Defiance (Rise of the Iliri Book 3) (11 page)

"I don't know what I'd say to them, Jase."

He pulled her to him, his arms comforting.  "Tell them ya love them, kitten.  All of them.  They need ta hear it, an' I think ya need ta say it."

"Yeah."  She took one more deep breath.  "And so you know, I love you, too."

He chuckled softly.  "I know, Sal.  I do."

Chapter 12

Jase was right, she needed to talk to her pack before she tried to kill herself in the morning.  Reaching out with her mind for Roo, she asked for a link to the Blades.  Her friend readily agreed, and Sal waited impatiently for a voice in her head.

Sal?
Arctic asked finally. 
Isn't it late there?

Yeah, but the coronation's tomorrow.

Oh fuck, ok, hang on, demon. 
She felt his mind drift as he called out to the others. 
You want a full link, or do you want us to take turns?

Turns, I think.  And you're first, Arctic
.

You know you'll do fine, right? 
He understood immediately what she was thinking.

I hope so, but if I'm not, I just wanted to hear you again.  I miss you guys, ya know?  I'm tired of being cold, and I'm more than ready to be back.

I hear ya, kid.  It hasn't been the same without you.  Zep and Razor got into it the other day, Zep's arrogance getting the best of him.  You know how he is.

She smiled. 
Yeah, I do.  Take care of them for me, Arctic?  Even Blaec.  I know he tries to be brave and stoic, but we both know better.

I will.  I promise.  I also won't let you wallow in misery.  We both know you're too damned good for that.  But I know you have things to say... 
She felt his tone and knew he was about to pull away.

Arctic, before you pass me off?

Yeah?

I just...
she didn't know how to explain how she felt. 
You know I've always thought you were so beautiful, but you have to stop being so serious all the time.  You're not Blaec, and you don't want to be.  Don't go down the same path?  Don't try to force yourself to be something you aren't.  Take some time for yourself, ok? 

She could feel him blushing across the link,
Thank you, Sal.  Damn, you just embarrassed me but thank you.  If you make it home, I promise to tell you a secret, K?

Ok, fair 'nough,
she said, her mind curious.

Zep's going to kill me if I don't pass you over.  Blaec said he'll go last.

Thanks, Captain. 
And she felt her mind tossed to the next man.

Sal!
Zep's voice rang in her mind.

Hey, tough guy.  I have bad news for you.

What'd ya do to poor Cyno this time, babe?

Nah, not that.  I've just found something more iliri than I am.  I think you're going to have to adjust your standards for women.

She felt him laugh. 
I've actually had the same girl in my bed for months now, Sal.  You'd be proud of me.

Iliri?

About as much as Cyno.  You remember Ryali from Tensa's, right?  Her.  I like this one,
he said, then his thoughts shifted. 
Blaec's been handling this well, too.

Good.  I'd worried a bit.

Yeah, at first, we were all a bit nervous about mentioning the two of your names too close together, ya know.  But he's good with it.  He's thrown himself into tactics, and he's been slightly obsessed with what's going on up in Anglia, but he's good. 

Thanks for the head's up, Zep
.

Yeah, and we heard about your new friends.  Tilso's making plans for housing them, but it looks like we might be moving the home base up to Prin.  There's a stable outside there that's perfect for what we need, but the move won't be as easy as we'd like.  We've got a whole crop of foals coming, most by LT's stallion, but the major doesn't want to leave Tilso behind.  We're probably each going to get a backup mount.  Oh?  And did you get the presents yet?

I did!
Ayati, Zep, the blades are perfect.  I may keep that knife in its sheath a bit more, now.  Did you hear they're the swords I'm going to present to the King?

Nope, but that's perfect, kid.  How's Cyno holding up?

He's pretty good.  Why?

Zep seemed amused as he responded,
Because he's been alone with you for months.  He's either gone feral, or he's been tamed.

Neither!
Sal said adamantly.

You seem to have one hell of an effect on the men around here.  You sure about that?

We're good, Zep.  We're more than good.

Good, I'm glad to hear it.  Take care of him, Sal.  I don't know if he'll say it or not, but he'd be lost without you.  And don't let him do any stupid shit.

Not more than usual,
she promised. 
And you'd better be working on your Iliran, because I can hold entire conversations in it now.

He just laughed at that. 
I'm getting better.  I promise – but I have to share ya.  Happy New Year's, Sal.  It's a day early, but I wanted to be sure to tell ya.

Thanks, big brother,
she thought, giving her closest friend a mental hug before she felt herself shifted again.

She joked with Shift and commiserated with Razor.  She listened to Risk talk about the problems with a long term relationship and sympathized over his recent fight with Tilso.  She told each of them that she missed them and let them know how important they were to her.  None of them tried to tell her she'd be fine, they couldn't lie to her like that.  They all knew that one day would be their last and understood the gravity of Sal's mission.

Eventually, there was only her commander left.  When she felt her mind moved to his, her stomach clenched, and she wondered what she'd say.  His mind rushed into the link stronger and clearer than the others.  She could feel his emotions clearly.

You're doing this tomorrow?
he asked by way of greeting.

Yeah.  I've been training for it for a month, and I think I'm ready, but this won't be easy.

You know I wouldn't have sent you if I didn't think you'd come home, right?

I do.  It's just nice to be able to hear you all again.  I kept thinking about what I might not get to say to each of you.

I know, love.  And I do love you.  I miss you.  How are things going with you and Cyno?

She laughed.  His lack of jealousy always struck her as strange, more so since she'd been with Jase for so long now. 
He's good.  We didn't go feral, but we did have a few nice massacres.  You heard about my new friends, right?

Yeah, and you owe me a shirt.  I poured whiskey all over mine when Arctic told me your threat.

And?
she pressed.

If you say they're in, then they're in.  You should know that I can't go against you in something like that.  I mean, I'm not sure how we'll handle all the details, but as far as I'm concerned, they're just Blades I haven't met yet.

They're useful too, Blaec.  Damn, and they can fight.  But, there's something else.

What?

Tell Tilso to plan for a pair of pups.  Aroora's pregnant.  They'll be ready to fight beside us in two years.

Ok, that's one way to increase the ranks.  Speaking of that, the new guys are holding up pretty good.  Geo has a strange talent, and we don't quite understand it yet, but Audgan can back off nearly an entire platoon with just his ability. 

Mine are a linker and another shifter.  Roo's been teaching us more about the gifts too.  We've barely been scratching the surface of what some of these things can do, and her people have been perfecting the use of them for centuries.

Damn, ok.  Yeah, they're definitely in.  S
he could feel his excitement about the possibilities they brought. 
But enough business.  I want to know about you. 

I'm in love with him.  I finally realized it,
she admitted.

More like admitted it.  Did you tell him?

Yeah.

And?

He cried. 
She shrugged, unsure of how else to explain it. 
He laughs more now, too.  And the grauori?  He's closer to them in many ways than I am.  They've brought him out of his shell.

Sal, you have no idea how much he cares for you.  I know you can't cry, but we do it for the strangest things.  Love is a good example.  But you're not telling me something.  What is it?

She paused, unsure how to break it but knowing that there was no way to lie mind to mind. 
It's not fair to be alone with him and keep calling him my second mate.  I know you were first, but...

Sal, I've never demanded that position.  What do
you
want, sweetness?

I honestly don't know.  I love you, you know that
.

I never doubt it.

But… he's different,
she admitted.

Sweetness, he's your kind.  You will always be mine – I'll make sure of that – but if I'm your first man or your second, that doesn't matter to me.  You're my shoulder, and in some ways, you're my strength, but if you move into his rooms when you get back, all I ask is that you tell me, so I don't lay awake wondering.  Hell, I'll just make sure he gets rooms big enough for two on principle.  I'm not blind Sal.  I see how you two are together.  Hell, once Zep made me realize that it's my damned iliri side that caused all those problems, I...
he paused. 
You're going to kill me.

What did you do?

I made it known that you are mine, but that anyone in the Blades is welcome to try.  It's your choice after all who you show your affections to.  Even Arctic.

Oh, I see, so you just tried to give me away? 
She was amused, well aware that wasn't what he meant.

Oh fuck no.  I just gave them permission to try.  You know how my damned alpha pride works.  It's still your choice which ones you accept.  I can be stupid, but I'm not quite that stupid.

There was only one way to reply. 
I love you, Blaec.  I've missed you so much. 

I love you too, sweetness.

Would you do something for me, though?  This is a big favor.

Anything,
he assured her.

If I die tomorrow, tell Jase I was going to make him first?

Are you?

I don't know, love.  I really don't.  Maybe?  Probably?  But tell him regardless?  It'll matter to him.

Yeah, I know.  I promise, Sal.  I'll tell him, and I'll make sure he believes it.

Outside, bats were starting to chatter.  When a log slipped on the fire, she couldn't ignore how much time had passed.  She wanted to spend all night talking to him but knew that would be the death of her.

It's early, Blaec.  I have to sleep.

I know, and yet I don't want to let you.  Think fast tomorrow, little one, and move faster.  Come home to me.  Hell, come home to us.

I will Blaec.  And thank you for the bars, that means a lot to me.

You're the only one that could wear them.  Good night, Sal.  Don't keep me waiting to know how things go, at least have Roo send to Arctic.

I promise.  Good night, Major.  I do love you.

She let the link fade then thanked Roo, smiling as she curled up next to Jase.  He tried to feign sleep, but she knew better.

"I told him how things have changed between us, you know," she whispered.  "He said they're moving to a new stable, closer to the front line.  He'll be sure to assign you a room large enough for two."

Jase chuckled quietly in the darkness.  "Yeah, that's how he is."

"He also said that I'm still his.  You can be first, but I'm still his soldier above all else – and when he needs me, he gets me."

Jase was silent for a long time before he finally spoke.  "Sal?"

"Yeah, killer?"

"I finally understand him."  He pulled her close and held her until she found sleep with a smile on her lips.