Denial (22 page)

I tossed my cigarette out the window and flew the rest of the way to Marblehead, forked right onto Atlantic Avenue and took another right onto Preston Beach Road.  The house was dark, save for a single light in the bedroom.  I figured I had left it on by mistake, but as I pulled into the driveway, I saw Kathy's white Volvo.  My pulse quickened.  Was she there for her things?  Or was she coming back to me?  My anxiety doubled as I realized she might have been at home the night before — when I had slept out.  But why worry over that?  She'd been anything but faithful herself.

I parked and went inside.  At the entryway I stumbled over something.  I clicked on the hallway light and saw Kathy's black leather overnight bag at my feet.  I headed upstairs.  I had only climbed a few steps when she appeared on the second-floor landing.  She was wearing her scrubs.  Her hair was wet.

I stopped.

"I figured you'd have packed my stuff and left it for me at the door," she smiled.

My anxiety level dropped, which felt strange, given everything that had happened between us over the past two days.  But Kathy's voice had always been a balm.  I had no doubt at that instant that I wanted her back.

"I couldn't blame you if—"

"I haven't moved a thing," I said.

"I'm glad."

"Then you're staying?"

She shrugged.  "I searched everywhere for your stash.  I even snooped in your secret hiding place in the armoire.  I couldn't find anything."

"Coke and I have parted ways."

"Good."  She nodded, then bit her lower lip.  "I heard you had a little rumble with Trevor in the parking lot.  Did you try teaching him not to hit girls?"

I thought about what Hancock might be doing to Lucas even as we spoke.  "I'd do anything to stop someone from hurting you."

"I'd like to believe that.  I don't want to be afraid anymore."

"Trevor's a dangerous man.  You were in over your head."  I didn’t think I should say more until I was certain where she stood with him.

"I know.  I didn't see it before, but I do now."

"So you two are..."

"It's over.  Completely..."  Her voice broke.  She sat down on the landing.  "I'm so sorry, Frank.  I've been so stupid."

"You'd have to work to catch up to me on that score."

She chuckled and wiped away a tear.

I started toward her.

She stood up and cleared her throat.  Her expression switched from said to bitter.  "What about you?  Are you done with the stripper?"

I stopped moving, startled by the sudden change in her tone.  It warned of a full-scale tantrum.  "I didn't really start," I lied.  "Did Trevor tell you otherwise?"

"He was trying to hurt me."  She smiled again.  "He said she was flat as a board anyhow."  She smoothed back her hair, then pulled off her scrub top and stood there naked from the waist up.  "Not like me."  She looked down at herself, the shyly off to the side, like a girl embarrassed over new parts of her body.

I took my time closing the distance between us, watching the night air and the excitement of the moment make her nipples harden.  I stopped two steps from her, with my mouth at the level of her chest.  I kissed her breasts, squeezing her ass at the same time.  A wave of excitement bathed me.

"You don't need a woman built like a little boy," she whispered.

I took her nipple between my teeth, then filled my mouth with as much of her as I could.

She held my head to her.  "I want you inside me."

I moved my hand to untie her drawstring, but she took a step back and started for the bedroom.  I followed.  She turned off the standing lamp near the door.  The room went pitch black.  I heard her lie down on the bed.

I lay on top of her and kissed her neck, then moved my tongue inside her ear.  She sighed.  I reached for the lamp on the nightstand and fumbled to turn it on.  Before I could, she grabbed my wrist.

"Don't," she breathed.

"I thought you were afraid of the dark," I whispered.

"I like it sometimes.  I can't see what's coming."

I didn't like making love in the dark, but I was glad Kathy was telling me what she wanted.  That was new for her.  Nausea swept over me as I realized the openness was probably something she had learned from Trevor.  So what? I told myself.  Where was he just then, and where was I?  But I was still bothered.  I stood up, untied her drawstring and flipped her on her stomach.  I pulled down her scrub pants and ran my hands up her legs and over her ass.  She was wearing no panties.  I forced her legs apart, aware that my passion was, in large measure, rage.  I unbuckled by belt.  I wanted to use the leather on her, but I worried she would be shocked.  Or perhaps I worried she would not be.  Lucas had probably taught her more than I could imagine.  I unzipped my pants and let them fall to the floor, along with my underwear.  I stood between her legs and leaned to enter her.  But a vision of Lucas in the same position, with Kathy's hair in his fist, stopped me.  I stepped beside her, placed my knee on the bed and pulled her over my thigh.

"Hey," she complained.  She struggled to get away.  "What the—"

I wrapped my arm around the small of her back to hold her steady and used my other hand to spank her.  The sound of my palm against her soft flesh made me even more excited than I had been.  After three or four smacks she stopped struggling and raised her ass for more.  I hit her harder, then very hard.  She tried to reach back to catch my hand.  Before she could, I turned her over and threw her knees over my shoulders.

"Put it in me... now..." she gasped.

I rubbed myself against wetness.  Then I stopped and stepped back.  Several seconds passed.

"Frank?"

I didn't respond.

"What's wrong?"

Without a word I backpedaled toward the door and turned on the light.

"Frank!"  Kathy's eyes flashed with fury.  She threw a hand over her crotch, then pulled a sheet over herself.

Too late.  I had seen what I had felt moments before.

Her fists were tight around the cotton.  "You bastard!  What the fuck is your problem?  I told you I wanted..."  She pursed her lips and closed her eyes.  She seemed to be trying very hard to stay in control.

I took a deep breath and let it out.  "You're shaved" was all I could think to say.

She looked out the window and shook her head.  "I wanted to surprise you," she said.

"It worked."

She looked back at me, peeled away the sheet and separated her legs slightly.  "I thought you'd like it."  She ran a finger over herself.

I did like it.  I liked it a lot.  But I knew she hadn't done it for me, and I was terrified what it might mean.

"You can see all of me."  She spread her legs further apart.

"Kathy..."

"Mmm.  Hmm?"

"Did Trevor make you shave?"

She pressed her legs together and pouted.  "I'm a big girl," she said finally.  "No one
makes
me do
anything
."

"Did he
ask
you to do it?"

"Why do you keep bringing him up?  I told you:  We're through."

"Just answer the question."

"Talk about ruining the moment."

"I need to know."

"Fine. 
No
.  He didn't order me to do it and he didn't ask me to do it.  Satisfied?"

I didn't believe her.  I wondered if I could get her to tell me any part of the truth.  "Did you let him see you this way?"

She shook her head.  "You're so jealous," she said gently.

I thought taking her lead might bring me closer to the facts.  "I am jealous," I said.  "I was jealous from the moment you went back to him."

"Did you picture us together?"

"It would have been hard not to.  He told me all about it."

"What?  What did he tell you?"

"He said he put it in your ass, for one thing."

"Were you very angry with him?"

"Very."

"And you felt betrayed."

I wasn't used to Kathy asking about my feelings.  I nodded tentatively.

"I know," she said.  "It would hurt you even more to think I changed my body for him."

I stayed silent.

She smiled.  "Please don't worry."  She relaxed her legs and touched her inner thigh.  "This is for you, not Trevor.  He never saw me this way.  I did it when I got here last night."

"Last night?"

"I won't even ask what
you
were doing while I was here all alone.  I don't want to think about that slut."

I had the impulse to defend Rachel, but I had the sense to keep quiet.  "Why did you think I would want you to shave?" I asked.

"It's a pathetic reason."

I waited.

"I did it because... well... because Trevor told me your little Miss Striptease was almost all shaved.  He said a lot of the girls at the Lynx Club are."  She looked down at the bed and plucked at the sheet.  "I want to do the things that make you happy.  I don't want either of us to have to go to anyone else.  Not for anything.  Not ever again."  She glanced at me.  Her eyes had filled up.  "We've tortured each other for years.  I don't know why.  I don't think you can say why.  All I know is, I can't take it anymore.  I can't stand picturing you with someone else.  Kissing her.  Touching her."

Maybe Kathy really had shaved for me.  Or maybe I just wanted to believe her, wanted to believe that life could throw you savage curves and sliders and fastballs and then lob one right over the goddamn plate so you can knock it out of the park and circle the bases like a hero for once. 
Once
.  That's all any of us can hope for.  But I couldn’t take the chance that she was lying and at risk.  I walked over to her and ran my fingers through her damp hair.  "We should be giving each other everything we can," I said.  "We haven't done a very good job so far."

She reached out for my penis, but I took her hand in mine.

"Why can't I touch you?" she whined.  "I'm the one who got you hard."

"You can do anything you want to me — in a minute."

She stared down at my groin and grinned.

"Kathy, I like thinking you shaved for me."  I glanced down at myself.  "You can see how much I like it.  But I want you to tell me if Trevor—"

"I already—" she interrupted.

I held up a hand.  "Tell me, and I'll stay right here.  And you should tell me.  Because if Trevor asked you to shave, or did it for you, then you're in danger."

"In danger?  Of what?  Razor burn?"

I smiled, but only for a moment.  I didn't see any way around telling her that Lucas was a suspect.  I sat down on the bed next to her.  "Trevor may be the one who killed Sarah," I said.  "Sarah and the other girl, Monique Peletier."

She squinted at me.  "You can't be serious."

"He did surgery on both of them.  Breast implants.  He was also sleeping with them."  I paused to let that sink in.

Kathy stared at me blankly.

"Both of the victims were found with their pubic hair completely shaved.  Just like you."

"Trevor's not capable of killing anyone."

"I'm not so sure."

She looked away and shook her head.  "This is pitiful.  You're going after him because he was screwing me."  She reached down for her scrub pants.  "It's not like he raped me, Frank.  It actually took some convincing for me to get him into bed."

I couldn't let my anger get in the way of warning her.  "I'm not the one who decided to arrest him," I said calmly.  "Emma Hancock made that call."

"
Arrest
him?" she sputtered, pulling on her scrubs.

"And Hancock wouldn't make a move without compelling evidence."  Even as I was speaking the words, I realized I didn't believe them.

"If she's so fucking smart, why did she charge that nutcase who thought he was a general?"

I couldn't come up with a decent answer.  "She'd be more careful targeting someone else, especially a professional in the community."

"You're forgetting something.  I've met Emma Hancock.  That bitch would arrest the pope if she thought it would get her a front-page story."

I wasn't pleased Kathy still cared so much what happened to Lucas, but I tried not to think of that.  I walked up to her and took her shoulders in my hands.  "Whatever you do, don't go near Trevor ’til this whole thing is cleared up."

She pushed me away.  "OK, Daddy," she sneered.  "And you stay away from your little cunt at the Lynx Club."

Just then the phone on the nightstand rang.  Kathy reached over and picked it up.  "Hello?" she demanded.  She listened for a moment, then hit the speaker button and laid the receiver back in its cradle.

"Frank?  Are you there?" Emma Hancock asked.

Talk about timing.  "I'm here with Kathy," I said.

"Well... good.  We got our man."

"You found him?"

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean?"

"He found me.  He swaggered into the police station about an hour ago, dressed to the nines, and planted himself in my office.  I wasn't back yet, so Officer Zangota told him to get out, who did he think he was, you know?  The whole riot act.  And our Dr. Jekyll blurts out, ‘I'm wanted for murder.’  Just like that.  Zangota nearly had a coronary getting the cuffs on him."

"Why didn't you call me right away?"

"I wanted to spend some time with him in his cell.  Just the doctor, me and a few of my new recruits."

I looked at Kathy's face and saw a mixture of fear and outrage.  "For Christ's sake, Emma," I protested, "you can't—"

"Do not denigrate the Lord's name," she interrupted.  "This is a time to be thankful."

"I'll be right there."

"No rush.  Dr. Lucas is as competent as the day is long.  But you're welcome anytime."  She hung up.

Kathy started toward the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"None of your business."  She stopped and turned back to me.  She was near tears again.  "You know, I lost a good friend a few days ago."  She took a deep breath to steady herself.  "The least you could do is tuck your wounded ego up your ass long enough to help find out who really killed her."  Then she stormed out of the room and down the hall.

I heard her gathering her things downstairs.  I could have gone after her, but she wasn't about to listen to me.  I remembered what Ben Carlson had told me about Sarah shacking up with Lucas long after their relationship had supposedly ended.  Why should I think I was any better at exorcising Lucas from Kathy's mind?  Whatever magic he worked on women was obviously still working on her, too.