Desolate (6 page)

W
hat the hell
was I thinking?

The question continued to run through my head as I got dressed for the evening. I hadn’t been out of the house much since my arrival, and I liked the seclusion of the house. The idea of being out in public made my chest tighten and my breathing quicken. I wasn’t afraid of crowds in the slightest, but I hadn’t let myself go out and meet new people on purpose. I didn’t want to let anyone else get close to me for good reason. Plus, how pathetic would I look going out by myself.

One drink.

I’d go out and order one drink. Once it was finished, I could leave. Easy peasy. It would get Clyde off my back, and I could say I ventured out into the world again. Who knows? Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I envisioned it.

My outfit would just have to do. It was the country after all. It wasn’t like I was going to a club. Just to the bar in town. A country bar at that. My jeans, gray off the shoulder sweater, and gray knee boots were perfect for the evening. Paired with a simple locket necklace and earring set and that was as good as it was going to get.

I took enough deep breaths then walked downstairs and into the kitchen; the sounds of my boots echoed off the walls with each step I took.

I rounded the corner to go into the kitchen, and I was startled by Clyde sitting at the table.

“Jesus, Clyde. Warn a woman next time, would you?” I stated while trying to calm my racing heart. All the while, he laughed a deep belly laugh.

“I had to witness this for myself. I didn’t want you backing out with some cockamamie excuse. You need to go out. Meet new people. Hell, make some damn friends. Having friends never hurt anyone, child. If you hadn’t made this decision on your own, I wasn’t going to wait much longer before I made you do it myself. Six months of wallowing on your own is enough. I’m not saying forget. I’m just saying live a little. It will make you feel a thousand times better. I promise,” he lectured. He held out his arms, gesturing for me to come over to him.

I knew he meant well, but it still hurt to hear out loud. He was really the only ‘family’ I had left. It made me sad and I held back the tears that threatened to spill out. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. He pulled me down onto his knee and wrapped his arms around my back. Sitting this way in his embrace, in this room, brought back memories of him and my grandfather always fighting over who got the first hug of the day from me. I tried and failed to hold the giggle in from the memory.

“That’s such a good sound to hear. Now, what’s got you making that joyous noise?” he asked, kissing the top of my head.

“Just remembering how you and Grandpapa used to argue over who would get the first hug of the morning from me. Those were some really happy times for everyone. Especially me,” I confessed, lifting my head off of his shoulder.

“That they were, my dear. Now off you get. No more stalling. Have fun tonight, but not too much fun. And by the way, you look absolutely beautiful,” he replied as he shooed me off of his lap. “Yes, Sir,” I replied with another giggle and walked over to the hook behind the door to retrieve my jacket.

After I put it on, I blew him a kiss and told him he should head on home to the misses.

“I’ll be leaving right after I know you aren’t going to make a U-turn and come back home,” he joked.

“You’re hilarious. It’s just a drink. Don’t go getting too excited,” I assured him.

“Well, don’t hurry home. You deserve this more than you know,” he replied.

I wasn’t so sure, but it sounded nice to hear. That I actually deserved to be happy. The jury was still out on that one. Hopefully they didn’t take too long to deliberate my destiny. A destiny that I was still sure I was living alone.

The drive down the mountain helped me clear my head and before I knew it I pulled into the tavern-style bar. The parking lot was half full with trucks, typical for the area, which helped ease my mind. It meant that there weren’t going to be that many people inside just yet.

After I parked, I shut off the engine and rested my head onto the steering wheel, attempting to build up the courage to get out of my SUV. It was a simple task, but I felt like the weight of the world rested on my shoulders, preventing me from actually getting it completed.

One drink. It’s just one simple drink.
I chanted to myself over and over until I had myself partially convinced that I could do this. I don’t have to talk to anyone except to order my drink. Then I’d find a corner, drink the drink, and leave. That simple.

I let out a few more breaths, shaking my hands to shake off the rest of the nerves that lingered, grabbed my clutch purse, and quickly got out of the vehicle.

The gravel crunched underneath my boots with each step that I took. I nodded my head at the man standing on the stoop and put my head down after I opened the heavy, wooden door of the entrance. Smoke billowed out of the door, and I waited for it to clear before I walked inside.

The door banged against the frame as it shut, causing me to jump and a gasp to escape my throat. I scanned the room and what I feared would happened actually occurred. All eyes were on me, even though the jukebox was blaring some song I’d never heard. Everyone in the bar stopped what they were doing and now stared at me. There were five men sitting at the bar with one lone bartender behind it, a towel in his hand as he dried a glass. Two men were over at the pool table off to the right, each holding their pool cues as they stared at me. Off to my left, there was another group of five guys sitting at one of the round tables, the top with a pitcher of beer and a glass for each of them.

Just flipping great.
I mumbled to myself as I cautiously walked over to the bar.

“What can I get you tonight, sweetheart?” he asked as he wiped down the space on the bar in front of me.

Cautiously, I sat down on the stool and stared up at him, almost too afraid to speak. My chest grew tighter with each passing second, but I pushed the feeling aside and finally spoke my response.

“Any lite beer you have on tap is fine,” I choked out before he thought I was insane.

The speaking part is over now. You’ve got this.
I coached myself while he was away. It would be the only way I’d make it through the night.

“Here ya go, sweetheart,” he replied with a wink.

I nodded my head and grabbed the glass in front of me, taking a big gulp to help with the continuing nerves that I experienced. I swallowed the mouthful of beer, stood from the stool and took myself and my beer over to the far corner in the right of the room. It was the best place to watch everyone coming and going from the bar. It was also where I could hide out until I could leave.

* * *

S
he was
the saddest person I’d ever seen as I watched her nursing her beer from my spot at the bar. I’d wanted to walk over to her several times, but I stopped each time the thought crossed my mind. She looked like a woman on a mission. A mission to drown her sorrows. Her brown hair was curled slightly and flowed down her back, where it reached hiding behind the table. The gray sweater top she was wearing showed off just enough skin to make my imagination run to places that it shouldn’t, which is why I didn’t focus on the silky, pale skin for long. The small part that peaked out from the warm looking material made me want to kiss her there, ever so slowly. Show her how much she could be wanted. Then there was her beautiful, breathtaking face. She had full cheeks that had a tint of pink in them, I’d assume from the weather and not makeup because she didn’t have much, if any on tonight. Her lips were plump and inviting, another particular spot on her body I wouldn’t focus on. I couldn’t if I stood any chance of not making an ass out of myself when I went over to her. It was her eyes that drew me in the most. Not the color, but the deepening sadness that lurked just below the surface. A sadness I could tell that she tried to hide, but she didn’t succeed tonight. Her brow furrowed as if she was deep in thought as she took a sip from the half empty glass before her.

“Hey, Hank. Do you know that woman sitting in the far corner of the bar? She looks familiar, but I can’t seem to place her,” I signaled to the town bartender, a man that I grew up knowing.

“Nope. Haven’t seen her around town or in here before, for that matter. But, Wes, she doesn’t look like the type who wants to have a conversation. She’s been here all of thirty minutes and she barely spoke two sentences to me when she arrived. If you’re thinking what I think you are, I’d second guess that thought. Steer clear of that one. She looks like nothing but trouble,” he warned. Well, I’d heed his warning, but it wasn’t going to stop me from at least talking to her.

“I’ll think about it, Hank. Get me another beer would you? One for me and whatever she’s drinking.” I asked as I took the last sip from my bottle. Tonight was definitely needed. I’d worked nonstop since I arrived back in town getting resituated and making a routine for Grace, not stopping much to think along the way. Tonight I wanted to wind down and just breathe. Tomorrow, well it wasn’t here yet, so I wasn’t going to think much about it.

Hank set down the beers, and I slid the ten-dollar bill across to him. I slapped my hand down on the bar as I stood. I was getting this over with. It wasn’t that hard. All I had to do was go over there and say hello. How hard could that be?

I walked around the bar and in the direction of her table. She had her head down and focused on the glass as her finger ran around the rim. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here, and I selfishly wanted to change that. I hadn’t even met her or spoken to her yet, and I wanted to take that deep, morbid look off of her face and make her laugh.

“Hi. I’m Weston. You look vaguely familiar. You from around here?” I asked.
God, you idiot. Can you say worst pickup fucking line ever?

She glanced up with a shocked look on her face. This could go one of two ways. She could either kick me to the curb or she would talk. I had hoped for the latter.

“Nope. You look familiar, too, but I doubt you’ve seen me around before,” she vaguely responded as she looked back down at her glass and ran her fingertip around the rim.

“And what’s a beautiful woman like you coming in here all by yourself?” I continued.

“Are you saying women shouldn’t come to bars by themselves?” she challenged. A challenge I could work with.

“Not at all. I just don’t normally see women coming here alone. Don’t y’all have some rule against that?”

“I wouldn’t know,” she whispered and took a long swig from her glass, finishing it off. Perfect.

“Here ya go. Looks like you could use another,” I replied as I slid the glass over toward her.

She looked down at the glass and back up at me, her gaze ending back on the glass.

“It’s not going to bite you, ya know?” I stated with a laugh.

“I’m not interested,” she stated flatly and stood from her seat, the assumption written clearly all over her face. She thought I was trying to pick her up, and she wasn’t having it.

“I know what you’re thinking. It’s not like that at all. You just looked lonely sitting over here, and your glass looked near empty. I was just trying to be kind and have a friendly conversation,” I stated.

“I’m sure you’re a nice guy and all, but I’m only having one drink tonight. Since that’s done, I’ll be going,” she firmly reiterated. Something had clearly dampened her mood. I noticed the rings on her left hand as she readjusted her jacket.
What a dumb ass, Weston?
I inwardly scolded myself.

“Your husband must be missing you at home tonight?” I questioned as I nodded my head towards her hand.

She looked down with a pained look on her face and said nothing. There were tears in her eyes when she looked back up at me. Without saying another word, she stalked past me and left the bar. Leaving me wondering how the hell that had turned from an okay conversation to her leaving almost in tears. I’ve never purposefully made a woman cry before, and it didn’t settle well with me that she would probably be crying as she got in her vehicle.

“Looks like you struck out with that one,” Hank laughed as he patted my shoulder and walked over to the table to retrieve the glasses. When he walked past me, I grabbed the untouched beer and downed half of the glass. I walked over to the bar and left the glass on the counter. The gentleman in me couldn’t allow her to leave just like that. It was dangerous around here to drive in an emotional state. One wrong turn, a skid off the road, and you’d go down the terrain for sure.

As I walked through the door, I saw her across the parking lot unlocking the door to an SUV. The chill in the air had me pulling the sleeves down on my shirt to get some relief from the wind. I took off across the parking lot in hopes that I’d catch her before she drove away. Just as she was about to shut the door, I caught it in my hand, causing her to scream.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I gently stated. She covered her chest with her right hand and lay her head down on the steering wheel in an attempt to calm her apparent racing heart.