Desired in December (Spring River Valley Book 12) (4 page)

I’m sorry I was a jerk
, sounded a little better.

Marry me, because I never stopped loving you
… Odds were he’d blurt that out and make a complete ass of himself.

He decided now wasn’t the time or the place to spring his hopelessly romantic feelings on her. He needed to figure out a way to finesse their first meeting so he didn’t seem like a crazed stalker,
and hanging around in a dark parking lot was certainly not the right approach.

Jamming his hands in his pockets to warm them up, he waited for the busboy to go back inside
so he could make a graceful and discreet escape, but when he stepped out of the shadow of the van, he nearly collided with Cassie.

She’d imagined what this moment would be like so many times, played it a thousand different ways in her head, and despite all that, nothing could have prepared Cassie for the shock of coming face-to-face with James again.

S
he’d expected the jolt of electricity in her limbs. The hot sting of tears at the corners of her eyes didn’t surprise her. The shiver of awareness running down her spine to a spot deep inside her that only James had ever touched—she’d known that might happen, but she’d never considered seeing him up close and personal again would feel like all the oxygen had drained out of her lungs. Not once in all her fantasies had seeing him again felt like drowning.

It wasn’t fair.

He looked fine, perfect, like he could still breathe and his heart hadn’t stopped beating like hers had. He smiled, the corners of those sexy denim-blue eyes of his crinkling, straight white teeth showing against the kind of tan you just couldn’t get in upstate New York, even in the middle of the summer. Even in the dark of the parking lot, his hair appeared streaked by sunlight. It was so short! It had been long and a little shaggy when he’d left, and she’d loved it that way because he looked so sexy pushing it out of his eyes, and it had felt so good to run her fingers through it when they made love.

Stop. Stop
right now, Cassie, before you disintegrate.

Was he taller? He was
definitely thinner, but he somehow looked more solid. His shoulders filled out a casual black jacket like nobody’s business. The planes of his face seemed more chiseled now, devoid of the softness that had once been fed by his mother’s excellent cooking and long lazy days strumming guitar with Owen and picking up pints of ice cream at the corner store to share while they planned their future together.

The boy was all gone, and the man who’d replaced him was absolutely drop
-dead gorgeous.

Cassie’s breath exploded out in a sound that was part gasp, part dreamy sigh, part sob…and maybe
one percent shocked scream. He had, after all, been lurking in the shadows behind her van.

“James…” His name rolled off her tongue, still sweet as a kiss. “What are you doing back here?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but before he could speak, she corrected herself. “I don’t mean back here like back in New York. I mean back here outside the kitchen door.”

“I know.”

“I
mean
, I know what you’re doing here. You’re home. Your parents must be thrilled.
You
must be thrilled. Everyone is so happy you’re back.”

“I know.”

“You look great.”

“I know. I mean, that’s what everyone tells me. In that order, every time they see me. I don’t think anyone knows what else to say.”

She bobbed her head, biting back a million things she’d rehearsed so many times.
Oh, my God, I’m covered in chocolate and flour and blue icing!
Why hadn’t she taken Audrey’s advice and worn a killer little black dress and spike heels?

“So…you’re catering the party.”

“What party?” So he knew? Wasn’t it supposed to be a surprise?

“My party. It’s okay. Owen told me. I thought everyone knew he couldn’t keep a secret.”

“It starts in an hour,” she told him, as if he didn’t know.

“Yeah.”

“You should go hang out in the lobby, then…”

“I can’t. I’m supposed to be the last to arrive, since it’s a surprise.”

“Oh, right. So you’re going to lurk by the kitchen until then?”

“I guess. Do you need any help unloading the van? It’s nice, by the way.”

Light-headed, Cassie put a hand on the vehicle’s cold exterior. “It’s all unloaded. I’m actually finished here. So I should probably go.”

“Do you have to?” He put his hand on the side panel of the van too, and the very tips of their fingers touched. That was something else she hadn’t planned on. Physical contact was more than she could bear at the moment. Why couldn’t she just breathe? If she didn’t get some oxygen soon, she would definitely pass out.

* * * *

The angelic memory James had carried in the back of his mind all this time couldn’t hold a candle to the woman who stood before him now. Five years had only served to make Cassie more beautiful. Backlit by the light coming from the open kitchen door, she seemed to have a halo. Though her pale golden hair was pulled back into a long, sleek ponytail, and she bore a smudge of something that was probably powdered sugar on her right cheek, she put any fashion model to shame.

The shadows of the parking lot had made her eyes dilate to pools of black, one ringed by light blue, the other by hazel green. How much time had he spent staring into those unique eyes, dreaming of spending the rest of their lives together?

She swayed a little when their fingertips touched on the cool surface of the van, and James moved to catch her. He’d have gladly scooped her up in his arms and never let her go, but she held up a hand to fend him off.

“Yeah…yes. I really should. Go.”

“Are you okay? You look a little wobbly.”

“I’m fine. Just tired. I’ve been working all day.”

“For my party.”

She nodded.

“Do you want to go somewhere for coffee or something? Tea? Herbal tea? You still like all those fancy herbal teas, right?”

“Yeah. I…no. I mean, I like tea. We can’t go anywhere.” She jerked a thumb at the still open kitchen door. “It’s your party, remember?”

Right. What was he thinking? That he’d happily give up a four-hour, fully
-catered surprise party for ten more minutes talking to Cassie. “Right. It’s my party, so please…stay.”

“I’m not dressed.”

“You look…” Amazing. Beautiful. Perfect. “Fine. Really. No one will care, and besides my mother would literally kill me if she knew I’d seen you and didn’t invite you to stay.” Oh, the brownie points he’d score if he brought Cassie to the party. His mother would have the perfect excuse to weep all night long.

Cassie’s mouth moved soundlessly, like she was arguing with herself. “Don’t you think it would be a little awkward?” she asked finally.

“No, not at all. I swear, my parents…ask about you a lot.”

“Do they?” Her voice took on just the faintest brittle edge, and James realized he’d momentarily forgotten the awkwardness she spoke about was all his fault.

“They do.”

The silence stretched again
, and for a second he thought he’d won her over. Then she went for the kill. “I really can’t. I have a date.”

“Oh.”
Of course she does, you idiot. Did you really expect her to have waited for a guy who dumped her five years ago?
“An important date?”

“My boyfriend is waiting for me.” The words came out slowly and deliberately, and James had to wonder if she spoke that way to make sure he understood, or if he just heard it that way because he was suddenly under water, fighting to breathe.

“Bring him. I’m sure they can make room for a couple more…I mean, another couple.”

The healthy glow on her cheeks paled. “Um…that might be really weird.”

James laughed harshly. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Thank God she hadn’t taken him up on that ridiculous offer. How would he have handled watching her on the arm of another man? “Well, we can still do coffee, or tea, some other time and catch up.”

“That would be…nice.” The way she said it told him she really thought it would be anything but. Essentially she’d been trying to gracefully extricate herself from an uncomfortable situation, while he gazed at her like a lovesick puppy.

They continued to stare at each other for a moment: Cassie tight-lipped, as if she expected him to keep up his pathetic attempts to delay her from meeting her lover, James speechless and mired in the regrets of all his stupid choices. Should he have tried to keep their relationship alive while he was on the other side of the world? Should he have made her promise to put her life on hold and save herself for him when he’d been ninety-nine percent certain he wouldn’t have been able to do the same for her?

Suddenly, as if someone had prodded her from behind, she surged forward, wrapped her arms around his neck
, and hugged him. Reflexively, his arms went around her, and he closed his eyes, drinking in the warm cinnamon and vanilla scent that surrounded her and reveling in the softness he’d ached for since the last time she’d been in his arms. She fit perfectly, like he’d been made to hold her, and he wanted to tell her that, to remind her there had been a time when they’d vowed never to let each other go.

But he’d broken that vow.

He’d lost the right to expect anything more from her than this brief hug.

She broke contact first, and James was certain there were tears sparkling in her eyes, but she turned away too quickly for him to confirm it. “I’m glad you’re back safe and sound,” she whispered
before yanking open the driver’s-side door of her van.

She vaulted into the seat with practiced skill and grace and closed the door, waving as she started the vehicle and threw it into gear. He waved back, and seconds later he was watching her pull away and realizing for the first time just how painful it was to the one left behind.

When she got home, Cassie walked past the dishes that still needed to be washed, ignored the pile of mail she’d put off reading because she’d been so busy this morning, and set her pint of rocky road ice cream on the counter.

She didn’t care if the cupcake batter hardened on her best mixing bowls or if there were bills that required her attention, or if the ice cream melted into a puddle of lumpy goo. Zombie-like, she bypassed everything and headed for the bedroom. There, she collapsed into the blankets of her bed and lay staring at the ceiling, too tired to cry and too wrung out emotionally to fall blissfully asleep. This awful day was finally over. She’d survived, with only one regret.

“What was I thinking?” she demanded of the empty room. Why had she told him she was dating someone? Was she seventeen again, lying to be cool? She’d needed to protect the part of her heart that still ached from a wound that should have healed long ago. That part had never grown up, never matured past the desire to see if she could sting him, if she could evoke a pang of jealously or pain. If there had been a hint of those emotions in his eyes, she hadn’t seen it, but then again, she hadn’t had the courage to really look.

His response to her lie had told her everything. He’d cavalierly suggested she bring her date to the party, casually letting her know her revelation, true or false, meant nothing to him. He’d called her bluff, damn him, and she’d fled in shame.
But not before making a stupid promise to put herself through that torture again over coffee. That definitely wasn’t going to happen.

The phone rang just as she decided to roll over and bury her face in her pillows for a good, long cry. Swiping away the tears that had blurred her vision since she’d thrown herself into his arms for that
soul-rending hug, she scooped up the bedside phone. “Hello?”

“How did it go?” Audrey whispered as if she feared Cassie might not be alone.

“Ugh. Not quite as good as a root canal. Have you got a couple of hours? I need to be talked off the ledge here.”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. I’ve only got a
fifteen-minute break between shifts. Was it that bad? I’m guessing you didn’t get in and get out before he got there.”

“You guessed right.”

“Oh, no.”

“I ran into him as I was leaving.”

“So you stayed until the party started?”

“No. He showed up early
, and he sort of ambushed me at the service entrance.”

“Oh, my
God! Why? What for? What did he say? What did
you
say?”

The tears hit now, in full force, and through choking sobs Cassie tried to explain. “He asked me to stay for the party, and I told him the biggest lie of my life.”

* * * *

“You look shell-shocked, pardon the expression.” A familiar voice drew James’s attention away from the buffet line, and he turned to find Evie Prentice balancing a small plate of hors
d’oeuvres and salad in one hand and brandishing a champagne flute in the other.