Desired (8 page)

On the contrary, it felt good.

She walked to the edge of the banister, placed her hands on it, and gazed out at the horizon. She was caressed by the ocean breezes as she looked out at the endless blue sky, past the rol ing hil s, and saw the waves crashing in the distance. The beach was completely empty. This seemed to be such a remote place, she wondered if anyone ever came to the beach.

“There you are,” came the voice.

Caitlin turned, and was delighted to see Caleb up, already dressed, heading towards her.

He walked right up to her, a huge smile on his face, and she broke into a smile, too. She took two steps towards him, and they met in a long kiss, fol owed by a hug.

It felt so good to be in his arms, especial y first thing in the morning.

Slowly, they pul ed back and looked into each other’s eyes.

“I dreamt of you,” he said.

“Good dreams, I hope.”

He smiled wider. “Of course.”

She was curious what he’d dreamt, but he didn’t offer any more, and she didn’t want to pry.

That was the thing about Caleb: he could sometimes mysteriously fal into silence, and it was sometimes hard to read his thoughts. Of course, they both had the power to read each other’s thoughts, but she also noticed that, paradoxical y, when they were at their closest, it became harder to hear what each other was thinking. It was almost as if the more in love they were, the more that their power was obscured the power. As if certain things were meant to be kept hidden.

She desperately wanted to know everything he was thinking now, but again, she found his thoughts obscured.

She took his hand, and they walked together to the balcony, looking out.

“I love it here,” she said. “I’m already thinking of al the ways we can fix it up.”

As she spoke the words, she noticed the smile on his face drop, ever so slightly. It was a subtle change of expression, but she was close to enough to him now that she could see it. She also felt the grip of his hand loosen, just the slightest bit. She couldn’t read his mind, but as a woman, she could sense the slightest pul ing away.

Why?
she wondered.

“That would be great,” he said.

But there was something in the tone of his voice, some subtle thing she detected, that told her that something was bothering him. That he was troubled by something.

Was she imagining it?

What had gone wrong?
she wondered.
Is he changing his
mind about us?

She stared at him, looking into his eyes, which looked off at the horizon, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

“Are you happy to be back here?” she asked, gently prying.

“Yes, very much,” he answered.

She wanted to say:
Then why do I see sadness behind
your eyes? Is it me? Do you not love me as much as you
thought?

But she was too scared to say it. And she didn’t want to push him away.

So instead, Caitlin fel silent. But she felt her heart slowly beginning to break.

She thought back on their relationship, of al the places they’d been. New York City. Boston.

Edgartown. Venice. Rome. They had always been on the run; there had never been time for them just to be quiet, to be together. To enjoy themselves as a couple.

Now, that time had come. Maybe now that there were no more obstacles, that there was nothing between them, it was not as exciting for him. Maybe he was scared by being so close. Maybe the only thing that had made him love her, she worried, had been the circumstances, the fact that they could not be together.

Maybe now that they were together, he didn’t know what to do.

And was Caleb real y the type of man that could live a domestic life, not on the run, not heading into battle?

Content to just sit there and make a home and live in it?

She started to worry. Maybe he wasn’t. After al , look at how he had lived his life for the last thousand years. How could he possibly change al that now? Just for her?

Or, Caitlin wondered, was her mind just playing tricks on her? Was she just imagining the whole thing? Was she blowing it al out of proportion? Was she just being too sensitive, looking into things that weren’t there? After al , he did say it would be great. Had he real y meant it?

Caitlin knew she had to get the bottom of this. She couldn’t live a lie. If for some reason he wasn’t interested in her, she had to know. She
had
to.

She felt herself slowly shaking, as she geared up to ask.

“Caleb,” she began softly, her throat going dry, her voice trembling, “Is everything okay?”

He looked at her, as if puzzled.

“You seem…sad,” she said. “Like you’re not entirely happy.”

“I…” he began, then trailed off. He stopped himself, and sighed deeply. “I am very happy to be with you.”

That was al he could say. And it sounded forced to her.

“Would you excuse me for just one moment?” he asked politely.

Caitlin nodded back, too upset to speak.

And with those few words, he turned and walked off the patio, and was soon out of sight.

Where had he gone? Why had he suddenly left?

Caitlin had no idea, but it confirmed her suspicions. He couldn’t just stand there, with her, and enjoy the view.

Something was going on inside him. Something strong enough to make him want to walk away.

Caitlin slowly felt her world shattering.

What could it possibly be?

Then it dawned on her. Sera. The last time Caitlin had seen him, he’d been married to her.

Maybe it was stil fresh in his mind. Did he stil have feelings for her? Was he thinking of her right now? Did their sleeping together last night bring back his feelings for her?

That must be it, Caitlin realized. She couldn’t imagine any other explanation. Caleb must miss her. She was on his mind. Maybe he was gearing up to tel her that he had to leave, to go find Sera.

Caitlin couldn’t read his mind, but she was a woman after al . And like any other woman, she felt her heart beginning to break into a mil ion little pieces.

*

Caleb hurried off the balcony and through the rooms of his castle, overcome by emotion.

Despite himself, he couldn’t stop thinking about his son, Jade. He couldn’t stop flashing back to the image of holding his dead body in his arms.

As he walked quickly into the other room, he burst into tears. He couldn’t let Caitlin see him like this. He’d had to get away from her quickly.

He had loved Jade so much. The boy was just like him in so many ways, and had been growing not only into a fine warrior, but into a fine young man. Caleb had never imagined not spending a life without him in it.

Now, he felt the grief of it suddenly weighing on him heavily.

Once Jade had passed, Caleb had no regrets about coming back in time. On the contrary, he was thril ed to be away from Sera, whom he was never real y close with, and thril ed to be back with Caitlin. He was thril ed to have had a chance to save her in the Colosseum, and thril ed to be at her side now. In fact, it was the only thing that was keeping him going.

He been so caught up in the whirlwind of events, in finding her and bringing her to this place, that he’d not had a moment until now to real y feel the impact of Jade’s loss.

But now it came out of nowhere, when he least expected it, and it overwhelmed him. Which was why he’d left Caitlin’s side so quickly. It was her first day here, they had just had an amazing night together, and he wanted her to be happy.

He didn’t want to drag her down into his sadness.

Caleb walked from one room to the next, then went through a hidden door, leading to a narrow twisting staircase. He took it up, turning and twisting, heading up a smal circular turret to the third and highest floor of the castle. Here, at the top, was a smal sitting room, an open-air, stone gazebo, which he used to retreat to in times of worry. He sat on the ledge of the stone, in a wel -worn groove, and looked out at the ocean.

He reflected on his life. He was happy to be here, in this time and place. He was happy beyond belief to be with Caitlin again. He was racked by grief over Jade, but the more he sat, calmly listening, the more he felt that Jade was stil with him, even now. He knew that he could not travel forward in time, and he knew he could not see him again.

He realized, with resolve, that he just had to accept how things were now, and let him go. He breathed deeply, slowly starting to feel better.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he wanted to have another child. This time, with Caitlin. The child that they never had. He knew that it was impossible for two vampires to have a child. But maybe, just maybe, there was some way.

Ever since he’d seen her again, he’d been trying to find a moment to tel her how much he cared for her. And to tel her that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

He was about to raise the topic, in Paris, by the river, but he’d gotten nervous at the last second, and hadn’t been able to summon the courage to tel her.

But now that he was here, in this place, the timing felt right to him.

He searched the wal s of the stone gazebo, looking for the secret compartment that he remembered.

He ran his fingers along the stone, and eventual y he found it. He pushed the lever, and a smal crack opened in the stone. He pul ed it with his fingertips, and a stone loosened.

Caleb reached in, and found what he was looking for. He had placed it here, hundreds of years ago. It was a smal , silver box, encrusted with jewels.

Inside it, was his mother’s wedding ring.

She had given it to him once, and had told him to only give it to the one he truly loved, the one that he was sure he would be with forever. Being of his race, “forever” took on a whole new meaning.

Caleb had never given it to Sera, despite their marriage.

Somehow, something inside him had prevented him from doing so. Somehow, even then, he knew it was not a relationship that was meant to last.

But with Caitlin, things were different. He wanted her to have this ring. He was certain that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And now, he felt ready.

It was time for him to propose.

Caleb slowly opened the box, hoping the ring was stil there.

It was. It was as magnificent as he remembered: a huge, six carat sapphire, perfectly cut, mounted on a band of sparkling rubies and diamonds.

He felt overwhelmed with emotion, as he thought of his mother, of Jade, and now, of Caitlin.

Of the family they might one day, some way, have together.

Now, he only hoped that she would say Yes.

*

Caitlin walked through the entire house again, looking everywhere for Caleb. She was baffled as to where he might have gone.

Just then, she heard a creaking door, and saw him coming down from a spiral staircase. She hadn’t even known that staircase existed. She realized he had been coming from the roof, and wondered why he would go up there.

And then she realized. There was no reason why he would, unless he wanted to get as far away from her as he could.

To be alone. Her presence was bothering him, she realized. He wanted to distance himself from her, perhaps even prepare himself to tel her something she did not want to here. That he had changed his mind about their living together. Like asking her to leave.

Caitlin felt her heart sink, as Caleb approached and as she caught a glimpse of his troubled face.

She felt that he was getting ready to break up with her. He was going to tel her that he had invited her here too quickly, that he hadn’t real y thought it through. That it had al happened too fast. That he wasn’t cut out for domestic life.

That he wanted her to leave.

As he walked closer, she could see the redness in his eyes, and her heart pounded. Had he been crying? Then there was no doubt about it. He was bracing himself to tel her something that she did not want to hear.

Caitlin felt herself trembling with upset.

“Caitlin,” he said softly, looking down at the floor.

He could not even look her in the eye. That could only mean one thing.

Caitlin had never felt more upset. Where would she go now?

“Caitlin—” he began again.

But she held out a hand, and stopped him. Whatever words he was about to speak, she didn’t want to hear them. She didn’t want to have his words of rejection echoing in her mind forever.

“I know what you’re going to say,” she said, her voice shaking.

His eyes opened wide in surprise. “You do?” he asked.

Caitlin nodded. “And I don’t want to hear it.”

Caleb looked disappointed. She couldn’t understand why.

She was saving him the trouble of having to break up with her.

“I’m sorry this al happened so fast,” Caitlin said. “Maybe if it happened slower, things would’ve worked out better.”

Caleb looked puzzled.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m leaving now.”

And with those words, she turned and marched out on him.

“Caitlin!” he cal ed out behind her.

But she didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to hear him tel her that he loved her, but that he loved Sera more. She couldn’t bear to hear those words.

Caitlin found herself crying as she hurried through the main hal and then out the door of his house that she had grown to love so quickly.

She looked down and saw Ruth at her feet, whining, and she picked her up, and held her tight, kissing her, as tears ran down her cheeks.

Caleb fol owed her out the front door.

“Caitlin, wait, please!”

But she couldn’t. She took a few running steps and leapt into the air, Ruth in her arms, and within moments, she was flying, flying, far away from this place.

Kyle strutted right down the middle of a wide, cobblestone boulevard, late at night, cutting through the center of Paris.

He felt relatively satisfied, having just come from the red light district, and having fed on several more prostitutes. He could stil feel their blood swirling through his veins, and slowly, he was beginning to feel himself again.