Defy (28 page)

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a little, mocking salute. “Have a good night.” And he slammed the

door behind him.

We sat in silence for a long time. The tension that filled the

room made the air heavy enough that I could almost feel as if I

were back in the jungle. Damian sat on his cot with his head in his

hands, his fingers clenched in his hair. Rylan kept looking at me,

then at the f loor. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I didn’t care if Rylan was in the room.

“You
lied
to me.” I’d intended my voice to be harsh, angry.

But instead I sounded betrayed, hurt. The two things I didn’t

want him to realize he’d made me feel.

Damian jerked up to meet my accusing gaze, but the pain in

his eyes softened my anger slightly.
Very
slightly. I tried to remind myself of what Rylan said about him being an exceptional actor.

“Alex, you have to believe me when I tell you I didn’t want to

deceive you. But we decided long before you became involved that

as few people as possible could know the truth. We had to make it

believable.”

“Well, you did a great job, because you had me convinced,

too,” I bit out.

“That was the point.” Damian stood up and began to pace.

“You had to believe it so you would act like you’d been abducted.

We needed word to get back to my father and it had to be convinc-

ing. He’s already suspicious of me and my ties to Blevon.”

“What ties
do
you have to Blevon? And why did you think I

couldn’t act? What do you think I’ve been doing for the last three

years of my life?” I rose, too, hating the way he towered over me

when I was seated. I was halfway tempted to stand up on the cot

so I would be taller than him.

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“Eljin and I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. It gave you plau-

sible deniability, in case something went wrong. If you’d been

taken back to Antion knowing it was a setup, Iker could have tor-

tured the truth out of you.”

“You underestimate her,” Rylan cut in.

Damian spun to face Rylan in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“You told me to trust you,” I accused, pulling his attention

back to me. “How am I supposed to do that when you keep lying

to me? When you keep secrets from me? And you didn’t answer my

question. What ties do you have to Blevon?”

“I thought that was fairly common knowledge,” he said tersely.

“Excuse me for not answering right away. My mother was from

Blevon. She was King Osgand’s niece. My father thinks that I

might not be entirely loyal to Antion because I was so attached

to her.”

“Wasn’t she murdered by a sorcerer from Blevon?” Rylan asked.

“No. That is the rumor my father started to justify his declara-

tion of war, and to make our people hate sorcerers and all magic.”

“Then what happened to her?” I pressed, even though I could

tell he was upset.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Rylan jumped to his feet now, too. “Why won’t you just answer

her questions? Can’t you see how much you’re hurting her?”

“You think I
want
to hurt her? Do you think it makes me

happy to see the little bit of trust she had in me die today?”

Damian’s eyes f lashed as he turned on Rylan, his hands clenched

into fists.

“Then just tell her the truth. Hasn’t she done enough to prove

herself to you?”

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“Rylan —” I tried to break in.

“She doesn’t need to prove anything to me.” Damian’s voice

was harsh.

“Then why won’t you answer her? Do you care about her at

all? Or are you just using her in every way possible, until she’s

served her purpose and you can cast her aside?”

“Don’t forget who you are speaking to,
guard
,” Damian

warned Rylan, his voice cold with barely contained fury.

My heart jumped around in my chest like a frightened rabbit.

What did Rylan think he was doing?

“Are you threatening me? What are you going to do? Have me

hanged? Run me through with a sword? Go right ahead, Your

Royal Highness
.” Rylan sneered back, spreading his arms out wide, as if waiting for the prince to shove a sword through him then and

there. I was suddenly very glad we hadn’t been given any weapons.

“I’m standing right here,” I tried to cut in again, but it was as

if they couldn’t hear me.

“Of course I’m not going to have you killed. I’m the only rea-

son you’re still
alive
— I’m the one who convinced Eljin to bring you along.”

Rylan had the decency to look slightly ashamed.

“What do I have to do to prove to you that I care about her?

You want me to answer her questions?” Damian turned to face

me, his blue eyes fevered. “You want to know what happened to

my mother?”

I stared up at him with my heart in my throat, wondering if it

would have been better if they’d continued to leave me out of their

argument after all. Damian was a thundercloud, ready to burst

open at any moment.

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“I didn’t answer your question because I didn’t want to talk

about it, not because I don’t trust you or care about you.” He

glowered down at me. But behind the fierceness of the expression

on his face, I could sense a terrible agony. When his eyes finally

met mine, the torment I saw there took my breath away. I realized

I didn’t want him to answer the question — not like this.

But it was too late.

“You want to know what happened to her? My
father
mur-

dered her in front of my brother and me to teach us a lesson when

I was eight. He poisoned her tea for months to weaken her and

then he cut her down in cold blood five feet from me.
That’s
what happened to my mother.”

An awful silence fell on the room.

“Satisfied now?”

My throat constricted, and my stomach twisted in horror.

Rylan stood as if frozen, staring at the prince.

“Damian, I’m . . . I’m so —”

“Don’t say it,” he cut me off. “You wanted an answer, you got

one. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He strode over to the door and

pounded on it. “Eljin, you let me out of here right now unless you

want my knife in your gut.”

The lock slid back and the door swung open. Eljin seemed

about to make a joke, his eyes crinkled at the corners, but when he

saw the thunderous look on Damian’s face, his eyes grew serious.

“Of course. Come out. There’s no one out here right now.”

And with that, Damian left, slamming the door behind him.

227

 thirty-two 

D
amian didn’t come back the rest of the night, and Eljin

wouldn’t tell me where he’d gone when he brought us dinner.

“But I thought we all had to stay in here to keep up the guise?”

“No one will see him; they assume he
is
in here.”

“But where is he?” I pressed.

Eljin gave me a piercing look. “You’d better eat your food

before it gets cold. You’ll need your strength for tomorrow.”

And then he shut the door in my face.

“Alex, I’m really sorry. I only meant to defend you. I had

no idea —”

I held up my hand. “The damage is done. I don’t want to talk

about it.”

Rylan nodded miserably, and started to eat. All I wanted to do

was force the food down and go to sleep, so I could try and forget

this day had ever happened.

But sleep wouldn’t come. Long after I heard the rhythmic

breathing indicating Rylan had drifted off, I was still awake, star-

ing at the wall, with tears leaking out of my eyes.



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I woke up bleary-eyed and aching all over. I felt almost worse than

before I’d gone to sleep. But then I rolled over to see Damian lying

on his cot. Relief f looded through me. I don’t know what I’d been

afraid of, but seeing him there released a knot of tension I hadn’t

even realized was beneath my sternum until it was gone.

He’d shaved before coming back, and the smooth line of his

jaw held only a hint of a shadow now. I watched him sleep with a

deep ache in my chest. What kind of life had he had? I’d seen my

parents killed in front of me. We’d only been spared because we

were so young. But to have watched his own father kill his mother

in front of him? It was unfathomable.

I stood up silently and moved across the room toward him, the

stone f loor cold on my toes. I shivered in the brisk air of morning.

I still wasn’t used to waking up to a chill.

When I reached the cot Damian was stretched out on, I knelt

down. Glancing at Rylan to make sure he was still asleep first, I

lifted my hand to Damian’s hair and smoothed it back from his

face. It was thick and so soft, I wanted to keep running my fingers

through it.

He stirred in his sleep and then he startled awake. He reached

up in one quick movement and snatched my arm, his eyes wild.

When he saw it was me, his grip relaxed slightly, but his brow fur-

rowed as he looked up into my face, watching me. My hand was

still in his hair, his fingers encircling my wrist. The moment drew

out, filling the space between us with tension.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered at last.

Our gazes met and locked. I felt myself getting lost in his star-

tlingly blue eyes. In the early morning light, they reminded me of

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the sky on a clear day. Such a shocking contrast to his dark hair and lashes, his olive skin.

“I’m sorry, as well.” His voice was low, sending a tremor

through me. He let go of my arm to reach out and hesitantly stroke

the skin of my cheek. “Neither of us has had an easy life, have we?”

When I didn’t pull away, he ran his fingers through my hair and

then cupped the nape of my neck, his thumb rubbing along the

line of my jaw near my ear.

“No, we haven’t,” I breathed. My heart pulsed erratically

beneath the cage of my ribs.

“I don’t want to keep secrets from you, Alexa. But I’m the

crown prince of Antion, and my kingdom has to come before my

own desires.”

I knew he was right, and I knew it was selfish of me to expect

him to tell me everything. I knew how overwhelming the burden

was that he carried. The last vestiges of my anger melted away.

“I never want to see you look at me the way you did yesterday

ever again,” Damian said.

I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth. I could feel every nerve in

my body yearning, reaching out for him. But I held back, waited.

“Can you understand why I had to do it? Can you forgive

me?” His thumb stopped moving on my skin. I searched his face

and saw only regret. Regret and something else . . . something

that made my breath catch. “Could you ever trust me again?” He

paused, and his fingers tightened on my neck. “Or . . . love me?”

The intensity of his gaze made me tremble. He was a man, but

I also saw the little boy hidden deep inside — the one who’d

watched his mother murdered in cold blood in front of him. The

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one who’d lost his beloved brother to a hired assassin. I looked at

him and I saw a prince who wanted to save his nation.

I saw a man who was completely alone with the weight of the

world on his shoulders.

“Damian, I — I already do love you,” I whispered as a tear

slipped down my cheek. “For better or worse.”

It looked like his eyes glistened but before I could be sure,

he pulled me to him and his mouth was on mine and all I could

think about was the feel of his lips, his hand in my hair, the

intoxicating smell of his skin, and my heart trying to burst from

my chest. I wanted to lose myself in his kiss; I wanted him take

me in his arms and never let me go again. But I was all too

aware that Rylan slept across the room from us. I forced myself to

break away.

When Damian gave me a questioning look, I nodded over at

Rylan, who was thankfully still asleep, snoring softly.

Damian sighed and pressed his lips to the groove where my

jaw met my neck, just below my ear, sending a shiver of want

through me. “Someday, this will all be over and we’ll be truly

alone,” he said softly into my ear, his voice hoarse.

I nodded, unable to speak as he continued to kiss my throat,

his lips soft on my skin. At last, when I could barely breathe, I took him by the shoulders and pushed him back. He smiled wickedly at

me, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Are you
sure
you want me to stop?”

I stared at his mouth, my heart still pounding. I almost said

no, but then I remembered Rylan.

“Yes.” I sighed.

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He chuckled softly, but then his face grew serious. “Did you

mean it?”

I knew immediately what he was referring to and my heart

lurched in my chest. “Yes.”

“Say it again.”

I stared into his beautiful eyes for a long moment. “I love you,

Damian,” I finally whispered.

He closed his eyes, as if holding my words inside of him. “And

do you trust me?”

“I . . . I’m not sure. I’m trying to,” I answered honestly.

His hands tightened around my arms. I couldn’t decipher the

look on his face. After a pause, he said, “Then I will have to prove

that you can.”

Before I could respond, Rylan moaned. I stood up hastily, and