Desire's Edge (17 page)
She bit her lip and reached for the phone once more. But this time she dialed Lucie’s number.
“Luscious.”
“Lucie, it’s me.”
“Kara, hi. What have you been up to? You’ve been on my mind, but I’ve been so busy with the kitchen remodel. It’s almost done and things are crazy here.”
“I’ve been meaning to call you, too, Lucie. I’m sorry I haven’t. I’ve just been so . . . absorbed.”
“Hmm, why am I so certain you’re not talking about work?”
“I’m not. I’ve been seeing Dante. I know I said I wasn’t going to, but I’ve been spending a lot of time with him and it’s gotten . . . confusing. Can we meet for lunch?” Kara asked. “I really need to talk to someone.”
“Are things going okay with him?”
“Yes. And no. I’m just questioning everything today. And I’m making myself a little nuts. Do you have time to meet?”
“I’ve got contractors coming to do some finishing work today and I have to be here,” Lucie said. “Can you meet me here? I’ll get some sandwiches or something.”
“That would be great. Is one okay?”
“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”
“Thanks, Lucie.”
Kara hung up. She wasn’t sure how she’d go about talking to Lucie about all the things she and Dante had been doing together. The things they planned to do. But she didn’t know how else to explain the feelings she was having. Hell, she couldn’t explain them to herself. But she was hoping if she put all the information out on the table, Lucie might be able to help her figure out what to do, how to feel. How to toughen up again, get back to her usual self.
Maybe that self is too closed off. Maybe this is healthier.
Why didn’t it feel better, then? It felt awful. Scary.
She glanced at the clock. She seemed to be doing a lot of that these days, measuring time. It was four hours until she could see Lucie. With another sigh, she resolved to get her head together and get some work done. There would be plenty of time to brood later.
At twenty to one Kara stood up from her desk, having accomplished very little. She pulled her coat and hat on, grabbed her purse, and headed to Lucie’s new catering kitchen. It wasn’t far, but she had to fight her way through the downtown traffic.
Finally, she pulled up across the street from the converted brick warehouse Lucie had recently rented. Her new sign hung over the wide, brushed-metal door, the word “Luscious” done in a graceful, dark pink script and outlined in black and gold. Getting out of the car, Kara ran through the rain and pulled the heavy door open, slipping inside.
She pulled her hat off, pushing her hair back from her face, and took off her coat. Looking around, she found Lucie behind a long wood counter painted a pristine white.
“Kara,” Lucie greeted her with a smile, “it’s so good to see you.” The petite blonde slipped from behind the counter and gave her a hug. “So, what do you think?”
Kara took in the vaulted ceilings, the pink and white walls, the pair of antique French armoires in a whitewash finish flanking three low settees done in gold velvet.
“I know this space isn’t very large,” Lucie interjected, “but the kitchen in the back is huge. I can bake hundreds of cupcakes a day. And I’m set up to do wedding cakes, too, which I think will help really establish the business. It’s so much better than trying to do it all out of my house.”
“It’s gorgeous,” Kara told her, moving to the counter and running her hand over the smooth surface. “You’ve done such a good job here. I love the mix of antiques in the industrial space. And you know I know nothing about kitchens, but I’m sure it’s perfect. Your cupcakes are the best in the world; I think this is what you needed for things to really take off.”
Lucie beamed, her dark brown eyes shining as she took Kara’s coat and slung it over the counter. “I’m just so damn proud of it. I feel like a kindergartner with my first finger painting.” She took Kara’s hand and led her to the sitting area. “Come on and get comfortable while I bring lunch out. I ordered from this great gourmet deli around the corner since I’m not stocked up here yet. I hope you’re hungry.”
“I can always eat, no matter what’s going on.”
“Good. I’ll be right back.”
Kara’s cell phone chimed as she was sitting down, letting her know she had a text message.
Dante.
Lucie came back, carrying a tray with sandwiches and two bottles of their favorite iced green tea. She set it down on the glass coffee table and settled onto one of the settees.
“Is that your beau?”
Kara sighed, nodded. “Yes.”
“Why don’t you sound happier about it?”
She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. Things have been great between us.”
Lucie handed Kara her sandwich on a china plate. “I hope you like it. It’s prosciutto and Brie. So, what do you think the problem is? And you don’t have to worry about the workmen overhearing. They’re out back taking their lunch break.”
“I’m hoping you can help me figure it out.” Kara took her plate, taking a moment to get her thoughts organized. “It’s . . . complicated. And I think a little of it is leftovers from Jake. I know some of it is, anyway. But mostly it’s about what’s happening now between Dante and me.” She stopped, sipped her tea. Lucie was waiting silently, giving her time to think it through. “Okay. I have to tell you something about the . . . dynamic between us. It’s not the usual casual dating relationship. Dante is . . . a sexual dominant. And we’ve been . . . doing some fairly extreme stuff together that’s making things a lot more intense.”
“Ah.”
“That’s it? ‘Ah’? ”
“Kara, honey, neither of us are virgins. And I’ve delved into a little kink myself, from time to time.”
“You’ve never told me that.” Although Kara wasn’t completely surprised. Lucie was one of those women who exuded sex.
Her friend shrugged. “It’s never come up. I’m telling you now so you’ll understand you don’t have to worry that I’ll judge you.”
“That does help. I’ve been a little worried about sharing this with you. I should have known better.”
“I don’t blame you for being cautious, even with me. It’s okay.” Kara took a bite of her sandwich, trying to figure out where to really begin. So much had happened in just the last few weeks. She swallowed, and put her plate down.
“So . . .” she started, “for the last few weeks things have been great. The sex is amazing. He’s shown me things, sides of myself, I never really knew were there. I mean, I’ve had urges that I’ve never explored before, and since I’ve been doing these things with him, it’s opened me up in ways I didn’t expect. Which is good. But it’s also getting a little scary. And I can’t quite figure out what it is that’s scaring me.”
“Is he too demanding? Making you do things you don’t want to do?”
“No. He never would. He’s completely responsible and conscious of what he’s doing. He’s always in control. Which has allowed me not to be, for the first time in my life, probably. When we’re in those roles, he treats me like I’m . . . precious.”
Her cheeks went hot, saying it all out loud. And at the memory of that sense of being cherished. Treasured. Why did she feel like she wanted to cry, suddenly?
“That’s the way it should be,” Lucie said, her brown eyes going soft. “So what’s wrong?”
“Maybe
I’m
wrong,” Kara said. Her chest was going tight, and her throat, making it hard to speak. She pulled in some air, let it go. “I never wanted a relationship, Lucie. I’m not looking for that. The mess I made with Jake was enough to last me for a long time. And Dante doesn’t want that, either, so we’re on the same page. Or, we have been. But things are suddenly feeling so . . . serious. I don’t know; maybe it’s not so sudden. There’s been this slow build between us. I’ve been getting to know him and he’s an amazing person. He’s really . . . noble. And kind. Gorgeous. I can’t find anything wrong with him, to tell you the truth.”
I’m
wrong,” Kara said. Her chest was going tight, and her throat, making it hard to speak. She pulled in some air, let it go. “I never wanted a relationship, Lucie. I’m not looking for that. The mess I made with Jake was enough to last me for a long time. And Dante doesn’t want that, either, so we’re on the same page. Or, we have been. But things are suddenly feeling so . . . serious. I don’t know; maybe it’s not so sudden. There’s been this slow build between us. I’ve been getting to know him and he’s an amazing person. He’s really . . . noble. And kind. Gorgeous. I can’t find anything wrong with him, to tell you the truth.”
“Do you think that’s why you’re blaming yourself? Because he’s so ‘perfect,’ for lack of a better word?” Lucie asked. “Because— and I’m not saying this to be cruel—but you have a tendency to take all the blame for everything, Kara. What happened with Jake. Never getting your parents’ approval. In both of those situations, you didn’t do anything wrong. And how you’re feeling about Dante now isn’t necessarily
wrong
.”
wrong
.”
“It is for me,” Kara insisted. “I didn’t want to have feelings for him. I don’t need it right now. And I can’t separate out how much is this . . . vulnerability caused by the things we’re doing and how much is valid. True.”
“Let me tell you a little of what I know about this kind of kink. It
does
open you up. But it opens you up to the truth inside you. It doesn’t make you imagine things that aren’t already there.”
does
open you up. But it opens you up to the truth inside you. It doesn’t make you imagine things that aren’t already there.”
“Even if that’s true, Lucie, I don’t
want
it.” The tears were threatening again. She bit them back. “I don’t want to feel something for yet another man who is ultimately going to reject me.”
want
it.” The tears were threatening again. She bit them back. “I don’t want to feel something for yet another man who is ultimately going to reject me.”
“Honey, why would he reject you?”
“Because he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship any more than I do.”
“Except that some part of you does,” Lucie suggested quietly.
“Yes. Shit.” Kara pushed her hair from her face, blew out a long breath. “Saying it out loud only makes it worse.”
“I think at some point you’ll have to decide what you want, Kara. If you want a relationship and Dante doesn’t, then you’ll need to cut it off. I don’t want to see you hurt again.”
“Neither do I.”
“But,” Lucie went on, “I think it may be too soon to know. Is there any chance he’s feeling the same way you do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. He seems pretty decisive. And I’m just the kinky girl to him now. I don’t know that he’d ever see me any other way. And it’s not like we’re really even dating. He doesn’t take me to movies or out to eat. Except for this lunch the first day I found out he was working at my firm. But he only wanted to talk to me about that. And . . . he took me to dinner last night, but going to the restaurant was . . . It was a sexual thing. It wasn’t about dating. It wasn’t romantic.” She paused, remembering the things he’d said to her. The way he’d looked at her. She sighed. “Except at the end it
was
. For me. For a few moments. God, I don’t know. I’m thinking in circles.”
was
. For me. For a few moments. God, I don’t know. I’m thinking in circles.”
Lucie leaned forward, reaching for her hand across the table. “If you have real feelings for him, Kara, and if there’s any chance things could work, then maybe you need to give it that chance. Give it a little longer, anyway. I can’t help you make this decision, but it sounds like there could be something here you need to explore. I’m not convinced that he can’t see beyond the kink. He’d be a fool not to.”
“Thanks, Lucie.” Kara squeezed Lucie’s hand, let it go. “Thanks for listening. I just need to make a decision.”
And it needed to be soon. They were due to go to the Pleasure Dome in a few days. And she had a feeling the play was going to get a lot more serious. Which meant her feelings could get more serious, too.
She wanted to go to the club. Wanted to experience that with Dante. There had never been any question about it. The question was only if she could keep her emotions under control.
It had never been a problem for her before. The thing with Jake had happened because she’d
chosen
to open her heart to him, even if she’d never really opened to him entirely. It had been a mistake, yes, but one she’d made by choice.
chosen
to open her heart to him, even if she’d never really opened to him entirely. It had been a mistake, yes, but one she’d made by choice.
Was continuing to see Dante, taking this risk with her heart, going to be worth it, in the end? She didn’t know. But she was already in deep enough that she accepted she wasn’t going to turn away from him. No matter how afraid she was.
She was going to keep seeing him. She was going to the Pleasure Dome with him. Even though she knew, with him, she was risking everything.
Dante paced in front of the long row of windows in his living room, his gaze on the night sky outside. It wasn’t raining, for once, and the stars burned, tiny pinpoints of light against a backdrop of dark velvet.
He was waiting for Kara to arrive for their night at the Pleasure Dome. He’d told her to take a cab to his place. She was due any minute. But he could hardly stand it.
It was more than the usual excitement brought about by the anticipation of a night at the club ahead. It was a tightness in his gut. An eagerness to touch her.
Be
with her.
Be
with her.
Stop it. Just calm down, buddy
.
.
He didn’t want to think of her like this. Didn’t want to think of any woman this way. With such primal
need
.
need
.
He’d always managed to keep a comfortable distance from the women he dated. He did it consciously, by choice. He had his reasons why, and he was aware of them. But with Kara, that choice was being taken from him, bit by bit. He was losing control. It was still hard to believe, and even harder to accept.
Could he keep seeing her and maintain any semblance of control, outside of the roles they played in their kink activities? At least there, he knew he was in command.
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