Authors: M. O. Kenyan
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* * *
Chris noticed the faraway look in Marietta’s eyes.
There was something else he could see in her eyes, terror. The last time he saw
such fear in her eyes they were still kids chasing each other down the block
.Even then he knew there was something odd about Marietta. He followed her gaze
but he couldn’t see anyone who stood out, or anyone who seemed to be staring
back at her.
“Mattie!” he called out. Her head snapped towards him
and there was that smile plastered on her face.
He hadn’t been around her for a while so he wondered
how Tobias handled all of this. Her past and how she ‘dealt’ with her
emotions.Chris
smiled back at her, his heart aching, “Let’s
go inside, my mother is waiting.”
“I can smell her peach cobbler from here.” Marietta
followed Chris into the house and once she was in the familiar scents of old
spice and homemade cooking enveloped her.
Chris watched as she seemed to have been transported
to a different place. Her eyes were closed but he could tell the smile was
genuine. Now if only he could get her to be the same way with everything else.
He laughed as he watched her leap into his mother’s arms and attack the cobbler
settled in front of her.
Chris thought back to when they were children. He
would walk to Marietta’s house to see her brother David.
More
times than not he found them sitting on their front porch.
It was
obvious they were sad but he was too young to understand why. He usually
brought both of them to his house and his mother would feed them peach cobbler
and all of a sudden they were kids once again. He sat at the table across from
her and watched as Marietta used the cobbler as a bandage. There were so many
questions he wanted to ask, that he hadn’t since the time they were back in
touch. Part of him had felt like he had abandoned her, but he knew that she
needed her solitude to deal with everything.
He didn’t know if rehashing the past was a good idea,
but he needed to know how she was handling the Tobias thing. Chris watched as
she jelled with her environment. Getting comfortable in one of his T-shirts and
settling on the couch, with popcorn drowned in melted cheese and a movie. It
wasn’t until it was over that he started the conversation, hoping to ease her
into the actual topic.
“How can you watch movies, knowing that you wrote most
of them?” He started to reach for her popcorn but the slimy way they slid off
each other changed his mind.
“I don’t watch my own, and I love knowing someone
else’s story.” She shrugged.
“What’s yours?” This time Chris had turned his body
toward her, not willing to let her out of his sight until he saw some emotional
reaction.
“Tobias and I just need this time apart.”
“You’re not angry?”
“I am, but not at him though.” She popped another corn
in her mouth. “I always expected him to do something like this. It’s a wonder
it’s taken this long.” Chris knew she had seen the shock on his face. She stared
at him long and flat then went on, “You are the only one I can trust for the
long haul.”
“What about your husband?”
“I love him. I just want to give him some space.” She
sat up as if she was sharing a bit of gossip with her best friend. “I never
understood how he could love me. Maybe he’s finally come to his senses.”
“Don’t say that.” Chris noted that Marietta’s
expression had closed. The instant smile that appeared on her face was
misleading but her eyes weren’t. Maybe that was the reason she always kept that
part of herself hidden. “Does he know about…Robert?”
It pained him to have to bring up those memories but
he needed to understand her. When they were younger they were in tune, but now
it was like he had to learn how to read her all over again. He doubted that
Tobias knew he was living with a woman as close to a machine as his DVD.
Marietta pulled away from him, not physically but he could feel her absence. He
could understand her not wanting to share the information with just everyone
but her husband for three years, he should know by now. “You are starting a
family with him, he should know these things.”
“If I had told him, he would never have been his true
self with me.” She shrugged again, “Now I know I can’t trust him.”
“At the airport I saw you cry. I saw the pain in your
eyes. But now it seems like you are trying to hide from it.” He held her chin
in his hand and stared right through her, but all he saw was a wall that seemed
to have come up in the past few seconds.
“My love story is over.” She smiled. “I cry at the end
of every sad movie.”
“This isn’t a movie, but you are in control of how it
ends.” He wished that was true. Marietta was much more complacent with her life
than she was with one of her stories. She never expected anything from people
but thought that people expected everything from her. Chris was convinced a
long time ago that she lived vicariously through the characters she created in
her head. The women were strong and there was always a happily ever after for
them, even though their men counterparts died.
“No one ever is.” She kissed his cheek and jumped to
her feet, “See you in the morning.”
Chapter
Eight
Chris watched as Marietta interacted with his ‘special
friend from work.’ It had been two months and all Marietta did was write, watch
movies and act like someone who didn’t have a husband waiting for her thousands
of miles away. He knew that it was very odd that she was ignoring her
marriage.This
wasn’t the woman he had walked down the
aisle. That was when he decided to hire a secret therapist, it helped that
Jessie and Tobias backed him up.
Although he never told the two what the problem really
was, he knew he could easily convince them it was what was good for her. Jessie
only wanted the best for her friend, and Tobias just wanted his wife back.
Though he had neglected to tell Tobias where they were, he sent him pictures of
Marietta’s growing belly. Chris did want to put his fist squarely in Tobias’
face, but there would be time for that later.
The suggestion of contacting professional help soon
turned into a necessity when the nightmares began. David had told him about the
nightmares when they were children. Chris was seven, Marietta was six and David
five. David didn’t understand the nightmares at first until he saw the reality.
He had been too young to do anything at that point, but when he turned nine he
became the real man of the house. Chris wondered why Marietta hadn’t even
attempted to visit her mother’s and brother’s grave. She had been there for two
months, writing mostly but the rest of her time was filled with sleeping, going
to the doctor and reading baby books. Most of these activities were done in his
bed.
He leaned on the wall his arms crossed as he watched
the seemingly harmless conversation. Chris
’ friend, Tasha, was a behavioural analyst in the police force. She had
agreed to do him a
favor
. It beat seeing a therapist
who wouldn’t break doctor patient privilege
Marietta seemed responsive
and Tasha nodded her head and listened. This was going better than he expected.
Usually Marietta was allergic to
therapists
,they
were like a bad itch to her. Sharing her
miseries wasn’t something she thought was necessary. ‘People have enough
problems of their own. Besides no one is strong enough carry mine.’ Chris
thought that would be Tobias. He had managed the miscarriage so well, but it
seemed that he too had been deceived by the façade Marietta put up.
Chris stood up straight when Tasha rose and walked
toward him. He smiled expectantly but that soon fizzled out when he saw the
confused frown on the woman’s face. “She has more locks, keys and secret trunks
in her than I have seen in ten people with her case. She has built a world for
herself. She should be unraveling considering that her world seems to have come
apart, but she is building one in its place. I’m not the one she wants to talk
to. You should get her husband here. Part of her needs him to be that one
person but part of her is terrified that he won’t be able to handle it. With
the infidelity, she could have just written him off completely.”
Out of context, Chris found himself laughing at the
woman’s choice of words, ‘Written him off.’
“What’s so funny?”
“She’s a writer and they met because she wrote a part
for him in a movie.” A dark realization dawned on him. “Does she really love
him or is it an illusion?”
“That I can answer.”
The
doctor shot Marietta a look. “She is pissed off. She may try not to show it. I
guess that is a defense mechanism. But I swear if her husband was here she
would have ripped him to shreds.”
“That’s a good thing?”
“That’s the best thing. She’s
emotionallyvoid
,love
and anger for her husband may just pull her out
of this hole she’s hiding in.” The therapist said her goodbyes then left.
“Did you think that I didn’t know?” Chris saw the
anger the therapist was talking about when she stomped up to him. If it weren’t
for the bulge under her T-shirt he was sure she would have attacked him. “I knew
she was a therapist. I’m grateful that you are looking out for me, but I am
dealing with this my way.”
“Mattie…” Chris didn’t speak until she turned to face
him. “I thought we could go to the cemetery today.”
She shrugged her shoulder and took her coat from the
rack. She opened the front door and looked back at him expectantly. Chris
wondered where she was off to. She had barely left the house, only taking short
walks down the block, where was she going now.
“Are we going or what?”
“You mean now?” Chris followed her. “I didn’t mean we
should go to the cemetery now.” He stopped talking when she settled in his truck
and buckled her seat belt. “Well, I guess we can go now.”
He watched her from the corner of his eye. At first
she had this long faraway look as she stared at something outside the window.
Chris couldn’t see what, especially since he only had a fraction of a second to
look before his eyes were back on the road. Once they drove down the block,
Marietta turned and looked through the back window then all of a sudden, she
turned facing the front. Marietta hummed a tune as she drummed on his dash
board.
“I miss Toby.” She frowned. Then almost immediately
the frown was replaced by a smile as she waved at the little kids playing on
their lawns. “If my baby hadn’t died, Toby would be teaching him how to ride a
bike. Of course it would be a tricycle. But it would have been awesome to watch
him grow up, don’t you think?”
“Sure, it would have been awesome.” Chris fought the
urge to turn the car around and point it at the nearest psychiatric hospital.
He was quite sure suggesting a visit to the cemetery wasn’t a good idea after
all. “Are you having a nervous breakdown?” He asked once they were at a stop
light. Chris stared into her face hoping to get a read on some sort of an
emotion. He almost didn’t believe it but he did catch the sadness in her eyes
and tremble of longing in the tone of her voice.
“Can’t I think about him?” She asked, “He grew inside
of me for six months and I never got to bond with him. Can’t I just miss my
baby without you thinking that I’m going crazy?”
“I’m sorry I said that. Of course you can miss him.”
He stretched out his hand and she took it. Giving it a squeeze he hoped that he
hadn’t completely offended her.
Marietta squeezed back and smiled, “Do you know that
Toby was terrified to touch me those six months before we got married. Then for
a year he couldn’t take his hands off me. When I didn’t get pregnant then, he
suggested treatment. I didn’t want to. For the next two years he became
obsessive about it. I could see the sadness in his eyes, he was never able to
get over the…” she bit down on her lip and paused. Marietta rubbed her round
belly, “Now here she is. I believe in the laws of nature letting things happen when
they should, letting life fall into place. There is a reason for everything
that happens to us, you know.” She chuckled but there was nothing but a cold
echo in her laughter, “I have to believe that, considering everything that has
happened. I have to believe that.”
“I know.” Chris swallowed the lump of emotion that had
formed in his throat. He pulled into the cemetery and parked the car. He walked
around to the passenger side and helped Marietta out of the truck, “You are
getting huge.”
“You think so.” Her eyes lit up.
Chris realized that the emotion only existed when she
was talking about Tobias, their baby and their lives. He wished the past didn’t
exist. Although it pained him to see her upset, it comforted him when she cried
about her husband and her dead baby, it pleased him when she giggled each time
the baby inside her kicked. He needed her to be Marietta Harden and not
Marietta Samuels. Marietta Parks had managed to hold on to her sanity but that
hold, he could see in her eyes, was slowly slipping away.
“She’s going to be a big baby. Toby will have to find
a crib that can carry a hundred tons.” She chuckled just before she stepped on
the grass.
Chris immediately took note of the change. The giggles
were
gone,
the laughter in her eyes disappeared and
was replaced by pain.
Pain that he couldn’t describe or even
imagine being subjected to.
This was the grown Mattie and he could see
she was having a difficult time handling the atmosphere of where they were
,
he wondered how the seventeen year old Mattie had managed
to bury her family.
“Do you know, after my father left, David always said,
I’ll be the number one guy in your life.” She didn’t bother with the tears that
fell
freelyfrom
her eyes. “And mom would say, wait
until she falls in love.”
“He almost kicked my ass that summer.” Chris chuckled.
“I think he always knew that he was going to get sick.
It’s the only reason he let you take me to the junior prom.” She steadied
herself on Chris’ arm as she sank to the ground sitting in between the two
graves, crossing her legs as far as she could. “Don’t let him kiss you.”
“Is that what he said to you?” Chris laughed and sat
beside her. “That cock blocker.”
“He always wanted me to marry you. He said that you
would always take care of me, that you would never hurt me. David said you
would accept me for
whoI
am because you knew what
happened to me,” she whispered.
“I didn’t think you knew.” Chris had never been able
to bring the subject of abuse up. He thought it would be better for her, that
she would be more comfortable if she didn’t know he knew.
“Oh please!” She punched his arm. “You need to give me
more credit, dude. That thing you said to me before you deflowered me on senior
prom.”
Chris laughed and buried his face in his hands. “It
was cheesy wasn’t
it.
”
“But it meant the world to me.” She pulled his hands
free and looked into his face. “You will never know how much those two cheesy sentences
meant to me.”
He kissed her cheek and tried to keep the mood light.
“You have to admit I’ve got game. The words might have been cheesy, but I got
to look up your skirt.”
“You did more than look up my skirt.” Marietta
chuckled then sighed. When she looked over at her mother’s grave her hands
wrapped her belly protectively. “I never did get it. I would pretend to
understand but I never did get it until now.”
“Get what?” Chris realized that her arms were around
her belly. At first he panicked, thinking that she might have been in pain and
something was wrong with the baby. But she gave no indication that anything was
wrong.
“I never completely understood why she killed herself
until the first time I felt the baby kick.”
“She could have sought out a different method.” There
was bitterness in his tone. People never wanted to leave the ones they loved
but Marietta’s mother did.
“She worked long hours and I never told anyone. She
left her children with the one person she could trust, their father. My mother
knew we were safe. I can only imagine how she felt when she found out. I
wouldn’t have been able to live with myself either.” She shivered then turned
her head to the right.
Chris looked up at her when she had fallen silent for
more than a couple of seconds. That was when he saw what she was staring at. He
was standing there watching them as if it was normal. Chris jumped to his feet
and helped Marietta up. He tried to get her to walk but she looked like she was
trapped by the man’s gaze.
“He’s been watching me, you know?” she said, the
flatness back in her voice.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Then what?” she paused, “He’s my father, there is no
way I can get rid of him. There is just no way.”
“How could you call him that after what he did?” Chris
asked, gently shaking her.
When she finally looked into his eyes, he wished that
he hadn’t asked. “He was the one man in my life supposed to love and protect me
unconditionally. You ask me why I don’t hold Tobias more accountable for
cheating. He’s why. If he can betray me, what stops the rest of the world from
betraying me too?”
Chris found himself grabbing Marietta by the elbow and
dragging her to the truck. He noticed when her step
faltered
,his
other arm was ready to catch her if it was
necessary. But she didn’t stumble because he was dragging her, but because she
couldn’t seem to break the locked gaze she had with her father.
When they got back home, Chris packed up his mother
and Marietta. He wanted to go as far away from Robert Samuels as he could, as
soon as possible. He knew he could relocate her but it was obvious that he
didn’t have the means to ensure she was protected. He had to call in for
reinforcements.
Chris watched as Marietta laughed with his mother as
they went through old family albums. “Hey, it’s me. How soon can you get here?”
Once everyone was loaded in the car, Chris looked
around for anything suspicious before he pulled out of the driveway. He was
about to drive off toward his country home just outside the city when Marietta
turned the steering wheel in the other direction.
“What the hell! Are you crazy?” he exclaimed.
“You seem to think so,” she shot back. “I want to drive
past the old house.”
“
It’s not there anymore, remember
?
You sold it and they tore it down. The only thing there is the new
development.”From
her expression he knew she understood but
still she was adamant about going.
He drove down the block toward the new complexes where
Marietta’s house used to be. It looked so different; there was no evidence of
what had happened there all those years ago.
“Stop!”
Chris slammed on the brake. He watched her as she
stared out the window and realized that she was in another locked trance with
Robert. He wanted to go out there and give the man what he deserved but he
couldn’t. Getting Marietta out of there was his first priority.