Deep in the Heart (46 page)

“
You don’t have a minute, Keith. You are embarrassing me in front of half the state of Texas. Now get out here.”

“
Is everything all right?” Vivian asked from outside.

His father ducked out. “Fine, Viv. Go sit down.”

Then just before his father could rip into him again, Dallas turned knowing eyes on him. “This is about her. Isn’t it?”

“
Her? What her?” his father asked, coming back in.

“
This is about that little tramp, that what’s her name? Maggie.” The name dripped like poison.

“
Montgomery?” his father asked as his eyes widened, and too many pieces to count dropped into place behind them.

Keith let his hands drop. It really wasn’t about Maggie, but he would never be able to convince them of that. He sat back on something he couldn’t have named had he tried. “No, Dallas. This isn’t about Maggie. It’s about we’re not right for each other, and we never have been. We want different things from life. You want the money and the stuff that comes from being an Ayer. And I…” He glanced at his father. “Wish I had never been born an Ayer.”

“
Keith Warren Ayer! Don’t you even talk like that! You are privileged to be a part of this family,” his father nearly yelled, only stopping himself because of the thousand ears outside no doubt listening for any sign of what was going on. “It’s a wonder I haven’t thrown you out before now!”

“
Why, Dad? Because I wasn’t good enough for you?” Keith dragged his gaze up to his father’s, and hate and loathing were all he saw there. “Well, you know what? That’s pretty remarkable coming from somebody who killed three people and walked away like it never happened.”

The punch landed hard and true. The condescension in his father’s eyes fell away. “What…? How…?”

“
What? You didn’t think I’d ever find out?” Keith asked. A haze of numbness so that he couldn’t really feel anything fell over him. “And I’m sure you threatened the others so they wouldn’t tell me, or did you just pay them off to keep them quiet?” His gaze came up and found Ike standing just behind his father.

The older cowboy couldn’t meet his gaze, and he looked like he’d rather run than be there at that moment.

“
Yeah, well. You almost covered your tracks good enough.” His gaze dropped from Ike to his father. “Almost.”

“
Keith…,” his father started.

Keith pulled himself to his feet and stepped over to Dallas. When his gaze came up, it was with true regret. “I’m really sorry you got mixed up in all this, but us getting married isn’t right, and it’s a lie I’m not willing to try to live.” He started to step past her.

“
Keith, wait,” Dallas said, her dress whooshing as she turned. “Can’t we get married now, just… just so these people won’t know? We can always go down to city hall and get a divorce tomorrow.”

It was so hard to believe he’d almost forced himself to say, “I do” to her. “No, Dallas. Lying’s not my style.” With that, he turned instead to the inside door. A twist of the knob and he walked away from the whole, ugly horde of them forever.

“
Can I get you something?” Greg asked as Maggie sat on his couch, trying to get everything that had just happened to line up in her head.

“
No, thanks.”

“
I’ve got Sprite,” he said, a teasing quality edging the statement.

She smiled up at him sadly and shook her head. Greg stood there, looking down at her for the longest time. Then he spun and sat on the couch, a full cushion away.

“
Okay. Here’s what I don’t understand. Why didn’t you just go for it with Keith? Dallas wasn’t here. No one would ever have known.”

Maggie shook her head, the dreams she hadn’t let herself acknowledge were there flowed through her even now. “Keith isn’t like that.”

Greg turned to her. “That’s just it. Keith is like that, or at least he was. All through high school and college even after he met Dallas. Women were never an issue for him. He’d take what he wanted and never look back.”

Again Maggie shook her head. “That’s not the Keith I know. He’s sweet and kind, and he cares about people—not just on the outside but about how they really are in here.” She put her hand to her heart and then let it slide up her neck. “At least that’s who I thought he was.”

With a twist, Greg took his jacket off and laid it on the couch arm, smoothing the fabric with his hand. However, halfway down it, he stopped.

“
What?” she asked, seeing his hesitation.

Slowly Greg reached into the folds and pulled out a little box. “Hmm. Something tells me they’ll be wondering where these are.” At that moment Greg’s cell phone on the counter beeped, and both gazes went to it. He stood, went to it, and answered it. “Hello? Oh. Hi.”

His gaze traced to hers, and Maggie caught the implication. Panic surged through her as she shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “Don’t tell them I’m here.”

Greg turned to the phone call. “No, man. I looked. I don’t know where she went.”

Keith considered leaving the guesthouse. Dallas already had amidst a hail of curses from both her and her parents. He stood there, absorbing them all as they gathered her things and left. They were right. He was good-for-nothing. He had led her on in hopes of making everyone believe he was something he was not. And he had let her down in the worst way imaginable. The only thing that could conceivably have been worse would have been if he’d actually married her.

When they were gone, he sat down in the chair and pulled the Bible from the little compartment. Something about the fact that it didn’t have to be hidden anymore lifted his spirit from the muck ever-so-slightly. He let it fall open to no particular page. At 2 Peter, he started reading.

He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Keith groaned with the reading and let his head fall back on the recliner. “God, how could You be patient with me? Me, of all people. I’ve done such horrible things. I was so hurt, I didn’t care who got hurt because of me.” The pain of a life poorly lived knifed through him. “Why don’t You just put me out of my misery and get it over with?”

His hand slid the pages to the side as the anguish gushed over him. “I’m not worthy of You, Lord. Can’t You see that?” His gaze fell to the words even as tears blinded them from his sight.

Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

Keith breathed in those words, read them again, and breathed some more. It was like inhaling God for the first time. “I don’t understand, God. I don’t understand why You won’t just let me drop. That’s what I deserve.” Again his hands worked the pages and his gaze fell to the words there.

Where can I go from Thy Spirit? Or where can I flee from Thy presence? If I ascend to heaven, Thou art there; if I make my bed in Sheol, behold, Thou art there.

He didn’t know where Sheol was, but he had a sneaking suspicion that God had been there and every other place Keith had ever been. God, for some inexplicable reason, seemed to be dogging his every step. Exhaustion was beginning to take over, but he let his fingers trace through the pages one last time. The red attracted his gaze.

If any man is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.’

Living water. What had the preacher said about filling that place, that hole with anything other than God? That’s what Keith felt like he’d been doing for all of 30 years—filling and filling and filling, and always finding the hole empty. First it was spending his father’s money—cars, women, wine—the world made it look so easy. Yet, at the end of the day, at the end of every party, when he woke up in the morning in someone else’s bed, the emptiness was always right there with him.

It was just like that verse said, “Where can I run from it?” It followed him. No. It didn’t just follow him. It was a part of him. No, not even just that. It was him. He was the empty hole, waiting, hoping, wishing, pleading for something or someone to fill it. And still it was empty until a young lady with funny glasses and shoes two sizes too big had stumbled into his life.

He closed the Bible and ran his hand over it. The others had all given him themselves—for an hour, for a night, but she had given him something better, something he had been searching for his whole life. She had given him the answer to filling the hole.

As if compelled by some force he didn’t recognize, Keith got up and went to the phone. He dialed information, and in minutes he had the number for Del Rio. Home. Yes, Maggie would have gone home.

The shower had felt good. It calmed her and warmed her—at least it had tried. True to his word, Greg had been nothing but kind. She knew he was still trying to sort everything out, but then again, so was she. Her hair still dripping she walked into the living room, toweling it out.

Greg was sitting on the couch. He only glanced up when she entered. “Keith called again. He’s really worried about you.”

“
Huh. I can’t believe he’s not halfway to Hawaii by now.”

The deep concern of the brown eyes gathered her in. “They didn’t go through with it.”

The towel dropped three inches. “What…? Why not?”

Greg smiled. “Same reason you took off. Keith’s a basket case with worry.” His gaze questioned her. “Do you love him?”

There was no real way around the truth. “Yeah, but it would never work between us.”

“
Why not? He loves you. You love him.”

“
Because, Greg. He’s Keith Ayer. He’s worth a gazillion dollars. He rides around in limousines and trains million dollar racehorses. I’m some vagrant from the sticks who doesn’t know a salad fork from a shrimp skewer.”

Slowly Greg shook his head. “Do you really think he cares about that?”

“
His family does.”

“
His family is not him.”

Maggie’s gaze fell to the carpet as the drying continued.

“
He really is worried about you.”

Panic seized her. “You won’t tell him where I am, will you?”

It took a minute, but Greg finally shook his head. “No. Not if you don’t want me to.”

Keith went to church on Sunday, but it didn’t feel right without her there. Afterward, he went to the gravesite and put a dozen daisies in the little flower holder. They were his mom’s favorites. Then he went home and buried himself in the Bible and prayed for two more hours. Finally when he could take the quiet no longer, he got in his truck and headed out for the falls.

Under the tree his mind traced back to that last magical moment with Maggie, holding her hand and gazing into her eyes. If only it could have been different. If only he could’ve done what he so wanted to do and taken her in his arms. What her lips must feel like. What she must feel like. As he let his thoughts float, other thoughts—darker ones overtook him. She would never forgive him if she knew what his father had done to her family. He couldn’t bring himself to forgive. How could she?

You have to let people be on their own journey, to find out what’s important in their own time.
His mother’s voice soft and graciousness drifted through him, and he let his head fall back on the scratchy bark.
Mercy is shown to those who show mercy.

Mercy
. Keith breathed that word through the hard rock at the top of his chest. Mercy? To a man who had dragged him and so many others through a hell they didn’t deserve? Mercy to one who bought and sold people’s loyalty like it was on an auction block? Mercy to the man who had taken life itself as if he was God? How could he ever show his father mercy?

“
Because he is where you are.” Keith spoke the words as if he knew them for himself. Out loud, in his own voice, there was no denying it. His father was empty, lonely, sad, and hurting. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “God, help me. He needs You more than he knows, but I don’t even know enough to help him find You.”

Softly the answer came.
Trust, and walk through the doors I open.

Maggie walked to the nearest church on Monday. It was locked, so she sat on the steps and prayed as the morning rush passed by. How long she sat there, she wasn’t sure, but she prayed in depth for every one she could think of. When her mind wound round to Peter and Izzy, her heart twisted in on itself. It was pure selfishness to leave them like she had. That hurt to acknowledge, but it was true. She prayed that God would be with them even when she couldn’t.

Then her mind traced to Keith. “God, please be with him. Help him find what he needs the most.”

“Dad, can I talk to you?” Keith pushed the door to his father’s office open and found him not at his desk but standing at the window, staring out into the yard beyond as the wedding scene was dismantled before him. “Dad?”

His father glanced over his shoulder, but his gaze went immediately back to the window. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, you know? Any of it. I really wanted you and Dallas to be happy—just like your mother and I were.”

Slowly, carefully, Keith joined his father at the window. “Will you tell me about it? The accident, I mean?”