hours, so Tyler took me there, waited while the doctor examined me.”
And he‟d missed all of this. Luc stroked her shoulder, pressed another
kiss to her forehead. Not only had he missed it; he‟d heaped more shit on
her.
Why the fuck hadn‟t he listened instead of letting his jealousy do the
talking?
“Are you okay?” Luc was almost afraid to ask the question. “What did
she say?”
“That it‟s not uncommon to spot if you‟re on your feet too much or
under too much stress.”
Without a doubt, Alyssa suffered from both.
“The baby is okay. But she told me to rest. Sleep. I couldn‟t come
here, and Tyler wanted me somewhere he could protect me. So he offered
me his place to crash, but when we got there, I was too keyed up and
couldn‟t sleep. I didn‟t want to worry you. You were so far away. I was too
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shaken to realize you might be worried. I‟m not used to having anyone care
. . .”
“Sugar, anywhere, anytime, anyplace, you call me.” Luc wanted to
growl the words at her. She was so damn independent, and it had probably
grated her to even ask Tyler for help, much less call someone halfway
across the country.
“Anyway, Tyler called the doctor again, asked if there was anything
she could give me. Though she normally wouldn‟t do this for someone
pregnant, she prescribed me a sedative because of my stress and fatigue.”
“And you fell asleep.”
In Tyler’s bed
.
She nodded. “I know I should have called. Everything happened so
fast.”
Of course she‟d been more worried about making sure the baby was
okay than soothing his jangled nerves. It wasn‟t her fault he was a jealous,
distrusting bastard.
“I‟m so sorry you went through all of that without me. That someone
broke in the house. That you spotted. That I scared you.” He held her
close.
The water began to cool, and Luc reached out to turn it off. Leaning
out of the tub, he grabbed her towel off the bar and wrapped it around her
small frame, dabbing it across her face and removing the mascara,
squeezing the long strands of her hair inside its folds.
She stood docile, almost unmoving. It wasn‟t like her, and he worried
until it was a bleeding hole in his chest.
Quickly, he threw off his wet clothes and left them in the bottom of the
shower, then reached for his towel. He didn‟t bother drying, and his hair
dripped thick streams of water down his back and shoulders. Instead, he
wrapped the towel around his waist and helped her out of the shower.
Alyssa didn‟t say a word as he steadied her over to the bed. On the
way, he grabbed their robes from the back of the door. He helped her into
hers, belting it for her as if she were a child, then shrugged into his own. In
silence, he toweled more moisture from her hair and studied her face. He
still didn‟t like her expression. Somewhere past shock, it was almost blank.
Luc swallowed down his frustration. Whatever was going on with her
was more than someone breaking into the house, more than the fact he‟d
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been angry enough to tie her to the bed. And he had to get her to open up,
let it go, if he could.
He pulled her into his lap, gratified that she went trustingly, resting her
head on his shoulder. “Alyssa, sugar. Tell me why I scared you.”
Her head jerked, jolted, until it finally became a full-blown shake. “It‟s
nothing.”
“Please.” He grabbed her tighter, then forced himself to let go, afraid
he‟d scare her all over again. “Someone hurt you.”
She closed her eyes. A tear ran down her cheek.
It nearly killed him. “Someone raped you. I did something to remind
you of that, right?”
“It was a long time ago. Just forget it. I have.”
Luc barely heard her whisper, but he knew it was a lie. She wasn‟t
over it, and hearing the chocked admission heaped in denial crushed him.
“You were a teenager.”
For a long minute, Alyssa said nothing, but stared at the wall on his
right. Finally, she murmured, “Fifteen.”
Dear God. Not even old enough to drive. Barely more than a girl, and
some asshole had forced his way into her body against her will? Rape was
one of the ugliest of crimes, but against one so young?
Stomach turning, Luc hesitated. He had to keep asking questions that
would allow her to reveal the ordeal a bit at a time. She wasn‟t ready to just
spill her entire secret in one breath.
“Were you on a date?”
Her whole body tensed. “No.” Then she gave a hysterical sob. “I
wasn‟t allowed to date. My mother expected me to be a virgin when I got
married.”
He wasn‟t sure he wanted to hear this, truly. But he
had
to. Without
this knowledge, Luc sensed that he couldn‟t truly understand his wife.
“And you were a virgin when this . . . ?” He tensed, swallowed,
somehow hoping like hell she‟d say no.
But she nodded.
Luc had never been nauseous and angry at once. He wanted to
smash this bastard‟s head, make him feel every bit of the pain Alyssa had
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clearly felt. But he kept it to himself. No sudden movements, no swearing,
no making fists. Instead, he softly stroked her hair.
“A boy from school?” he ventured, his voice as gentle as he could
make it.
Alyssa opened her mouth, then closed it. Hesitated. Then she rose to
her feet. Luc wanted to keep her in his lap, safe and warm, where he could
hold her and soothe her at the slightest tremor. But he didn‟t dare hold her
down again.
She paced to the bathroom counter and braced herself on it. “Not . . .
exactly. It‟s ancient history. Not really important.”
Luc stood and slowly, giving her plenty of time to back away,
approached her. Relief poured through his system when she didn‟t pull
away, so he loosely placed his hands on her shoulders.
“I think it‟s very important. If you don‟t want to tell me, I understand. I
haven‟t done a good job earning your trust today. Or for the past two
months. I‟ve been slow to learn, but I want to do better—with your help.
Please, I need to know what‟s going to frighten you so I don‟t do it again.”
Alyssa bit her lip, sighed, looked at the ceiling as if praying for
strength. “N-no bondage. I can‟t . . .” She shivered, wrapping her arms
around herself. “I just can‟t.”
Reality hit Luc in the face. What had Jack said? He and Alyssa had
realized quickly they weren‟t compatible. That made complete sense now.
“Not unless you‟re ready. If that day never comes, I‟ll understand.”
She gave him a jerky nod. “Thank you.”
Caressing her shoulders, Luc brought her against his body. She
wanted to leave the story there. She‟d been fifteen, a virgin, and had been
raped. But he sensed the story was only beginning.
“It wasn‟t a boy from school who hurt you?”
Alyssa wrapped her arms around her middle and shook her head. “I—I
don‟t know if I can talk about this. I haven‟t told anyone this since the night
after it happened.”
She‟d kept this to herself for fourteen years? “You never told Jack?
Tyler? A therapist?”
A sad smile crossed her face before it dissolved. “Jack would have
hunted him down, and that‟s the last thing I want. Tyler . . . If I think my past
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is coming back to haunt me, I‟ll tell him. Never could afford a therapist until
I worked through a lot of this on my own.”
Why the hell wouldn‟t she want Jack to hunt this asshole down?
Personally, Luc was
dying
to. But she didn‟t want to hear that, and he
couldn‟t jeopardize the conversation now that she was talking.
He hugged her back to his chest again. “Who did this to you, sugar?”
“Joshua.” She shuddered, closed her eyes. “He‟s m-my stepbrother.”
Sick fury assailed him once again. Someone who was supposedly a
part of her blended family had violated her trust and body? As much as
hearing this killed him, he had to get the full story. But he didn‟t know what
questions to ask from here.
Swallowing, he decided to simply wing it. “Your mother remarried?”
She nodded slowly. “When I was twelve.”
Please, please tell me this creep didn’t start taking advantage of her
then
. “Did it start then? Touching? Fondling?”
“No. At first, he was my best friend. My mom remarried someone
very
wealthy. We moved from our middle-class neighborhood to . . .
Lifestyles of
the Rich and Famous
. I started a new school. I didn‟t know anyone. I was
shy. I had a hard time adjusting.”
And this prick Joshua had used her insecurity against her. “So he said
he‟d be your friend?”
“Yes, and he made sure I had all the coolest friends in school. And he
kept other guys away from me. When I was a freshman, there was a
junior—one of Josh‟s classmates—who decided he wanted to nail me at a
party. He got me drunk and cornered me in the bathroom. Joshua and
some of his other friends picked the lock and stormed in. Joshua beat this
guy ruthlessly; then he carried me out. The next Monday, he told everyone
we were dating and not to fuck with me. I thought he did it for my
protection.” She grunted in disbelief.
“He wanted you for himself.” Luc had no trouble picturing that.
“Yeah. He‟d fly into a rage if he even thought anyone was looking at
me, or if he suspected I liked someone. Shortly after that incident, he
started sneaking into my room, said he wanted to make sure I was safe.”
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When she laughed bitterly, it twisted his stomach.
Safe?
The asshole
had taken total advantage of her. How could he couch that as protecting
her? “Did he start kissing you or just attack?”
“Oh, there were kisses. Lots and lots of those, and I stupidly
encouraged it, thinking that he really cared. That started when I was
fourteen.”
And this fucking rapist had been . . . what? Sixteen? Seventeen? Old
enough to know that he was using a young, innocent girl.
“When did he start touching you?”
“Right before I turned fifteen. That summer.”
The way she sighed raggedly told Luc she needed to pause. He stood
silently behind her, caressing her arms. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell
her they could stop here, talk later. Certainly, it would be better for his
stomach and temper. But he knew getting her back to this place would be
difficult and painful. Better to get it all out now.
“When did it become more?”
“I found out that he‟d been sleeping with this girl in his English class. I
was . . . so stupid that I ever believed that he wanted to marry me
someday. In my fairy-tale-minded head, I thought he was waiting for me.
You know, to grow up, so our first experience could be together. He told me
that of course he had to fuck other girls. Our parents couldn‟t know about
us yet. They‟d have freaked. So Joshua said he was keeping up
appearances, letting his dad know he had a healthy interest in other
females.”
“Scumbag,” Luc muttered. That was actually a lot milder than what he
was thinking, but with that pronouncement, she‟d know he empathized but
wouldn‟t alarm her with the violence of his fury.
“Then he said that all the waiting for me had been tough on him and
that he‟d
had
to have other pussy or his human pressure valves got too
tight.” She scoffed. “So I told him to go away, that I didn‟t want him
anymore. I stopped speaking to him for weeks.”
“And he turned violent?”
“Yes. Just after my sophomore year started, he came to my room one
night, tied me down, and said he felt cheated that he‟d waited around and
hadn‟t gotten any. And he‟d so been looking forward to being my first. He‟d
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even gone so far as to plan this elaborate scheme to „pop my cherry‟ for my
sweet sixteen.”
Luc‟s nausea rose to new levels, as did his need to wipe this asshole
off the face of the earth. He wasn‟t a violent man, but this . . . Unforgivable.
“I‟m sorry.” He wanted to say so much more, but at this point, words
would only placate him. Her damage had been done. He only hoped he
could help heal her.
“Oh, God it hurt . . .” Her body trembled, seized up. The sobs started
again. “H-he took me every way a man can take a woman.”
Joshua had raped her anally, too? Another blow to the restraint around
Luc‟s rage. He grabbed the countertop on either side of her hips and
looked at her bowed head in the mirror. Her haunted eyes, squeezed shut
tight, dominated her tense, fragile face.
“Sugar, I‟m so sorry.” He kissed the back of her head. He didn‟t trust
himself to touch her gently in that moment. Too many violent urges running
through his body.
“Wh-when it was over, I was sobbing and bleeding. He was angry and
said he wondered why he‟d bothered. I was just another whore after all.”
Fists clenched, she drew in a shuddering breath. “I . . . I wanted to kill him.”
Luc understood that feeling well.
“In retrospect, I shouldn‟t have been surprised by Joshua‟s behavior.