Delta Bear (Rogue Bear Series 2) (6 page)

“
L
et me help you
.” Jax carefully pulled her from the table. Her back was sore where it had been pressed into the wood.

“Thank you.” She looked in his eyes.

“Come on.” He picked her up.

“Where are we going?”

“Shower.” He nudged the door open with his foot.

He held her against his chest while he turned the water on. Carefully, he set her feet on the shower floor and then stepped in behind her.

She leaned against his back as his hands began to lather soap over her breasts. Her body had never felt like this before. It hummed and tingled all over. Her muscles felt tired and soothed at the same time.

He kissed the top of her head.

“I feel different.” She hadn’t meant to say it, but it came out anyway.

“What do you mean?” His hands worked the bubbles over her stomach.

“I can’t explain it. I know it has to be hormones, right? The adrenaline leaving the body with a sense of exhaustion. There’s a biological explanation for all sensation.”

“Is that what you think about sex? You break down the medical components?” He laughed and she realized she must sound ridiculous. The super nerd in her was coming out.

She shook her head. “No, I’m just thinking out loud.” She smiled when she felt his hand slide between her legs.

She was so sore. But his touch was warm and gentle.

“It’s just…” her words trailed off.

She didn’t want him to think she couldn’t enjoy what they experienced on the kitchen table. That she couldn’t get pure pleasure from his body, because holy hell she did. He had fucked her all the right ways.

He spun her to face him. The water trickled over his chest.

“I like that you’re smart, doc.” He kissed her forehead. “I think it’s kind of sexy how you try to analyze everything.”

“Sexy?”

“Yeah. Fucking sexy.” He grinned. His fingers trailed over the slit between her legs and she sighed. “See? When you do that.”

“What?” she breathed, knowing her hips were rocking into his fingers.

“Make those sounds.” He slid a finger inside her and grinned when she groaned.

“I can’t help it.” It was as if she had lost any control of her body when he touched her. She did whatever he wanted.

“I don’t want you to stop.” His mouth covered hers as his tongue began to move over her lips. “Let me hear you, doc.”

Her eyes flashed to his, feeling another finger spread her wider. “Ohh,” she cried, sinking harder on his hand.

He smiled, moving in and out of her, growling with satisfaction as her whimpers turned to moans. She danced up and down on his hand, letting his fingers guide the sounds from her. With a twist of his thumb over her nub, she screamed his name.

He kissed her. “That is what I call fucking sexy.”

Haley rested her forehead against his chest while her body came down from the high he had given her. She took the soap from his hands. She couldn’t wait to wash every inch of his muscular frame.

“Too bad we can’t do this every day.” She started with his chest, loving how firm it was.

“Maybe one day.” He looked at her with hints of sadness in his dark eyes.

“Tomorrow I’m back in the ER. What are doing on the rest of your leave?” She worked the bubbles lower, covering the hard lines of his ribs.

“I’ve got some family business I have to take care of.”

“Is that why your cousin keeps stopping by?”

Her thumbs made circles over his hipbones. She sucked in a sharp breath. His body was gorgeous. She wondered if he would let her return the favor.

He nodded. “I have to take care of a few things before I leave again.”

She felt the stab of pain as the words filled the shower. She couldn’t imagine him leaving. He had just gotten home. She had just met him.

“And when is that?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have orders yet. I won’t be here more than two weeks. It could be closer to one.” He tilted her chin upward, locking his eyes on her. “I think we need to talk, doc.”

He reached across her and turned off the shower. She stood as he wrapped a towel around her and stepped from the shower. Something was different. His tone. His mood. The sexy banter had vanished.

She followed him to the bedroom and sat on the bed, clutching the towel to her chest.

“Clothes.” He pointed. “Get dressed and we can talk over lunch.”

Before she had a chance to ask what it was about, he pulled the bedroom door behind him and was gone.

She stared at the closed door. She tried to remind herself she didn’t know Jax. There was no telling what he was dealing with from his acclimation back into U.S. culture, but there was something nagging at her, telling her this had nothing to do with his Delta status and everything to do with her.

She got dressed, toweled her hair dry, and walked to the kitchen.

H
e worked
on lunch while Haley got dressed. He shuttled around the small kitchen, searing steaks and sautéing vegetables. He put two plates on the table and waited for his mate.

He knew he was jumping from hot to cold, but that’s how everything felt. Holding her, making her come undone was the hottest sensation he had ever felt. Knowing he had to leave again, made things come back into a chilly focus.

Haley appeared in the doorway.

“Sit.” He pulled a chair for her.

“Looks good. I’m starving.”

He sat across from her. Time had slipped away. Lunch had run into dinner. There wasn’t going to be much more time before he had to meet with the clans.

They ate quietly while Jax tried to think about how to ask her to lead his clan as the alpha.

“Doc?”

“Mmmhmm?” She looked up from her steak.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Ok. What is it?”

“You know I have to go back with my Delta team?”

She nodded. “You’ve mentioned it.” She pushed back from the table. “I wish you didn’t have to go back.”

“Let’s go sit by the fire.” He led her to the living room, where the fire had kicked up.

He pulled her against him on the sofa, loving how her body fit against his. He kissed the top of her head.

“I need your help.”

She pulled her legs behind her as they stared into the fire.

“What is it?” Her hand pressed against his chest, resting where his heart beat rapidly.

“I haven’t been exactly honest with you.”

“What are you talking about?” She sat forward, her eyes meeting his.

“You asked me in the shower about how your body was feeling. About how you were reacting to…me.”

She nodded. “I know I should just enjoy it, but I feel different. There is something buzzing in me as if I’m drunk, but I’m completely sober.”

“I know what it is.”

Her eyes widened. “You do?”

He thought it would be easier. He thought he had been trained enough to handle any situation, but with his mate in front of him his world had been turned upside down.

“God, Haley. Everything I thought is different now. I want two different things. I need them both.”

“What are they?” she asked.

“I crave you like nothing else in this world. I want to get lost in you. So lost I don’t remember what day it is.”

She smiled. “Me too.”

“But I want to go back to Razastan.”

The smile fell from her lips. “Oh.”

“I’ve trained my entire life to be a Delta. It’s who I am. At least until I met you it was everything I wanted to be, but you’ve awakened something entirely different in me. A part of me I ran from. The part of me I ignored. The part of me I didn’t want to face, but was waiting for me here in Watkin.”

“What part is that?” she whispered.

“My bear.”

Now that the words were out, he had more clarity. He had devoted himself to Special Forces to avoid being the alpha. He thought being a part of an elite force of men would be more powerful than his bear. It would drive him. It would feed him.

But it didn’t compare to the need he had for Haley.

“Your what?”

“Doc, don’t try to analyze this. Don’t start digging for medical terms and scientific explanations.” He held her shoulders firmly in his hands. “I’m a bear.”

“That’s not even possible.” She shook her head.

“It’s very possible.” His eyes narrowed. “And you are my mate. The one woman made for me.”

“There are some possible causes for this.” She tried to wiggle out of his grasp. “Hallucinations or avoidance tactics as a result of post traumatic stress. It’s very common. You’re looking for an escape.” Her hand slid across his face. “I can help you. I have a list of names. There are probably some medications we could start to help equalize things.”

He shook her. “No. I am a damn bear shifter, Haley. You are my mate. Not just any mate. My alpha mate.”

He hung his head when he saw the fear in her eyes, the realization sweeping over her.

“No. No. No.” She jumped from the sofa. “It is not scientifically possible. You have created a fantasy world to avoid the pain you suffered as a soldier.”

He hung his head. Men did that, and fuck he had done a lot to avoid this very scenario, but not this time.

“There is more in this life that can’t be explained than can.” He eyed her. “You may not have known it, but you accepted my shifter magic. We are mated.”

“The crazy sex? That’s what you call it?”

He rose from the couch. He wanted to calm her. He reached for her. “When you told me you couldn’t get pregnant I knew I could claim you without having to worry about cubs. For now.” He didn’t want to tell her how much his bear was craving more of her.

“Oh my God. Claim me? Cubs?” She looked around wildly.

“I need to leave my alpha mate in charge of the clan while I’m gone.” She was good with facts. He would just keep giving her those. “I might not have been able to leave again if you were pregnant. My bear wouldn’t have been able to, but you’re a strong independent woman. I know you can handle another mission. You’ll be fine when I leave.”

“That’s why you like my independence? Because you can’t knock me up?” She sounded hurt.

“Ok, that didn’t come out right. It just seemed like the perfect scenario. We can have cubs later. When I’m done with Delta.”

Her eyes flared. “How fucking calculated are you?”

“It was honorable.”

“Nothing about what you’ve done is honorable.” She raced to the bedroom. He followed her down the hall.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m grabbing my bag. I will hike out of these woods if I have to.”

“Stop. Haley, stop. Maybe my tactics weren’t the best.”

She whipped around. “You’ve been in the desert too long. Have you lost all touch with your humanity? I can take a one-night stand. I can take a fuck buddy. What I can’t take is this. I don’t even know what it is.” Her eyes welled with tears. “What have you done to me?”

He couldn’t take it any more, he pulled her against his chest, despite her desperate pushes.

“I’m sorry. I fucked it all up.”

“I’m so mad at you right now.” She sniffed. “I gave you my body. I’ve never done those things with anyone else. You’re a jackass.”

“Ok. I deserve that.” He rubbed her back, drawing her face toward his. “But please don’t walk out of here.”

“I don’t know if I could.” She shook her head. “My body aches for you.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “I feel the same way. It’s because you’re my mate. I’m yours.”

“I don’t believe any of it.”

He brushed a tear from her cheek. “You will.”

She shoved against him until he had to let go. “I need some space, Jax. I think I should sleep at home tonight. I can’t stay with you. I can’t be near you.”

“Because of my bear?”

“No. I don’t know. Because of all of it.”

“All right. I’ll drive you home. But I want to see you tomorrow.”

“That’s going to be difficult. I have a twelve-hour shift tomorrow and the next three days. I work then go home and collapse. Sometimes I stay at the hospital and sleep.”

“I’ll wait.”

“You will?” She searched his eyes.

“Whether you’re at the hospital, or I’m on a mission we’re always going to find our way back to each other. This is forever, Haley. I can wait a few days.”

“I don’t know if that’s going to be enough.”

It wasn’t the time to tell her their timetable was limited. He would give her what she needed now. Maybe it would bring her back to him faster.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.”

H
aley filled a Styrofoam cup
. She sat on the bench in the doctors’ lounge. It had been two days since Jax had dropped her off on her front porch.

Life had flipped upside down. The only thing that made her feel grounded was work. She examined patients, prescribed medications, and slept. She extended her shifts, not wanting to go home. She didn’t know if she was worried he would be at the house waiting, or if she would be crushed if he wasn’t.

The crazy sex humming that had coated her body had finally evaporated. It was easier to think without feeling like she was always on the verge of spiraling into another orgasm, but her craving for Jax hadn’t stopped.

She wanted to know where he was. She wanted to hear his voice. She wanted to feel his lips on hers. She wanted his hands on her hips. She tipped the coffee to her lips and spit it back in the cup. It tasted strange and the smell made her stomach turn. She tossed it in the trash.

None of it made sense. It was scientifically impossible for a man to be a bear. The two couldn’t co-exist inside one being. The night Jax took her home she had spent hours researching animal shifter myths and legends. She checked every medical journal she had packed in her closet. She jumped into online forums. Anything that would lend to the possibility that there was an ounce of truth in what he had told her. But every possible lead took her into a fantasy land that she wasn’t willing to accept.

She walked to the nurses’ station and pulled a clipboard from the top stack.

“You have a patient in room one,” Michelle called over the counter.

“What’s that smirk for?” she asked.

“Let’s just say I’d like to take his vitals.”

“Oh, good grief.” Haley pulled her hair on top of her head, before charging into the room. The chart was practically blank. The patient was listed as John Doe. The injury was a six-inch laceration to the arm.

“Ok, Mr. Doe, I’m Dr. Manning. Let’s take a look at your arm.” She closed the door behind her and looked at the man in the bed.

“Hi, doc.” Jax smiled.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had an injury.”

She pursed her lips together. “I thought you said you were going to give me some space.”

“I did. I am. But I thought it might help if you had a little scientific evidence.”

She sat on the stool next to the bed and rolled toward him. “And what is that?”

“See my arm?”

She looked at the firm muscles in his bicep and had to stop herself from licking her lips. He was built of nothing but solid muscle.

“It looks fine to me. You shouldn’t waste the hospital’s time.”

He shook his head. “I walked in thirty minutes ago with a gash six inches long. Look at it.”

She peered at his skin and she could see a faint line leading to his elbow. “That looks like an old scar.”

“It’s not. Give it a minute and it will be completely gone.” He grinned.

She exhaled. “Jax, what are you doing here?” She wanted to sound pissed and angry. Annoyed that he had popped up while she was at work, but her heart was fluttering and her pulse was racing.

“Giving you facts. You work best with facts and science.” His eyes locked on hers. Those dark pools of mystery that had already led her somewhere she didn’t think she should go again.

“I-I need more time.” She started to stand, but he reached forward and gripped her wrist.

“Look at my arm.”

Her eyes shot to the line on his bicep, only the streak of silvery white was gone. “Where did it go?” She traced the hard muscle with her fingertips.

“I heal faster than non-shifters.” He was watching her.

“You mean humans?”

“I have a body that repairs itself.” Before she could stop him he grabbed the pen from her clipboard and jabbed it into his other arm.

“What are you doing?” she screamed. She ran to the cabinet to grab gauze and returned to press it against the wound.

“Doc, stop.” He pulled her hands away, lifting the gauze with them.

She blinked. The small gash was knitting itself back together. She took a step back.

Jax rose from the bed and stood next to her. “You have one more day.”

He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Haley felt the nausea roll in her stomach. She lunged forward as she threw herself over a bedpan. What in the hell just happened?