Deep in the Woods (21 page)

He checked for a pulse, felt a thready beat and gasped with relief. He made a call to 9-1-1 on his cell and then buried his face in Sophie’s hair, murmuring prayers already answered to a God he didn’t believe in until just now. He whispered to her as he tried to revive her, heartfelt words of love mixed with babbling recriminations, punctuated with pointless, silly orders like “keep breathing”, and “lie still”. Meanwhile Cerberus growled at Barry, keeping him from moving one iota.

“Hey,” Barry’s voice came weakly. “Could you call off your dog?”

“No fucking way,” Dave muttered as Cerby let loose with an
I’m-going-to-rip-your-head-off
snarl that Barry answered with a moan of fear. The sound awakened Sophie, and she looked around in alarm. “Barry—”

“It’s okay. Cerb’s got Barry. I think the man’s going to wet himself. Look.”

Barry’s whimpers of terror with Cerby’s teeth at his throat satisfied Dave’s urges for revenge. He would let the police handle the rest. He focused on Sophie instead, helping her sit up. “Are you okay? Can you breathe okay? How does your head feel?”

She nodded slowly. “I’m fine.” As he gazed down at her, he saw her eyes fill with tears.

“Don’t cry, honey. It’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry.”

He pulled her into his arms and held her as she sobbed into his chest. “Shhh. Just rest. Don’t try to talk right now.”

The police and EMTs arrived shortly afterward in a bustle of activity. Her statement and the bruises on her neck proved sufficient to result in Barry’s arrest for attempted murder—that is, once Cerby released him into police custody. “Okay, boy,” Dave reassured him. “You can let him up now. Sophie’s safe. Good boy.”

In the hospital, Sophie told Dave the whole story of what had happened in the clearing in the woods many months ago, and Barry’s attack on her. Her mother and father arrived and she told it again, remembering even more details that made his heart break. Dave took her home, promising to keep her parents updated on her condition. He kept her in bed all night and into the next day, admonishing her to rest as he held her close. “Punish me,” she begged him. “Please.”

“Absolutely not,” he answered each time she asked. As if he could even consider such a thing when it seemed to him that every breath she took was a miracle. It was a miracle she was alive. When he had arrived home to find her missing, he wasted precious moments calling her work, calling friends she might have visited. It was Cerberus who had paced and unnerved Dave so much he had finally realized something was wrong.

Then Dave had asked himself,
Where? Where was she?
Overton Park had been the first place that came to mind. He thought about her recent secret visits there, and a horrible idea occurred to him. She was still communicating with him. Barry. Why? He’d picked up the phone and found Barry’s number was the last one dialed. In a blind fury, he’d charged out the door, not even stopping to bring Cerberus along. But the dog had stood in Dave’s way until he ushered him with a curse into the car.

And if he hadn’t…Sophie would no longer be with him. Dave was sure of that. When Cerberus had broken away from Dave, dragging his leash behind him up into the woods at breakneck speed, Dave knew something was horribly wrong. If not for Cerberus, Dave would not have found Sophie in time. It seemed so random in hindsight. If he had not been so angry, he wouldn’t have driven so fast. If Cerby hadn’t tangled himself in Dave’s legs until he couldn’t leave without him, he would have left him behind. If he hadn’t caught Sophie in her secret forays to Overton Park by deciding to meet her at work because Ryan’s flight was early, he never would have thought to go there this day. If he hadn’t decided that day in the train yard to bring that starving, flea-ridden mutt home… So many random chances to lose her. So much unbelievable luck that she was there, alive and well, lying in his arms.

So punishment? Not very likely. At least not now. There was a time to punish and a time to cradle and soothe. Worse, Dave wasn’t sure what she wanted to be punished for. Frankly, he was afraid to ask. Did she want to be punished for leaving without telling him where she was going? Or did she want to be punished for some perceived sense of collusion in the tragedy of her miscarriage? It would be just like Sophie to blame herself, to see the crime through some warped lens of personal culpability. Dave looked down at her neck, at the garish evidence of Barry’s last assault, and thought to himself how sad all of it was. He had much more important work to do than punishing her. He had to help her rebuild the wreckage of her heart.

Later, when she slept, he went down to the darkroom. He mixed chemicals and set up developing trays, forcing himself to the work. He exposed every negative in the enlarger, every shot he’d snapped of Ryan and Sophie on the forest floor. He developed them all and watched each print appear, twenty-five in all, in the developer tray, hazy grayscale blurs strengthening into clear, sharp images that were difficult for Dave to look at.

Sophie in ecstasy. Sophie wild and unfettered in the dark of night. Sophie’s face changing, a flinch as she looked up at the sky. Her eyes closing, mouth opening in the rictus of a horrible scream.

Dave made himself look, but he knew he would never understand, never feel what she felt at either moment in time. The moment she suffered through in drugged confusion, and the moment she relived as a memory long after the fact.

He looked, and then he collected every negative, every print, and burned them all to ashes, staring into the blazing conflagration until it died.

Chapter Twelve

Dr. Perez shook her head gently at Sophie. “You must remember, none of this was your fault. Your former partner drugged you, he abused you. He isolated you and broke you down. He was an expert at manipulating you, and manipulating the truth. There is no one to blame here but him.”

“I know,” Sophie answered, shifting on the leather sofa. “My head knows that, but my heart…”

Sophie felt as if she’d been crying for weeks. As soon as she started to feel better, something would make her remember and the tears would begin again. She’d never even known she carried a child, much less lost it. She felt robbed, cheated. Only now, long after the fact, had she learned what was taken from her, long, long past the time she had any power to do things differently. If only she had known she was pregnant, she might have found the strength to leave him, and her baby might have had a chance. If only she hadn’t met Barry in the first place, if only she’d left him at the start, when things started changing. If only…if only…if only… None of it mattered now. There was nothing now to be done, nothing to do but mourn.

Sophie hadn’t returned to Overton Park in the two months since she left it. She knew she could never go there again. It was a cursed place to her now, a place she lost a baby and almost lost her life. She’d found the answers she wanted there, but at a terrible price. Hazy, confusing nightmares had been replaced by waking knowledge she could never forget. She possessed the truth now, the whole truth of what happened in that clearing, and Barry was finally going to pay for his crimes, but closure still eluded her. Sophie feared closure was something she would never know.

“And how is your relationship with Dave holding up, Sophie? Everything okay?”

“Yes. He’s been wonderful. Sometimes I think…if not for him…”

Dr. Perez frowned. “I’m glad to hear things are going well. But remember what we talked about. It’s not healthy to be dependent on someone else for your own happiness—”

“Happiness?” Sophie cut her off. “I’m just trying to get through each day. Dave is the only thing keeping me sane with all the shit going on right now—”

“Sophie. Don’t get upset. This is an issue we’ve been talking about for some time now. It’s perfectly fine to lean on trusted friends and loved ones, but at the end of the day, who does Sophie need to be at peace with? Who nurtures Sophie?”

“Me. I do.” Sophie sighed. It was easy to say, but harder to accomplish.

“What about your studies?” Dr. Perez asked. “Still keeping up all right?”

“Yes, just fine. Great.” Actually, the new semester was the best thing that could have happened, allowing her to get her mind off the loss she felt and the messy ongoing legal case. “And I think I’m finally going to quit my UPS job and focus one hundred percent on school.”

“That’s wonderful, Sophie. That’s a big step. Focusing on the future, doing what’s best for your progress.”

“I hope so.” She had broached the idea of quitting with Dave on one of her more tired, defeated days when she didn’t want to get out of bed. Now, even though she was feeling better, he was holding her to it. Now if she could just bring herself to turn in her two weeks notice… “Dave wants to spend more time with me anyway.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. This is an important time for you to stay connected to your partner.” Dr. Perez put down her notebook and smiled at Sophie. “When you talk about him, it’s really obvious to me that he makes you happy in a very positive way.” She looked at her watch. “Well, that’s about it for this week. Call me if you need me. And Sophie, this week, try to reach for happiness, however you are able. It’s something only you can do. We are not always able to be at peace with our past, and we are not always fortunate enough to live without sadness. But we can always strive to move toward happiness. Just keep that in mind.”

Sophie nodded. She wanted to strive for happiness. She wanted to move on, it was just the feat of actually doing it. As she drove home, she thought to herself that Dave wasn’t exactly helping her move on either. He had remained awfully cautious with her, even though the bruises around her neck had faded from purple to pink to yellowish green and then completely away. They still made love nearly every night, close, intimate encounters, but they were totally vanilla from start to end. She needed her Dom back.

That night over dinner, Sophie told Dave about the things she and Dr. Perez had talked about. He told her about his photo session with a Master and his very inexperienced and nervous slave in his inimitable style that always made her laugh. Then she looked across the table at him.

“When are you going to photograph me again?”

Dave fell silent.

“Don’t you want to photograph me anymore?” Sophie hated the insecure way her voice sounded.

“Oh, Soph.” Dave stood to clear the table. “I just don’t want to add any more pressure to your life right now.”

“It’s not pressure.” Sophie got up to help him. They started loading the dishwasher together, letting Cerby pre-clean each dish with a few broad laps of his tongue. “I like posing for you. We just haven’t done it in so long. I didn’t know if there was a reason.”

“There’s no real reason. I just—the thing is—when I photograph you, you’re so exposed. There’s so much I see.”

Sophie frowned. “You don’t like what you see?”

“No, I love what I see. It’s just the intensity of it. Jesus, Sophie. I almost lost you a few weeks ago.”

“But I’m here. I survived. And I haven’t had a nightmare since…” Her voice trailed off, but Dave looked up, his brows drawn together in thought.

“Hey, you’re right. You haven’t.”

“I also haven’t had a spanking.” She blushed as soon as she uttered the sentence. It felt as if she were topping from below, but Dr. Perez had told her to strive for happiness. Well, she was striving. She hoped she didn’t live to regret it.

Dave shut the dishwasher and straightened slowly, his arms crossed over his chest. “That’s true too. Not that you don’t deserve a whopper of a punishment for what you put me through. So what would you rather have? A photography session, or a punishment session?”

“Please, Sir,” Sophie answered. “I would like both.”

* * * * *

He took his time undressing her. How long had it been since he’d played with her this way? He wanted to trace every curve, lick every freckle. They had been physically close since that fearsome January day, but their lovemaking had become tentative, too gentle for them both. He had known it and now he realized Sophie felt it too.

But no matter. He could easily correct that.

“What should I use to punish you? It should be something quite harsh, shouldn’t it? For running off alone? For scaring me out of my wits?”

“Yes Sir. But—”

“But what?”

“You know I’ve never been very good at taking pain.”

Dave laughed. “I think before anything else, you deserve a gag for telling lies like that. But I like the noises you make when I hurt you. No gag. But no more lip either. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Go bend over the bed. Hands behind your back.”

He watched her lean her beautiful body over the footboard until her breasts rested on the comforter and her heart-shaped ass was up in the air. Her face turned to the side, resigned and peaceful.

“Do you like when Sir punishes you and gives you what you deserve, little one?” he asked as he walked to the toy chest and started rifling through its contents.

“Yes,” she sighed.

He turned back to her. “Yes Sir, you mean?”

He saw the slight tense and shudder. “Yes Sir.”

“That’s better. Just because you know I’m going to fuck you senseless at the conclusion of your punishment doesn’t mean you should be off in dreamland now.”