Defending Hayden: A Second Chances Novel (10 page)

“Yep. I used to be a heavy drinker. It got me into a lot of trouble.”

“I bet.” I laughed. “I can totally see you getting rowdy with all your friends.”

He shrugged, his piercing blue eyes staring right at me. “That’s not important to me anymore. I used to think partying was the best time of my life, but I was wrong.”

I drank my wine and he poured me another glass. “I never cared much about parties. I had Michael and Emily; we were always together, getting into our kind of trouble.”

“Which was?” he asked, lifting his brows curiously.

Thinking back on those memories made me smile. “We used to skip school together back when we were teenagers. Other than that, we mainly went to the movies, raced go-carts, or went hiking. I was a nerd in school, so academics were very important to me.”

His lips pulled back into a smile. “Let me guess…you were valedictorian?”

“Close. I had the second-highest grade point average in my class. We were only a half a point away from each other. You have no idea how pissed off I was about it.”

Guffawing, he rested his hands behind his head, the muscles in his arms flexing with the movement. I wanted them around me so achingly bad. “You
are
a nerd, aren’t you?”

I shrugged. “Hey, at least I can say I’ve done something with my life. I’ve run into plenty of my classmates back home, and not many of them can say they’ve done the things I have.”

He nodded in agreement. “You’re a dedicated woman, Hayden. I’ve never met someone with your kind of drive.”

“Thanks. I want to make a difference in this world, even if it is just rescuing animals.”

The wine had already made me feel warm and fuzzy, so I carefully set my glass down on the ground, hoping like hell I didn’t fall out. When I sat back, the hammock swayed in the wind. It was the most relaxed I had felt in a long time.

“You mentioned your friend Emily. Is she still back in Raleigh, or did she move down here with you and Michael?”

The sting of her betrayal made my stomach clench. “No,” I grumbled, unable to take the bite out of my tone. “She’s still there, married to my ex and expecting their first child.”

“Fuck, that’s messed up. How long did you date him?”

Lifting my gaze, I focused on the trees above as the memories came flooding in. I could still see Jake and Emily the day I caught them in bed. I was so upset I threw a water bottle at Jake’s head. “Jake and I dated for three years. Only I didn’t know that he was screwing around with my best friend for over a year of it. I was too wrapped up in school to notice.”

“What a fucking prick,” Derek said angrily. “How long ago was this?”

I blew out a heavy sigh. “A little over a year ago now. I found out right before I graduated from college. So when the opening at Stonebrooke became available, I saw it as an opportunity. I guess you can say I ran away from my problems.”

Derek placed a hand on my knee and rubbed my skin soothingly; it sent chills all through my body. “I’m sorry, Hayden. That guy’s a fucking idiot.”

“That he is, but if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be here today,” I said, meeting his gaze. “Things happen for a reason. If I hadn’t run away from my problems, it wouldn’t have led me to an amazing job. And I never would’ve met you.”

His fingers moved up and down my leg, and I thought I was going to go insane with his touch. The way he stared at me had me trembling. “Do you regret meeting me?” he asked, his voice low.

I shook my head, feeling more confident than I should have. I didn’t want him to know how I truly felt because I was worried about getting hurt again, but what if I never got the chance to tell him? What if I let my insecurities keep me from being happy?

Taking a deep breath, I sat up and clasped my hand with his. “I don’t regret a single minute of it. Just being around you has made me feel things I never thought I could feel again.”

His gaze darkened, his hand clenching in mine. I knew what he wanted because I could see it in his eyes; I wanted it, too. “What do you want from me, Hayden?”

My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears. “You. Just you.”

“Are you sure? You can always say no,” he murmured.

I shook my head. “I don’t want to.”

Without another word, we hopped in his truck and started the short trip back to his house. My heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest, but I was excited more than anything. Derek kept hold of my hand the entire ride, his thumb tracing circles on my palm. Everything inside me tightened. I’d fooled myself into thinking I didn’t want him, but it was all a lie. I’d wanted him from the very beginning.

Once we arrived at his house, the energy in the car spiked. It had been so long since I’d been with a man, I didn’t know where to start or what to say. The feelings I had for Derek went deeper than simple infatuation, which was scary but also exhilarating. He parked his truck and glanced over at me, concern in those light blue eyes.

“Ready to go inside?” he asked.

I nodded, hoping my voice didn’t shake. “Lead the way.” I was nervous, but it was an exciting nervous. My whole body ached to have him inside me, and fighting it wasn’t going to do any good. He held my hand as we walked inside, and as soon as the door shut, he pushed me against it, his hands clutching my face as he kissed me. I melted in his arms and opened myself up to him. His lips were firm, his tongue thrusting deep as he tasted me. Breathing hard, I caught my breath the second he let me go and rested my forehead against his.

“Fuck, I should’ve done that days ago,” he whispered heatedly.

“Then why did you stop?”

He lifted me in his arms, and I straddled his waist as he carried me up the stairs. “Trust me,” he said between kisses, “I didn’t want to.” The hallway was dark, and I could barely see a thing, but he carried me into a room that smelled exactly like him. He pressed a remote on the wall that turned on the lights and then dimmed them to a seductive glow. He laid me on the bed, and I sank into the mattress, watching as he took off his shirt. I wanted to run my fingers over his skin and trace every inch of him with my tongue. I’d never felt so needy in my life.

As he covered me with his body, I moaned; he rubbed his arousal against me. His hand slid up my shirt, cupping my swollen breast. He groaned and massaged it, pinching my nipple between his fingers. I arched off the bed and cried out.

“Does that feel good?” he asked, sucking my bottom lip between his teeth.

I nodded. “I want more.”

Groaning, he thrust himself against me and lifted my shirt. The second he closed his warm lips over my breast, I sucked in a ragged breath. I wrapped my fingers in his hair and pulled as he ravished my body with his tongue, sucking and biting both nipples, one after the other.

“You taste so fucking good,” he growled.

Once my shirt and bra were completely off, he unbuttoned my shorts and threw them across the floor. Sliding off the bed, he raked his gaze up and down my body as he took off the rest of his clothes. He watched me squirm impatiently, and in return, he stroked himself, torturing me in the process; I wanted to touch him. Climbing back on the bed, he crawled up my body, spreading my legs with his knee. My whole body shook in anticipation.

As soon as he got closer, I wrapped my fingers around his cock, massaging his length. He sucked in a breath and groaned, his heated gaze on mine the entire time. “You’re killing me, love. I won’t last if you keep doing that.”

“How long has it been?”

He kissed me hard. “Way too fucking long.” Grabbing my wrist, he pulled my hand away and held it above my head. “It’s my turn now.”

With his free hand, he traced a finger over my breasts and down my stomach. My clit throbbed, and I knew that the second he showed it some attention, I’d be pushed over the edge. He slid a finger inside me and I gasped. When he pushed another finger in, I screamed in ecstasy as everything exploded from the inside out.

“You’re so fucking wet. How long’s it been for you?”

My eyes rolled back into my head and I squeezed his hand. “You have no idea.”

He pulled his fingers out and put them in his mouth, moaning with his eyes closed. When he opened them, all I could see was raw primal need. Reaching over, he opened one of his dresser drawers and pulled out a condom, keeping his eyes on mine as he put it on. Clasping his face in my hands, I leaned up and kissed him as he positioned himself between my legs. He pushed in just a bit, and I stiffened with the pleasure and pain. It had been so long.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern etched across his face.

I nodded and held him tighter. “It’s just been a while, that’s all. I promise I’m fine.”

Closing his lips over mine, he kissed me gently as he slid the rest of the way in. I wrapped my legs around his waist, squeezing as tight as I could to keep him there. I wanted to feel all of him, as deep as he could go. He slowly started to move against me; our bodies slid against each other. I couldn’t think of anything else but the two of us, our bodies connected as one. You would never believe Derek was this big bad-ass football player by how tender he was with me. He was letting me see a whole other side to him.

Picking up his pace, he grunted with his thrusts. My orgasm kept building, and the more he pushed against me, the closer I was brought to the edge. “Derek,” I screamed, digging my nails into his back. Holding me tight, he finished inside me, his cock pulsating with his release. He collapsed on top of me, his breaths coming out in huffs. I had never felt so happy in my life.

Holy fuck, what just happened?
A moment of weakness had royally fucked me over. How could I have done that to Hayden? Once she found out what I was really like, she’d leave me in a heartbeat. The sun shone in through my window, beaming across her chocolate-colored hair. In the light, there were wisps of red that I hadn’t seen before. She looked like an angel. After I’d made love to her, she’d passed out and hadn’t woken since. I’d spent the rest of the night watching her sleep, knowing that I’d made one of the worst mistakes of my life. I shouldn’t have let her in, but it was too late. I couldn’t lose her like I had Brianna; I didn’t want to take that chance, not when my feelings ran as deep as they did. What was worse was that I felt more of a connection to Hayden than I ever did to Brianna.

Guilt plagued me and I felt sick. Getting out of bed, I paced the room, running my hands angrily through my hair. I didn’t want to hurt Hayden. Keeping her away would protect her from my life. She was bound to leave me anyway. I’d fuck up somehow and it would ruin her. What the hell was I talking about? I’d already fucked her up.

“Derek?” Her voice was like honey, silky and sweet. I’d imagined what it would be like to hear that voice screaming my name as I fucked her over and over. Last night had been the best night of my life, but it had scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t shake it. “Derek, are you okay?” she asked. Stopping midstep, I turned to face her, and her eyes widenened when she got a glimpse of my face. I could only imagine what she saw. So many emotions battled inside me. She held the blanket to her chest, and her lips trembled. “Please tell me this wasn’t just a game to you,” she whispered.

Swallowing hard, I sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for her. She recoiled from my touch. “None of this was a game, Hayden. Last night was fucking amazing.”

Her eyes glistened, but her jaw was firm. “Then why are you looking at me like that? Like you regret what we did.”

I wanted to touch her, but last night had been my only chance. She’d never let me close to her again. “I don’t regret it, but eventually
you
will. You’re not the only one who’s lost someone they cared about. I can’t go through it again. It’s best to stop this before it goes any further.”

“Any further?” she scoffed. She waved her arm around the room, her anger so thick I could cut it with a knife. “If you didn’t want it to go any further, then why did you bring me here? Why would you do that to me?”

“Because I care about you,” I said, knowing it made no sense to her.

“Then why are you pushing me away?” she cried.

Standing, I got up and walked over to the window. “You wouldn’t understand.”

She rushed out of bed and threw on her clothes. Jaw clenched, I didn’t know what to expect, but I surely wasn’t expecting what came out of her mouth.

“Are you doing this because of the accident?”

I jerked around and met her gaze. “What do you know about that?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Michael told me you lost your girlfriend in a car accident. Do you feel guilty for being with me?”

“I don’t know what I feel. All I know is that I’m not good enough for you. I realized that after last night. You deserve so much better than me.”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that,” she growled, keeping her head high.

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t risk getting attached to you and then losing you. It’s best we cut ties before it goes too far.”

She sucked in a breath and her face turned red with rage. “You should’ve thought about that sooner.” Turning on her heel, she stalked out of my room, and it took all I had not to chase after her. Once the door slammed shut, I thought it’d make things easier. Unfortunately, it only made them worse. I missed her already, and there was no way in hell she’d ever forgive me.

The world closed in around me and I could barely breathe. I’d never thought my heart could be broken twice, but it was split wide open. How could Derek do that to me after last night? It had come out of nowhere. I felt the connection, and I knew he did, too. Tears spilled down my cheeks, and I could hardly see the road. All I wanted was to crawl into a hole and disappear. The embarrassment and the heartache would haunt me. How was I going to face everyone and tell them what a fool I’d been? Jeremiah had warned me to stay away. Maybe I should’ve listened to him.

I could smell Derek all around me and feel him on my skin; it only made things worse. Once I pulled into my driveway, I raced inside and took a long, hot shower, scrubbing my body until every inch was sore and red. My eyes burned, but I couldn’t seem to get the tears to stop. Turning on my laptop, I did the one thing that I’d been avoiding ever since I met Derek McLaughlin: I searched him on the Internet and added the words “car accident.”

Articles popped up everywhere, and I felt sick to my stomach as I read them. Derek had almost died in the accident; Evan was the one who had saved him. Brianna, his girlfriend, had been a Carolina Cougars cheerleader, beautiful with a lovely smile. What made me even sicker was reading that she was pregnant. I couldn’t imagine how Derek must have felt to know that he’d lost his girlfriend and his child. Another picture popped up of the crash scene and I clapped a hand over my mouth. “Oh my God,” I cried.

The place where the accident had occurred was the same place I’d found Bear. That was why Derek had looked pale when he came over to help. I didn’t understand then, but I did now. We were standing in the same place where the accident happened. It all started to make sense why he would push me away. But how could I get him to see that he wouldn’t lose me? Or maybe that was just an excuse instead of telling me the truth—that all he’d wanted was to fuck me.

I was about to turn off the computer, but curiosity wouldn’t let me. Derek once said not to look him up, but I had to see what he meant. I had to know what he was hiding. Blowing out a shaky breath, I went straight to images, growing sicker with each one. There were several of Derek and Brianna, looking happy as they posed for the camera, but there were hundreds of others with a different woman in each. He looked wasted in most, definitely not the same person he’d led me to believe he was. What really disgusted me was the number of women he’d been involved with. I should’ve known a guy like him couldn’t stay with just one woman. The pictures dated from years ago to even a couple months prior. His endless parade of women had been going on ever since he’d moved here to join the Cougars. I was just a piece of ass to him.

Slamming my laptop shut, I swallowed the bile and grabbed my phone. Michael’s voice was all I wanted to hear.

“Hey, baby girl, what’s up?” he answered. My throat closed up and I squeezed my eyes shut. “You there, Hayden?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, choking on the words.

“Shit, what’s wrong? You sound horrible.”

I angrily wiped the tears from my eyes. “Can you come over? I really need you right now.”

“I’ll be right there.” He hung up and I lay on the couch, hoping like hell the pain in my chest would go away. How could I have been so stupid?

O
NE WEEK LATER

I hadn’t heard from or seen Derek in a week. What really made things awkward was going back to work and pretending everything was okay. I didn’t want everyone knowing what happened, so I played Derek’s absence off as him being too busy with practice. I thought with time, the pain in my chest would lessen, but it had only gotten worse.

“Hayden?”

I turned around and saw Jeremiah approaching me with a concerned smile. “Are you okay? You don’t seem like your normal self.”

Plastering a fake smile on my face, I waved him off. “Of course I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I can see it on your face. Did something happen between you and McLaughlin?”

My back stiffened. “Nope, not at all. He’s busy with practice, and I’m busy here.”

“So there’s nothing going on between you two?”

I shook my head. “Not a thing.”

The relief was evident on his face. “That’s good to hear. Do you want to go out to lunch today?”

Since it was Michael’s day off, I didn’t have any plans, so I nodded; I could use the company. “Sure. I just want to check on my puppies first. I’m taking Patch home today.” I couldn’t wait to get my snuggle buddy home. I’d spent the whole week buying things for him, and now I was ready.

“Sounds good. I’ll be in my office whenever you’re ready.” He smiled and disappeared behind his door. Jeremiah was a good-looking and safe alternative to Derek, but I couldn’t bring myself to think like that about him. Even if I did want to date him, Wilford probably wouldn’t approve of his doctors seeing each other.

After I checked on Patch, I was ready to go. Kellie had adopted out one of his sisters, and there was someone else coming in to look at the others. I was happy they were going to be sent to good homes. Before fetching Jeremiah, I stopped in the break room to drink some water.

“Oh, good, you’re still here,” Wilford announced, coming into the room.

I put my water in the refrigerator and faced him. “Good afternoon, Wilford. I haven’t seen you all morning.”

He chuckled. “That’s because I’ve been busy with my lawyer.”

“Lawyer? What’s going on?”

His smile grew. “There’s something I’ve decided to do, and I think I’m ready. It all depends on you.”

“On me? I don’t understand.”

“I want to give my practice away, Hayden. I’m not getting any younger, and I want to make sure this place goes to someone who’ll take care of it.”

My heart thundered relentlessly. Was he offering it to me? “What exactly are you saying?” I asked.

He chuckled. “I want to give it to
you.
At the end of the year, I’m going to hand everything over. Consider it a gift.”

Eyes burning, I slapped a hand over my mouth in shock. I had to be dreaming. “You can’t be serious.”

“As a heart attack. Just tell me thank you and give me a hug. I know you have a lunch date.”

“Thank you,” I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He patted my back and laughed. “You’re welcome. Now go eat something. I can hear your stomach growling.”

I stepped back and wiped my eyes. “It doesn’t bother you that Jeremiah and I go out to lunch together?”

“Of course not,” he chided. “I like seeing you two together. You have so much in common.” We did, a lot more in common than Derek and I had, but that was one of the things that made my time with Derek exciting: We were different. The pain in my chest returned with a vengeance.

“Thank you, Wilford. You have no idea how much this means to me. I won’t let you down.”

He tapped my chin. “I know you won’t. That’s why I chose you.”

“What about Jeremiah? He’s been here longer than me. Will he not be angry that you chose me over him?”

He shook his head. “I’ve already talked to him about it. He agreed that you’d be the perfect candidate.”

“He did?”

Moving closer, he lowered his voice. “I think he fancies you, dear.”

Just then, Jeremiah appeared at the door, his lips pulled back in a small yet seductive grin. “Ready to go?” Taking a deep breath, I nodded and joined him, wishing like hell things were different.