Delusive (60 page)

He slid my sunglasses down my face, folded them, and placed them on the table beside the lounge. He stared back at me, vacant-eyed, and gave me a nod so discreet it barely registered.

I placed the ear buds down and rested my arms on my knees. “Can I see her to say goodbye?”

He shook his head. “Her body was moved back to her mother’s place. It wouldn't have been a good idea to call the police with a story about her overdosing in our home. We don’t need that kind of attention right now.”

Her body. Skylar was no longer a person. Her transgressions and her lack of wherewithal to be loyal brought about her death. She’d betrayed me so many times I should’ve felt at peace with what needed to be done. There were still elements to Elias’s lifestyle that would never sit right with me, and it would never change. No matter what the truth was, losing a friend—who never was a friend—was completely gutting.
 

I slid my hat off my head and tossed it onto the nearest chair beside the sectional lounge. "Maybe we were wrong. Maybe she wasn't beyond redemption. Maybe she—”

“Hanley,” he cooed, touching my face and leaning forward. “It's too late. There will be other women. Daniella is a widow and looking for something to do in her free time. She'll keep you company, and anytime you feel the need, you have my permission to fuck her.”

“That wasn't what it was about with Skylar. I cared about her. A lot.”

“She never deserved your friendship." He moved my legs around and adjusted his body to sit between my thighs while sitting astride the lounge. Grabbing my ass, he lifted me and pulled me up to straddle his lap. "I realized that I’ve been wrong." He reached up to comb the length of my hair with his fingers. "I have to let you fail and come in as the hero to save you. Warning you against doing things just appeals to your rebellious nature. No matter how often I told you, or how many times she showed you who she was, you never gave up on her.
 

“She had to dig her own grave and you had to watch her do it. It’s what I allowed to happen. Do you remember what I told you? Make people feel comfortable and all their secrets are revealed.” He ran a thumb down my cheek, trailing a tear down my face.
 

It was a bittersweet moment. I’d finally felt free enough to show my emotional vulnerability, because in the midst of his dangerous world, he would do everything he could to keep me safe. With him, I was completely secure.
 

“What can I do to make this disappear?” he asked, wrapping me in his arms.
 

“I don’t know if there is anything you can say to make it go away.” I moved my hands up his body to drape my arms over his shoulders. “It’ll just take time.”

“Do you know what I said to you the last night we were in Portugal together?”

I shook my head no.

“
I was dying when I met you—soulless and empty. I didn’t realize it until you gave it all back to me.
And then, I thought you’d taken it all away. I feel…alive when I’m with you. That’s…why I had to marry you.”

Letting go of the fear and trepidation, I relaxed against him. Leaning down, I allowed my hands to get lost in the back of his head and gently kissed his lips.

“What can I do to make the pain go away?” he asked again, softer than the first time.

“Make me feel full of you again.”

"Every day for the rest of our lives,
my beloved
.”

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

V and D: There would be no me without you, and I certainly wouldn’t have continued if it wasn’t for you, reminding me to never give up or give in. My strength comes from the both of you.

J: For the epic one-liners, your patience, and your support. I love you, dearly.

Catherine, Michelle. Agnese, Emma, Rachelle, Elissa, Felicia, Iris, and all of Mavens of Mischief: You ladies work tirelessly to get my name out there, and I appreciate every single one of you. This book never would've been completed without the support of all of you.
 

Felicia, I appreciate you so much, and I can’t wait for the day we can officially meet. I dedicate Chapter Thirty-Six to you (and Iris—love you, girl!— I dedicate Chapter Nine to you. I know how you like that bat.)

To Tanya D. Tanya R. Maria Y., Maria L, Yolanda A. Rachel H., Twisted Sisters, Submit & Devour, Jettie Woodruff, Leddy Harper, Yolanda Olson, Melissa T., We're Jumpin Books, The Art of Romance, and The Smut-Brarians : Thank you for your undying and continued support.

To my editors, Liz and Kristen, thank you both for making me a better writer.

A special thank you to Holly Blackstone for agreeing to proofread this book.

To all the believers, supporters, motivators, inspirers, promoters, and co-creators: Thank you.

To ALL of the Bloggers who’ve supported me tirelessly: Thank you.

To the readers who’ve been with me since my debut (the horribly edited) StrangeHer Love book, or The Teaser: Thank you for believing in me and continuing to follow me on this crazy journey.

To the readers who’ve just found me recently through this book or another: Thank you for taking a chance on an unknown.

Thank you for the messages, recommending my books to others, leaving reviews, and more importantly, thank you for reading.

Please forgive me if I missed anyone, it was an oversight of my mind, and not my heart.