Defending Hearts (19 page)

It was time to come up with a resolution. Alex might be an artist, but behind the photographer’s eye was a very practical brain, so while his heart and soul might want to run back to Stewart Mills and ask Gretchen to marry him, his mind was riding the emergency brake pretty hard.

As he’d told the guys during Eagles Fest, with his lifestyle, it was easier to not have a wife than to keep one happy.

Alex rotated his wrist, swirling the amber liquid in the bottom of the glass. Gretchen wasn’t like Laura. Gretchen was strong and independent, and she wouldn’t come undone if the man in her life had to travel for an assignment. She’d do what needed to be done and leave a light on for him.

But to make that work, he’d have to compromise and not take advantage of that. In exchange for her being able
to handle him leaving, he’d have to cut back on the actual leaving, and that would impact his career.

How much was he willing to sacrifice? He was too good and had been too driven for too long to settle for advising the Eagles yearbook committee and taking freelance photos for the local weekly.

But nothing said that was
all
he could do. He’d enjoyed digging into the history of Stewart Mills. The northern part of New Hampshire was rich with stories to tell through the camera lens. And when a major assignment offered itself, he’d talk to Gretchen and decide together if he should take it or not.

No more war zones. No more revolutions in small, violence-wracked countries. He’d suffered his share of injuries over the years, and he’d have to pass on those. Maybe he’d be nominated for fewer awards and make a little less money.

But he wanted a family. And when he had Gretchen and their beautiful children—of course they’d be beautiful because they’d look like their mother—and maybe another dog to keep Cocoa company, he was going to make damn sure he came home to them in one piece.

Suddenly his mind was filled with images of walking through the pumpkin field, hand in hand with Gretchen. Ahead of them, running and laughing, were a couple of kids with their dogs.

Alex pushed back the plate that still had a few bites of cheesecake on it and downed the rest of the Scotch in one gulp before pulling out his wallet to pay. He didn’t have to change his flight, since he’d been flying into Boston anyway, but he had to cancel and reschedule some things.

Everything else could wait. Right now, it was time to go throw open some shutters.

—

G
retchen was setting a log on the chopping block when Cocoa lifted her head. She’d been napping in the shade, but now she stood, her body practically quivering as she looked toward the driveway. Then she barked and took off running.

She heard it herself, then. A vehicle was coming up the driveway that sounded an awful lot like Alex’s Jeep. Unable to make her feet move, she stood there and waited. If it was a stranger, Gram would already have gone to the front door to see what Cocoa was carrying on about. If it was Alex . . . But he wasn’t coming back.

Cocoa’s bark changed to an excited yip and Gretchen could see the dog in her mind, spinning in joyful circles as somebody she loved and missed came home to her. Cocoa wouldn’t hold his absence against him. She would just pick up loving the man where they’d left off.

Gretchen felt frozen as she waited. Her hands were cold, despite the heavy gloves, and she felt the goose bumps that made no sense in the warm sun. Breathing seemed to require a conscious effort on her part.
Breathe in. Now breathe out.

When Alex finally walked around the corner of the house, the dog almost tangling in his feet in her desire to be near him, Gretchen just waited. The cold seemed to have spread to her face, because it felt like stone.

When he was close enough, she spoke first, as if she could build a wall of words that would keep her heart out
of it this time. “We didn’t think you were coming back. But since you left, we made the decision not to rent that room out anymore.”

He blew out a breath and ran his hand over his hair. “God, you make it so hard. You’re not going to give me anything, are you?”

“I’m not sure what it is you want.” She was surprised her voice sounded so emotionless, because it felt as though every emotion in the human spectrum was a swirling hurricane on the inside.

“Maybe you could put down the big ax and we could talk.”

She leaned the splitting maul against the chopping block and then slowly pulled the gloves off. After tossing them onto the block, she rubbed her hands together for a few seconds before shoving them in the pockets of her jeans.

Then she looked at him, wanting to say something unemotional or at least casual. Instead, she felt the sting of tears, and her bottom lip quivered. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Why didn’t you want me to come back?”

She looked at him for what felt like forever, waiting for the walls to come up. His clothes were rumpled, as was his hair. Judging by the scruff, he hadn’t shaved in a while, and exhaustion showed around his eyes. But he’d still come here. No matter what his other travel arrangements, the only way to get from the airport to Stewart Mills without a private helicopter was a lot of driving.

Coming here wasn’t something he’d done lightly, so blowing him off to protect her own feelings wasn’t something she could do.

“I wanted you to come back,” she said quietly. “But it hurt
so much that you were leaving and I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have you leave over and over again.”

“But if this was my home, I’d also come back over and over again.”

“For how long? Look at you. You’re exhausted from driving up here. How many times would you do that before you were sick of it and decided it was easier to be back in Providence?” She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “Then the arguments would start. And you’d start pushing for me to move to Rhode Island and—”

“No.” He shook his head. “You would hate Providence.”

It touched her that he knew that. Unequivocally and without her needing to explain it, he knew she would be miserable in a city. “I would. And you would hate it here and . . . it just seemed easier to do it now.”

“It’s not. Easier, I mean. So I came back even though you told me not to. And I came back even though it’s a pain-in-the-ass drive from the airport. I know this is where you belong and that, even if you didn’t love this farm, you’d never leave Ida and Cocoa.”

The dog was overjoyed to hear her name in Alex’s voice, so she turned a happy circle and then leaned against his leg until he reached down to stroke her head.

“This is all a part of who you are,” he continued. “And I love who you are. I love
you
. But I’m not going to spend the rest of my life trying to guess how you feel about me.”

Her stomach tightened, and she felt the tears rising again.
I love you, but . . .
“I don’t know what that means, Alex. You said I don’t give you anything, and I don’t know how to take that.”

“I want you to tell me how you feel about me.” He said it plainly, without drama, and then simply waited.

Gretchen’s wall crumbled and she couldn’t rebuild it faster than the bricks tumbled down. She felt her lip quivering and the tears dripping from her chin, and she threw up her hands. There were no defenses anymore. Not against Alex. “I love you. I love you and for the rest of my life, I want
you
to be my home.”

He crossed the space between them in the blink of an eye and then she was in his arms. Her shoulders shook as the tears really broke loose, but he held her close while she cried into his shirt.

Cocoa bumped against her leg, making whining sounds because she didn’t understand what was going on. Gretchen knew when one of Alex’s arms dropped away from her, it was to comfort the dog, and that made her love him even more.

“Don’t ever hide your feelings from me,” he said against her hair. “I don’t care if you’re angry or sad or happy or scared. I can take it all.”

“What about your job?” she asked, pulling back and mopping at her face with both hands.

“I’ll still do my job. I’ll just be more picky about which assignments I take. No overtly dangerous ones, because I hope to have a wife and kids waiting for me at home.” He smiled and it felt as though her heart literally fluttered in her chest. “And a grandmother-in-law and Cocoa. And maybe another dog, too, because then Cocoa would have somebody to high-five all day.”

Cocoa panted and offered up her paw. Gretchen, still sniffling, smiled when Alex slapped it. Then he turned
back to her. “We’ll talk about assignments and decide together if they’re worth taking, factoring in the travel and what might be going on here. And every single time I go on a job, I will come back to you. Because I love you, Gretchen Walker, and you’re my home, too.”

She threw her arms around his neck, and he lifted her off her feet. “I love you so much, Alex Murphy. And I believe in us.”

“So you’ll marry me, then?”

She didn’t hesitate or try to buy time to think. She laughed and then kissed all over his face. “Yes. Yes, I want to marry you.”

He kissed her until she could barely breathe and then set her back on her feet. “I guess we should go tell Ida she’ll be cooking for three from now on.”

“I can see her over your shoulder and I think she already knows, since she has her face plastered against the window and she might be crying.”

When Alex looked over his shoulder and then made a
come on
gesture, Gretchen laughed. Gram was out the door and across the yard faster than Gretchen had ever seen her move before, and they shared a tearful hug. Alex got dragged into it when he told Gram they were getting married, and they both kissed his face.

“Since you’re going to be Gretchen’s husband,” Gram said, “you should probably know that I don’t mind if you kiss her once in a while. Even in front of me.”

Alex laughed and did just that, and Gretchen didn’t pull away. She would be kissing this man for the rest of her life, and the big farmhouse was going to be filled with love. Not just the quiet, steady kind of love her grandfather had
shown her, but the open and loud and sometimes messy love she wanted her children to feel.

Cocoa nuzzled her hand, looking for attention, and Gretchen crouched down to ruffle her neck. “He came back to us, Cocoa.”

The dog licked her face and then offered her paw. Gretchen gave her a high five and then stood. With her fingers intertwined with Alex’s, they walked back toward the house with Gram and Cocoa beside
them.

Please turn the page for a sneak peek at

Homecoming

The next book in the Boys of Fall series by Shannon Stacey

Available soon from Jove
Books

S
itting in a hospital waiting room with a pack of scared and sweaty teenage boys while wearing a little black dress and high heels wasn’t Jen Cooper’s idea of a fun Friday night.

Nothing could have dragged her out of there, though. Not even the promise of flip-flops and her favorite yoga pants. The police officer leaning against the wall and staring at the ceiling was her best friend, Kelly McDonnell. It had been Kelly who was the first to arrive when the 911 call came in from football practice. Kelly’s dad—Coach McDonnell—had collapsed on the high school’s field and they were afraid he was having a heart attack.

When Kelly called her from the emergency room, Jen had been in her car, on her way to a second date with the first guy in a long time who actually had potential to make
her forget the man who didn’t, but she hadn’t even hesitated before canceling. Kelly needed her.

“Miss Cooper, do you think it’ll be much longer?”

Jen looked at the young man who’d asked the question in such a low voice, it was almost a whisper. PJ, the team’s cornerback, bore the same solemn expression as the rest of the football players in the room. Coach was more than the guy who taught them to play football. He was a mentor and a role model and, when need be, a father figure.

“I don’t know, PJ. If it’s too much longer, we’ll start working on how to get you all home.”

“We’re not leaving,” Hunter Cass said. The running back gave her a look that practically dared her to try asserting authority over them.

As the school’s guidance counselor, her authority didn’t technically extend to hospital waiting rooms. This was her hometown, though, and as far as Jen was concerned, her sense of responsibility for these kids didn’t end when the dismissal bell rang, and it never had.

“Nobody’s making you leave right now,” she said. “But if we don’t hear something soon, you guys will need food and rest. And your parents will want you home before it’s too late.”

She could tell he wanted to argue with her but, after a glance at Kelly, Hunter shut his mouth and leaned his back against the wall again. Jen almost wished he had pushed back because she wouldn’t feel so damn helpless. Keeping teenagers in line and on track was her job, and she was good at it. But she had no idea what to do for Kelly or her mom.

Coach McDonnell’s wife, Helen, sat quietly on the couch opposite Jen’s. She was leaning forward, with her
elbows resting on her knees, and was staring at her clasped hands. She hadn’t really said anything after thanking the boys for being there, and Jen’s heart was breaking for her.

It was at least another fifteen minutes before a nurse walked into the waiting room. “Officer McDonnell? Helen? You can come with me.”

Jen tried to read the nurse’s facial expression before the three women stepped out. She couldn’t remember the woman’s name off the top of her head, but they’d met a few times. The hospital wasn’t very big, but it served a large area—including Jen’s hometown of Stewart Mills, New Hampshire—so it was inevitable they’d crossed paths. And based on those few interactions, Jen could see the nurse had been relaxed and didn’t appear to be dreading talking to Coach’s wife and daughter.

The boys, though, managed to ratchet the tension up to an almost palpable level. Jen hoped she was right in her assessment of the situation, because if the news wasn’t good, she had no idea what she was going to do with an entire football team of emotionally devastated boys. Especially after the roller coaster this year had been. The low of the budget cuts that canceled the football program, which had kept many of the boys on track in the economically depressed town. The success of Eagles Fest, the community-wide effort to raise the money to keep the boys on the field. Losing Coach now would be a low they wouldn’t recover from for a long time.

When the door opened and Kelly walked in, Jen knew she wasn’t the only one holding her breath. Her friend had been crying, but whether they were tears of sorrow or relief, she couldn’t tell.

“He’s going to be okay.” Kelly paused for a moment to let the boys react to the good news. “He had a heart attack, but he’s awake now and hooked up to a bunch of monitors.”

“Can we see him?” one of the boys asked.

“Not for a while. They’ve moved him to ICU, which is family only. We don’t know yet how long he’ll be in there or if they’ll put him in a regular room. Cody, you’re a captain, so you’re going to be my liaison. You and I can keep in touch, and you can keep the rest of the team up to date. I don’t need all of you calling my mother or my dad’s cell, okay? Or me.”

Cody Dodge, tight end for the Eagles, nodded, as did the rest of the boys. Jen smiled and stood up, stretching her back. “I’ll make sure everybody has a way home.”

Kelly nodded. “You mind sticking around after? I’m going to go see Dad, but then I’ll need to get the cruiser back and change, and I don’t want my mom here alone.”

“Tell her I’ll be right here if she needs anything.”

It took almost half an hour to empty the waiting room of football players, and then Jen pulled out her phone and relaxed against the couch. She checked her email and caught up on Facebook, managing to kill the time until Kelly walked in and plopped down next to her.

Jen dropped her phone in her lap and reached over to squeeze her best friend’s hand. “How is he?”

“Pale. Weak.” Kelly exhaled a long, shuddering sigh. “Frail. He looks frail.”

“His body might be having a frail moment, but he’s strong. He’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.” Kelly turned sideways on the cushion to face her.
“He wants Sam to come back to Stewart Mills and coach the boys.”

“What? No. No, he can’t. Nope.” Jen shook her head, just in case Kelly wasn’t clear that this ridiculous idea was getting a big old
oh, hell no
from her. Sam Leavitt was supposed to go home to Texas and never come back.

“It’s his only request and it’s pretty important to him.”

Kelly couldn’t possibly be considering this, Jen thought as her mind spun. “You don’t call a guy who lives in Texas and ask him to run up to New Hampshire to temporarily coach high school football for a few weeks. There are assistant coaches.”

“Did you see any assistant coaches here tonight?” Kelly waved a hand around the waiting room. “Dad was running practice alone tonight. Charlie quit because he got offered a better job down south. Dan’s wife is having a baby any minute and, since it’s their first, he’s running home every ten minutes.”

“Joel?”

“Joel’s the gym teacher, so he works them out and puts them through their paces, but he’s not a football coach.”

Jen couldn’t believe this was happening. “Decker played for the Eagles. He could coach. I know Chase has to work in New Jersey, but what about Alex? Now that he’s moved in with Gretchen, he’s in Stewart Mills enough.”

There had to be another option. Kelly’s fiancé, Chase Sanders, and Alex Murphy, who’d fallen for their friend Gretchen, had both come back to town after fourteen years away to support Eagles Fest. Their team had been the first in Stewart Mills to win the championship, and the highlight
of the fund-raiser had been the exhibition game between the current team and the alumni team. There were other options. Almost
any
option was better.

“He wants Sam,” Kelly said quietly. “You know how he is. There’s more to it than what he’s saying, but I think he believes Sam still has unfinished business here and it’s important to him that Sam come home and coach.”

Unfinished business. That was seriously bad news. The three men—Chase, Alex and Sam—had returned to town, along with a couple of the other guys. Chase had fallen in love with Kelly. Alex had fallen in love with Gretchen.

And Sam had set the bar for sweaty, toe-curling sex with Jen on the hood of her car.

As far as she was concerned, that business needed to stay finished. He wasn’t the kind of guy for falling in love.

—

S
am Leavitt looked at the cell phone vibrating its way across the glass-topped patio table and sighed. He was pretty comfortable, with his ass in his favorite camp chair and his feet up on a cooler of cola on ice.

The name on the caller ID screen caught his attention though, and he reached for it. He’d exchanged a few text messages with Kelly McDonnell since Eagles Fest had ended and he returned to Texas, but she hadn’t called.

He hit the button to answer the call. “Hey, Kelly.”

“Hi, Sam. Are you busy right now?”

He looked over the exceptionally flat horizon, watching the hot breeze play with the sand. It was cooler in the shade of his trailer, under the awning, but the only thing he’d done
for the last hour was stay out of the sun after a long day of working in it. “Nope. What’s up?”

“Let me open with the fact he’s going to be fine.”

Coach.
Despite the reassurance meant by her words, fear sucker-punched him in the gut. “What happened?”

“My dad had a heart attack last night. But he’s okay. I promise.”

Sam dropped his feet off the cooler so he could lean forward and rest his elbows on his knees. “Was it bad?”

“They’ve seen worse, but he’s going to be benched for a while.”

At least he’d be okay. Coach was strong and nothing could keep him down for long. “I’m glad you called to let me know. Even if, the last time you called, it was to sucker me into going back there to play football against a bunch of high school kids.”

“Yeah . . . about that.” Kelly hesitated and Sam braced himself for more bad news. “Dad wants you to come back to Stewart Mills again—to step in for him and coach the team.”

He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but that wasn’t it. “I don’t get it. There are other coaches. Other guys.”

“He wants you.”

Sam rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Why?”

There was a long moment of silence, and then she sighed. “To be perfectly honest, Sam, I don’t know. What I do know is that it’s important to him. And you know how he is. He probably thinks you needed a little more time in Stewart Mills. But whatever his reasons, they’re personal.”

There was a time—essentially the last decade and a half—when thinking of his hometown had brought up painful
memories of a shitty childhood, an alcoholic mother who couldn’t protect him from it, and what was an adolescence headed toward self-destruction until Coach McDonnell got hold of him. Coach had taught him to be a part of a team—a brotherhood, even—and how to be a man.

Since the trip back for Eagles Fest, though, thinking of his hometown evoked the sweet memory of Jen Cooper’s legs wrapped around his waist, her back arching off the hood of her car as her fingernails dug into his forearms. His mind had been evoking
that
particular memory a lot lately.

“Sam?”

Kelly’s voice dragged him back to the present, which hadn’t included a woman’s company since he left New Hampshire. “I’m still here.”

“What are the chances of you being
here
?”

He thought about what he had here in Texas. A decent job as an oil field electrician. A good truck. A mobile home that suited his needs well enough and didn’t demand much upkeep. And he had some friends he’d hit the local bar with once in a while, even though he stuck to soda.

Then he weighed that against what Stewart Mills held for him. There was the only man who’d ever given a shit about him and who needed his help. And a mother struggling to stay sober, who wanted to make amends Sam wasn’t ready for yet. And there were the good friends he’d gone too long without, but he hadn’t known just how long until he saw them again.

And there was the woman who’d shifted the earth under his feet with just a touch.

“I know it’s a lot,” Kelly said. “The season can go into
November if they make the play-offs, and the doctor hasn’t given us a time frame for Coach’s recovery yet.”

“They’ll make the play-offs,” he said. He’d seen them play and they were damn good.

She laughed softly on the other end of the line. “Maybe that’s why he wants you.”

Maybe. But Sam suspected the old man simply wasn’t done with him yet and had seen an opportunity to bring him home. “I’ll be there. I have to wrap up a couple of things, and I’m going to drive this time instead of flying out. It’ll probably be a week.”

“Thank you, Sam. It’ll mean everything to my dad.”

“He means everything to me,” Sam responded, and he was surprised to find himself a little choked up. “He’s really okay?”

“He really is. Weak, like I said, but the damage wasn’t too bad. He won’t be sneaking any more hash omelets at O’Rourke’s, though, if my mom has anything to say about it.”

“I think Mrs. McDonnell will have a
lot
to say about it.”

When the call was over, Sam propped his feet up on the cooler and leaned his head back against the chair.

He’d been in Texas a long time—longer than any of the many other places he’d lived in over the years—but he had to admit it had never really felt like home. He’d stuck it out in New Hampshire until he got the high school diploma that meant so much to Coach and Mrs. McDonnell, and then he’d hit the road with no destination in mind but anywhere else. He’d worked a lot of odd jobs, landing in Texas, before going back to school so he could make more money.

But in fourteen years, he’d never really settled down. He’d never bought a house, instead making do with short-term
rentals. He hadn’t found a woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with or started a family. He didn’t even have a dog. Maybe, deep down inside, he’d always known he’d go back to New Hampshire someday.

When he talked to his employer, an extended leave somehow became quitting his job. And filling a couple of duffel bags turned into packing his belongings into boxes, which he then tied into big garbage bags because his truck didn’t have a cap on it.

Nine days later, Sam drove into Stewart Mills and paused at the main intersection. He let his truck idle at the stop sign a little longer than was necessary to avoid getting a ticket, since there was a crop of new signs and it was easy to forget them. Then he started toward Coach’s house because, dammit, he needed a hug from the man.

When he left after high school, he never thought he’d ever return to this town. But now he was back in his hometown for the second time this year, and this time he had everything he owned in the
truck.