming after me.

I can run, or I can stand and work this out.

I don’t need long to decide. I turn back and walk towards Cooper. He doesn’t deserve my flight, again.

‘Geez, Sam. Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.’ He captures my hand, still a few feet from me, and I wonder if he’s too scared to come close, or too embarrassed to bundle me against him, or if he’s realised we’ve had our time.

‘You can’t just make a decision like that.’

‘You’re right. I can’t. I needed to talk to you first.’ We stand there, looking at the ground, our feet, our joined hands, anything but at each other.

I have to sort this out and I can’t do it standing in the middle of the public beach, even if it is dark. I look at Cooper and muffle a gasp. Naked.

‘Ah, you’re not exactly dressed for the walk home,’ I say.

‘No. I wasn’t thinking.’

I try not to raise my eyebrows, scoff or agree too loudly. I just squeeze his hand and we head back to the beach.

‘Feel like a swim?’ I can’t think of anywhere to have a discussion like this. At least the water is relaxing and I’m beginning to associate Cooper with water after all the snorkelling, swimming and diving.

He waits for me to slip off my dress and then we walk to the water’s edge and into the surf. The white tips of the waves stand out in the moonlight. We stride in, trails of phospholuminescence around us. Waist deep, I sink into the water and allow it to wrap me with comfort.

‘Sorry, Sam. I didn’t do that very well.’ Cooper’s hand brushes against my arm, stroking downwards from my shoulder to my wrist.

‘I’m fucked at this stuff, Coop. It’s not your fault.’ I shrug and sparkles flash in water droplets. ‘I know I said the other day I wanted a child, but I shocked myself saying that. I know I’ve also got no time to waste. My biological clock is almost all ticked out. But…’ I shake my head, not sure how to say this, not sure what I’m saying. I touch my fingers against Cooper’s cheek. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to give things up to have a kid.’ I take a deep gulp and wish I was plunging into the ocean rather than into these words.

‘Give yourself time, Sam. It’s only been a few days since you said it. Take time to think it through.’

A great knot’s formed in my throat and I fight against it. I can’t swallow it. I cough to try to dislodge it but it’s a phantasm and not a real blockage. Once I cough, I can’t stop. I cough and cough. My hand to my mouth, the other at my throat, continuous coughing.

Cooper stands behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist while the other rubs circles over my shoulder blades, right where the blockage is growing. The warmth of his body soothes. The heel of his hand works tension from my back. My coughing subsides and he wraps both arms around me.

‘Coop, I’m 38. If I’m not ready when my clock’s this loud, I’m never going to be ready.’

‘You verbalised it days ago and scared yourself. Then I just pushed you when I shouldn’t have. Sorry.’

‘But why? Why would you…’ I wave my hand ineffectively as no better words come to me. ‘Why would you say that, think that?’

He nuzzles against my nape, licking a trail along my spine, flicking at the back of my earlobe. ‘I like you, Sam. I like you a lot.’

I need to be sure of what he’s saying. My mind’s a jumble of things and I don’t want to take this the wrong way. I gulp a breath. ‘Are you offering to give me a child?’

His head moves against mine. A nod. He wraps his arms tighter against me and I feel his cock firm against my buttocks. ‘I’d give you more if I could, but I can’t. Not just yet anyway.’

‘You what?’ I tear myself out of his arms and spin towards him. ‘We’ve known each other just over a week!’ Hands on his chest, my heart’s thumping and his is keeping pace beneath my palm. I stare at him. Although there’s only moonlight, I can see the intensity in his face. Whatever he’s saying, he’s sincere. Or at least he thinks he is, right at this moment.

He looks up to the sky and then back at me. A deep sigh escapes before he speaks. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you. I’d give you the world but I’m committed to football for the next two years.’

I shake my head to show I still don’t know what he’s saying.

‘But you’d give me a child,
your
child?’ My question is a whisper and awe fills my tone.

‘If that’s what you wanted. Yes.’

God
.

God!

I make a noise like a hysterical fool.

‘What?’ he asks. ‘Are you okay? Have I freaked you out again?’

I make a shallow dive underwater and let the cool ocean take the heat out of my brain. I come up next to him, shaking my head.

‘Tonight, up there eating dinner.’ I wave towards the hill. ‘The waitress, who was after you a week ago, was out of the picture. Last week she flirted with you. This week, she acknowledged that she had no chance. It hit me that we’re…together.’

‘When you dropped your spoon?’

‘Yeah.’ I duck underwater again. I surface a little further from him. I still don’t feel in control. ‘I don’t understand how I can be only just working out we’re together, and you…’ I’m lost for what to say. ‘You…’ I throw my hands in the air still struggling with this words-emotions thing. ‘You’re comparing us to your long-term football contract.’

Cooper gives a short burst of laughter.

‘Come here.’ He opens his arms wide and I wade towards him. ‘You’re the most confident woman I’ve ever met in most circumstances. But talk about more than a holiday fling and you’re a basket case. Would it be so bad to be together?’

‘I don’t do relationships.’ He gives me a sceptical look and I explain further. ‘I have short flings. No-strings sex. Surely you know what I mean?’

He presses a kiss to my forehead, my eyes, each cheek and then to my mouth. ‘I know you’re worth more than that, Sam.’

My hand against his cheek, I look into his eyes. ‘Your offer is beautiful. The most gorgeous thing anyone’s ever offered. I… I’m sorry… I just can’t take you up on it.’

But I can’t leave him either. My lips press against his in a gentle touch, hopefully conveying so much more than I’m capable of with speech. Our mouths nibble and taste, before deepening to a hunger I’m more familiar with. Gasping for breath, but unable to break apart, the kiss turns to a prelude to sex. Great sex. Like we’ve always shared.

When we break apart, he lifts me up, holding me tight against the solid wall of his chest. ‘Want to head home and have sex with a condom?’

I smile and lean forward, speaking against his lips. ‘Sounds less complicated. Something I can handle.’ He swats my behind but his smile is all carnal need. I can definitely handle that.

‘If we only have two days of diving left, will we see if we can do a night dive tonight?’ I ask Cooper as we’re heading to the morning dive. I don’t want there to be only a few days left but I have to face it. The holiday is coming to an end.

‘Sounds like a plan.’

At the dive shack before our morning dive, we book in. Then I think about the number of dives we’re doing.

‘Have I got too many dives? I don’t want to be flying home getting the bends.’ Even though I smile and it’s said light-heartedly, I am serious. Too many dives, too deep, and not enough time to get the nitrogen out of my bloodstream could mean trouble on the flight home.

The dive shop operator, Brian, frowns. ‘When do you fly home?’

‘Saturday.’

‘Oh, you’ll be fine. You only need 24 hours without diving. Your last dive is Wednesday night?’ Brian asks.

‘Yes. We’re climbing the mountain on Thursday but I was worried about doing so many dives.’

‘They’re only shallow. The dives today are no more than 10 metres. And tomorrow’s no more than 18 metres. We’ll have a dive computer. There’s no way I’ll compromise safety.’

I nod, reassured.

‘Haven’t you climbed the mountain before?’ Brian asks. I’ve been diving with his company every holiday, so I’m one of his regular holiday-makers.

I laugh and rest the flat of my hand on Cooper’s chest. ‘No. This time I’ve been coerced.’

Brian exchanges a look with Cooper. Some male bonding thing I guess.

‘So where are we diving this morning?’ I ask as more divers arrive. I don’t want Cooper’s coercion a topic for public discussion.

The morning and the afternoon dives are in the lagoon and filled with fish, a turtle, reef sharks, nudibranchs, lots of photos and a great dive buddy.

Quite a few divers hang around to check out our photos. A small cheer goes up. Cooper’s photo has won. Again. The other divers are enjoying our rivalry and have been voting on the photos. Hard as I try, I still can’t get a better photo than Cooper. If we pick the top ten photos, I may have four or five in there. But when we narrow it to the top three photos, I never get more than one.

‘You’re unbelievable, Coop.’

He gives that ultra-sexy grin and leans close, whispering so only I hear. ‘Do you really want to win, Sam?’

A shiver slices along my spine. I meet his gaze, the air shifts, and our stares lock. Breathing becomes difficult. I can only manage shallow gasps. I know he’s baiting me. He’s teasing, not being outright mean, but it hits a nerve.

Damn it. Do I want to win? Each time I think of it, the baby thought flashes large and luminous in my mind. But winning shouldn’t be about anything but the competition. A child is too important to be part of a game. I need to separate these thoughts, in my mind and Cooper’s.

Cooper pokes me in the ribs, whispering with some concern, ‘Come back to me, Sam.’ His look gentles, his lips soften, his hands cup my shoulders. ‘That’s better.’ He’s coaxing as if I’m a skittish animal.

Gritting my teeth, I make a show of growling loud enough so everyone hears. ‘I’ll be back to beat you tomorrow.’ It’s a competition, I can compete with the best. There’s a cheer before people leave.

Our photos are saved to a USB. We erase the memory cards on the cameras and hand them back. ‘They’ll be ready again tomorrow,’ Brian says. ‘Unless you want them tonight.’

We look at each other, eyebrows raised.

‘What kind of flash do we need for night?’ I ask.

We’re given a quick lesson on the equipment for night photography. The gear is all available for hire. ‘Let’s do it.’ Cooper’s enthusiasm is difficult to resist.

‘You’re on.’ I high-five him. ‘And may the best photo win.’

We leave to grab dinner before coming back for the night dive. Cooper’s hand wraps around mine as we’re walking. ‘Sorry I baited you back there. I wasn’t thinking.’

I shrug. There’s nothing I can say. He knows my weakness and he exploits it. It’s part of the competitive spirit. I knew it would be like this when I bared myself. Nothing I can say, or do. And he could be a whole lot nastier. ‘I know you’re competitive. I expected some stick from you. I’ll survive.’

His fingers thread between mine, his palm against mine, holding me close. We walk in silence but it’s not uncomfortable, or not terribly so. With a bit of a rueful smile, I glance across at him from the corner of my eye. His jaw’s clenched, his eyes half open, and his forehead’s creased.