"So you didn't go to some cafe in Seattle with Marge?"
"Someone saw us?"
"You did!"
"Yes. We met to discuss a business arrangement. You know
that I do a great deal of woodworking now that I'm retired,
don't you?"
"I've seen the beautiful pieces you make for Gussie."
"Thanks. Anyway, Marge had customers who wanted
someone to restore antiques without affecting their value.
She offered to refer clients my way. We first met with a client and were still hammering out details to the agreement
at the cafe."
"So you hadn't resumed the affair?"
"No, Haley. I'm no fool. I can get you a copy of the contract
Marge and I signed."
"You better show it to Gussie before the gossips get to
her."
He nodded. "I hope you understand why I didn't want her
to know. But I have nothing to hide this time. Let me hurry
home and talk to her. Who knows how long I have before
the buzz heats up."
I watched him drive away. On the one hand, I was glad
that Marge hadn't repeated her earlier mistake. On the other
hand, I no longer held out hope for a tolerable perp.
Again that hint of fear hovered in the back of my mind. I
pushed it aside and grabbed my cell phone.
"Hey, Tedd. You wouldn't have a free minute this afternoon, would you?"
"Sure. I'm done with my last client. I was about to go
through my notes from the day's sessions, but I'm available.
Are you okay?"
"I think so, but I'm confused. And it seems that talking to
you helps me sort through my sludge."
"Prayer would do more."
"Not now. Please." The comfort I once knew in my faith
tugged at me, but I had more questions and doubts than answers in that regard. "I need to talk. Want to meet for
dinner?"
"That's a great idea. Where do you want to go?"
"It's gotta be cheap-I'm broke, you know."
"Mickey Dee's will do, if you don't mind."
"I can afford that. See you down at the one on Breezewalk
and Pine."
Fifteen minutes later we carried our trays to a booth. As
if by mutual accord, we dug into our food and talked about
nothing much. But once we'd finished our fries, Tedd gave
me one of her penetrating looks.
"Spill it."
"I'm having a hard time with all the crud I've mucked up
about people I like. They're not who I thought they were."
She smiled. "So you've realized they're human too, full of
warts and wrinkles and secrets and lies."
"Something like that."
"Why are you having trouble with reality?"
I didn't know how to get around it, so I just let 'er rip.
"Because it looks like anyone is capable of murder-for real,
not just a cliche. Anyone could have killed Marge."
"Welcome to the real world, Haley. People are fallen sinners, like Scripture says, and only by the grace of God do we
have any hope at all."
I felt the reflexive urge to silence the mention of God, but I
couldn't go through with it this time. I was torn two ways; I
wanted the comfort of the faith I had once known, but I also
wanted to scream at the God who allowed evil and sin.
"I guess there's something to this deal with Tom and
Marge," I ventured. "They had an affair years ago. That's what really caused Gussie's miscarriage. It seems they recently agreed for Tom to do restorations for Marge's clients.
Someone saw them together in Seattle."
"They jumped to the obvious conclusion."
"Yes, Penny's great at leaping in the wrong direction."
"And what does that have to do with you?"
"That's what I don't know yet." I sighed. "I guess what I'm
trying to say is that if someone is predisposed to suspect Tom,
then seeing him with Marge would do it for sure."
"Sounds good so far."
"No, it's bad. It's another case of those bad choices we
talked about that other time."
"You mean sin."
"If that's what you want to call it."
"I call it what it is, Haley. It'd be good if you did too."
"Anyway, it probably was a bad idea for Tom to work with
Marge, in view of their past history."
"I see where you're going with this, and I agree. I also see
that you don't want to go there, no matter how possible it
seems."
"Do you blame me?" Anger sparked. "I've lost so much.
First Paul did a number on me. Then Mom died, then Marge,
and now I'm about to lose-"
I stopped myself. I couldn't say it. I just couldn't.
"What were you going to say, Haley?"
"What I want to know is what kind of God abandons someone he loves like he abandoned me? I only have Dad now, and
he's not young anymore. I can't drag him into my problems.
I'm alone, Tedd. All alone."
The rage made my cry guttural, and I saw a mom pull her little girl closer. I gave her an apologetic smile, but I knew
what I felt.
"So tell me, Tedd. Where's God? Where's the comfort and
presence he's supposed to offer?"
Tedd reached across the table and covered my fist. "He's
here, Haley. He's everywhere you've been."
"Then why doesn't he do something to stop all this? Why
doesn't he help me? Why'd he leave me to rot and hurt all
on my own?"
"You're not alone, you know. You have your dad, you
have Tyler, and I'd like to think you know that you have me
too."
"That's not what I meant-"
"Listen to me, will you?" When I nodded, she continued.
"You were arrested, weren't you?"
I nodded.
"Are you still in jail?"
"No, but-"
"How'd you get out, Haley? Did the cops just open up the
cell and tell you to head on home by bedtime?"
"No, Dad-"
"Aha! Your father came to help, didn't he? And his wasn't
the only help, was it?"
"Yes ... no ... I don't know what you're getting at."
"Give me a chance." She patted my hand, then slipped a
glossy lock of black hair behind an ear. "Your father wasn't
about to let you rot in jail. What makes you think your heavenly
Father, who loves you and your dad way more than you love
each other, has abandoned you? Didn't he provide the money
for your father to make bail? Didn't he provide the doctor who put you back together years ago after Paul tore you to shreds?
Didn't God urge Tyler, your dad, and even Gussie to make
you come see me?"
The tears fell on the tabletop. I couldn't speak.
Tedd had no such problem. "Haley, God's been by you the
whole time. You closed him out, and that's where the pain
comes from. Let him in. He's knocking at your heart's door.
Would you shut your earthly father out like that?"
I shook my head. Sobs hitched my breath.
"Reach out and grab what the Lord's giving you."
"I don't know ... what's he giving me, Tedd?"
"He's giving you life, a restored life where healing is total
and his love is irresistible. But you have to let him in."
"I ..." A sob cracked my voice. "I don't know how."
"Take that first step. Just say yes."
I surprised even myself. I whispered, "Yes."
Something in me shifted in that McDonald's booth. I didn't
feel better after Tedd and I said good-bye; I just knew I was
a different woman from the one who had called her therapist
and asked to meet at a fast-food place.
I'd never heard of a shrink who hit the Golden Arches with
a client. But nothing about my life had been normal for a long
time now. So why should I expect Tedd to be typical?
I was changing. But I had no control over the change. I had
to wonder if Dad and Tyler had been right all along. They'd
said that God wouldn't quit chasing me until I let him catch
me again.
Was that what I'd just done?
Back home, I pulled out my portfolio and played for a
while with the placement of decorative accents in Gussie's
living and dining rooms.
I'd talked Gussie into storing a number of her tchotchkes,
and the ones we chose to use would add just the right touch
to the new decor. I spread out the photos I'd taken and began
to group items by size and color on a list. Then I divided them
into potential groupings on specific pieces of furniture.
When I got to the table by the window I'd draped with the
Thai silk, I stopped. I checked the photo and realized I hadn't imagined a thing. The Erte wasn't in the picture. It wasn't
something the Stokers had owned for any length of time. It
had appeared after my visit, days after Marge's death.
But it had been on the auction list.
My heart began to pound. Too many coincidences led back
to that house, that statue, that couple.
It wasn't what I wanted, but I had no control.
In a flash, I saw what Tedd had tried to tell me. What Dad
and Mom and Tyler had also said. I didn't have control over
what anyone else did. And while God could control anything
and everything, he had given his creation the freedom to
choose. God could intervene, but then he'd be no more than
a master puppeteer.
A puppet couldn't love back. And that was what God
asked. His children had to choose whether they'd love him
enough to obey or whether they'd go the other way.
I had to accept that God gave everyone the same freedom.
I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next
few hours, days, alone. But if Tedd was right, I didn't have
to. In a hesitant voice, I said, "God ... if you're listening ...
help me, please."
I was amazed by how easy it was to turn to a life of crime.
True, I did it for a good cause, to save my skin, but I stole
something. Something major, at that.
Gussie went to bed at nine o'clock most nights. She said the
pain drained her and she needed that much sleep to function
the next day. I called and told her I needed a couple more
measurements but that I couldn't make it over until closer
to nine thirty.
"That's fine, Haley. Tom's a night owl. He'll be up until at
least midnight. I'll let him know you're coming."
True to her word, she'd told Tom about my visit. He let me in,
told me to make myself at home. "I'm working on my miniature
train set in the basement," he said. "I won't get in your way."
I couldn't believe how easy it was. I hurried to the living
room, walked around the room to make sure Tom heard and
didn't get suspicious. I grabbed the statue and stuffed it into
my roomy backpack purse.
"Hey, Tom! I'm done. I'll be on my way-'
"Hold on," he said. "I'd like a minute with you."
That's when I started to sweat. Had he figured out I was
up to no good? Well, no good in terms of the statue, but good
for the sake of my skin.
"What's up?" I asked when he joined me by the front door.
"I wanted to tell you I didn't get a chance to talk to Gussie
yet. You know, about Marge."
"What can I say? I don't think you have much time. Penny's
not known for her discretion."
"So it's Penny. I am in trouble. As soon as Gussie's over
this latest spell, I'll make sure to tell her. As it is, you're the
only person she's spoken to besides me. Maybe I can keep it
that way until she's better."
"Good luck."
Not only would he need luck to keep the effects of Penny's
wicked tongue at bay, but I'd need some good fortune as well.
I was headed to the cop shop.
Once I was sure what I wanted to do, I called Tyler. He
asked why I cared about Detective Tsu's schedule, and I asked him to give me space. He wasn't happy about it, but he said
she'd left the dojo after her eight o'clock class. She'd planned
to go to the station, since she'd said she had paperwork to
catch up on.
This time, I didn't bear down through the halls of justice
like a drill bit through soft pine but instead did the regulation
bit. I told the dispatcher I had to see Detective Tsu, that it
was urgent.
The woman who came out to meet me looked nothing like
the one I knew, not the ultraelegant professional or the dedicated martial arts student either. Detective Tsu wore a pair of
gently faded jeans that fit her to perfection and a T-shirt in an
attractive shade of gold, and her hair hung loose to her shoulder blades. She looked like any other woman. True, not many
looked quite that gorgeous, but tonight the air of intimidating
perfection I'd come to associate with her wasn't there.