Delete: Volume 3 (Shifter Series) (14 page)

I tried to push that thought away. To fight to hold onto my past and stop it from blending in with this present. But it was becoming harder and harder. Had those memories of childhood trips to the forest been his or mine? I wasn’t sure anymore.

Unwin, Williamson and Zac chattered the whole way, trading stories and insults. Williamson was dry to the point of scathing. But anytime he said anything that came close to upsetting someone, he softened it with one of his dazzling smiles. Unwin, who seemed to be the brunt of most of the jokes, was taking it all in good humour. Aubrey listened, smiling at the bawdy humour, without joining in.

That was, till Unwin nudged Williamson and nodded to her. “Hey, Williamson, did you hear the one about why women make better soldiers?”

Aubrey cut him off before he had a chance to deliver the punchline. “Because our brains aren’t located in our combats?”

Unwin laughed and tried to rile her again. “How did you lose your eye, Captain? Did you poke it out with an eyeliner pencil?”

“I told someone I’d rather tear my eye out than have to serve with you, Unwin. And then I got sent here. So…” She shrugged.

Zac and Williamson rocked with laughter. Unwin tried to come back with something, then gave up and laughed along. “Nice one, Jones.”

Frankie appeared to be bored of the trip. She sat with her eyes closed and head resting against a metal strut behind her. If it wasn’t for the fact that she periodically opened her eyes to check her watch, you might think she was sleeping. She was dressed in the same black jumpsuit as the rest of us, but instead of regulation boots, she was still wearing her pumps.

“We’re coming up on the location,” Ladoux said over the radio. “I’m not picking anything up on visual.”

Zac clambered over Williamson’s leg and slid the door open, causing the wind to whip around the cabin. A bump of turbulence knocked him forward.

Williamson grabbed hold of Zac’s arm, stopping him from toppling forward. “Try not to die.”

Zac smiled in gratitude and took hold of the safety bar before stepping out to the foot rail. He flipped down his visor to focus on the landscape below.

“I can’t see anything, either,” Zac said after a while, and pulled himself back inside.

“There,” Aubrey said, pointing out the window, “Between those two copses of trees.”

I looked where she directed and caught a glimpse of sunlight reflecting on a metallic surface.

“Set us down between the trees,” I said.

Unwin and Williamson checked their equipment for what must have been the thousandth time. The more time I spent with them, the more I noticed the little adjustments they’d made to their kit. Unwin had “Point and Shoot” painted on the side of his helmet, while Williamson had drawn what I assumed was a unicorn on the back of his flak jacket. It was shooting laser beams out of its eyes. Aubrey, too, had made subtle adjustments, the most noticeable of which were the purple laces she had threaded through her boots.

Ladoux’s uniform was neat and untouched: every button buttoned, every crease perfectly pressed. Her small rebellion was the make-up – her vivid red lipstick perfectly matching her beret. I wondered why someone who took so much care over her appearance had decided to join the British army and be destined to a life in combats and boots. I looked at my own uniform and noticed that, like Ladoux, I didn’t have a thread out of place. The two of us had that in common: playing by the rules.

“Put down in three,” Ladoux’s voice came across the mics.

Right, I said to myself. Focus.

I didn’t wait for the blades to stop spinning before I jumped out into damp grass, the downdraft tugging at my clothes. My boots sank into the ground and the long grass came up to my knees. My trousers were instantly damp.

The others leapt out after me, and each looked down at the ground unhappily.

 “Is this a swamp?” Unwin said as he slowly sank into the mud “No one told me anything about swamps.”

“It’s a marsh,” Aubrey said.

“It’s a nightmare,” Williamson said, struggling to free his boots.

“The land is too unstable,” Ladoux said. “I’ll find higher ground and regroup.” Then she pulled back on the controls and peeled away, leaving us alone in the sea of green.

It was hard going, fighting against the mud, weighed down by all our equipment. Frankie made a small squealing noise as her foot disappeared into the soil and then tried to hide it with a cough.

“First time on fieldwork?” Aubrey asked.

“Well, um, yes,” she said.

“You’ll learn fast enough. Fieldwork blows.”

I blinked at the familiarity. Aubrey,
my Aubrey
, had said the very same thing. I must have been staring, as she looked at me with her good eye. “Everything OK, sir?”

I gave a thumbs up and pressed on, trying to focus on the present rather than being lost in the rush of memories that Aubrey’s words had unlocked.

The rest of the squad appeared to be enjoying themselves. Chatter passed between Unwin and Williamson, and they laughed.

I caught Williamson’s eye. “We did our basic training here,” he said. “Ward lost her boots.”

“And didn’t shut up about it for the rest of the weekend,” Unwin said. “She ended up killing and skinning a squirrel, just to have something to wrap her feet in.” The two soldiers smiled at the memory of their lost friend.

“How long did you serve together?” Aubrey asked.

“Two years,” Williamson said.

“Only five months for me,” Unwin said. “But she used to look after me. That’s why I called her… called her Mum.” He fought to control the emotion in his voice.

“Yeah, she was more of a mum to me than mine ever was,” Williamson said. “Mine was a cow.”

“Yours, too?” Zac said.

I’d never known Zac had any problems with his mother. For that matter, I’d never known anything about Zac’s life other than that he was an enormous pain in my arse. But this was not the time to be baring our souls.

“Focus,” I said in a warning tone.

Unwin swallowed hard and sniffed, responding instantly to my command. Williamson nodded in agreement, and his expression became serious. Having that effect on them reminded me of how I’d Forced the guards at Greyfield’s to obey. A strange mix of power and guilt. I don’t know why the squad listened to me, only that they would. They would jump in front of a bullet if I told them. Loyalty. Power. Were they the same thing?

Do you know why they follow me?
He was here again. He was always here.
Because they know I will do what needs to be done. They know if I let them die, it will be because their death will have meaning. If I let them live, it will be for the same reason. They know I can make the choices they’re too selfish or too scared or too caught up in their small world to make.

I remembered Cooper and how I’d held him in my arms, making sure he died, because the mission required it. Maybe he and I weren’t that different after all.

No, I thought. We are different. I had to believe that if I was going to hold on to myself. I blocked him out and focused on the feel of the mud sucking against my boots.

Finally, the ground became more solid and progress was easier. Once clear of the marsh, Aubrey and Zac picked up the pace, jogging ahead to the edge of a thicket of trees. They worked perfectly as a team without a word from me. I felt a hot curl of nausea in my stomach, watching them together, so easy in each other’s company. And yet I welcomed it, because I knew, without doubt, that the jealousy belonged to me and only to me. It was a small victory.

I held up a fist, halting the rest of the squad behind me. They responded by spreading out, and seconds later, I could hardly see them, their camo blending into the undergrowth. Even Frankie knew what to do, pressing her body into the mossy ground.

“It’s clear.” Zac was on the other side of the copse of chestnut trees, beckoning us forward.

The squad were on their feet in an instant, moss and bushes suddenly becoming humans again.

They moved through the forest without so much as stepping on a twig. I, on the other hand, stumbled a few times and even hit myself in the face with a branch. But I Shifted to cover up my clumsiness.

Weren’t you trained… at all?

That annoying, nagging voice in my head made its return. It was like he was sitting on my shoulder, ready to point out everything I was doing wrong.

“Will you piss off, OK?” I muttered.

“You alright, Com?” Williamson said, looking at me worriedly.

“Yes, just this… this bramble.” I swiped at a nearby shrub, trying to cover my mistake.

I had to block him out. Even if it meant sacrificing the sharpness I’d had at the Red Hand base.

When we cleared the trees, I saw the very top of a silver dome rising out of a hillock. It reflected the trees all around it, creating its own kind of camouflage.

Zac was leaning casually against the “Do not enter” sign, readjusting his glove as if he was leaning at a bus stop, waiting for his ride home.

Aubrey stood in front of the door. “You’re up, Com.”

I joined her and looked down at the entry system. A palm reader similar to the one at my flat and an eye scanner. I laid my hand on the pad and pressed my eye against the black eyepiece.

Blue light flashed and I felt a scraping across the palm of my hand, deeper than the sample taken at home.

The door swung open.

I looked down at my hand, where a deep red scratch ran from my thumb to my little finger. They certainly weren’t taking any chances here. I shook away the mild stinging sensation.

I turned back to the door. “Masks on,” I shouted.

The team responded by pulling on their masks, the green-glass eyes making them look like sad ghosts. I was about to tell Aubrey to take point when I was hit with an unsettling sense of déjà vu. I knew this place. I’d been here before; I was sure of it.

I took in the landscape. I recognised those trees, that rock formation and, above all, this building. I knew that once inside, we’d find a long corridor leading to a small laboratory. But I didn’t know how I knew. An uneasy sensation prickled at the back of my head.

“Something’s not right,” I said, my voice muffled by the mask.

“We should go in,” Ladoux said, eagerly.

“Wait.” I needed to work out what to do.

Aubrey and the rest of the team looked at me, awaiting orders.

“You think it’s a trap?” Zac said.

I didn’t know what I thought. I hesitated, looking between the trees and the bunker. “Let me go first.”

Aubrey stepped out of the way as I pushed open the door. My memory – if it had been a memory – was right. I stood in a narrow corridor, and I had to stoop to avoid banging my head on the low ceiling lights. It led to a small white lab, silver workbenches in the middle, an assortment of bulky equipment, and shelves filled with glass beakers. On the far wall, there was a freezer. I opened the glass door, the black suction seal making a soft popping noise. There were rows upon rows of small vials in polystyrene holders. I pulled out one at random, a clear liquid with the name “Zaire Ebola virus” printed on across the vial. The next was labelled “meningoencephalitis”. The third held a dark purple liquid. “X731608” was written on a white label in tidy red ink. The substance swirled as if there was something alive inside. I placed the vial back and closed the door.

There was no one here. No immediate threat. Maybe I was being paranoid. But something felt wrong.

“Clear,” I said into my mic, still somewhat uncertain.

Zac came first, followed by Frankie and the rest of the squad. Frankie looked much more at home here, despite the fact that she’d lost a shoe back in the marsh. “OK, start packing everything up. And be very,
very
careful. A single drop of this stuff, and…” She didn’t need to finish.

The squad set about emptying the freezers into two white polystyrene boxes we’d brought. I ran my gloved hand over the metallic surface of a workbench, trying to shake off the sense of disquiet.

“You OK?” Zac said quietly, standing next to me, covering up his mic so no one else could hear.

“I don’t know. I…” I couldn’t explain why everything felt so wrong.

I didn’t have to.

There was a strange bouncing, scraping sound overhead, something moving through the air ducts. We all looked up, following the progress of the sound till it settled over a grate in the ceiling.

Williamson was the first to work it out. “Grenade!” he shouted, twisting his body away from the duct to cover a box, his first instinct to protect the mission.

It was too late. The grenade exploded in a flash of blinding light and tore the ceiling to shreds. The shockwave hit and threw me off my feet, sending me crashing into a freezer, which shattered beneath me. I slid off the door and onto my feet, the explosion still ringing in my ears, and tried to assess the damage.

Frankie, who had been standing directly under the grate, was gone, nothing more than a red stain where she had been. Unwin was missing half his face but was still alive, although I doubted he would stay that way for long. All that was left of Williamson was his torso still protecting the box of vials. What was unmistakably an arm lay on the workbench, still holding a single vial.

As well as blood everywhere, there was seeping purple liquid. The virus was out. I had a matter of seconds. I closed my eyes, fighting off the unconsciousness that my body was willing on me, and focused. The world flipped.

I was standing beside a tree, looking down on the facility. Unwin was standing next to me, his gas mask off and gun pointed at the silver dome. I remembered I’d given the order to pull back as soon as Aubrey had opened the door. The Shift had worked. Relief flowed through me. I wouldn’t allow us to mess up again.

“It looks clear,” Unwin said. “Are you sure it’s a trap?”

His young face was whole and undamaged once more. “Absolutely certain.”

I checked the whole team were still here. Zac and Williamson were standing with their backs against trees, waiting patiently on my next order. Aubrey was adjusting the straps on her gas mask.

I scanned the hillock for any sign of movement. There was a glint from behind a clump of stones about one hundred yards away. I thought through my options, trying to work out the best way to progress. We needed to get the vials, but I knew they were waiting for us.