Deep Longing (Bend to My Will #4) (2 page)

Chapter 2

Vivienne seemed to make progress with Jacob, only to lose ground later. After the romantic harbor cruise, she naïvely expected something more. Thinking back, she wasn’t exactly sure what. But since they’d kissed, she assumed it changed things.

Yet that evening in the playroom, Jacob had not kissed her. Vivienne wasn’t disappointed with what he had done, as the erotic experience left her reeling. He had taken charge, made her tremble with his power and virility. Submitting to him was a thrill beyond all others.

But after opening up to her, sharing such passionate kisses, Jacob had backed away. Vivienne thought that he feared intimacy, but there was more to it than that. Her feelings for him ran deep. If Jacob pulled away from her, or even worse, left her, Vivienne wouldn’t be able to handle it.

At the moment, that didn’t seem likely, considering the way he ravaged her. Even so, Vivienne teetered in a delicate balance. She craved the sex play as much as Jacob did. But her heart wouldn’t stay out of it. The more Jacob guided her into intense scenes, the more she felt for him.

It was impossible to envision it otherwise, despite Jacob’s encouragement toward that end. Did he really not feel the depth of emotion during such hot scenes? Vivienne found it difficult to fathom. Yet he seemed to have the ability to separate the two.

And even after a tender interlude outside the playroom, Jacob could still be stern, and relentlessly guide her beyond previous limits. He was strong and powerful. Yet something he wouldn’t share tormented him. He stated that he was scarred
on the inside
, although didn’t tell Vivienne how.

The weekend had been deliciously sexy, even romantic at times, but Vivienne left on Sunday with a note of sadness. Jacob’s intimate kiss had stolen her heart, and she wasn’t sure what to do about that. Nor did she know if Jacob cared about her as deeply as she did for him. If so, he hadn’t shown it.

Alone in her bed that night, Vivienne tossed and turned. She thought of Jacob, and memories of sleeping with him warmed her heart. Most of all, she relived that first kiss, and it made her tingle each time she recalled it. Lost in the sensual kiss with her, Jacob hadn’t been distant. His heart had been hers, if only briefly, and she wanted more of that intimacy. Yet Vivienne feared that Jacob didn’t feel the same way.

*****

The next day at the shop, Vivienne tried to block out thoughts of Jacob, which was difficult. Fortunately, she had plenty of work to serve as a distraction. Managing Vee’s while getting the new online business going was a challenge.

On Monday after lunch, Alfred called to discuss a few details about Sensual Scents.

“Hi, Vivie, did you get a chance to look at the website samples I sent you?”

“Yes, I was just reviewing them this morning. I’ve got it down to two. As soon as I decide, I’ll send you my final pick and you can let me know what you think.”

“I have a couple of staff working with suppliers, so we can get stocked up for our opening,” Alfred said. “The main thing we’re behind on is those new scents. If you can make that a top priority, that would be good. I need time to order the ingredients, so we can produce them in quantity.”

“I’m nearly there,” Vivienne said. “I’ve already put a lot of effort into it. Hopefully I can send you the requirements before the end of the day.”

“Enough business talk for now. How are you, Vivie?”

“Busy, as you can imagine. I’m going to ask Michele to take over a few duties. There are some things I don’t need to do personally. I’d rather give her some incentive to take more responsibility.”

“That makes good business sense,” Alfred said. “When this online venture takes off, we may have our hands full.”

“What about you, Alfred? We haven’t spoken much since Paris, just emails. Are you good?”

“I’ve been immersed in my company, and getting this startup going. Very busy, just how I like it. And I may be off to France again to connect with some suppliers directly. Not everything can be delegated. And I’ve learned not to rely on email alone.”

“I trust that you will let me know if you need anything on my end,” Vivienne said.

“You can count on that. And since you mentioned it, I do see another trip to Paris in your future. As we refine things, I’ll want you there firsthand.”

Vivienne hadn’t thought of that, and wondered how she’d manage. “Sure, we’re partners. Just keep me informed.”

When she hung up, Vivienne felt unusually tired. Maybe the stress of the job was getting to her. She brushed it aside, and called Michele into her office. Her assistant was willing to take over any part of the workload she could. “You know how much Vee’s means to me,” Michele said. “Just let me know what you need, and I’ll get right on it.”

After bringing Michele up to speed on a couple of projects, Vivienne went back to finalizing the scents Alfred needed. But her nose wasn’t as sharp as normal. For a bit, she studied the website samples, deciding on color, presentation, and functionality. After choosing, she emailed Alfred so he could move ahead with the web designer.

It was nearly the end of the day before Vivienne realized she wasn’t well. She started sneezing, and felt weak. It wasn’t possible to discern scents well enough to finalize the blend proportions, so she gave up.

Michele was tidying the counter when Vivienne came out with her purse over her shoulder. “I think I’m coming down with something,” she said. “I’m going to head home and take a hot bath. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Take care, Vivie. And if you don’t feel well tomorrow, take the day off. I can handle it here,” Michele said. “And Luke’s always willing to assist, if needed. He’s getting pretty handy with a lot of the work around here, not just the warehouse stuff.”

“That’s reassuring,” Vivienne said. The thought of missing a day made her anxious. There was too much that needed to be done. Alfred needed those blends, so she hoped her nose would be back to normal after she got a good night’s sleep. “I should be fine. Don’t worry.”

By the time Vivienne got to her apartment, she wasn’t so sure. She felt like a rag doll, and her nose was stuffy. Even soaking in a hot bath didn’t make her feel better. This wasn’t good, but it was probably just a cold.

After taking a decongestant, Vivienne went to bed. It was barely seven, but she fell into a solid sleep. The next morning, she was achy and had to breathe through her mouth. She fished through the cupboards for immune boosters, finding some vitamin C packets and some herbal tablets that were supposed to head off illness.

Vivienne took what she could with a huge glass of water. She had no appetite, so plopped onto the sofa with a blanket over her. When Lana got up, that was where she found her. “What’s the matter, Vivie? Are you sick?”

“I think so. I just called Michele and left a message. There’s a chance I’m contagious, so I better not go in.”

“And you look pale,” Lana said. “You shouldn’t work while you’re sick.”

“You have no idea how much I need to get done,” Vivienne said. “I’ll see what I can accomplish on my laptop.”

“You better just rest.”

“That would be nice, but I can’t afford to.”

Lana frowned. “Well, you better. You don’t want to get sicker.” She smiled. “And if you don’t get well fast, I won’t have anyone to go to aerobics with.”

“Ah, the incentive I needed.” Vivienne laughed, which started her coughing. “I’ll be better in no time.”

“Well, I have to shower and get to the restaurant,” Lana said. “I’m not a movie star yet. I still have to wait tables for a living.”

Vivienne closed her eyes and fell asleep. When she woke up, Lana was gone, having sneaked out without waking her up. A glance at the clock told her that she’d slept longer than she thought. So much for getting some work done.

There was no use booting up the laptop, since Vivienne felt weak as a kitten. The apartment was quiet and lonely. She missed her mother. It had been a while since they had talked, and Vivienne felt bad about being too busy to phone her.

Now she really wanted to hear her voice. Vivienne dragged her body up from the sofa to retrieve her cell phone, then plopped back down. She recovered for a couple of minutes before dialing. Her mother might be working, but she hoped this was one of those times she’d find her at home.

“Vivie, it’s so good to hear from you.” Irene Lake was a warmhearted person, and a good mother. Her kind, sensitive temperament had made the divorce especially hard on her, or that was Vivienne’s assessment.

“Hi, Mom. I’m so sorry I haven’t called since I got back from France. I miss you.”

“I know you’re busy, and I appreciate getting your emails. How are you, honey?”

“Overall, good. But I’m home sick today, a cold or something.”

“I can hear it in your voice. Be sure to go to the doctor if you need to. Don’t take any chances.”

“Yes, Mom, I will.” Vivienne wished her mother was close enough to hug. “Are you still working at the café?”

“Not as much. They cut hours, so I’m there less. But it’s just as well.”

“Not really, Mom. I worry about you, being alone in that house all the time,” Vivienne said. “Do you go out?”

“Maggie and I go to lunch once a week. But I’m okay. You don’t need to worry.”

Her mother’s mention of her friend from church made Vivienne feel better. At least she was socializing with someone. “Do you see friends at church?”

“Sure, honey. And I am getting more stable, really. The doctor changed my medication, and that seems to have helped.”

Vivienne didn’t like thinking of her mother being depressed, but after the breakup she had been. Probably she still was, but didn’t want to burden her daughter. “I’m glad to hear that, Mom. You’d tell me if you needed anything, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course I would.”

Although she doubted it, Vivienne couldn’t argue. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, honey. And you just take care of yourself. You don’t sound good.”

“I’m congested, but it’s not serious,” Vivienne said. “I’ll come visit you as soon as I can.” Even saying it, she wondered how to make that happen. She missed her mother. Vivienne would figure out a way to go see her.

“Have you talked to your father?”

It was just like her mother to be selfless. Joseph Lake had divorced her, but she didn’t harbor resentment. Her mother still encouraged the father-daughter relationship. She hadn’t accused Joseph of being a bad father.

In fact, he was a good father, and Vivienne loved him dearly. Divorce wasn’t easy on anyone involved. She thought of Lana, and how her parents had been together for a long time. That must be nice, and so much easier.

“I haven’t called him, but we text,” Vivienne said.

“Well, if you need somebody, you know your father will come.”

“That won’t be necessary, Mom. It’s nothing serious. I’ll be back to work soon.”

“That’s good to hear,” her mother said. “But do call your father. He will worry.”

“He will only worry if you tell him I’m sick,” Vivienne said.

“If he asks, I’ll have to be honest.”

“Of course, but I’ll call him.”

“See that you do,” her mother said. “He is concerned about you being so far from home.”

“Mom, I’m an adult.”

“Yes, well, you’re still our daughter.”

There was no way to argue with her mother, so Vivienne didn’t try. After hanging up, she leaned against the sofa. She really should call her dad, but she didn’t feel up to it. That call could wait. It wasn’t as though her mother was going to place an emergency call to her father the instant they hung up.

She wasn’t well. It could be a virus. Vivienne put her hand on her forehead, certain that she had a fever. A temperature check confirmed it. That was just great. How was she supposed to get her work done if she was sick?

Later that afternoon, Vivienne texted Alfred to let him know that finalizing the scents would be delayed. She was really sorry, but had come down with something and couldn’t smell properly. He was very understanding, and replied:
Take care of yourself. That can wait until you’re well
.

That took some of the pressure off, but when Vivienne’s fever rose she started to stress. Maybe she should go to the doctor, but she didn’t feel strong enough. It would be better to stay warm and drink fluids. That was what the doctor would say anyway.

The next day went by in a blur. Vivienne kept her fever down as best she could, but she ached all over. Lana had probably spent the night with Trace. That was usually the case when she didn’t come home. And why call her anyway, when Vivienne could get to the doctor if she needed to. She just hadn’t made the effort.

Yet leaving the apartment and navigating the city to get to the doctor wasn’t appealing. All Vivienne wanted to do was sleep. She hadn’t slept so many hours in so few days, since she could recall. In her delirium, she realized that Friday evening was coming up.

Vivienne would have to cancel. She had no choice. If she was contagious, she certainly didn’t want Jacob to get sick. But more horrifying was the fact that he might see her like this. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her nose dry. It would take a ton of makeup to cover up how awful she looked.