Deep Space Endeavor 3 Death Match (36 page)

“I miss him, Jesse.”

“I’m sorry, I should have been able to get there,” he slowly averted his eyes.

“What? No, you were barely conscious after two straight days of beatings.” She gently turned his chin back towards her and she could see the pain in his eyes. She wasn’t sure if it was for her, Ogen, or the abuse his body had taken, maybe all of it. “No one wanted you in the line of fire, especially me. This galaxy has not been kind to you, Jesse. And you have taken more than your share of punishment for others. All we wanted to do was get you safely back to the ship.”

“Kimi, I don’t know what I would have done had anything happened to you. I know it was brief, but that kiss sustained me out there. It represented everything I want in life and I hope it meant as much to you as it did to me. I want you in my life, Kimi, as more than a friend, more than a teammate. I will mourn Sandstorm, but I am so thankful you’re still with us, with me.” A look crossed her face and Jesse couldn’t tell if she were about to cry or about to kiss him. She had been waiting to hear him say those words for so long and she was over the drama, almost losing him again made her see just how badly she needed him. While she was considering his words, he began again. “Kimi, I’m in love with you. Can we put the past behind us?  We’ve both said all there is to say, several times. All of the apologies have been made and we’ve been dancing around this for far too long. This may not be the best time to talk about it, but I can’t wait any longer. Can we finally be together?”

The sadness began to ease from her face and she put her arms around the man she loved. For the first time she put her arms around him as more than a friend as she thought.
I have been waiting for this since the night I first tried to kiss him almost seven years ago, it has finally happened
. She embraced him so tightly he didn’t think she would ever let go, and he didn’t mind. She leaned back, looked into his eyes and kissed him. “Jesse, I have never wanted anything more.” She continued to embrace him as she leaned into his chest and held him tight and continued sadly, “Jess, I was going to tell Ogen I couldn’t be with him because I was in love with you. I’m sorry I told you the window had closed on us. I was upset and hurt and I don’t think I knew what I was doing, but when I saw the punishment you were taking.” She paused as the images flooded back into her mind and she continued with a look of shame in her eyes, “the punishment that we pushed you into, I decided that I wasn’t going to let another opportunity pass us by.”

A look Kimi had never seen crossed Jesse’s face; it puzzled her as he leaned in and kissed her again. Then she realized,
it is a look of contentment. He has been searching for contentment for a long time, as long as I have known him, and now he has found it here with me.
She fought back the tears of joy, knowing that for the first time in her life she had found true happiness.

“I want you to know, I don’t blame you, or any of the crew for talking me into the match. It needed to be done and I might have been the only one who could do it.” He looked her right in the eyes as he replied, and she knew he was sincere. She embraced him again, thankful that they had both made it through the battle and anxious to see where this new season in their lives would take them. She took him by the hand and sat with him. They sat in silence, enjoying each other’s company.

After a while she got up,” I am going to prepare something to eat, would you like something?”

“Maybe just some water, but you really don’t have to do that, you know?”

“I know, it is just that you look so tired. Do not worry; I will not let you get used to it.” A look of mischief crossed her face as she disappeared into the galley.

______

Suzy caught up to Jesse while he was resting in the common room. He looked absolutely drained. He was still limping slightly and she could see him wince a little when he moved his arm a certain way.
The recovery pod is losing its effectiveness on him because he has gone through too much in a short period of time. It’s quite possible that he has begun building an immunity to the healing powers of the machine
. As those worries filled her mind, she sadly realized that no one had really spoken to Jesse yet about how he felt after the death match. Now that all of the fanfare had died down, all of the guests were gone from the ship, and all of the meetings had been attended, she wondered how Jesse felt about it all. She sat down next to him on the couch and placed her hand on his arm. He looked up and smiled at her. It was a tired smile, a weary smile, but there was something else there as well: contentment.

“What’s that look, Jess?” she asked as she sat down next to him.

“What look?” Came the wry reply.

“You know what look. Did you accept a job from Enosal or Valinor? What’s going on? You look content.”

He thought about giving her the run around a little bit longer, but decided not to keep her in suspense. “I had a talk with Kimi.”

“And?” she excitedly interrupted.

“And we’re together now. No more waiting, no more missed signals, we’re actually together.”

“Jess, that’s great, and it’s about time.” She hugged him, but she could also sense some unease.

“Jess, how are you feeling, I mean about the death match, I can guess how you’re feeling about Kimi.” She began, knowing she would have to drag the answers out of him.

“I feel great, Suzy, thanks to you.” He could see the dubious expression on her face and amended his statement. “I mean, I feel alright, but far better than I have any right to expect. You don’t need to worry about me. I will say that I could probably use a vacation, or maybe just a couple weeks in the lab. I know this galaxy drive idea is possible. Really anything not fighting related would be fine with me for a while.” He laughed like it was a joke, but his eyes said otherwise.

“Jess, how are you feeling about everything that happened?” She pushed, knowing there was more to it than he was saying.

“Alright, I guess. I haven’t thought about it that much.”

“Jess, it’s me you’re talking to. I know there’s a little more processing than that going on.”

“What are you getting at? I don’t know what you are asking me.” He replied, a little frustrated that her questions were forcing him to think about things he didn’t want to think about yet.

“Jess, if you’re not ready to talk about it, that’s fine. Just remember that I’m here when you are.” She stood to leave and he gently grabbed her hand and pulled her back down.

“Suzy, I’m still really just trying to make sense of it all, I guess. I mean the spectacle it became and the scope of it. I don’t want to be remembered as the man who killed Garrinoras or the first human in a Zinnebailan death match. I still don’t even really understand why it had to be me.”

“What do you mean?” Suzy was very interested now. She wasn’t sure what she had expected when she approached him, but it wasn’t this.

“I mean, it doesn’t seem like it was enough for Kaldor and Ginderbar just to avoid war. They wanted to avoid war and end the threat Garrinoras posed once and for all. Even then, I felt like that’s all they wanted from me. They didn’t care what this would do to me, or even if I survived, they only wanted Garrinoras gone. I guess I understand that on some level, but why put me through it? Why not just rescue Cassie, take him out in the process and be done with it? With King Dominus being willing to send two hundred ships here, there’s no way the Zinnebailans would have still tried to start a war. I feel like they used me to just eliminate a thorn in their side.”

“Jess, I had no idea, I’m sorry you feel that way. Do you think Enosal and Valinor were in on it?”

“I don’t know. I know they’re my friends, but they weren’t the only ones involved in the process. They could have gotten swept up in the strategy of it all without thinking about how it might negatively affect me. They never even entertained another option. I believe Wennagal was sincere when he contacted me, but even then, he only wanted the easiest possible way to get his captain back. Even when he knew I wasn’t one hundred percent… I don’t really know what I’m trying to say here, Suzy.”

“No, Jess, it’s alright. Sometimes you need to work through your feelings and sometimes it helps to do that out loud.”

“Suzy, I killed a man that was begging for mercy. I know he was still trying to reach for his blaster, but it was out of his reach. I’m also pretty certain he would have still tried to find some other way to kill me if I did let him live, at least that’s what I tell myself. What does that make me? Am I a murderer? Am I no better than he was? Where does that leave me?”

“Jess, you’re a hero, and you killed a monster. There’s not one person in this galaxy that would say you murdered Garrinoras. Even the Zinnebailans don’t count a death match as murder. You saved the sector from war and saved millions of people. Don’t you ever think otherwise. I am truly sorry they asked you to do it, but he needed to go, and you know I would never say that lightly.”

“Maybe you’re right, Suzy, but I don’t want to be an executioner. This wasn’t like me dropping soldiers that were chasing the Princess through the city, this was one-on-one. One of us was to be the executioner and one of us was to die.”

“Jess, I’m glad you are alright, physically, and I’m here to help you if you want it until you’re more settled emotionally. I don’t know what I would have done if he had beaten you.”

“I’m sorry I put you in that situation, Suzy. Just promise me, you’ll never let me do something like this again, even if the crew wants me to.”

“You have my word.” She put her arms around him and he leaned into her shoulder. She kissed his forehead and helped him up. “You look beat; it’s time for you to go get some rest.”

“Doctor’s orders?”

“Doctor’s orders!” She smiled as she walked arm in arm with her friend, her leader, her brother. He had done so much for her; she vowed to be there for him when he needed it.

“Let’s stop in the galley so I can say goodnight to Kimi.” He had really hoped to continue his time with Kimi, but he had gotten so tired so quickly. He understood that it was likely to be this way for a couple days until he fully shook off the effects of the pod.

______

Early the next morning,
Endeavor
was off to a reception on Sollana. Jesse really wanted to explore the Hyperian Sector, but his crew had been able to do that quite a bit while he was still recovering from the Pandaran affair. Still, he decided at some point he was going to spend a week on Trinnus.
I really want to find out how the Moving City works. I know that at least Collin wouldn’t mind the detour. We will need to stop for a day on Hyperia to see the King and ask his permission to go to Trinnus. I doubt he would say no. The ship seems almost empty now that we are back down to a crew of nine. That’s weird, my crew has almost doubled since coming to this galaxy yet it still feels kind of empty.
As he was lost in thought, he noticed Josiah, Reece, and Xanu heading his way. It looked as though they had just finished training.

“What’s up, Jess, late morning? Josiah queried.

“Yeah, I still don’t feel like I’m back to normal.”

“Suzy thinks that since you have been injured so much, you are starting to experience diminishing returns from the recovery pod. She doesn’t think you’ll be right for weeks.” Reece added.

“Well hopefully, I won’t need to be,” Jesse offered. “How’s the training going?”

“We’ll make a Rocket Rider out of Xanu yet, Jess,” Josiah replied enthusiastically. Jesse knew he thought of their young crewmate the same way he thought of his brother Matthias. Xanu even reminded him of Matthias now that he thought about it. He knew they had to be getting pretty close for Josiah to mention him in the same sentence as the Rockets.

They made it to Sollana for a wonderful reception. Reece was honored and everyone was happy for him. Sollana wanted its own hero among the crew of
Endeavor
. They said their goodbyes and promised they would try and return, then they left for Hyperia.

“That was some reception, Reece.” Suzy began as she sat down next to her recently honored crewmate. “Congratulations, you deserve it. I’m a little surprised that you didn’t want to stay a little while and get to know some of your adoring fans,” she joked.

“Believe me, I thought about it, but I really do like Hyperia.” He winked and she laughed,

“You mean you really like Princess Rayelle and Collette.” She corrected with a dubious look.

“What, you don’t think I can get Collette?”

“I think Collette had eyes for Jesse.”

“Yeah, but he’s with Kimi now and I’ll gladly be there to comfort the disappointed friend of the princess,” He replied with mock sincerity.